"Aren't 당신 excited?" Dad asked again. My jaw hung open, and tears welled up in my eyes.
"Yeah, Dad. That's great." I stood up and went to my room. I paced in my room for a while, fiddling with my fingers. The tears filled up more, making it nearly impossible to see anything. This can't be happening. He was trying to start a new family. He was recreating what we had before we... There was a knock at the door.
"Irina?" It was Dad. I ran over to the door, and locked it just as he tried to open the door. "Irina, please let me in. I want to talk to you."
"Go away!" I cried. The whole thing felt so surreal, like when Dad told me he was dating Kara. But this was far worse. This would change everything. He called my name a few 더 많이 times, but I still refused to open the door.
"Irina! Let me in right now, young lady!" he shouted.
Everything went black.
When I woke up, Dad and Kara were leaning over me. Then I noticed how bad my head hurt, a lot.
"Irina? Are 당신 ok?" Dad asked. I closed my eyes, putting my arm over them and groaned. What just happened? It took me a few 분 to realize what happened, but I still couldn't remember what had happened before hand. I sat there in silence for a while, trying to remember anything. When had Kara and Hera gotten here?
"Honey, 당신 hit your head on the side of your desk," Dad told me. That explained the splitting headache. I clenched my teeth. "Honey, do remember anything at all?" I shook my head. He looked at Kara, and pursed his lips. Did he know? "Well, I think 당신 should go to bed. 당신 need to rest." He helped me up, and got me into bed. Hera looked scared. Did Dad never tell her? And what was he not telling me? I laid down, and rubbed my temples with my palms. "Good night," Dad said. He turned off the light and they all left, leaving me all alone in the dark.
I fell asleep a while after that. Oh well, it was all over now.
At school the 다음 day, like normal, I talked to Blake in English. It was great until Mateo butted in.
"Dude! 당신 broke up with Heidi?!" he asked. "She's pissed! I thought 당신 liked her! What happened?!" he ranted. Blake rolled his eyes.
"Nothing, I'm just done with her bitchy attitude, ok? What does it matter?" he asked, agitated. Mateo groaned.
"We were supposed to go to the dance together! All four of us! Now that 당신 and Heidi aren't going, Gwen doesn't want to go!" Mateo complained. Blake rolled his eyes again and waved him away.
"Sorry 'bout that," he said sheepishly. I shrugged.
"I didn't know 당신 and Heidi broke up. I'm sorry about that," I said softly.
"Don't be. I'm am so glad. I don't even know why I put up with her before," he said sounding completely relieved.
"Well that's good," I smiled. He nodded, then class started.
***
I began walking 집 from school, when Blake stopped me.
"Hey, Irina!" he called. I stopped. "Are 당신 busy this weekend?" he asked.
"I dunno." He smiled mischieviously.
"Well, if 당신 are, there's something I want to do, ok?" he asked.
"And what's that?"
"You'll see," he smiled again. Just then, another voice appeared.
"What are 당신 doing?" it asked. My 심장 nearly stopped. I felt my face turn cold. It was Drew. He came up behind me. Blake furrowed his eyebrows; he's never met Drew. I slowly turned to face him.
"Uh, nothing," I squeaked. He looked at me with distrustful eyes. He looked back at Drew and nodded at him. Fuck.
"Uh, this is... Brian," I said quickly. I tried to subtly give Blake a look that told him to play along. He looked extremely confused. Drew frowned.
"Ok... Well, come on. I'll take 당신 home," he said. Even though it sounded like a calm and generous offer, I knew it translated into let's go so I can kick your ass. I gulped.
"Uh, I'm fine. I think I'd rather walk." Drew grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.
"I said I'll take 당신 home," he said solemnly. Then it seemed to click for Blake. He grabbed Drew's wrist, and spoke through his teeth.
"She said she doesn't want to." Drew looked really surprised, but even 더 많이 pissed off than he had been.
"Get the fuck away from me," Drew growled. Blake took a step closer, and I pushed myself between them.
