Update guys!! :) God I loved this chapted...I loved 글쓰기 it, don't know why, but I truly felt it. In my veins, I mean. As far as the result is concerned...you tell me :)
Special thanks to @rrennie this time, who gave me a critical opinion. Hope my official editor will be back soon ;) I have missed her this time, although @rrennie was a doll. Enjoy!
Previously on December/December:
"He finally shrugged, Now and soon. All-in then. He needed to address this. “Ok then. Sounds like fun Count me in”....
“Kudos to subtleness” Rob muttered.
Hugh turned to him, lowering his voice incredulous “Are 당신 trying to sabotage me?!”
He smiled “Absolutely, not. On the contrary. Besides, I don’t think 당신 need my help in that”...
“Sorry, ehm…where are we going, again?” He yelled blindly turning to look for them.
Jess yelled back at him from the other side of the road. “Just follow us”
He spotted Lisa getting inside. His gut twisted"
Lisa was leaning on the counter, one of her leg dangling from the high chair she was seated on with her eyes flipping absentmindedly over the page. She had been trying to make up her mind for twenty 분 already, but it wasn’t easy when every kind of beverages on the list was with high alcohol content. Let alone if her mind kept wondering like this.
Jess was still waiting for his drink. They have ordered it like ages 이전 “Something 당신 like?”
“Mmm…no actually. I guess, I am ok like this, for now” she put the menu down and lifted her head up, catching Hugh’s 프로필 in the mirror. David had got him framed with some job-talk half an 시간 ago. She and Jess had quickly sneaked to the bar and Robert had promptly joined Jennifer and Omar to have a look around. They truly had some crazy weeks ahead and God knew what else…but she couldn’t get her mind on that for now.
“You like the place?”
She forced a convincing smile on her face.
“Yeah, I do. It’s really nice” she said looking around for the first time since they had arrived.
Light strings were hanging on the walls bathing the room into a soothing, soft glow as some jazz combo’s 음악 was playing in the background. People hung out sank into the soft pouffes and couches: it was getting 더 많이 and 더 많이 crowded, but the room was larger enough not to look stuffed.
“This isn’t…really like a club, 당신 know. Not like the ones I go to anyway”
His order arrived “Let’s have a look around, shall we? It’s quite hot in here, isn’t it?”
She just nodded following him, having to fight back a little giggle. The reason he why he wanted to have a look around was fairly easy to guess. Jess wasn’t difficult to read. He tended to get restless when he liked someone.
There was a small terrace with climbers weaving their way up the roof and a pair of staircase branching off on both sides, which lead to a small garden.
It did was lovely.
“Hope 당신 didn’t miss her” She said winking at him.
Jess let a smirk 십자가, 크로스 his lips: they had a great friendship after all, so there was really no need to hide from her. Besides, it was pointless fighting her ability to read people’s mind. But he could always tease her a little…
“I’d better not” he said working on his Australian accent to be as much prominent as possible. He knew she had a thing for accents ”…otherwise someone will be apologizing for me, 다음 thing tomorrow”
“Oh, come on! I knew you’d be like that! 당신 said it was fine! I only wasted two minutes! Would 당신 imagine me here….with that dress? Being jammed in between people? Stumbling over my own feet and tumbling, making a spectacle of myself? Is that what 당신 wanted?”
Jess couldn’t hold himself and burst into a wholehearted laugh after witnessing the accurate picture she had made of the whole scene mimicking it with her hands. She did was a natural. He always used to say that.
“Ahah! Ok fine..ahah. 당신 needed to save the face. Got it. But we stopped 의해 your house for FAR 더 많이 than two minutes, at least acknowledge that…”
He eyed her up with a contagious smile on his face. And he was also doing his accent thing. She could tell. "Damn it", he knew she couldn’t say no when he did that.
“Fine” she snapped jokingly “One for each. What do 당신 want me to do to make that up to you?”
He put down his drink, crossing his arms across his chest, wearing a naughty grin
“Well that depends…”
“Jess!!! Stop it!!!” She thumped him in the shoulder but a massive smile erupted on her face too.
“…I was just saying”
“And so, 당신 see? We are screwed. We need to rush things out this year. We still have 6 episodes left and with 당신 having to leave one week earlier for your movie…”
“I am sorry for that Dave, I really am. Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted”
“Hugh please. Don’t. You’re practically married to this show. 당신 deserve to have a life outside the set, 당신 know? I am just…I guess, I am stressed out…you know, with the writers threatening to go on strike once again and the network constantly breathing over my neck….not that I am complaining over anyone of the guys, they are wonderful…but…”
Hugh was having a hard time following David’s little outburst with the necessary attention. He usually wasn’t like this. He was a very self-controlled person, very calm…patient…putting everyone at ease, but this 년 things had slipped out of his hands so to speak, and holidays haven’t apparently being of any help. "The hell with that". They seemed to have been a nightmare for almost everyone…
“You know what I mean?”
What did he mean? About what?
“Yeah absolutely…”
He kept dropping words of agreement randomly for a while, always peering at Lisa sideways. She was chatting still lively with Jess, laughing hard at who knows what kind of joke he was telling her.
They all had to stop 의해 her 집 to let her change and slipped into something more…suitable, as she liked to say. It was a pity: he loved that dress. Although this one…well just a very narrow set of words came to his mind for that and noone of those had any relaxing effect on him.
“I am sorry Hugh…I am truly boring 당신 to death tonight…” David had just realized Hugh was no longer listening to him.
“No, no, no. Forgive me, what where 당신 saying?”
“Never mind. I could use a drink probably” He rushed to the bar before he could say another word, which was a blessing ‘cause he could hardly remember the last thing he had heard about…well, whatever thing he was venting about.
He threw another pensive glance towards Jess and Lisa. They stayed 의해 the railing, leaning out side 의해 side. Two 프렌즈 having a good time. Friends. Just picturing the sound of it was impossible. He loosened his tie and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket. “Don’t be a coward for once in your life…”
“Hey! Here 당신 are! Doris over here, I found them!”
He felt someone seizing his arm. 다음 thing he knew Katie was smiling widely at him.
“So what’s up? Where were 당신 going?” she asked candidly, shrugging excited like someone who’s expecting 당신 to fill her in about the latest gossips of the evening.
