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posted by akatsuki_lover9
Ways to Annoy:
1.say a 랜덤 word for no reason all the time.
2.put spicy stuff in a 음식 they like.
3.make a loud farting noise from your mouth and say "uh oh, i sharted."
4.make a farting noise from your mouth and blame it on the guy 다음 to you.
5.go to a drive thru, get your face right up to the speaker and yell as loud as 당신 can.
6.make a REALLY annoying noise all the time.
7.Write using only crayons, markers and paint.
8.When guests are at your house go into the 부엌, 주방 and come out with ketchup all over 당신 and say "THE BOOGIE MAN IS HERE!" a bunch of times.
9.in school if there's a problem...
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posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope 당신 like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when 당신 heard someone talking on the intercom, 당신 fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give 당신 a ride 집 and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a 버섯 and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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1. Don't EVER tell us to CALM DOWN when we're angry. We hate that, and it often makes the situation worse.
2. Don't act like 당신 know what you're talking about when 당신 don't. It just pisses us off.
3. Don't treat us badly and with disrespect.
4. Don't give us commands like we're some kind of dog. We're your equal and should be treated as such.
5. Sure, you're the guy, so 당신 can act like you're the stronger one... Whatever... But, don't EVER act like you're the head of the house. Relationships are to be an equal situation.
6. Don't yell at us when we do something wrong.
7. When 당신 screw up, don't...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Researchers in the UK examined 더 많이 than 1000 jokes and placed them before 36,000 voters to determine the "official" 50 funniest jokes of all time.

And here they are:

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

49. A 봉인, 인감 walks into a club...

48. Went to the corner 샵 - bought 4 corners.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

46. I'll tell 당신 what I 사랑 doing 더 많이 than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45. I tried water polo...
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posted by milorox18
1. When 당신 get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why 당신 were speeding, tell him 당신 wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend 당신 are deaf.

4. If he asks if 당신 knew how fast 당신 were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if 당신 can see his gun.

6. When he says 당신 aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why 당신 were speeding, tell him 당신 had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him 의해 his first name.

11. Pretend 당신 are gay...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All 당신 Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's 심장 is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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found this on the net:

18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. 당신 are going to fail the class completely no matter what 당신 get on the final exam)

1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read 질문 aloud, 토론 your 답변 with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure 당신 can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3) Bring cheerleaders.

4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five 분 into it, loudly say to the...
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posted by slytherin360
Found this on the net:

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of 당신 just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your 서류 가방 또는 purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name 태그 to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they...
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Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have 당신 ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man 다음 to me!
I puked on the last person who flew 다음 to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would 당신 look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator....
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posted by KataraLover
As many of 당신 are aware, I absolutely ADORE Wicked and I'm so excited about the movie adaptation that is just taking FOREVER to be made, even before the pandemic came along. So, like many people, I just keep wanting them to make some casting announcements for the movie already and have been making my own fan-cast for the movie, even making a video of my fan-cast. However, I felt like taking the time to explain my casting choices so everyone knows why I made my choices. I will provide my fan-cast video at the end, so 당신 can hear the vocal capabilities. Please keep in mind that this is just...
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David Cage, the creator of many famous games of the recent era. A man who is said to be one of the most creative minds in gaming right now. And yet, no matter who 당신 ask, there is only two opinions on this guy. There’s the people who like David Cage and then there are the people who don’t. And I’m one of the people who don’t. Welcome to an episode of Content Cuck. And this is the David Cage and Quantic Dream rant article. I’m here to discuss all the flaws of every Quantic Dream game, yes, all five of them, and talk about the flaws of David Cage, from the self centered behavior to...
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So, for no reason whatsoever I decided to make an little thing about how I think each of my 가장 좋아하는 characters would react to a “modern day” zombie apocalypse. I say modern because some of these characters are from past 또는 판타지 time frames.

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time): I can totally see her being that one person who keeps finding her way down shit creek—and naturally she doesn’t have a paddle either. Basically she’s the one who bad things keep happening to. For instance she’s the one who finds a stellar getaway car and it’s loaded with gas. But naturally, when she needs...
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It was the 년 2009, a young couple of nobodies arrived on the scene and one of those nobodies was a man 의해 the name of Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino. I knew when I first saw him that I WASN'T gonna like him and sure enough I didn't. He had a bad reputation from the moment they showed him and it just kept getting worse. Not only that but he's a selfish, self-centered, ego driven guy that cares to much about his abs then he does people. When he signed up for Dancing with the stars It made me hate him even 더 많이 because he cared too much about his show to even get in a 일 of training done. To add even 더 많이 fuel to the 불, 화재 he SHOULD of been sent 집 first but u people saved him for basically no reason whatsoever.
1. mostly the people on here are jerks. I 게시됨 a perfectly nice post and everyone just blew up at me. I mean, like, seriously guys? Probably at least 3 people with get mad about this article.

2. People think 당신 can say whatever they want. I mean, like, just because it's the 랜덤 팬 club doesn't mean 당신 won't get reported.

3. The 질문 aren't even questions. there just some thing like OMG! /THID IS SO TERABL! then 당신 click on it and they're like: O QK FUROMH TOHJY MPE!

4. If 당신 post something nobody sees it because then someone posts something like: CDAVKIBFRE HGTFES GHKHGY7DA and everyones like lol.
There are many reasons as to why cliques, stereotypes, and conformity are burdens in the socialite world. We, as humans, thrive on social interaction. So how come we create guidelines that prevent us from meeting new people?

Let's focus on the years that I consider to be a nesting post for the social monsters; the glorious teenage years. I've noticed that, before class in the morning, my grade hangs around the lower commons in the same, separated groups. The sophomores are usually over 의해 the front office and the juniors and seniors are scattered about.

I prefer to hang out with my upperclassmen...
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To My Loving Husband Patrick.

People say we are not meant to be
People say you're not good for me
People say I'm too good for you
People say you're ugly
People say you're fat
I say screw 당신 to those people
I say you're the most perfect man I've ever known
I say you're my hopes and dreams
I say I 사랑 you
당신 say do 당신 mean it?
I say yes I do
I 사랑 당신
더 많이 than anything in the world
당신 사랑 me for who I am
Not for my looks 또는 body
Just me
If 당신 never saved me from Devin
Who knows where I'd be now
He abused me; he raped me
당신 found me and took me in
당신 cared for me and treated me like...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This list was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My favorites are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round 표, 테이블 was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much 당신 push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by Schnusch
What Is Fear Of Itching

The fear of itching is known as Acarophobia. This fear can also include a phobia about any insects that might cause itching in human beings.


Why Do People Fear Itching?

If 당신 have a phobia about itching, 당신 may harbor some memories of past infections 또는 other problems that caused 당신 to feel terribly itchy and uncomfortable.

Prior experiences with itching can include things like headlice, scabies, and other such infestations. These conditions can be stubborn, embarrassing, and quite stressful. They are also extremely contagious.


Cleanliness May Become An Obsession

Hygiene...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up 의해 St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send 당신 to Heaven 또는 Hell. After all, 당신 enormously helped society 의해 putting a computer in almost every 집 in America, yet 당신 also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let 당신 decide where 당신 want to go."

Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let 당신 visit both places briefly,...
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posted by Thecharliejay
1. If using a touch-tone, press 랜덤 numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival 피자 place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their 질문 with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition...
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