"Don't. Just... Let's go," I said to Drew. I was taking a very big risk right now, but it was all I could do to keep them from beating the shit out of each other. We went to Drew's jeep, and I waved at Blake when he wouldn't see. Blake looked terrified.
When we got back to my house, the first thing Drew did was slap me across the face. I took it without any complaints.
"Don't 당신 ever talk back to me like that again," he warned. I nodded. We went inside, and he took a 좌석 on the couch. "So... you're moving?" he asked. I nodded, handing him the 맥주 he had demanded. He smiled to himself as he opened it. "Well, don't think that just because you're moving that'll I'll leave," he looked into my eyes. "I'm never going to leave," he said darkly. I gulped but nodded. He squinted his eyes at me, then laughed. "You needed stitches?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said quietly. He laughed.
"That's what 당신 get for fucking up your face like that. Although, it was an improvement..." he took another sip. That hurt.
Drew left a while after, and I couldn't have been 더 많이 relieved. A half 시간 later, my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Irina? Are 당신 ok?" Blake asked. I felt even 더 많이 relieved to hear his concerned voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Is he..."
"No, Drew's gone. He left a while ago." I heard him sigh into the phone.
"Ok." There was a long pause. "Why don't 당신 just break up with him? I don't understand how 당신 can 사랑 someone like that," he said incredulously. He sounded as if it was an obvious answer. It kind of annoyed me.
"You don't think I want to?! If I could, I would've dumped him a long time ago! And... I used to. I used to 사랑 him. I hate him now. I hate him so much..."
"Ok, ok! Irina, calm down," he said softly. But I was already worked up.
"I want to! I want to break up with him! But I can't! I'm scared! He's gonna... He's gonna kill me one of these days," I said through my cries.
"Irina, it's ok. I'll help you."
"How," I sniffed, not convinced at all. There was another pause.
"I don't know. But I will. I promise." I heard the slam of a car door outside. I quickly wiped away my tears.
"I gotta go. I'll see 당신 tomorrow."
"Bye. See ya," he said just before I hung up. I sniffed again, trying not to look like I'd been crying. Dad and Kara walked in, along with Hera.
"Hey, kid," Dad said. I waved quickly.
"Hello Irina," Kara said. She looked worried; I wonder why. I hadn't seen her since last night. Then I remembered that I hadn't thought about last night at all really. I went to my room, and tried to do my homework while I retraced my thoughts. I'd been upset; that's all I could remember. I shook my head, trying to go 앞으로 instead. Kara and Hera had both been there... All three of them were happy... I thought it'd mess everything up...
Then I remembered.
I groaned, the headache returning. I held my head in my hands, trying to clear my head again. Blissful ignorance is a lot better than remembering sometimes.
***
The 다음 일 in school, when I saw Blake in English, the first thing he did was hug me. I was surprised at first, but then returned the hug. I felt like crying, but I was in class; I didn't want to start a scene 또는 anything. Plus, people were giving us weird looks; especially Mateo. He did not look happy one bit. I pulled away from Blake.
"Thanks," I said quietly. He smiled sympathetically. I wiped away a threatening tear.
"Don't worry," he whispered as class started. "I'll figure something out."
"Yeah, Dad. That's great." I stood up and went to my room. I paced in my room for a while, fiddling with my fingers. The tears filled up more, making it nearly impossible to see anything. This can't be happening. He was trying to start a new family. He was recreating what we had before we... There was a knock at the door.
"Irina?" It was Dad. I ran over to the door, and locked it just as he tried to open the door. "Irina, please let me in. I want to talk to you."
"Go away!" I cried. The whole thing felt so surreal, like when Dad told me he was dating Kara. But this was far worse. This would change everything. He called my name a few 더 많이 times, but I still refused to open the door.
"Irina! Let me in right now, young lady!" he shouted.
Everything went black.
When I woke up, Dad and Kara were leaning over me. Then I noticed how bad my head hurt, a lot.