“Ehm…I…was…” he stopped mid-sentence, frowning his eyebrows confused “What are 당신 doing here anyway? Thought you’d stay 집 tonight…”
She winked “Change of plans. Girls’night out. David texted me”
That didn’t sound like making much sense as far as the progression of the events was concerned.
“I mean I got a message from David AFTER Doris talked me into having some fun, while 당신 guys were making the crowd aaaaallll go wild” And then she just made some sort of Mexican wave shaking her hands, laughing....leaving Hugh a little wide-eyed speechless for a second.
“Erm…yeah…I think…” his eyes started searching the bustle of people moving around him. David must still be there, somewhere “…I think someone is a bit liquored up here, isn’t she?”
“Oh come on, I am just a little tipsy” she suddenly turned around calling for Doris who was making her way through the crowd carrying two big glasses. But at least she looked sober.
“Here we go…one for me…and one for my mate” she said handing a big glass of red wine to Katie.
“Thank you…”
“I think I am gonna take that, instead” Hugh said snatching it off her hands “We don’t want ‘girls’ night out’ to finish too soon. The night is still young”
Katie pouted for a moment “Fine. I’ll behave” she seized his arm, dragging him away “Let’s tell us about tonight then, I heard 당신 were the 별, 스타 once again”
“Yeah, right…ehm…I was all a-glitter…” he casted one last glance over Lisa and Jess, bending to Doris whispering “Where’s Paul?”
“Business 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 out of town. Thought about taking her out, get her relaxed for a night. Anne is out of town for a casting too…she was feeling lonely” She said shrugging, feeling like justifying herself.
“Great job”
“It’s not my fault if she can’t even drink a 슈프리, 슈프리 처, 슈 프리 쳐 that she ends up like that….”
“A spritzer?? She is like this….with a Spritzer?!” Hugh repeated incredulous “You can’t possibly be serious…”
Katie let loose of his arm “I need to sit down. Those puffes over there look amaaazingly comfortable! Come on, let’s go…"
He rolled eyes at his luck. This wasn’t gonna be quick.
“…and then they started following us. I mean following as in stalking!! Can 당신 believe it?”
“No way!! Two kids? Nooo”
“No, I am dead serious! And then they would sprout out like mushrooms everywhere we went!!”
Jess shook his head disapprovingly, twitching his lips in contempt “LA isn’t the 안전한, 안전 city it used to be anymore…”
“Don’t tease me!! It was annoying…sometimes it feels like I can’t have a private life anymore…”
“Noone of us can”
“Yeah but 당신 don’t get tailed around because you’re 42 and currently single…”
It was exasperating really. There was nothing about her life she managed to hide from the press. Even if she had wanted to keep this John-thing low key there was no way to. Two kids following them around and 다음 thing she knew she would find pictures of the two of them all over the net.
“I am single…but I am not woman” he pointed out.
Lisa turned around, elbows resting on the balcony “What do 당신 mean?”
He shrugged matter-of-factly, turning over too “Well…men are usually allowed to have much 더 많이 of a private life than women, in this business. Unless they happen to mess around EPICALLY, as that Letterman-guy…but even in that case papers started talking only AFTER the blackmailing thing…I mean, if 당신 think about it, some of the major scandals around always concern women. Mostly anyway. Journalists are far 더 많이 merciless with women, so either men are saints…or they are better liars and people are 더 많이 inclined to…well…ehm…close an eye on them and their “screwing”, whatever that might mean. The word is still a chauvinist place Miss…”
Lisa got pensive “Never thought about that this way…”
“Sure”
Hugh in the meanwhile had finally managed to sneak out of sight for a while using the classic “bathroom-time” excuse. “God bless men and their renowned lack of power over their bladder…”
Jess caught sight of him just as he started heading warily in their direction, his eyes fixed on Lisa, barely conscious of what was going on around them.
Yes. Jess and Lisa were friends, very good ones, but there were things she had just never shared with him, either because she wasn’t ready yet 또는 she didn’t want him to get involved, he didn’t know. However, that didn’t mean he hadn’t figured them out on his own.
“Let’s say for instance…” he said assuming the tone and the posture of someone who’s about to give a class on theoretical math “…that there’s a guy who likes a woman. It’s almost disgusting how much he likes her. I mean, he’s hopelessly smitten for her, every single particle of his body has a life of its own when she’s around, ok?” he saw Hugh grabbing a glass of wine along his way “…whether he likes it 또는 not.”
Lisa was following him with a very focused expression, trying to figure out where he was going with that.
He did his best to keep a straight face.
“And this woman, well…she obviously likes him too. A lot. And she just as constitutionally incapable of preventing her eyes from glittering” he drew imaginary sparks in the air “…or her tone from softening…”…and bated his eyelids mockingly.
She hided her face, turning her back at him, looking at the sky “Your point being…?”
She didn’t know what he was hitting at, but her mind had already raced in the wrong direction. “Thank 당신 very much”
He took his time, waiting for Hugh to come closer, waving cheerily at him, as he leaned over closer to whisper into her ear “My point being…noone is ever gonna snooped into the man’s business, that goes against the “Very Secret Code of Chauvinism: how to rule the world”…BUT…” he ogled her in way that left no room to any further doubts “…her 프렌즈 will reserve the right to poke into HER business….” Hugh was almost there. “…later on, as soon as the get the chance to” he cut short, slowly standing straight up to smile at Hugh with the most innocent expression on his face.
Lisa dropped her mouth open in astonishment “Are you…”
“What’s topic here?”
Hugh’s cheerily, casual 질문 coming from behind her back made her almost slide down and off her heels. Let alone the minor heart-attack she had just experienced. She turned and found him standing right in front of her.
Along the years, Lisa had become fairly aware of the fact that she could do everything for him. She could work with him and be his friend. They could laugh and banter, watch 영화 또는 play chess ‘till the middle of the night for 9 월 a year, and she could cope with their relationship being put on hold for 3 weeks at a time, twice 또는 three times a year. She could be there for him, when he silently needed her and she wouldn’t ask for nothing in return.
She could do all of this and it had never been a burden on her.
She could spend a whole evening make him believing they were just fine, ignoring the little bumps her 심장 kept giving 또는 pretending not to feel that shiver running along her spine when he looked at her …exactly as he was doing now.
