랜덤 Article: Stupid Attorney Lines =D

39

posted by pollyloveshouse

This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D

"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published 의해 court reporters. Just goes to show how bad the law profession has gotten.

ATTORNEY: Are 당신 sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were 당신 in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: 당신 forget? Can 당신 give us an example of something 당신 forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to 당신 that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do 당신 know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: 당신 do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the 다음 morning?
WITNESS: Did 당신 actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were 당신 present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are 당신 shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the 날짜 of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were 당신 doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are 당신 for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: 의해 death.
ATTORNEY: And 의해 whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do 당신 suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can 당신 describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male 또는 a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have 당신 performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would 당신 like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did 당신 go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do 당신 recall the time that 당신 examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the 표, 테이블 wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are 당신 qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are 당신 qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before 당신 performed the autopsy, did 당신 check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did 당신 check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did 당신 check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when 당신 began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can 당신 be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my 책상, 데스크 in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."

DramaQueen1020, blackpanther666 and 37 others like this

Chandlerfan LOL! I remember getting this one too quite a while back! XDD

claire-aka-bob rofl!!!! i love this! :P ♥

DoctorSpud LOL!!!!!!! This is so funny! I can't believe some of these are real!!!

hm94991 haha! this is great. *props*

stapleface LOLLLLLL.

geekmeister34 that was funny!!!!!!!!

Chrisztine lmao! oh myg od this is funny! I can't believe people are actually stupid enough to ask these types of questions =P.

luvmurtagh33 LOL!!

luvmurtagh33 i luv the last one

iemand OMG!!!! i have tears from laughing!!!!!! LMFAO!!!! xD

green6244 SO FUNNY!

larouxbestfan HAHAHA funny!

mrsspencereid Wow... These people are stuupid.

7

My 상단, 맨 위로 10 Best Female 노래 Voices of ALL TIME

posted by KataraLover

I've been planning to do this for a long time and now I'm finally doing it. I have voices of different variety and though some get a lot of criticism but I don't care. To me these women have such jaw dropping voices that never sises to amazing me. I'm going to name the singer, describe why I 사랑 her voice so much, and leave a link of where I think their voice sounds the best, whether if it's live, studio, 또는 movie. Please 코멘트 and please keep in mind this is just my opinion.

10.Liz Callaway

I've loved her voice ever since I was little and watched her in The 백조 Princess, Anastasia,...

2

The Short-Lived Micronation of Rose Island

posted by tdafan121

Rose Island before its destruction

-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...

8

some cool funny 인용구

posted by lloonny

-Last night I lay in 침대 looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

-The only reason people get 로스트 in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

-The road to success is always under construction.

-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

-If 당신 die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

-After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

-Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone...

5

50 things girls should know about guys.

posted by Kyle_XY

1.Guys HATE sluts.(unless they are one themselves)

2."Hey are u busey?" 또는 "Are 당신 doing something later?" are two phrases to help prevent awkward silences.

3.Guys may be flirting around all 일 long but before they go to sleep they always think of the girls they truely care about.

4. Before guys call u they reherse what they are about to say so that way they dont sound like a total looser. (But 9 times out of 10 they get nervous when u pick up the phone and forget it all)

5. Guys go CRAZY over a girls smile.

6.Guys will do anything just to get attention from 당신 girls.

7.Guys hate it when u talk...

8

Daddy.... It hurts. Please stop.

posted by vlad_todd_fan

This is A TRUE STORY AND IF 당신 DON'T PASS THIS ON 당신 DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All 일 long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...

12

상단, 맨 위로 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men

posted by Mallory101

상단, 맨 위로 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men

link :
I didn't write this & it's coming from a guys point of view.

10.They Don’t Pick Up The Phone

You convinced her to give 당신 her number and you’re feeling good about yourself. Your charm and good looks have obviously made an impression on her. Unfortunately, when 당신 try to call, she doesn’t pick up or, worse yet, she’s given 당신 a fake number. Some women will give 당신 their numbers because it’s easier than trying to tell 당신 why she’s not interested. What’s more, in the age of caller ID, it’s easy for her to avoid your calls. At least...

7

Gross Facts

posted by EllentheStrange

Warning: This 기사 contains disgusting facts that just as the 제목 states, 당신 may not want to know! With that being said, please read on with caution.

Next time 당신 lean in for a kiss, 당신 might want to think about this:

1. The nose drips into the back of the mouth and 당신 may get mucus mixed with saliva when kissing.

2. Fungus is constantly growing in the oral cavity.

3. The white blood cells from your partners mouth will attack yours when embracing in a kiss.

More 랜덤 Gross Facts:

1. One of the gasses in your farts is actually flammable. If 당신 attempt to light your gas on 불, 화재 it...

18

55 Reasons I 사랑 You: Girls Point of View

posted by milorox18

Reasons I 사랑 You:

1) The way 당신 stand 의해 my side 

2) The times 당신 make sure nothing will harm me 

3) How 당신 always find a new way to "WoW" me

 4) When I'm sad, 당신 take the pain away with a joke

 5) How 당신 always look deep into my eyes

 6) How 당신 can make my 심장 melt with your soft lips 

7) The way 당신 hold my hand so tight 

8) The way 당신 never let my hands go

 8) How 당신 always watch out for me 

9) They way 당신 make sure I have everything I need 

10) How 당신 always know what to say when I get mad at you 

11) When 당신 buy me things out of the blue 

12) How 당신 say the cutest...

