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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the 표, 테이블 with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the 우유 carton.

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WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check 또는 charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a 텔레비전 set in her purse.
"So, do 당신 always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how 당신 can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out 의해 the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He 답변 that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few 분 later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the co unter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought 당신 were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ....... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the 우유 carton!)

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a 헛간 앞뜰, 앞 마당 of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORDS

A husband read an 기사 to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000 .
The wife r eplied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how 당신 can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so 당신 would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to 당신 !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the 다음 day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The 다음 morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper 의해 the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece .


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My Site is Worth
posted by KatiiCullen94
SHILOH!" ok so now 당신 know my name, thats the beginging of a introduction right. Well im Shiloh, And that voice was the most annoying villian wannabe that ever set foot in disney, well applied and failed.
Dalivia, is her odd name. You'd think that with her personality and status it would be somthing that gave 당신 chills and made 당신 gasp in fright, well im a three foot mytical creature and I still ain't scared of her, so 당신 shouldnt either..
"Get in HERE!!" she chockes. Ok tell 당신 know, that croak is fake,, she does it on porpose, to sound 더 많이 scary... quite frankly it sound hilarious,,...
continue reading...
posted by sapherequeen
 KoRn Poster - I know. Epic :)
KoRn Poster - I know. Epic :)
Okay, so lately I've been bored and I'm a little upset because someone took me off their fanlist (I know, I have no reason to be upset considering how many 팬 I have, but I'm just too sensitive to not mind). So, to distract myself, I'm going to see if I can come up with over 20 rock bands/singers that I love, and name the 상단, 맨 위로 5 songs I 사랑 from each band :)

I'm not going to lie, this will probably be endlessly boring...but I didn't no where else to write this, and this is the 랜덤 club....

Well, I'm gonna start.


1. KoRn
(Songs: Hushabye, Twisted Transistor, Politics, No Way, Haze)
2. Evanescence...
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Note: The author of this poem decided to stay anonymous for various reasons. I needed to post his poem, though. He gave me permission. I think that it's great.
Thank you.



Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my 가장 좋아하는 scenes

I sat on my 침대 on a cold night. He's in the same house as I.

Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen

I remembered when we used to play as little kids

And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living


We're older now. I need to get over the fact that 당신 hate me now...

Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators...
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So Angela left. Jacob was alone at the beach, thinking about her. They're both in love.

Angela's POV
-Angela! Fast!- Aunt yelled at me
-I'm awake, aunt Lizzy!- I yelled
-Okay! Get ready! School starts in half an hour!
-Damn! It took me so long!?
-So long for what- She asked not knowing about my talent.
-Oh, nothing, aunt.

Wow.. This night was the best! I wanna see him again. Just wait till I tell everything to Jenna and Clarissa- I thought excited. Oh, yea, they wouldn't believe me. That's the bad side of my talent. It's supernatural. Haha, weird. I'm a 수퍼내츄럴 girl.. My talent and I'm a werewolf....
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Thanksgiving is my 가장 좋아하는 holiday, well, one of them, wanna know wy? cause for desert, 당신 get pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D!
"hello there pie, are 당신 ready to be eaten?"
"yes i am" said the pie. it was 호박 pie, my fav.
"your the best thing thats ever been invented! i 사랑 you!
"well, instead of thanking the guy who made pies, go thank the guy who made pumpkins!
"oh yeah, huh?
"what are 당신 doing?" my sister came intothe kitchen.
"talking to my friend."
"the pie?"
"yeah"
"well, its ready to be eaten"
"OH BOY!! PIE!!!! YEAH!!" Then i started running aroung the house like and idiot lol.
i was SOOOO BORED, so thtas why i made this. blablablabla
Way 1: when they copy your songs u just played, play something that they cant play, like wipeout

Way 2: when someone from the other band is going to sit down, tell the 트롬본 to play a deep note then tell the a trumpet player to play a high note as the other person sits down then scream, "Somebody farted!!!"

