What do 당신 guys think of my story "Fanged Kingdom"?

It seems rather rushed as if 당신 are glossing over a lot of details that could be expanded on A LOT to make a 더 많이 intriguing story that draws 당신 in.

A lot of the scene could have better been done written out rather than summarized like the whole "The parents couple" to "their own" and even a fair amount before that.

Also 당신 would probably like to avoid using words like "things" and preferably use 더 많이 detailed words like "skills".

And I didnt read the 초 chapter, but I skimmed it and just one thing I need to point out

When 당신 have dialogue 당신 need to create a new paragraph any new person speaks. Making it looks like:

"What are 당신 doing?" Bill asked.

"I am doing well." Joe responded.

"Do 당신 like pizza?" Bill asked.

"Why do 당신 keep asking me questions?" Joe responded

Of course with better words than "responded" and "asked" but I wasnt really trying with the writing.

사무용 겉옷, 전반적인 in general it sounds nice, a bit generic when compared to the RPs Ive been part it, but it seems to be pretty nice. If 당신 want tips though, the things I listed above should help but in general, 당신 are probably going to want to expand your 글쓰기 and be 더 많이 descriptive.

It's a good story IMO. Btw, don't use "https." Just use "http."