What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring 당신 riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: 당신 crave attention, 당신 absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, 당신 may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because 의해 being a retard online 당신 can get all the attention 당신 need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If 당신 want to be a retard 당신 must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME! - note how we must yell EXTREME! 또는 write it in full capitals, this emphasizes our commitment to being retarded. Also, a use of hyperpunctuation is recommended, for example, instead of NO U! write NO U!!!!11!!111!1!!11!!11! Note the uses of 1's adds the effect of retardedness, as it looks like 당신 can't even use a keyboard properly, without bursting into some kind of spastic fit. Now enough of that foolishness, once 당신 have learnt that everything must be EXTREME! 당신 must 옮기기 on to the art-form of butchering the English language until it is nothing but a bunch of garbage: To do this 당신 need to practice hard at being a retard and misspell as many words as 당신 can, even simply words like "you" and "I" must be warped - we suggest using "U" 또는 "joO" - note that phrases such as "yoou" 또는 "ebil" are a little too advanced for 당신 at this stage but with practice 당신 can master these 더 많이 advanced moves.

Practice Your 1337 Skillz

In order to practice your L33T Skillz, try going on a multiplayer FPS game, such as Team Fortress 2. Of course, being the retard that 당신 are, 당신 will fail epicly. (Epicily. What the hell?) and have a kill to death ratio of 1:9000.1. In spite of this, pretend 당신 are good 의해 making up pathetic excuses, such as 'This C0mput3r SUX!'

Learn to be Offensive

To be a retard online 당신 must become one with the Force and master the ancient art of offence - in short 당신 should always make a point of being an asshole to everyone, because its a well-known fact internet tough-guys get lots of 프렌즈 and free sex. If 당신 want to get serious on being offensive be sure to brush up on your knowledge of "yo momma" jokes and "yo so ugly" 인용구 - these could mean the difference between sounding like a true retard 또는 actually being witty, if 당신 find yourself in danger of actually being witty 또는 somewhat humorous in your attempts at being a retard simply say something about Chuck Norris, Mr T 또는 Rick Astley and 당신 will become instant-retard.

Trolling for Dummies

1. Find idiot
2. Make idiot mad
3. Idiot says insult
4. 당신 say "NO YOU!"
5. ??????????????????????????????
6. RECESSION!

Spamming 101

Contrary to common thought spamming is a delicate and time-consuming lifestyle, if 당신 wish to go down this path of retardness please be aware that 당신 may not be prepared for the massive amount of brainpower required for such a complex task - however if 당신 want to attempt this tricky feat here is the know-how. First 당신 must spam a lot, 의해 which we mean 당신 must spam until 당신 can spam no 더 많이 - spam until 당신 bleed - spam like crazy - spam random, nonsensical garbage - spam until 당신 get people saying "stop spamming" - spam until your IP is banned and 당신 can spam no 더 많이 -

Spam!

SPAM!

SPAM!!!

SPAM!!!!!!!!!!

Caps Lock

IS YER FRIEND.

Alt-F4

Press these magic buttons on your keyboard now and 당신 will have completed the course of being a retard online - and are now free to bask in the glory this achievement shall earn 당신 with your friends.