She could do all of this. ‘Cause she loved him, in every possible sense this word carried.
Just…during the last six months, it had been getting harder. And now, she felt so drained. Once, she would have told herself she was doing it for him, for them…’cause they had got themselves into an impossible situation and already gone too far with it. But now…she didn’t know who she was protecting anymore.
The only thing she hasn’t learnt to do yet…was lying to him. At least, not with her words.
So there she stood, wordless, as his impossibly sky-blue eyes kept darting back and forth between Jess and her, waiting for an answer.
Luckily, Jess wasn’t so politically-correct and he had a savoir faire that really came in handy at times.
“An everlasting topic: privacy. Lisa was just telling me how hard it is to cover one’s private relationships in LA, can 당신 believe it?”
Hugh’s expression was unreadable: no light in his eyes whatsoever “I actually can. 당신 can’t live in this city for too many years…it drives 당신 crazy”
His eyes drifted on her for a moment, then back on Jess.
“So…where’s your date?”
Jess scoffed, taking a sip out of his drink “She is not my date” He said, spelling the last word with the contemptuousness of one that judges it too much of a big word.
Lisa eyed him condescendingly “Mmm…right. Not a date”
“This is NOT a date, she is…just a girl I met. Means nothing”
“Who said it does?” Hugh prompted ganging up with her. Pathetic as it might sound, this made him feel a little closer to her “Why are 당신 getting all worked up anyway?”
“I am not…” Jess bit his lower lip rubbing a hand over his hair “Just stop it ok!! Both of you!!” he said gesturing toward them as in “pooling them” together.
A faint smile touched Lisa’s lips as she realized how foolish it was that feeling of emptiness that was slowly stirring up inside her. She felt like she was mourning over something lost, that she had never really had though.
Hugh emptied his still half-full glass of wine in one shot.
“Whatever…you don’t have a date. Where is she anyway?” He’d better muster up the courage before someone called the night off. All he had to do was clear the ground. The 질문 was how….his mind was pounding ”Focus damn it. Think straight”
“Here we go…” Jess patted his shoulder handing him his glass, forgetting all about the 날짜 stuff, just focused on his not-a-date 날짜 who had just showed up at the bar “Show’s on. Wish me luck”
He left in a flash brushing his hair back. Hugh and Lisa looked at each other.
Maybe, for once, the universe had decided to cooperate.
“So…how’s your evening going so far?”
Hugh swept to her side leaning 다음 to her “You know, the usual: avoiding the obnoxious conversations, offering David a well-formed, brawny shoulder he could cry on…saving the day….rescuing drunk people…” he trailed off smiling. So far, so good: a faint smile was starting touching the corners of her eyes.
“Saving the day, uh?” she lifted her chin at him with a defiant attitude, slightly parting her lips. He outlined their perfect contour with his eyes. He could have written a book on the way those lips moved and never get tired of studying them.
“Ehm…yeah…” It took him a moment to recover “Why does everybody always just focus on the minor achievements and forget about the rescuing part, anyway? There must be something in the way I tell it, ‘cause Robert had the very same reaction….”
“Someone got drunk?”
“Katie yeah…”
“She’s here?”
“Yep. Arrived with Doris an 시간 ago”
“Is she ok? Maybe we should go and see if…”
A 불, 화재 alarm went off in his ears “Oh, no she’ll be fine…she’s 더 많이 like caught into…some sort of merry, perky cheerfulness”
“Ahah, ok then. If 당신 say so…”
There was a long silence. It wasn’t really long actually but it was one of those silence that you’d never want to fall upon you. One of those silences that nurse something inside them. One of those silences that made Lisa’s 심장 race faster and Hugh’s palms sweat uncontrollably.
“Lisa…”
She jumped on her feet panicking “Maybe we should get inside, it’s getting chilly out here…”
He seized her 의해 one arm forcing her to turn to face him “Shall we talk for a minute?”
Her 심장 gave another bump. Her breathing stopped: the most perfect set of blue, piercing, melting eyes were staring right into hers.
She took his hand off her arm, gently but firmly enough to cause a sudden wave of heart-wrenching pain to flood his chest.
“I don’t think it’s neither the time…nor the place…”
She had never seen that expression on Hugh’s face. He looked calm but desperate at the same time. And it scared her. Made her nervous.
“I don’t care”
He took a step closer, getting almost face to face with her, obliging her to push him away. She cautiously looked around, hoping for noone to have noticed that.
“You should care”
“Why?”
“’Cause you’re married”
“I am not anymore”
“Yes 당신 are”
“No”
“Yes!”
He snorted and his lips hardened into a tight line. Why was she being so stubborn about it?
“Shall we talk somewhere else 더 많이 private?”
Lisa had eventually raised her voiced a little too high, causing some people to turn around exchanging quick looks. She walked away from him, annoyed and angry at herself, stopping 의해 the balcony.
Hugh bit his lips “Lisa, please…”
She turned, eyes closed and head down.
“Let’s go downstairs” Their eyes met and he understood immediately “Don’t worry. I checked. There’s noone down there. We should be alone”
Lisa began to get down with unsteady steps, moving carefully as she passed 의해 him, her ankle still bothering her.
He reached for her hand “Let me help you…”
“I am fine. I can do it 의해 myself” She forced a grateful smile on her lips but she didn’t know whether she was being convincing this time. One thing was having to get slowly used to the thought it was over, another one was having to deal with facing him like this.
She gathered her strength trying to steady her breathing.
They reached the end of the flight. Lisa threw one last glance around to be sure noone was paying attention to them for real. She relaxed a little bit and turned her steps towards the bower. Hugh kept silent, just following her movements, waiting for her finally to stop.
“Fine. Here we are…”
It was the first time he saw that expression on her: the composure of her face…the way she kept her eyes wide-opened fixed on him...she looked like a bird trapped in a cage.
“Why are 당신 doing like this?” Hugh demanded.
“Like what?” .
“Like we don’t matter anymore…”
“Like we…what are 당신 talking about? When did I give 당신 that impression?”
He pressed his lips struggling to organize all the thoughts that had been piling up in his head for days. It wasn’t easy: they were like urging to come out all at once and he seemed incapable to push them back and bring them up one at a time.
“Tonight for instance. Yesterday. 또는 during the last two months. I don’t’ know!! Just pick one!!”
