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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the 표, 테이블 with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the 우유 carton.

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WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check 또는 charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a 텔레비전 set in her purse.
"So, do 당신 always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how 당신 can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out 의해 the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He 답변 that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few 분 later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the co unter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought 당신 were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ....... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the 우유 carton!)

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a 헛간 앞뜰, 앞 마당 of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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WORDS

A husband read an 기사 to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000 .
The wife r eplied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how 당신 can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so 당신 would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to 당신 !

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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the 다음 day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The 다음 morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper 의해 the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece .


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My Site is Worth
posted by Aquarius18
1. 랜덤 ninjas will NOT jmup down from the sky and pull the fir alarm during math class. we aplogozie for this inconvenience.
2. ^Scratch that, not many epic things fall from the sky, except dead hawks.
3. Just 읽기 about Hetalia: Axiz Powers on Wikipedia and you've seen the iParty with 빅토리어스 Episode, and as soon as 당신 read about Russia stalking China as a panda 곰 당신 recognized the reference, shoutin "All has become clear", you're insane.
4. If 당신 see Foamy the 다람쥐 flying around your science class, 당신 deserve an invisible cupcake.
5. If you've ever been at SCHOOL and locked...
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1.When i want something now and they said they said not now i yell like a 5 년 old sometime and they will do it

2.If i want to go somewhere and they said no i will ingore them 의해 saying pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee pretty preetty please and they said FINE

3.if i want to play a game 또는 go on the computer and they said no i will be cying 또는 just make them get scare from grabing a creppy thing =D

4.if i want to play with my sister with her friend and they said no i will said creepy thing to them like what if someone take 당신 away they will said ok scare >:D

5.if i dont want to go to school i will said...
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posted by TruBerries
Yes, it is I, TruBerries. The one that always keeps it real whether 당신 want to hear it 또는 not. The one that can be too much real for anyone to handle and therefore, if 당신 can't handle 또는 stand the heat, get out the kitchen!

Now, it seems to me, that there's repeated 질문 that are getting a lot of people irritated, but 당신 know, I've came to terms to decide NOT to answer the question(s) no matter how overrated they are. I must admit that I don't mind the 'What do 당신 think of me?' questions( well as long as 당신 don't put a personal 사진 up 'cause everyone could careless on what 당신 look...
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posted by yukikiyruu
i just read in this another club iwant u guys to see



From an 이메일 I got.

"The Rules" from the male side

We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. I’m not saying I like them, but it’s only fair to present both sides.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up. 당신 need it down. 당신 don’t hear us complaining about 당신 leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon 또는 the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Breasts...
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1. 당신 grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
3. 당신 take 사진 of yourself from ten feet away without using your camera’s auto-timer.
4. Your eyes stay open when 당신 sneeze.
5. 당신 don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
6. You’re elected "Employee of the Month" at 스타벅스 and 당신 don’t even work there.
7. 당신 spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
8. Your 고양이 are named "Cream" and "Sugar."
9. 당신 can’t even remember your 초 cup.
10. 당신 can jump-start your car without cables.


*** I didn't write this. i got it from link
i thought it was funny and wanted to share it***
posted by smileypop9
Something I did for fun cos I was bored...just getting my thoughts out lol! This is part 3. :DDDDDDDDD
----------------------

Reading. So that's what I'm going to write about now. I 사랑 reading. It's fun, and it takes 당신 to a whole new world.
Don't 당신 hate it when someone on 팬팝 writes: 'Me, reading? pffttt -_-' 또는 something along those lines on their 프로필 page when they are asked for their 가장 좋아하는 books? I know I do.
..
I mean, how can 당신 hate reading? 당신 read every day. You're 읽기 now. So don't put 'I don't read' on your 프로필 page, cos 당신 obviously do.
..

