Look around you, I told myself, over and over and over again. Look around you, and cry. Cry freely, girl.
But I didn't. I couldn't find the strength to cry... to make the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't think I was ready to let the tears hit the ground with a soft patter; to wince at the sad and depressing sound that came from my mouth; to let Duncan see that I couldn't handle anything.
I looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and pained as he gazed into mine. I immediately felt a pang of guilt, and I sighed.
"Mina?" He brushed my cheek.
I didn't answer. I wanted to cry -- yet I didn't... I had no idea why. I wanted to let it all go, yet the other half of me, the 더 많이 determined half.. warned me not to let it go until it was the right time.
Whatever that was.
"Duncan..." I would do it. I would break up with Duncan. "I'm... sorry." Well, that's great, my sarcasm inside me sneered. You're sorry. How delightful. Want me to tell 당신 I'm sorry, too?
No. That won't help, I pleaded with myself.
That's wonderful. So... go ahead and tell him you're sorry..
SHUT UP!! I screamed to myself.
I paused. Duncan didn't say anything, he regarded me, nervous, sad, and he knew what was happening. But could I do it? Maybe I was being dumb. Who was I to break up with him? Why did I do it? If I had no reason... then why?
"I understand you, Mina," he said quietly, his eyes becoming shinier 의해 the moment.
"That's good," I whispered, looking down.
"I know what 당신 want." He paused, looking at me one time over. "But before... please, Mina... tell me why."
"What?" I was startled 의해 his question.
"What did I do?" He was still as upset as he ever was.
I closed my eyes, hoping they'd stay that way forever, so that I'd never have to see anything ever again. Blackness was better. I could see clearly. Everything else as blurred with tears.
"Nothing." My voice was almost inaudible.
"Then why--" Duncan broke off, then tried to pull back. "Let me guess. You've moved on."
I could have said yes then, to make everything so mcuh easier... but I didn't. Something in me was protesting... and I couldn't help but notice. My longing for Duncan burned in me, and I hated myself for doing this as much as I hated myself for everything else in the world that I did wrong. But that something burned strong in the depth of my heart... and whatever it was, that something made me disagree.
"No," I murmured, my voice muffled. "It's not that."
"You don't like me anymore..." he guessed, clearly not realizing the double-meaning in his sentence.
That hit me with so much regret that I suddenly sprang back to life again. "No!" I protested. "I like 당신 too much, Duncan. That's the problem."
He didn't get it. To be honest, I didn't, either.
Duncan was confused. "Then what.." he didn't finish.
"I'll go," I said softly. "You don't want me to be here."
I stood up, and I ran, as fast as I could in my coffee-brown and white flats, ignoring with all my will when Duncan called back to me.
I refused to turn my head back even once, because I knew my desire for him would take over. So I ran.
I threw open my penthouse door, and I ran, sobbing, into my bedroom. It wasn't fair. Duncan loved... me? He was too perfect. He could find someone like him; every inch as perfect as he is.
I flung myself face-first onto my pillow.
And I cried, letting my cry muffle against the pillow.
I loved, with the strong longing for Duncan somewhere in my heart.
I saw the world as it was... dark and horrible and loveless.
Speak, Mina, speak.
Love, Mina, love.
Cry, Mina, cry... <3
But I didn't. I couldn't find the strength to cry... to make the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't think I was ready to let the tears hit the ground with a soft patter; to wince at the sad and depressing sound that came from my mouth; to let Duncan see that I couldn't handle anything.
I looked up at him. His eyes were glazed and pained as he gazed into mine. I immediately felt a pang of guilt, and I sighed.
"Mina?" He brushed my cheek.
I didn't answer. I wanted to cry -- yet I didn't... I had no idea why. I wanted to let it all go, yet the other half of me, the 더 많이 determined half.. warned me not to let it go until it was the right time.
Whatever that was.
"Duncan..." I would do it. I would break up with Duncan. "I'm... sorry." Well, that's great, my sarcasm inside me sneered. You're sorry. How delightful. Want me to tell 당신 I'm sorry, too?
No. That won't help, I pleaded with myself.
That's wonderful. So... go ahead and tell him you're sorry..
SHUT UP!! I screamed to myself.
I paused. Duncan didn't say anything, he regarded me, nervous, sad, and he knew what was happening. But could I do it? Maybe I was being dumb. Who was I to break up with him? Why did I do it? If I had no reason... then why?
"I understand you, Mina," he said quietly, his eyes becoming shinier 의해 the moment.
"That's good," I whispered, looking down.