He startled at the tone of his own voice, realizing how much sarcasm, resentfulness and bitterness he had put into that.
Lisa narrowed her eyes, hanging her mouth open, mystified…hurt 의해 his words much deeper than she would have wanted to.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she shook her head almost out of breath already “this is not fair…you know how much I care about us. 당신 run away last time, didn’t even give me a chance to….”
“…to what? Explain?! What could 당신 possibly explain to me?” he got a step closer, raising his voice. This wasn’t gonna work. Not like this. He knew that. But it was like some self-destructive part of him were taking him over against his own will
“Explain me, what? No, please tell me…Maybe, how had I ended up at your house on a chilly, bloody winter morning to find out 당신 have moved on on me? 또는 how had it happened that while I was having the worst time of my life back in 런던 당신 were making new friends?”
Lisa stared at him with wide eyes. The most fine. Gorgeous. Breathaking. Heartbreaking sad set of grey eyes he had ever seen in his life, her lips trembling. He didn’t mean to snap at her that way. He didn’t want this to be like this…
Lisa kept quite, not even trying to argue. She knew he didn’t mean the things he was saying, at least not in the way he was phrasing them, but she couldn’t help thinking. What if she had 로스트 him…both ways? What if they couldn’t even be 프렌즈 anymore? She let herself drop on a bench and wrapped her arms around her legs, curling up on herself and resting one cheek on her knees.
Hugh rubbed both hands over his neck, frustrated at the turn the conversation had taken.
“I am sorry Lisa…I shouldn’t have”
She pursued her lips tightly into a straight line, making herself even tinier on the large bench
“That’s hardly the point Hugh…”
“Then what’s the point?”
He looked at her with pleading eyes, waiting. Eventually, he took step closer, crouching in front of her, gently lifting her chin up to make her look at him “Liz…please, talk to me…” He softened his tone, hoping this would make her forget about his horrible outburst of a few 분 ago; and hopefully bring a tiny little smile on her lips “…tell me how I ended up at your house on a chilly, bloody, winter morning telling 당신 I left my wife and 당신 told ME it was not so simple anymore”.
But her face didn’t light up this time. Quite the opposite: it clouded even more.
“Did 당신 agree for divorce?” she asked abruptly.
“Well, no…not yet. We fight, I left. Told Jo I couldn’t keep up with this façade anymore…”
She scoffed “Then this doesn’t change anything”
He snapped straight up pointing at his left hand “This is crazy…I PUT OFF MY RING! I have never been 더 많이 serious about it!”
Silent strings of tears started rolling down her cheeks. She slowly lifted up her head, her eyes soared with tears, her 심장 shattered in pieces as she realized she was about to tell him all about what she had never dared to hold against him.
“Oh yeah? Never been 더 많이 serious?” she spitted out disdainfully “Then what about last fall? What about last summer?”
“You know that’s not what I meant….”
She nodded sarcastically pursing her lips, letting the tears streaming down her face, giving up on fighting them “Of course…and tell me, what do 당신 think it will happen when Jo shows up once again as she did for the Emmys, asking 당신 to save your marriage? Pleading 당신 to come back with her…sort things out?”
“Lisa…”
“Don’t “Lisa” me” she was like a river in flood. All the feelings she had been repressing for months were overflowing and she didn’t know how to stop this “…and 당신 know what the funny thing is? I don’t even resent you…” she was getting frantic and Hugh would have wanted to know a way to calm her down “…‘cause, deep down inside, I KNOW you’re the most selfless person in the world, and anything you’ve done, 또는 haven’t, didn’t come from any lack of respect 또는 love…” she swallowed hard on that word, trailing off.
It was almost unreal the gnawing sense of discouragement he was feeling. How did they get to this point?
“What do 당신 think will be left of us when you’ll tell me 당신 owe that to your marriage…once again?”
Hugh felt like the world was falling upon him “This is not going to happen…”
“Yeah right…’cause 당신 put off your ring”
“No, because it’s different this time….”
She let out a sneer “That’s a real counter-argument”
“Lisa…I…”
“No Hugh, I am begging you…” she buried her face in her hands “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be your co-worker, your friend, your lover and then again just your co-worker and not even your friend anymore. I can’t go through it all once again…I…”
Her voice cracked and she had to take a deep breath summing up all her strength to voice this. She had thought it through a lot. Now all she needed to do was saying it. It was the most logical thing to do, both for her and for him.
She lifted her eyes, composing her face “…I can’t keep waiting for 당신 to make up your mind; just waiting 집 for your wife to win 당신 back over guilt or…love” The doubt had always haunted her. Maybe he didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe…maybe he was still in 사랑 with Jo somehow. What if what there was between them wouldn’t ever be enough? Hadn’t been enough?
“I can’t go through it all once again, Hugh…I feel drained. Warned out. I am not the same person anymore….”
Hugh dropped his head down, defeated. He couldn’t think of anything to say that actually made sense. 또는 a difference.
He hated himself for having hurt her so much.
He hated that they weren’t they same they used to be.
He hated that he couldn’t talk her into believing in him.
He hated seeing her like this…
He slid on the other side of the bench, 다음 to her, sighing with resignation “What do 당신 want me to do, then?”
She swallowed back her last tears, tensing. “I don’t want to screw things up anymore. I just want us to be friends…”
“A fresh start…”
“Yes…”
He tossed his head backwards, repeating the word in his head. Friends. The sound was just as awful as he had pictured it. A faint, sorrowful smile touched his lips. He lifted his head to look her in the eyes “So, the exquisite irony of it all….is that we 당신 can’t take another chance on me…because the steaks are too high”
Lisa couldn’t answer. She just rocked her body, getting closer to him ever so slightly.
“May I ask for a one last wish?”
“Hugh…I don’t think…”
“It’s not what 당신 think…”
“Then what…”
He silenced her with a finger on her lips: they were warm and smooth. He delicately brushed a thumb upon them, trying to retain the feeling of their softness, looking into her eyes as hadn’t done in months.
“May I?”
It all had started like this, with the very same question. And now, it all was ending just like this, in the very same way. A perfect circle. She silently burst into tears once again, breaking down for the very first time in months, nodding….just as she had done that time.
He wrapped one arm around her holding her closer, gently 키싱 her forehead and nuzzled his mouth into her hairs, inhaling their scent.