To those who don't...
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선실, 캐빈 for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Six: Beth

    I’m Bethany “Beth” Janice Renee Curtis Spotskey. I live with my parents, Jane and Bob Spotskey, my two brothers, Drew and Josh, my little sister, Samantha and my newborn baby sister, Caitlin.
    I have no boyfriend anymore thanks to Martin who I’d fallen in 사랑 with. But, he’d broken my 심장 더 많이 than once. I was trying really hard to let him go, but it wasn’t working exactly.
    Anyways, we were at the market near “Key’s Bathing Wear”. The market was really big,...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
Rebecca doesn't only want to be known for her unforgettable song “Friday” so she is going to do everything in her power to create a cool new album.

Yes indeed, Rebecca has become famous thanks to her annoying song Friday and has got a record deal for a Cd with five 더 많이 songs, can 당신 believe it? :/

Rebecca, is known-for and hated for “Friday”, she has even said that she doesn't like the song....we're not sure we believe that.

So on her 다음 CD Rebecca promises to have a 더 많이 natural sound than in Friday, and that she, at least, will like her songs....it's amazing how much power the Internet has! It makes and breaks stars.

source: europapress
posted by smileypop9
Ok, so I have come to notice that 99% of people either HATE Justin Bieber, 또는 사랑 the crap outta him. Those 2 groups of people are at war with each other. It's kinda annoying.
Why do all the hate 코멘트 have to be about Justin Bieber, don't haters have anything else to do in their lives?

Anyway, I don't hate Justin. I don't 사랑 him either. I'm kinda in the middle. To me he is like a 랜덤 boy I just met on the streets.
I don't go around bashing him and his fans, I don't post hate 코멘트 etc, but I don't post 'OMG I 사랑 JB SOOOOOOOO MUCH' 코멘트 either.
I'm just happy the guy got his...
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posted by smileypop9
I found this on www.funny.com, and it's kinda hilarious!! Can 당신 guess whose and what job it is?


You think your job sucks? Let me tell 당신 about the people I work with.
First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair 또는 putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.
The 다음 chick is exactly the opposite- she might even...
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선실, 캐빈 for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Two: Ella
    I’m totally convinced I have the best boyfriend in the entire world. He’s so sweet he bought me and all my 프렌즈 a 선실, 캐빈 for the summer. “Zack, 당신 really didn’t need to do this!” I kept saying over and over again. It was no use, he was being all too sweet about it. “I know babe, but they ARE my 프렌즈 too.” He kissed my forehead then picked my bag up. He grinned and then threw the bag into the car we were taking. “Thanks, baby.” I said, and hopped into the passenger seat.
    When...
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선실, 캐빈 for the summer
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tori
Hi, I’m Tori Evans. I live with my parents-even though I just graduated from my High School-Saint Peters. I have a boyfriend named Laken whom I 사랑 loads.
    I was at home, after graduation whenever my 주황색, 오렌지 검은 딸기, 블랙 베리, 블랙베리 started to chirp, “You’re the reason why” a song that I put for my boyfriend. I answered, “Hey.” “Hi, Tori, guess what?” He asked. He sounded really excited. “What?” I asked giggling at his excitement. “Zack booked the cabin, for the 11 of us-ALL SUMMER!” He screamed into the phone....
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posted by yoj123
I was walking 집 from walmart when a carrot fell from the sky and started talking to me then an air raid siren went off and flying pigs were dropping sausage rolls that blew up into smiley faces when they hit the ground then a 고래 drove 의해 in his sedan and said happy 할로윈 to me then micheal Jackson did the moonwalk on the moon with a cow.


I was like wow I went 집 and played wit my xbox, PIE!

And a cat grew a 물고기 tail and swam away from a basketball

Watch out CHAINSAW MONKEY!


