Chapter Two: Stay. Never Let Me Go

Mishaps are like knives, that either serve us 또는 cut us, as we grasp them 의해 the blade 또는 the handle.
-- James Russell Lowell



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It's been five days since my last meeting with Courtney which was the same 일 she told me that she was marrying the guy her dad wanted her to and she was going to today. I haven't talked to her since then. I was depressed because I 사랑 her and I can't bare myself to see her be wedded off to another guy that isn't me. When she told me the only thing I could do was tell her that everything will be okay and that when she gets older that she'll find someone that she loves and they'll get a divorce. Then she told me that she already found someone that she loves and that sent a stab to my heart. I was hoping that she would say me, but those words never escaped her lips. Honestly, I was begging for the 답변 that she and only she could give me.

Which makes me think, why was she crying? Was she crying because she was marrying someone she doesn't love? 또는 somewhere deep inside her 심장 she feels the same way about me? Does she really want to be with me the way I really want to be with her? Is it possible that what I'm feeling is just a myth?

So many 질문 run through my mind every single time I think of her and that Unholy day. I still hold onto the letter she gave me before she ran 집 to prepare herself. I'm assuming that 사랑 makes 당신 a different person. But, I don't want to accept that she's gone and probably never coming back.

I held the letter tighter in my hands never wanting to let go of the only piece of her I have left. My fingertips still tingle from when my fingers grazed through her maine. The words of her letter still replays in my mind. I was nearly scared to death of what she left in paragraphs. Of thousands of words that were nearly over us. And, I still can't forget when she turned around and grabbed her bags.

I forced myself to stop thinking about her and to go on about my walk. I walked to the 바닷가, 비치 and sat down in the sand my arms folded around my knees and up to my chest. So, I'll be here 의해 the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. Just waiting for someone to tell me that all of this isn't happening. Like all my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes and every waves drag me to sea.

I could stand here for hours to ask the God the question: Is everyone here make-believe? Then with a tear in his voice He said "Son, that's the question.". Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

The lack of her voice is killing me deeply and does that mean anything to anyone? But now, I'm starting to wonder was it something that I did wrong for her to not even call me anymore 또는 even talk to me at school?

For now it seems as if hours 옮기기 to 분 and the 분 take longer to break. I will be desperately waiting just for her to come back. I hope that where ever she will go that she will wait for me. But, for it seems that this current is moving too slow for me. This much 당신 must know, we'll meet again. Oh, and El, I'll have 당신 know I'm scared to death.

I looked up to the sky and sucked in a lung full of breath and continued to stare at the emptiness. Although there may be nothing to see, I hope he will let her know to never forget me...then again, she's leaving everything behind especially Our spot.

No longer was I feeling gloomy and in my Fuck My Life state, I felt the malice grow in my veins and how my 심장 was swelling with hatred in her name. She's leaving everything like nothing ever mattered! I clenched my fists and stood up and ran home. Not only was she leaving me but Bridgette, Gwen, Trent, and Geoff. Oh God Geoff, that was like his little sister. Who could do such a thing? To their friends, just ditch them and leave like none of the shit that they've been doing for the whole fucking school 년 never even crossed their mind that leaving would have such an impact on those around?

***

I reached my house 5 분 later, I was in such a rush that I didn't even feel the yell of my lungs searching for air. I ran to my room and gathered all the pictures that we took together when we were on good terms. I grabbed a nearby trash can that I never used until now and I started throwing away pictures that I never should have taken in the first place. It's cold in my apartment as I'm changing all the brightest reds to greys. I growled low from all the pictures that we took when we became 프렌즈 but I must say that we were never 프렌즈 until junior year. Freshman 년 I hated her and she hated me, but that hate grew into a 사랑 hate situation and one that only we knew understood and never questioned. I looked at the clock that was sitting on my nightstand and it's 3 o'clock Monday morning and I'm just hoping and praying that she's not seeing his face, cause I have known long enough that it was him that took my place.

I hope this makes her fucking happy, happy that she left me when I 사랑 her. So, I hope she's happy that the flame we had is burning out and I hope she loves her pictures facing down. But, even broken hearts may have their doubts. I brushed that thought away and grabbed my lighter and set a little 불, 화재 in the trash can and I'm burning the letter wishing that I might forget her. A bad taste that she left when she was leaving me; alive but barely breathing as she walked out of Our spot.

Does it seem like all this is like a song? She dropped the note and we changed key. She changed herself and I changed me. Though, I really didn't see us 노래 through this. Then she screamed the bridge and I cried the verse. And, our chorus came out unrehearsed then she smiled the whole way through it, I guess maybe that's what's worse. Worse because this isn't at all how I wanted things to happen. I walked to my shelf and took away all our memories. I don't need her 또는 anybody else. I'd rather die than be with her!

I clutched my hair and sat down on my 침대 and pulled my hair, not enough to make me bald but enough for me to feel pain. Sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling sorrow. Even broken hearts has their doubts came back into my mind.

She makes breaking hearts look so easy.