“Let me just bring this memory with me”.
Special thanks to @rrennie this time, who gave me a critical opinion. Hope my official editor will be back soon ;) I have missed her this time, although @rrennie was a doll. Enjoy!
Previously on December/December:
"He finally shrugged, Now and soon. All-in then. He needed to address this. “Ok then. Sounds like fun Count me in”....
“Kudos to subtleness” Rob muttered.
Hugh turned to him, lowering his voice incredulous “Are 당신 trying to sabotage me?!”
He smiled “Absolutely, not. On the contrary. Besides, I don’t think 당신 need my help in that”...
“Sorry, ehm…where are we going, again?” He yelled blindly turning to look for them.
Jess yelled back at him from the other side of the road. “Just follow us”
He spotted Lisa getting inside. His gut twisted"
Lisa was leaning on the counter, one of her leg dangling from the high chair she was seated on with her eyes flipping absentmindedly over the page. She had been trying to make up her mind for twenty 분 already, but it wasn’t easy when every kind of beverages on the list was with high alcohol content. Let alone if her mind kept wondering like this.
Jess was still waiting for his drink. They have ordered it like ages 이전 “Something 당신 like?”
“Mmm…no actually. I guess, I am ok like this, for now” she put the menu down and lifted her head up, catching Hugh’s 프로필 in the mirror. David had got him framed with some job-talk half an 시간 ago. She and Jess had quickly sneaked to the bar and Robert had promptly joined Jennifer and Omar to have a look around. They truly had some crazy weeks ahead and God knew what else…but she couldn’t get her mind on that for now.
“You like the place?”
She forced a convincing smile on her face.
“Yeah, I do. It’s really nice” she said looking around for the first time since they had arrived.
Light strings were hanging on the walls bathing the room into a soothing, soft glow as some jazz combo’s 음악 was playing in the background. People hung out sank into the soft pouffes and couches: it was getting 더 많이 and 더 많이 crowded, but the room was larger enough not to look stuffed.
“This isn’t…really like a club, 당신 know. Not like the ones I go to anyway”
His order arrived “Let’s have a look around, shall we? It’s quite hot in here, isn’t it?”
She just nodded following him, having to fight back a little giggle. The reason he why he wanted to have a look around was fairly easy to guess. Jess wasn’t difficult to read. He tended to get restless when he liked someone.
There was a small terrace with climbers weaving their way up the roof and a pair of staircase branching off on both sides, which lead to a small garden.
It did was lovely.
“Hope 당신 didn’t miss her” She said winking at him.
Jess let a smirk 십자가, 크로스 his lips: they had a great friendship after all, so there was really no need to hide from her. Besides, it was pointless fighting her ability to read people’s mind. But he could always tease her a little…
“I’d better not” he said working on his Australian accent to be as much prominent as possible. He knew she had a thing for accents ”…otherwise someone will be apologizing for me, 다음 thing tomorrow”
“Oh, come on! I knew you’d be like that! 당신 said it was fine! I only wasted two minutes! Would 당신 imagine me here….with that dress? Being jammed in between people? Stumbling over my own feet and tumbling, making a spectacle of myself? Is that what 당신 wanted?”
Jess couldn’t hold himself and burst into a wholehearted laugh after witnessing the accurate picture she had made of the whole scene mimicking it with her hands. She did was a natural. He always used to say that.
“Ahah! Ok fine..ahah. 당신 needed to save the face. Got it. But we stopped 의해 your house for FAR 더 많이 than two minutes, at least acknowledge that…”
He eyed her up with a contagious smile on his face. And he was also doing his accent thing. She could tell. "Damn it", he knew she couldn’t say no when he did that.
“Fine” she snapped jokingly “One for each. What do 당신 want me to do to make that up to you?”
He put down his drink, crossing his arms across his chest, wearing a naughty grin
“Well that depends…”
“Jess!!! Stop it!!!” She thumped him in the shoulder but a massive smile erupted on her face too.
“…I was just saying”
“And so, 당신 see? We are screwed. We need to rush things out this year. We still have 6 episodes left and with 당신 having to leave one week earlier for your movie…”
“I am sorry for that Dave, I really am. Maybe I shouldn’t have accepted”
“Hugh please. Don’t. You’re practically married to this show. 당신 deserve to have a life outside the set, 당신 know? I am just…I guess, I am stressed out…you know, with the writers threatening to go on strike once again and the network constantly breathing over my neck….not that I am complaining over anyone of the guys, they are wonderful…but…”
Hugh was having a hard time following David’s little outburst with the necessary attention. He usually wasn’t like this. He was a very self-controlled person, very calm…patient…putting everyone at ease, but this 년 things had slipped out of his hands so to speak, and holidays haven’t apparently being of any help. "The hell with that". They seemed to have been a nightmare for almost everyone…
“You know what I mean?”
What did he mean? About what?
“Yeah absolutely…”
He kept dropping words of agreement randomly for a while, always peering at Lisa sideways. She was chatting still lively with Jess, laughing hard at who knows what kind of joke he was telling her.
They all had to stop 의해 her 집 to let her change and slipped into something more…suitable, as she liked to say. It was a pity: he loved that dress. Although this one…well just a very narrow set of words came to his mind for that and noone of those had any relaxing effect on him.
“I am sorry Hugh…I am truly boring 당신 to death tonight…” David had just realized Hugh was no longer listening to him.
“No, no, no. Forgive me, what where 당신 saying?”
“Never mind. I could use a drink probably” He rushed to the bar before he could say another word, which was a blessing ‘cause he could hardly remember the last thing he had heard about…well, whatever thing he was venting about.
He threw another pensive glance towards Jess and Lisa. They stayed 의해 the railing, leaning out side 의해 side. Two 프렌즈 having a good time. Friends. Just picturing the sound of it was impossible. He loosened his tie and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket. “Don’t be a coward for once in your life…”
“Hey! Here 당신 are! Doris over here, I found them!”
He felt someone seizing his arm. 다음 thing he knew Katie was smiling widely at him.
“So what’s up? Where were 당신 going?” she asked candidly, shrugging excited like someone who’s expecting 당신 to fill her in about the latest gossips of the evening.