"Irina? Are 당신 ok?" Dad asked. I closed my eyes, putting my arm over them and groaned. What just happened? It took me a few 분 to realize what happened, but I still couldn't remember what had happened before hand. I sat there in silence for a while, trying to remember anything. When had Kara and Hera gotten here?
"Honey, 당신 hit your head on the side of your desk," Dad told me. That explained the splitting headache. I clenched my teeth. "Honey, do remember anything at all?" I shook my head. He looked at Kara, and pursed his lips. Did he know? "Well, I think 당신 should go to bed. 당신 need to rest." He helped me up, and got me into bed. Hera looked scared. Did Dad never tell her? And what was he not telling me? I laid down, and rubbed my temples with my palms. "Good night," Dad said. He turned off the light and they all left, leaving me all alone in the dark.
I fell asleep a while after that. Oh well, it was all over now.
At school the 다음 day, like normal, I talked to Blake in English. It was great until Mateo butted in.
"Dude! 당신 broke up with Heidi?!" he asked. "She's pissed! I thought 당신 liked her! What happened?!" he ranted. Blake rolled his eyes.
"Nothing, I'm just done with her bitchy attitude, ok? What does it matter?" he asked, agitated. Mateo groaned.
"We were supposed to go to the dance together! All four of us! Now that 당신 and Heidi aren't going, Gwen doesn't want to go!" Mateo complained. Blake rolled his eyes again and waved him away.
"Sorry 'bout that," he said sheepishly. I shrugged.
"I didn't know 당신 and Heidi broke up. I'm sorry about that," I said softly.
"Don't be. I'm am so glad. I don't even know why I put up with her before," he said sounding completely relieved.
"Well that's good," I smiled. He nodded, then class started.
***
I began walking 집 from school, when Blake stopped me.
"Hey, Irina!" he called. I stopped. "Are 당신 busy this weekend?" he asked.
"I dunno." He smiled mischieviously.
"Well, if 당신 are, there's something I want to do, ok?" he asked.
"And what's that?"
"You'll see," he smiled again. Just then, another voice appeared.
"What are 당신 doing?" it asked. My 심장 nearly stopped. I felt my face turn cold. It was Drew. He came up behind me. Blake furrowed his eyebrows; he's never met Drew. I slowly turned to face him.
"Uh, nothing," I squeaked. He looked at me with distrustful eyes. He looked back at Drew and nodded at him. Fuck.
"Uh, this is... Brian," I said quickly. I tried to subtly give Blake a look that told him to play along. He looked extremely confused. Drew frowned.
"Ok... Well, come on. I'll take 당신 home," he said. Even though it sounded like a calm and generous offer, I knew it translated into let's go so I can kick your ass. I gulped.
"Uh, I'm fine. I think I'd rather walk." Drew grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.
"I said I'll take 당신 home," he said solemnly. Then it seemed to click for Blake. He grabbed Drew's wrist, and spoke through his teeth.
"She said she doesn't want to." Drew looked really surprised, but even 더 많이 pissed off than he had been.
"Get the fuck away from me," Drew growled. Blake took a step closer, and I pushed myself between them.
"Don't. Just... Let's go," I said to Drew. I was taking a very big risk right now, but it was all I could do to keep them from beating the shit out of each other. We went to Drew's jeep, and I waved at Blake when he wouldn't see. Blake looked terrified.
When we got back to my house, the first thing Drew did was slap me across the face. I took it without any complaints.
"Don't 당신 ever talk back to me like that again," he warned. I nodded. We went inside, and he took a 좌석 on the couch. "So... you're moving?" he asked. I nodded, handing him the 맥주 he had demanded. He smiled to himself as he opened it. "Well, don't think that just because you're moving that'll I'll leave," he looked into my eyes. "I'm never going to leave," he said darkly. I gulped but nodded. He squinted his eyes at me, then laughed. "You needed stitches?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said quietly. He laughed.
"That's what 당신 get for fucking up your face like that. Although, it was an improvement..." he took another sip. That hurt.