7

Trick 질문

posted by Shelly_McShelly

Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four 질문 to determine the level of your intellect. Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating 또는 wasting time.

And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: 당신 are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in 초 place.
In which position are 당신 now?

Answer:

If 당신 answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. 당신 overtook the 초 runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the 다음 질문 try not to be so dumb.

2 : If 당신 overtake the last...

4

The 16 MBTI Types (Personality Type)

posted by Fitch

What's your personality type?

Picks/Polls
link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link, link
link

(E) Extrovert
-Tend to focus on the outer world of people and the external environment
-Like variety and action
-Often impatient with long, slow jobs
-Are interested in the activities of their work and in how other people do it
-Often act quickly, sometimes without thinking
-Develop ideas 의해 discussion
-Like to learn new task 의해 talking it through with someone
-Need to experience the world in order to understand it and thus tend to like action

(I) Introverts
-Focus 더 많이 on their own inner world,...

2

Boarding School (drama piece)

posted by EmzLovesCheryl

Hey, this is my piece for my drama exam, without the stage directions. I started 글쓰기 it out on here as a way of learning it, then I thought, why no post it? I may as well, it's going to do no harm. :D
So here it is, its rather depressing though. So if 당신 don't need to be depressed right now, then I suggest 당신 don't read it. :)

[Give me a break. You’re going to go back to your 프렌즈 and either forget all about us 또는 tell a story about the hideous freak 당신 met tonight. 당신 don’t know me, if 당신 did, you’d never think we’d be friends. I don’t have 프렌즈 - except my brother....

38

21 Ways to Annoy a McDonalds cashier

posted by Guste_LT

1.Stand at the counter and ask for everything that they give out free (including smiles)
2.Keep walking back and forth suspiciously and taking straws, 10 at a time
3.Put “out of order” signs on all their cashes
4.Change your mind whenever your total is given to you
5.Take a chair and sit at the counter to eat
6.Only ask for ketchup. Do this at least 10 times.
7.Make an “important” phone call while you’re ordering. If they ask 당신 any 질문 tell them to be quiet.
8.Demand to get the smallest super-size meal they have
9.Throw ketchup packets at them from a distance. If they kick 당신 out...

1

My own little review on Helluva Boss (or least my opinions)

posted by Canada24

So I'll try to make this sound professional, but I'm not a real critic, I use to like pretending I was but.. I'm not..

Now as we all know this show has gone a long way, the 애니메이션 changed, but what hadn't changed is who my favourite character is.. It's Blitz.

Right from the pilot I always liked Blitzo, Brandon Roger's infectious energy just immediately hooked me, and I never even heard of Brandon Rogers, I looked him up shortly after. I have sort of mixed feelings about the rest of his performances, least at first. He did grow on me, but I still much prefer him as Blitzo.

And I also knew right...

1

NikPiks - Ed, Edd n Eddy is an Animated Classic

posted by windwakerguy430

So I talk about quite a few things on here, most of them with varying levels of popularity. So what better way to grab people’s attention then with good old 2000s nostalgia. So I wanna talk about Ed, Edd, n Eddy, a favoite show of mine from my childhoo- wait, Ed, Edd n Eddy came out in the 90s, fuck!

Ed, Edd n Eddy is one of the greatest 만화 in, probably of all time. I know for a fact that it’s my 가장 좋아하는 show. Where other famous shows tried and failed, Ed, Edd n Eddy succeeded. Spongebob is good, but it had some rough years. The Simpsons is alright, but it is in desperate need...

2

사랑 Hina Keitaro Urashima spanking Sarah McDougal

added by NagisaFurukawa-

2

THE RETURN OF THE 랜덤 BOOB JUSTICE!

added by TheLefteris24

The Ed Edd n Eddy Theory - 크리피파스타

posted by slenderman777

We hadn't always been here. But the neighborhood has. Even before it was a neighborhood on earth this one had been here. Here for those that would be 로스트 on those cursed grounds, here for those who would die long before their real life ever truly began, here for those who never really wanted to grow up.

We come from different times and we come from different lives, but one thing remains true of all of us. We lived on the earthly realm of the neighborhood at some point in our lives and died long before our time was supposed to come. We don't remember much of our lives in the cul-de-sac since...

The Crawlspace - 크리피파스타

posted by slenderman777

In my room there is a small door leading to where the air conditioning unit is housed, this door has no locking mechanisms what so ever so it wasn't uncommon when it opened up 의해 itself when there was a draft, its impossible to close the door behind 당신 once 당신 get beyond it and enter the crawlspace type area it leads to. i have lived in this house for five years now and for the first 4 i never gave the door a 초 thought,it wasn't until the fifth 년 that the door made me feel unsettled, a few months 이전 i was 집 alone,i'm 17 and i live in the bonus room which is connected to the crawlspace....

13

My 상단, 맨 위로 10 가장 좋아하는 Fictional Couples

posted by KataraLover

I've been meaning to make this 기사 for a while and now I've finally gotten to it. I've done my 가장 좋아하는 couples list before but it was always with animated couples but now I'm not just limiting my list to animated couples. I'm going to include all fictional couples. Please 코멘트 but keep in mind that this is all just my honest opinion.

10.Odette and Derek (The 백조 Princess)

"Well, there 당신 have it.. everlasting love...."

With Odette and Derek, yes they don't get a long at first and fight over the years but there are subtle hints to them secretly liking each other. I mean,...

Old Lola Bunny HATES the new Lola Bunny

added by KataraLover

Source: newsuperdannyzx fromm deviantart