“Ehm…I…was…” he stopped mid-sentence, frowning his eyebrows confused “What are 당신 doing here anyway? Thought you’d stay 집 tonight…”
She winked “Change of plans. Girls’night out. David texted me”
That didn’t sound like making much sense as far as the progression of the events was concerned.
“I mean I got a message from David AFTER Doris talked me into having some fun, while 당신 guys were making the crowd aaaaallll go wild” And then she just made some sort of Mexican wave shaking her hands, laughing....leaving Hugh a little wide-eyed speechless for a second.
“Erm…yeah…I think…” his eyes started searching the bustle of people moving around him. David must still be there, somewhere “…I think someone is a bit liquored up here, isn’t she?”
“Oh come on, I am just a little tipsy” she suddenly turned around calling for Doris who was making her way through the crowd carrying two big glasses. But at least she looked sober.
“Here we go…one for me…and one for my mate” she said handing a big glass of red wine to Katie.
“Thank you…”
“I think I am gonna take that, instead” Hugh said snatching it off her hands “We don’t want ‘girls’ night out’ to finish too soon. The night is still young”
Katie pouted for a moment “Fine. I’ll behave” she seized his arm, dragging him away “Let’s tell us about tonight then, I heard 당신 were the 별, 스타 once again”
“Yeah, right…ehm…I was all a-glitter…” he casted one last glance over Lisa and Jess, bending to Doris whispering “Where’s Paul?”
“Business 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 out of town. Thought about taking her out, get her relaxed for a night. Anne is out of town for a casting too…she was feeling lonely” She said shrugging, feeling like justifying herself.
“Great job”
“It’s not my fault if she can’t even drink a 슈프리, 슈프리 처, 슈 프리 쳐 that she ends up like that….”
“A spritzer?? She is like this….with a Spritzer?!” Hugh repeated incredulous “You can’t possibly be serious…”
Katie let loose of his arm “I need to sit down. Those puffes over there look amaaazingly comfortable! Come on, let’s go…"
He rolled eyes at his luck. This wasn’t gonna be quick.
“…and then they started following us. I mean following as in stalking!! Can 당신 believe it?”
“No way!! Two kids? Nooo”
“No, I am dead serious! And then they would sprout out like mushrooms everywhere we went!!”
Jess shook his head disapprovingly, twitching his lips in contempt “LA isn’t the 안전한, 안전 city it used to be anymore…”
“Don’t tease me!! It was annoying…sometimes it feels like I can’t have a private life anymore…”
“Noone of us can”
“Yeah but 당신 don’t get tailed around because you’re 42 and currently single…”
It was exasperating really. There was nothing about her life she managed to hide from the press. Even if she had wanted to keep this John-thing low key there was no way to. Two kids following them around and 다음 thing she knew she would find pictures of the two of them all over the net.
“I am single…but I am not woman” he pointed out.
Lisa turned around, elbows resting on the balcony “What do 당신 mean?”
He shrugged matter-of-factly, turning over too “Well…men are usually allowed to have much 더 많이 of a private life than women, in this business. Unless they happen to mess around EPICALLY, as that Letterman-guy…but even in that case papers started talking only AFTER the blackmailing thing…I mean, if 당신 think about it, some of the major scandals around always concern women. Mostly anyway. Journalists are far 더 많이 merciless with women, so either men are saints…or they are better liars and people are 더 많이 inclined to…well…ehm…close an eye on them and their “screwing”, whatever that might mean. The word is still a chauvinist place Miss…”
Lisa got pensive “Never thought about that this way…”
“Sure”
Hugh in the meanwhile had finally managed to sneak out of sight for a while using the classic “bathroom-time” excuse. “God bless men and their renowned lack of power over their bladder…”
Jess caught sight of him just as he started heading warily in their direction, his eyes fixed on Lisa, barely conscious of what was going on around them.
Yes. Jess and Lisa were friends, very good ones, but there were things she had just never shared with him, either because she wasn’t ready yet 또는 she didn’t want him to get involved, he didn’t know. However, that didn’t mean he hadn’t figured them out on his own.
“Let’s say for instance…” he said assuming the tone and the posture of someone who’s about to give a class on theoretical math “…that there’s a guy who likes a woman. It’s almost disgusting how much he likes her. I mean, he’s hopelessly smitten for her, every single particle of his body has a life of its own when she’s around, ok?” he saw Hugh grabbing a glass of wine along his way “…whether he likes it 또는 not.”
Lisa was following him with a very focused expression, trying to figure out where he was going with that.
He did his best to keep a straight face.
“And this woman, well…she obviously likes him too. A lot. And she just as constitutionally incapable of preventing her eyes from glittering” he drew imaginary sparks in the air “…or her tone from softening…”…and bated his eyelids mockingly.
She hided her face, turning her back at him, looking at the sky “Your point being…?”
She didn’t know what he was hitting at, but her mind had already raced in the wrong direction. “Thank 당신 very much”
He took his time, waiting for Hugh to come closer, waving cheerily at him, as he leaned over closer to whisper into her ear “My point being…noone is ever gonna snooped into the man’s business, that goes against the “Very Secret Code of Chauvinism: how to rule the world”…BUT…” he ogled her in way that left no room to any further doubts “…her 프렌즈 will reserve the right to poke into HER business….” Hugh was almost there. “…later on, as soon as the get the chance to” he cut short, slowly standing straight up to smile at Hugh with the most innocent expression on his face.
Lisa dropped her mouth open in astonishment “Are you…”
“What’s topic here?”
Hugh’s cheerily, casual 질문 coming from behind her back made her almost slide down and off her heels. Let alone the minor heart-attack she had just experienced. She turned and found him standing right in front of her.
Along the years, Lisa had become fairly aware of the fact that she could do everything for him. She could work with him and be his friend. They could laugh and banter, watch 영화 또는 play chess ‘till the middle of the night for 9 월 a year, and she could cope with their relationship being put on hold for 3 weeks at a time, twice 또는 three times a year. She could be there for him, when he silently needed her and she wouldn’t ask for nothing in return.
She could do all of this and it had never been a burden on her.
She could spend a whole evening make him believing they were just fine, ignoring the little bumps her 심장 kept giving 또는 pretending not to feel that shiver running along her spine when he looked at her …exactly as he was doing now.
She could do all of this. ‘Cause she loved him, in every possible sense this word carried.
