What Being a Retard Online can do for You
Being a retard online will bring 당신 riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: 당신 crave attention, 당신 absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, 당신 may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because 의해 being a retard online 당신 can get all the attention 당신 need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If 당신 want to be a retard 당신 must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! 또는 write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like 당신 can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once 당신 have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! 당신 must 옮기기 on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this 당신 need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as 당신 can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" 또는 "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" 또는 "ebil" are a little too advanced for 당신 at this stage but with practice 당신 can master these 더 많이 advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that 당신 are, 당신 will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend 당신 are good 의해 making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online 당신 must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short 당신 should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of 프렌즈 and free sex. If 당신 want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" 인용구 - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard 또는 actually being witty, if 당신 find yourself in danger of actually being witty 또는 somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T 또는 Rick Astley and 당신 will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. 당신 say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if 당신 wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that 당신 may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if 당신 want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First 당신 must spam a lot, 의해 which we mean 당신 must spam until 당신 can spam no 더 많이 - spam until 당신 bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until 당신 get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and 당신 can spam no 더 많이 -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and 당신 will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn 당신 with your friends.
Being a retard online will bring 당신 riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: 당신 crave attention, 당신 absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, 당신 may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because 의해 being a retard online 당신 can get all the attention 당신 need for a small fee.
Poor Literacy is Kool!
If 당신 want to be a retard 당신 must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! 또는 write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like 당신 can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once 당신 have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! 당신 must 옮기기 on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this 당신 need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as 당신 can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" 또는 "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" 또는 "ebil" are a little too advanced for 당신 at this stage but with practice 당신 can master these 더 많이 advanced moves.
Practice Your 1337 Skillz
In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that 당신 are, 당신 will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend 당신 are good 의해 making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'
Learn to be Offensive
To be a retard online 당신 must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short 당신 should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of 프렌즈 and free sex. If 당신 want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" 인용구 - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard 또는 actually being witty, if 당신 find yourself in danger of actually being witty 또는 somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T 또는 Rick Astley and 당신 will become instant-retard.
Trolling for Dummies
1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. 당신 say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!
Spamming 101
Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if 당신 wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that 당신 may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if 당신 want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First 당신 must spam a lot, 의해 which we mean 당신 must spam until 당신 can spam no 더 많이 - spam until 당신 bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until 당신 get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and 당신 can spam no 더 많이 -
Spam!
SPAM!
SPAM!!!
SPAM!!!!!!!!!!
Caps Lock
IS YER FRIEND.
Alt-F4
Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and 당신 will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn 당신 with your friends.
I just released an update stating that I would not include video games in the 터틀, 거북 Sandwiches... then someone suggested a video game. So I started thinking once again and I came to the conclusion that saying video games were going to be part of it and then not having them be part of it was really annoying. Sorry for changing this and then immediately unchanging part of the change, but I'm fairly confident in this even newerly new setup, and hopeful that it will work permanently. So here is the new schedule that will not change:
Unfortunately, I have been caught up in other issues for the past week and there is thus no new 터틀, 거북 샌드위치 this week. But I am 글쓰기 this to establish many things, seeing as although I didn't have much "doing stuff" time, I had plenty of time to think.
1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought 더 많이 about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between 영화 and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch 영화 far 더 많이 often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.
I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city 당신 might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make 더 많이 time for this in the future.
1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought 더 많이 about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between 영화 and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch 영화 far 더 많이 often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.
I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city 당신 might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make 더 많이 time for this in the future.