Way 3: When one of them is nearby, throw something sticky 또는 disgusting, like melted 초콜릿 또는 a beetle that u just happened to catch in your hand 또는 went inside your uniform

Way 4: Do something stupid thatll make them forget that they hav to play The 별, 스타 Spangled Banner.

Way 5: Say...
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posted by sapherequeen
 Sorry, I know this picture may annoy some of 당신 and look senseless to others. But it makes me feel better when I see one of my 가장 좋아하는 fictional characters :,(
Sorry, I know this picture may annoy some of you and look senseless to others. But it makes me feel better when I see one of my favorite fictional characters :,(
*Sigh* Ok, I am having a very big problem with my 프로필 page; it has expired.

You see, when I was on 팬팝 like three weeks 이전 this organization called GreenAV falsified (lied) to me that I had over 41 viruses on my laptop. My stepfather bought GreenAV because we thought it would protect our computer. Boy, were we dead wrong. GreenAV happens to be this company made in Israel to steal identities of other people around the world and their money. GreenAV also infects your computer with viruses. Unfortunately, I discovered this too late. Now my laptop is at a repair shop, and my mom told me...
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Mysterious love
-chapter three-


Went he sat down I got a little scared.My stomach felt weried like it was trying too jump out.He was there I wanted too say hi but I just could'nt get it out.so I was just sitting there a nervous wreck chewing on the 상단, 맨 위로 of my eraser I kept wanting too look at him becuse I could feel him looking at me.finaly I snuke a peek he was staring at me but when he seen me looking he quickly looked down at his notebook.Then I looked down at my blank paper when the teacher said "Ok class dont forget too read chapter 8 in your book" I took my text book out of my new desk...
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posted by patrisha727
셀러리 has negative calories. It takes 더 많이 calories to eat a piece of 셀러리 than the 셀러리 has in it to begin with.

In eighteenth-century English gambling dens, there was an employee whose only job was to 제비, 삼키기 the dice if there was a police raid.

The human tongue tastes 쓴, 쓰라린 things with the taste buds toward the back. Salty and pungent flavors are tasted in the middle of the tongue, sweet flavors at the tip.

A sneeze can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.

It is impossible to sneeze and keep one's eyes open at the same time.

In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery...
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posted by Dan_07
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I don't know what anything means...
posted by BellaCullen96
Throw 팝콘 in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can 당신 fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling 팝콘 that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get 팝콘 yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit 다음 to 당신 because 당신 invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror...
continue reading...
posted by Yama
Emily had the 후드 down today and it was quite warm. The car rushed as if it was too eager to get to the harbour. 또는 maybe it was just me not wanting to leave home, whichever it was I didn't like it. Emily was blabbering on about what her fiance had got her for going away, she was so excited. As far as I could make out through my thoughts is that it was a big broach with a extremly rare stone in it.
I just smiled occasionly at her and tried (failing miserably) to look excited. Emily turned around after five 분 of silence,"Hon whats wrong I noticed this as soon as 당신 got into the car but...
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posted by vamp_grl_123
Ok so here is a bunch of 랜덤 Moments i will be writting. All are true.

I was at my locker getting ready for after lunch and my firends stopped to talk. It was Joe, Ben, Jack, Lilly, and Shelly.

Joe: Sukki, we're Lilly's man firends (not all were guys but Lily, Shelly, and me.)

Me: LOL ... *thinks* HEY!

Lilly: *laughing* OMG 당신 needed to think?

Jack: Wow Sukki. we didn't mean you. but that was funny.

Shelly: *laughing*

Hope 당신 liked this ramdom moment!!!

p.s. real names not used!!!!
1 = 90% of girls dont watch family guy, robot chicken etc so don't talk about it much.

2 = tomboys will show 더 많이 affection than girlie girls.