Just…during the last six months, it had been getting harder. And now, she felt so drained. Once, she would have told herself she was doing it for him, for them…’cause they had got themselves into an impossible situation and already gone too far with it. But now…she didn’t know who she was protecting anymore.
The only thing she hasn’t learnt to do yet…was lying to him. At least, not with her words.
So there she stood, wordless, as his impossibly sky-blue eyes kept darting back and forth between Jess and her, waiting for an answer.
Luckily, Jess wasn’t so politically-correct and he had a savoir faire that really came in handy at times.
“An everlasting topic: privacy. Lisa was just telling me how hard it is to cover one’s private relationships in LA, can 당신 believe it?”
Hugh’s expression was unreadable: no light in his eyes whatsoever “I actually can. 당신 can’t live in this city for too many years…it drives 당신 crazy”
His eyes drifted on her for a moment, then back on Jess.
“So…where’s your date?”
Jess scoffed, taking a sip out of his drink “She is not my date” He said, spelling the last word with the contemptuousness of one that judges it too much of a big word.
Lisa eyed him condescendingly “Mmm…right. Not a date”
“This is NOT a date, she is…just a girl I met. Means nothing”
“Who said it does?” Hugh prompted ganging up with her. Pathetic as it might sound, this made him feel a little closer to her “Why are 당신 getting all worked up anyway?”
“I am not…” Jess bit his lower lip rubbing a hand over his hair “Just stop it ok!! Both of you!!” he said gesturing toward them as in “pooling them” together.
A faint smile touched Lisa’s lips as she realized how foolish it was that feeling of emptiness that was slowly stirring up inside her. She felt like she was mourning over something lost, that she had never really had though.
Hugh emptied his still half-full glass of wine in one shot.
“Whatever…you don’t have a date. Where is she anyway?” He’d better muster up the courage before someone called the night off. All he had to do was clear the ground. The 질문 was how….his mind was pounding ”Focus damn it. Think straight”
“Here we go…” Jess patted his shoulder handing him his glass, forgetting all about the 날짜 stuff, just focused on his not-a-date 날짜 who had just showed up at the bar “Show’s on. Wish me luck”
He left in a flash brushing his hair back. Hugh and Lisa looked at each other.
Maybe, for once, the universe had decided to cooperate.
“So…how’s your evening going so far?”
Hugh swept to her side leaning 다음 to her “You know, the usual: avoiding the obnoxious conversations, offering David a well-formed, brawny shoulder he could cry on…saving the day….rescuing drunk people…” he trailed off smiling. So far, so good: a faint smile was starting touching the corners of her eyes.
“Saving the day, uh?” she lifted her chin at him with a defiant attitude, slightly parting her lips. He outlined their perfect contour with his eyes. He could have written a book on the way those lips moved and never get tired of studying them.
“Ehm…yeah…” It took him a moment to recover “Why does everybody always just focus on the minor achievements and forget about the rescuing part, anyway? There must be something in the way I tell it, ‘cause Robert had the very same reaction….”
“Someone got drunk?”
“Katie yeah…”
“She’s here?”
“Yep. Arrived with Doris an 시간 ago”
“Is she ok? Maybe we should go and see if…”
A 불, 화재 alarm went off in his ears “Oh, no she’ll be fine…she’s 더 많이 like caught into…some sort of merry, perky cheerfulness”
“Ahah, ok then. If 당신 say so…”
There was a long silence. It wasn’t really long actually but it was one of those silence that you’d never want to fall upon you. One of those silences that nurse something inside them. One of those silences that made Lisa’s 심장 race faster and Hugh’s palms sweat uncontrollably.
“Lisa…”
She jumped on her feet panicking “Maybe we should get inside, it’s getting chilly out here…”
He seized her 의해 one arm forcing her to turn to face him “Shall we talk for a minute?”
Her 심장 gave another bump. Her breathing stopped: the most perfect set of blue, piercing, melting eyes were staring right into hers.
She took his hand off her arm, gently but firmly enough to cause a sudden wave of heart-wrenching pain to flood his chest.
“I don’t think it’s neither the time…nor the place…”
She had never seen that expression on Hugh’s face. He looked calm but desperate at the same time. And it scared her. Made her nervous.
“I don’t care”
He took a step closer, getting almost face to face with her, obliging her to push him away. She cautiously looked around, hoping for noone to have noticed that.
“You should care”
“Why?”
“’Cause you’re married”
“I am not anymore”
“Yes 당신 are”
“No”
“Yes!”
He snorted and his lips hardened into a tight line. Why was she being so stubborn about it?
“Shall we talk somewhere else 더 많이 private?”
Lisa had eventually raised her voiced a little too high, causing some people to turn around exchanging quick looks. She walked away from him, annoyed and angry at herself, stopping 의해 the balcony.
Hugh bit his lips “Lisa, please…”
She turned, eyes closed and head down.
“Let’s go downstairs” Their eyes met and he understood immediately “Don’t worry. I checked. There’s noone down there. We should be alone”
Lisa began to get down with unsteady steps, moving carefully as she passed 의해 him, her ankle still bothering her.
He reached for her hand “Let me help you…”
“I am fine. I can do it 의해 myself” She forced a grateful smile on her lips but she didn’t know whether she was being convincing this time. One thing was having to get slowly used to the thought it was over, another one was having to deal with facing him like this.
She gathered her strength trying to steady her breathing.
They reached the end of the flight. Lisa threw one last glance around to be sure noone was paying attention to them for real. She relaxed a little bit and turned her steps towards the bower. Hugh kept silent, just following her movements, waiting for her finally to stop.
“Fine. Here we are…”
It was the first time he saw that expression on her: the composure of her face…the way she kept her eyes wide-opened fixed on him...she looked like a bird trapped in a cage.
“Why are 당신 doing like this?” Hugh demanded.
“Like what?” .
“Like we don’t matter anymore…”
“Like we…what are 당신 talking about? When did I give 당신 that impression?”
He pressed his lips struggling to organize all the thoughts that had been piling up in his head for days. It wasn’t easy: they were like urging to come out all at once and he seemed incapable to push them back and bring them up one at a time.
“Tonight for instance. Yesterday. 또는 during the last two months. I don’t’ know!! Just pick one!!”
He startled at the tone of his own voice, realizing how much sarcasm, resentfulness and bitterness he had put into that.