Gggggvgggghfgjsfkfxhjcbkfzhjvxhjxgjcftafhvcihgfxbvzgcdgfgvff
Always & Forever
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tuesdays
    
    Hi! My name is Naomi Locket. I am 15 years old and I have no parents. None! They died in a horrible car accident, but that’s all right 의해 me, it gives me 더 많이 time to spend with the hottest guy alive-Thomas Richards. He’s my boyfriend of 2 years. He has auburn hair and green eyes. But, the disadvantage of having a boyfriend, and being so close, is the often result-babies. Our daughter and son (twins), Jordyn(girl) and Emmett(boy) are about 6 months old. Jordyn is the most adorable little baby,...
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posted by darkkhorn19
If 당신 have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, 당신 have $1.19. 당신 also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the 링컨 Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest 랜덤 speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company...
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posted by invadercalliope
Hi everyone this is the Invader Calliope show!
Time to talk about stuff!
Ok here are two perfect things that i love! Invader Zim and Anime!!
Ok i'm on team and 엘 then Mellow then Near!
I do 사랑 Misa though!
I 사랑 쌀 balls!
Oh my fave number is 37!
I'm using my laptop!
I 사랑 my cat!
I am feeling happy today!
I enjoy sweets!
I don't eat to much sweets i do eat my vegetables!
I 사랑 the colors: 라임 Green,Dark Purple,Cyber Blue,and Black!
I 사랑 the Invader Zim sound track and the amazing singer gir!
Miss Carey: Here are your costumes for the play children. Come and see!
Ed: Is it my costume?
Miss Carey: Yes, it is.
Mady: Is this my dress? It's pretty.
Nicki: Here's my own 백조 costume. Look at my 주황색, 오렌지 beak.
Miss Carey: You're the ugly duckling, Allex. Here 당신 are.
Allex: Thank you, Miss Carey.
Nicki: Let's put on our costumes!
Mady: Oh no! Look at my dress! It's much too lond.
Ed: My hat is too small. I look tidiculous.
Allex: I look 더 많이 ridiculous than you. Look at my feet!
Miss Carey: Oh dear! Theey're much too big!
Nicki: And I haven't got any wings!
Ed: This play is a disaster!
Mady: First we've got thousands of scripts.
Allex: And now our costumes don't fit.
Nicki: What's next?
posted by ShiningsTar542
It can be hard at times, but for some girls it is no problem to be 프렌즈 with an ex.

The key is in how the relationship has ended. It's important that there is no anger and no one has cheated. If this is true for 당신 then it is 더 많이 than possible that with a little time 당신 two can go back to being friends.

프렌즈 and just friends. 당신 must be clear about what 당신 want. Sometimes when we pretend to want to be 프렌즈 with our ex, we are really looking to get back together. Sometimes this is what 당신 want and it works, but if it goes wrong then things will be even worse.

Give him space. If after some time apart 당신 still want to continue to spend time together without wanting to be a couple, then 당신 are ready to be 프렌즈 again!

-source: justjared T.V show<>
Hey everyone!!This is the story of the time I was at Wal-Mart with some 프렌즈 and the 불, 화재 alarm went off but nobody cared and a baby died!


So anyway me and my friend Gyrrrrrrlllllllll were at Wal-Mart stealing stuff when the 불, 화재 alarm went off.It was so funny cause nobody knew what to do.We were all just standing there not moving.It would have been 더 많이 funny to 당신 if 당신 *had've been there.


*I don't even think this is a word!

The End.

Nevermind.Fanpop said this 기사 is too short.Now what?That's all I had to say.Maybe if I say KITTENS!!!That will work.
"As I was sleeping on the tree, something suddenly tickled me. It wasn't like a 베개 feather 또는 a back scratcher, but was 더 많이 like a scaley tickle. As I giggled in my sleep, a tight squeeze suddenly brought my attention. As I woke up and looked around, I realized I was being trapped 의해 a large python- a 20 ft long sucker at that!

I had no idea how this snake found me nor did I wanted to know why he caught me. The large seprent suddenly squeezed me tighter and tighter until my face turned dark purple. I was suffocating to my death. It would've been the end of the world for me. Luckly, the...
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