:D

[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits 다음 Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have 당신 tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed 의해 funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like 당신 - very homosexually.
Contributed 의해 funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - 물고기 Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...

Hi my name is Amanda and this is how to service 7th grade. On the first 일 of 7th grade I was so excited to see my 프렌즈 after summer yay. Well the first 일 of 7th grade really sucked but at least I got to see my friends. Yes it’s time to leave school. But I did not see one of my 프렌즈 Hannah that sucks because she went to Luray middle. Well I’m 집 and I just talked to Hannah on the phone. She said “I might come back to page 다음 semester”. “Sweet school is so different without one of my best friends” I said. “If I don’t come back don’t be mad at me”. “I won’t...

EMOTICONS Happy‏
^o^ ☺ ☻ ت ヅ ^.^ ツ ッ シ Ü ≧◡≦ ᵔᴥᵔ ^^ (°⌣°)
٩(^‿^)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃) ◕‿◕ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̮͡๏)۶ =^.^=
(•‿•) ó‿ó ¢‿¢ ٩◔‿◔۶ ಠ◡ಠ ༺‿༻ (^L^)
♥‿♥ ◙‿◙ ●‿● ^( '‿' )^ ^‿^ ❀‿❀ 乂◜◬◝乂
{◕ ◡ ◕} (｡◕‿◕｡) ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ◃┆◉◡◉┆▷ (▰˘◡˘▰)
< (^^,) > q(❂‿❂)p <【☯】‿【☯】> |◔◡◉| ⊂◉‿◉つ
✌.ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.✌ ۹⌤_⌤۹ ⎝⎲⏝⏝⎲⎠ ⎝⓿⏝⓿⎠ ⎝⏠⏝⏠⎠
⎝ᄽ⏝⏠⎠...

France
Honhonhon! Bonjour English man! Grow a real dick and don't fuck with Peter Pan! I'm Francis Bonnefoy and everyone loves me! 당신 call me a wanker, cause mine is the biggest! Fuck off with your kid brother, cause USUK surely hits it!

Britain
SHUT UP! 당신 DAMN FROG FACE! The fact that your on the same continent is a disgrace! All 당신 are is a bloody wanker, my rhymes hit hard, like Captain Hook's anchor! Your just a bloody whore, I can't stand your face no more, your such a prick! Even Sealand has 더 많이 dick! I have an army of Red Coats! 당신 have shitty little boats! Waiting till the last minute?...

Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so 당신 guy will need a babysitter!


*10 분 later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 분 later*
Amber:I wuv 차 parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are 당신 doing?
Amber:Having a 차 party!
Ashley:Can I...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President 또는 Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a 년 plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:...

This 오리 walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do 당신 have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the 오리 leaves.

The 다음 day, the 오리 returns and asks, "Do 당신 have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the 오리 leaves.

The 일 after that, the 오리 walks in the store again and asks "Do 당신 have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told 당신 no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if 당신 come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...

1. Every 일 at school is the same
2. 당신 never know if your braids look digusting 또는 not
3. 당신 are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. 당신 would like to think that people notice 또는 even think about 당신 but 당신 are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows 또는 cares about
5. 당신 worry people will write nasty 코멘트 on your 팬팝 기사 that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all 당신 do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When 당신 only really have like 3 프렌즈 at school and 2 of them...

The show SpongeBob linked to attention problems and learning


The show SpongeBob SquarePants is pointed 의해 a study which indicates that the viewing for only nine 분 of the show may cause short-term attention problems and learning in children four years.

Such problems have been observed in a study of 60 randomly selected children to watch SpongeBob 또는 Caillou, in which 이미지 change 더 많이 slowly, 또는 to draw in nine minutes.

Immediately after this activity, children were tested for mental function. And those who watched SpongeBob scored lower than others.

Previous studies had already established...

I'm putting two funny 기사 together in one, hope 당신 enjoy it!

Some fun rules
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
2. I 사랑 deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Am I getting smart with you? How would 당신 know?
4. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
5. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
6. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
7. Tell me what 당신 need, and I'll tell you...

previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Tina Unlocked the door to their house and they all walked inside then Peter put the Teddy 곰 on the self after that they all got hungery so Tina went to the shops to get some 음식 while Peter and Jenni were playing Uno they heard a crash in the 부엌, 주방 and ran over there they got a big shock when they saw how messy the 부엌, 주방 was when Tina got 집 she saw what the 부엌, 주방 was like and she got a big shock herself then while they all were thinking of a plan to see who did this to their 집 the Teddy 곰 was hiding in the 부엌, 주방 cupboard as it chuckled...

15) They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.

14) This is just a 15 분 power nap like they raved about in the last
time-management course 당신 sent me to.

13) Whew! Guess I left the 상단, 맨 위로 off of the Liquid Paper.

12) I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.

11) This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people.

10) I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

9) I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.
Are 당신 discriminating against people who practice yoga?

8) I was doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise...

dear diary, today was the worst - first a car ran over my lunch so i had to rob somebody's lunch money, 초 i got a F on my history paper, third mrs perrywinkle slaped me with her 벨트 serosly this is the 21 centery your not aloud to slap teenagers with belts, and forth when i got 집 my history paper fell out of my bag and my mother picked it up and started 읽기 it so what did i do, i rushed upstairs into my room 1 초 later i hear my mother scream off the 상단, 맨 위로 of her lungs LILLY GET 당신 BUT DOWN HERE...NOW!!!!!!!! god i said, so i go down. what is this she said uuummm my homework...

..... 랜덤 Facts .....

If 당신 have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, 당신 have $1.19. 당신 also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the 링컨 Memorial.


President Kennedy was the fastest 랜덤 speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.


In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.


Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.


The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties...

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoo

Barbra Streisand

Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoow
oowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowo
owoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo...

INT. A SHOPPING MALL WE'VE USED BEFORE - DAY.

The mall. Teenage girls bury their heads in piles of clothes and giggle. A Sale Sign goes up and they scream. Mothers drag kids 의해 their heels. As the people pass by, they glance uncomfortably at something off-screen then hurry along. The children point, faces uncomprehending.

Pan over to find ZIM and 지르 in a dark corner, near a waste receptacle, dressed as clowns. ZIM just stares out evilly at the passing people. 지르 simply stares, holding balloons.

ZIM (to GIR)
Look at them, GIR. THEY think we are clowns. But we are not clowns.

GIR gasps in shock....