Lisa narrowed her eyes, hanging her mouth open, mystified…hurt 의해 his words much deeper than she would have wanted to.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she shook her head almost out of breath already “this is not fair…you know how much I care about us. 당신 run away last time, didn’t even give me a chance to….”
“…to what? Explain?! What could 당신 possibly explain to me?” he got a step closer, raising his voice. This wasn’t gonna work. Not like this. He knew that. But it was like some self-destructive part of him were taking him over against his own will
“Explain me, what? No, please tell me…Maybe, how had I ended up at your house on a chilly, bloody winter morning to find out 당신 have moved on on me? 또는 how had it happened that while I was having the worst time of my life back in 런던 당신 were making new friends?”
Lisa stared at him with wide eyes. The most fine. Gorgeous. Breathaking. Heartbreaking sad set of grey eyes he had ever seen in his life, her lips trembling. He didn’t mean to snap at her that way. He didn’t want this to be like this…
Lisa kept quite, not even trying to argue. She knew he didn’t mean the things he was saying, at least not in the way he was phrasing them, but she couldn’t help thinking. What if she had 로스트 him…both ways? What if they couldn’t even be 프렌즈 anymore? She let herself drop on a bench and wrapped her arms around her legs, curling up on herself and resting one cheek on her knees.
Hugh rubbed both hands over his neck, frustrated at the turn the conversation had taken.
“I am sorry Lisa…I shouldn’t have”
She pursued her lips tightly into a straight line, making herself even tinier on the large bench
“That’s hardly the point Hugh…”
“Then what’s the point?”
He looked at her with pleading eyes, waiting. Eventually, he took step closer, crouching in front of her, gently lifting her chin up to make her look at him “Liz…please, talk to me…” He softened his tone, hoping this would make her forget about his horrible outburst of a few 분 ago; and hopefully bring a tiny little smile on her lips “…tell me how I ended up at your house on a chilly, bloody, winter morning telling 당신 I left my wife and 당신 told ME it was not so simple anymore”.
But her face didn’t light up this time. Quite the opposite: it clouded even more.
“Did 당신 agree for divorce?” she asked abruptly.
“Well, no…not yet. We fight, I left. Told Jo I couldn’t keep up with this façade anymore…”
She scoffed “Then this doesn’t change anything”
He snapped straight up pointing at his left hand “This is crazy…I PUT OFF MY RING! I have never been 더 많이 serious about it!”
Silent strings of tears started rolling down her cheeks. She slowly lifted up her head, her eyes soared with tears, her 심장 shattered in pieces as she realized she was about to tell him all about what she had never dared to hold against him.
“Oh yeah? Never been 더 많이 serious?” she spitted out disdainfully “Then what about last fall? What about last summer?”
“You know that’s not what I meant….”
She nodded sarcastically pursing her lips, letting the tears streaming down her face, giving up on fighting them “Of course…and tell me, what do 당신 think it will happen when Jo shows up once again as she did for the Emmys, asking 당신 to save your marriage? Pleading 당신 to come back with her…sort things out?”
“Lisa…”
“Don’t “Lisa” me” she was like a river in flood. All the feelings she had been repressing for months were overflowing and she didn’t know how to stop this “…and 당신 know what the funny thing is? I don’t even resent you…” she was getting frantic and Hugh would have wanted to know a way to calm her down “…‘cause, deep down inside, I KNOW you’re the most selfless person in the world, and anything you’ve done, 또는 haven’t, didn’t come from any lack of respect 또는 love…” she swallowed hard on that word, trailing off.
It was almost unreal the gnawing sense of discouragement he was feeling. How did they get to this point?
“What do 당신 think will be left of us when you’ll tell me 당신 owe that to your marriage…once again?”
Hugh felt like the world was falling upon him “This is not going to happen…”
“Yeah right…’cause 당신 put off your ring”
“No, because it’s different this time….”
She let out a sneer “That’s a real counter-argument”
“Lisa…I…”
“No Hugh, I am begging you…” she buried her face in her hands “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be your co-worker, your friend, your lover and then again just your co-worker and not even your friend anymore. I can’t go through it all once again…I…”
Her voice cracked and she had to take a deep breath summing up all her strength to voice this. She had thought it through a lot. Now all she needed to do was saying it. It was the most logical thing to do, both for her and for him.
She lifted her eyes, composing her face “…I can’t keep waiting for 당신 to make up your mind; just waiting 집 for your wife to win 당신 back over guilt or…love” The doubt had always haunted her. Maybe he didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe…maybe he was still in 사랑 with Jo somehow. What if what there was between them wouldn’t ever be enough? Hadn’t been enough?
“I can’t go through it all once again, Hugh…I feel drained. Warned out. I am not the same person anymore….”
Hugh dropped his head down, defeated. He couldn’t think of anything to say that actually made sense. 또는 a difference.
He hated himself for having hurt her so much.
He hated that they weren’t they same they used to be.
He hated that he couldn’t talk her into believing in him.
He hated seeing her like this…
He slid on the other side of the bench, 다음 to her, sighing with resignation “What do 당신 want me to do, then?”
She swallowed back her last tears, tensing. “I don’t want to screw things up anymore. I just want us to be friends…”
“A fresh start…”
“Yes…”
He tossed his head backwards, repeating the word in his head. Friends. The sound was just as awful as he had pictured it. A faint, sorrowful smile touched his lips. He lifted his head to look her in the eyes “So, the exquisite irony of it all….is that we 당신 can’t take another chance on me…because the steaks are too high”
Lisa couldn’t answer. She just rocked her body, getting closer to him ever so slightly.
“May I ask for a one last wish?”
“Hugh…I don’t think…”
“It’s not what 당신 think…”
“Then what…”
He silenced her with a finger on her lips: they were warm and smooth. He delicately brushed a thumb upon them, trying to retain the feeling of their softness, looking into her eyes as hadn’t done in months.
“May I?”
It all had started like this, with the very same question. And now, it all was ending just like this, in the very same way. A perfect circle. She silently burst into tears once again, breaking down for the very first time in months, nodding….just as she had done that time.
He wrapped one arm around her holding her closer, gently 키싱 her forehead and nuzzled his mouth into her hairs, inhaling their scent.
“Let me just bring this memory with me”.