Drew left a while after, and I couldn't have been 더 많이 relieved. A half 시간 later, my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Irina? Are 당신 ok?" Blake asked. I felt even 더 많이 relieved to hear his concerned voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Is he..."
"No, Drew's gone. He left a while ago." I heard him sigh into the phone.
"Ok." There was a long pause. "Why don't 당신 just break up with him? I don't understand how 당신 can 사랑 someone like that," he said incredulously. He sounded as if it was an obvious answer. It kind of annoyed me.
"You don't think I want to?! If I could, I would've dumped him a long time ago! And... I used to. I used to 사랑 him. I hate him now. I hate him so much..."
"Ok, ok! Irina, calm down," he said softly. But I was already worked up.
"I want to! I want to break up with him! But I can't! I'm scared! He's gonna... He's gonna kill me one of these days," I said through my cries.
"Irina, it's ok. I'll help you."
"How," I sniffed, not convinced at all. There was another pause.
"I don't know. But I will. I promise." I heard the slam of a car door outside. I quickly wiped away my tears.
"I gotta go. I'll see 당신 tomorrow."
"Bye. See ya," he said just before I hung up. I sniffed again, trying not to look like I'd been crying. Dad and Kara walked in, along with Hera.
"Hey, kid," Dad said. I waved quickly.
"Hello Irina," Kara said. She looked worried; I wonder why. I hadn't seen her since last night. Then I remembered that I hadn't thought about last night at all really. I went to my room, and tried to do my homework while I retraced my thoughts. I'd been upset; that's all I could remember. I shook my head, trying to go 앞으로 instead. Kara and Hera had both been there... All three of them were happy... I thought it'd mess everything up...
Then I remembered.
I groaned, the headache returning. I held my head in my hands, trying to clear my head again. Blissful ignorance is a lot better than remembering sometimes.
***
The 다음 일 in school, when I saw Blake in English, the first thing he did was hug me. I was surprised at first, but then returned the hug. I felt like crying, but I was in class; I didn't want to start a scene 또는 anything. Plus, people were giving us weird looks; especially Mateo. He did not look happy one bit. I pulled away from Blake.
"Thanks," I said quietly. He smiled sympathetically. I wiped away a threatening tear.
"Don't worry," he whispered as class started. "I'll figure something out."
hear my
unspeakable words,
those are screaming
inside my 로스트 strife!
See me,
see it through my
frightened eyes,
those will show you,
those will defeat
the peace itself.
That peace,
well-known to you,
but not to me.
Not to me.
I've seen it only
in their eyes,
while mine were dreaming.
Grabbing my soul,
living inside,
the fear loves me more,
smiling to my faith.
Hear me,
hear those
unspeakable words,
those are living here,
praying silently,
crying sternly.
Hope is awaken,
but weakened.
Hating fear
and its cruelty,
it struggles tirelessly,
though fading...
Fading
along with
unseen dreams,
sleeping
along with sorrow.
The doors
are locked,
Sun is not
illuminating
my path,
not mine.
Fears sleep
in there,
loving my failures,
listening to my
unspeakable words,
those are prayers,
unseen dreams,
fear lives within.
Temporary Home
For some people, this world is only a stopover. They arrive here to do some good while they can, but they know that this is still not their true home. They are 천사 who come to light up our lives with their luminescence and to teach us what they can before they have to 옮기기 on. They flash in on golden wings, but it seems that they are gone before 당신 can say “Thank you” 또는 “I 사랑 you”. They leave softly, without fanfare. They 키스 our brow as lightly as a heart’s whisper, and smile, blinding us with its brightness. When we blink, they are gone.
For some people, this world is only a stopover. They arrive here to do some good while they can, but they know that this is still not their true home. They are 천사 who come to light up our lives with their luminescence and to teach us what they can before they have to 옮기기 on. They flash in on golden wings, but it seems that they are gone before 당신 can say “Thank you” 또는 “I 사랑 you”. They leave softly, without fanfare. They 키스 our brow as lightly as a heart’s whisper, and smile, blinding us with its brightness. When we blink, they are gone.