"I know what 당신 want." He paused, looking at me one time over. "But before... please, Mina... tell me why."
"What?" I was startled 의해 his question.
"What did I do?" He was still as upset as he ever was.
I closed my eyes, hoping they'd stay that way forever, so that I'd never have to see anything ever again. Blackness was better. I could see clearly. Everything else as blurred with tears.
"Nothing." My voice was almost inaudible.
"Then why--" Duncan broke off, then tried to pull back. "Let me guess. You've moved on."
I could have said yes then, to make everything so mcuh easier... but I didn't. Something in me was protesting... and I couldn't help but notice. My longing for Duncan burned in me, and I hated myself for doing this as much as I hated myself for everything else in the world that I did wrong. But that something burned strong in the depth of my heart... and whatever it was, that something made me disagree.
"No," I murmured, my voice muffled. "It's not that."
"You don't like me anymore..." he guessed, clearly not realizing the double-meaning in his sentence.
That hit me with so much regret that I suddenly sprang back to life again. "No!" I protested. "I like 당신 too much, Duncan. That's the problem."
He didn't get it. To be honest, I didn't, either.
Duncan was confused. "Then what.." he didn't finish.
"I'll go," I said softly. "You don't want me to be here."
I stood up, and I ran, as fast as I could in my coffee-brown and white flats, ignoring with all my will when Duncan called back to me.
I refused to turn my head back even once, because I knew my desire for him would take over. So I ran.
I threw open my penthouse door, and I ran, sobbing, into my bedroom. It wasn't fair. Duncan loved... me? He was too perfect. He could find someone like him; every inch as perfect as he is.
I flung myself face-first onto my pillow.
And I cried, letting my cry muffle against the pillow.
I loved, with the strong longing for Duncan somewhere in my heart.
I saw the world as it was... dark and horrible and loveless.
Speak, Mina, speak.
Love, Mina, love.
Cry, Mina, cry... <3
It was time for another guilded Chris ceremony. "OK screaming gaffers", said Chris "It's time for a guilded chris ceremony. If 당신 don't get a Guilded Chris award, 당신 must walk the red carpet of shame and hitch a ride on the lame-o-sine and go 집 and 당신 can NEVER come back". "Duncan, JG, Seiamica, Clay, Blake, Julie, Tonya, Harold, Leshawna,DJ, Gwen, Heather.
Shawni, Vanita, one of 당신 if going home.
shaw. when all of a sudden Calvin came in on a vine and smacked chris in the face. Chris, with a mad look on his face yelled cuddles! and said "well instead of who was originaly going to be voted off, CALVIN IS GOING 집 NOW!!!!!" calvin got a look on his face. "i'll be back he said and he ran away. "with our luck he will be" said JG. "yeah said Vanita "he's came back TWICE after being voted off". "hes been voted off 3 times now" said Shawni. "well I'm happy I didn't get voted off!".
Shawni, Vanita, one of 당신 if going home.
shaw. when all of a sudden Calvin came in on a vine and smacked chris in the face. Chris, with a mad look on his face yelled cuddles! and said "well instead of who was originaly going to be voted off, CALVIN IS GOING 집 NOW!!!!!" calvin got a look on his face. "i'll be back he said and he ran away. "with our luck he will be" said JG. "yeah said Vanita "he's came back TWICE after being voted off". "hes been voted off 3 times now" said Shawni. "well I'm happy I didn't get voted off!".
Here's some facts about Trent
.he is 1 of 3 people who takes his 셔츠 off in front of camera other 2being Owen and Justin (of cource)
.he threw up 더 많이 times than any other charcter ever
.He has a huge crush on gwen
.has an obbesion with the #9 in tda mostly because TRENT 5letters and GWEN 4 letters 4+5=9 또는 I think it is because he just likes the #9 and he was the 9th camper to arrive at camp
.he is the cool guy
.he says hell in one episode sorry I forget which one
.he was the 11th to be voted off
And lastly
.he sustanet about 5 injuries cursity of owen dj lisnsay and brigette
.he is 1 of 3 people who takes his 셔츠 off in front of camera other 2being Owen and Justin (of cource)
.he threw up 더 많이 times than any other charcter ever
.He has a huge crush on gwen
.has an obbesion with the #9 in tda mostly because TRENT 5letters and GWEN 4 letters 4+5=9 또는 I think it is because he just likes the #9 and he was the 9th camper to arrive at camp
.he is the cool guy
.he says hell in one episode sorry I forget which one
.he was the 11th to be voted off
And lastly
.he sustanet about 5 injuries cursity of owen dj lisnsay and brigette