3. Some girls get frustrated when 당신 interrupt their video game. This rarely happens to a gu texting a girl

4. Girls don't like it when 당신 interrupt their convo with their friends. To them it's R.U.D.E

5. Don't tease a girl if she likes Twilight Harry Potter etc........it hurts their feelings.

6. Please, don't hit on every girl in the school if 당신 still have a girlfriend do 당신 know how much that annoys us???

7. Don't text a girl in the middle of the night. We like to get our sleep. Otherwise, she'll just keep 당신 up for a hour.

8. Girls like the guy that likes her to be jealous. Shell usually plan it out overnight.

9. Girls just adore attention like fat kids adore 초콜릿 cake.

10. A girl I'll call a guy cute not hot. Shell only call him ht around her girlfriends.
added by australia-101
there's a girl. about 15. she hides her scars, with her mother's makeup. She wakes up. and she realizes, that today will never get better.

You are 더 많이 than this. 당신 are bliss. 당신 are 더 많이 than this. there's happiness at the end of a rainbow.
open your eyes. keep holding on. don't give up, beautiful girl. your still needed on this world.

there's this girl. she hides her food. behind her bed.
when she looks, in the mirror, she sees nothing but ugliness. her mom asks her, if she's okay. she puts on a fake smile and tries to hide the pain.


You are 더 많이 than this. 당신 are bliss. 당신 are 더 많이 than...
continue reading...
posted by Hellowittykitty
Completely 랜덤 poetry! But that's what this site is for, right

Bold like new
Bold like old
Bold like me and my bro
Bold like the Sun
Way faster when I run

Bolder than her
Don't know who she is
She has little tiny eyes
That decorate her sin

Bolder than my mother will ever be
Bolder than my future son, who will never see me
Bolder and stronger, than Katy Perry
Bolder than that little doggy
Who has mad it through pet-adoptery

Bolder than that 메리다와 마법의 숲 hero
Bolder than that black heart
Boldest of all
Even though I've never thrown a dart

Bolder than thus
Bolder than this
Bolder than what I'm 글쓰기 now
Dis, dat, and...
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1.always let him talk to 당신 about stuff he likes
2.always see what 당신 have in common (if 당신 do)
3.never wear make up around him let him see your true beauty
4.DON'T TELL HIM HOW 당신 FEEL AROUND HIM UNTILL HE ASKS 당신 OUT THIS IS A RULE!
5.ALWAYS ask 질문 about him like his 가장 좋아하는 color, his 가장 좋아하는 movie 또는 his 가장 좋아하는 t.v show
6.never ever talk about your ex boyfriend they hate it (i've had experience) trust me it isn't cool
7.Always wear your 가장 좋아하는 clothes and some cute clothes
8.let him do all the hand holding and arm gestures don't do a thing( if u don't then that will make him think your interested)
9.talk about your 가장 좋아하는 영화 and songs
10.always make him happy no matter what mood he's in
thank 당신 for 읽기 i hope this helps :)
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Welcome to the block. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering, clapping, and whistling*
Master Sword & Tom Foolery: *Standing in front of a house*
Tom: Hello everypony, and welcome to another episode of On The Block.
Master Sword: Tom, 당신 already said that in the start of the last episode. Come up with something new for once.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Like what?
Master Sword: I don't know. Anything!
Tom: Hmmm...

Three 분 later, this song was playing: link

Master Sword: *Hanging off the edge of a cliff above four sharks that want to eat him* THIS...
continue reading...
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Welcome to the block. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering, clapping, and whistling*
Master Sword & Tom Foolery: *Standing in front of a house*
Tom: Hello everypony, and welcome to another episode of On The Block.
Master Sword: I think they know it's On The Block.
Audience: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: How?
Master Sword: The 제목 of this 기사 clearly says On The Block!
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh yes, it does. Today's crossover parody, Unfrozen.
Audience: *Laughing*
Master Sword: We're combining two bad 영화 for this. Frozen, and Unfriended.
Tom:...
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