100 Rules of Anime
The laws of 아니메 is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how 아니메 physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that 당신 find them useful to studying Anime, 또는 at the very least, worth good chuckle.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone 또는 something jumps, is
thrown, 또는 otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced 의해 a factor of 4.
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few 초 before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, 또는 someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of 아니메 Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of 아니메 Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, 초 Law of 아니메 Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" 또는 "impressive". Time slows down when 프렌즈 and
연인들 are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, 또는 it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence 또는 why the 토스트 always lands 버터 side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, 아니메
히어로즈 또는 villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone 또는 cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", 또는 something.
#8 - 초 Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames 또는 black screens with a 슬래쉬 of bright color
(usually red 또는 white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
초 Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha 또는 우주 craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The 더 많이 "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone 또는 do any real damage.
초 Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic 불, 화재 and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit 의해 enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder 또는 arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything 더 많이 strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, 또는 doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
*Fourth Corollary- The 더 많이 times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other 수퍼내츄럴 creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green 또는 brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt 의해 bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion 또는 a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, 또는 wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in 아니메 appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" 또는 a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are 더 많이 stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
초 Corollary- The only people who are 더 많이 stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking 또는 eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship 또는 mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning 또는
explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in 아니메 is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, 또는 explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way 당신 deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in 아니메 follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially 또는 meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds 또는 torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a 샤워 for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous 샤워 Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All 아니메 characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy 또는 warm clothing in snow.
초 Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- 비키니 render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
또는 any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a 불, 화재 또는 ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
아니메 Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much 더 많이 "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All 아니메 females have an
extrasdimensional storage 우주 of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because 아니메 characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, 또는 worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately 당신 want to be successful. The 더 많이 당신 want, the
less 당신 get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in 아니메 don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden 또는 bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done 의해 a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long 또는 involved the
transformation sequence 또는 how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume 또는 wearing a teensy
mask can make 당신 utterly unrecognizable to even your closest 프렌즈 and relatives.
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All 아니메 characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot 또는
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of 불, 화재 behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If 당신 get electrocuted 또는
burned, 당신 WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, 초 later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, 또는 ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, 또는 tank blast, 또는 if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball 또는 whatever, to the head, body 또는 whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)
*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) 아니메 artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, 또는 wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai 팬 are under the same impression.
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long 또는 involved the Spell 또는 projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done 의해 the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, 또는 how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some 아니메 characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), 또는
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.
+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man 또는 alien. 또는 the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is 연기 too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan 또는 something.
+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with 또는 exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
초 Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, 또는 superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken 의해 the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" 의해 the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already 로스트 and cannot use the device.
+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. 더 많이 so if the case is a blonde woman.
+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be 더 많이 accurate
when compared to "standard" 또는 lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)
+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a 날짜 despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)
+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, 또는 otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.
+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny 또는 not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)
+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal 또는 greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased 의해 an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
초 Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from 우주 will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable 의해 a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased 의해 a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset 의해
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex 또는 well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
초 Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from 또는
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, 또는 "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.
+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl 또는 anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge 아니메 Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)
+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a 십자가, 크로스 fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear 의해 the character’s 다음 scene.
+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against 의해 holding a suitably cool-looking
sword 또는 other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in 판타지 and martial arts anime.
+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying 수퍼내츄럴 forces that would drive most men mad, 아니메
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed 의해 them, especially if they are beautiful girls 또는 men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, 또는
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.
+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)
+#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.
*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable 당신 to become so strong, that 당신 can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...
*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make 당신 instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.
*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai 아니메 is to start having sex.
*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.
*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
의해 the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!
*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and 더 많이 cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)
*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor 벨트 leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.
*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm 또는 arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All 아니메 men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai 아니메 women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.
*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All 히어로즈 are introduced 의해 way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, 또는 의해 way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.
*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any 아니메 either Shojo 또는 Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot 의해 penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied 의해 a
Dog, Cat 또는 any kind of animal, real 또는 fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
초 Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied 의해
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, 또는 some disgustingly cute monster, 또는 any kind of animal,
real 또는 fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.
*#94- Law of The Force- Most 아니메 히어로즈 are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it 또는 makes things like
bullets 또는 debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All 아니메 Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped 또는 molested 의해 tentacles, Hentai 아니메
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
초 Corollary- Women who are impregnated 의해 a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.
*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, 당신 can follow it
from a distance just 의해 watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")
*#97- Law of Healing- Most 아니메 히어로즈 have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound 또는 broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne 또는
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways 또는 not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy 또는 not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, 또는 abstract circles of pastel 색깔 appear around said
character, 또는 both. 장미 with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: 아니메 characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
*#100- Law of 아니메 Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
((Credit: Insane Advocate):
The laws of 아니메 is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how 아니메 physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that 당신 find them useful to studying Anime, 또는 at the very least, worth good chuckle.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone 또는 something jumps, is
thrown, 또는 otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced 의해 a factor of 4.
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few 초 before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, 또는 someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of 아니메 Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of 아니메 Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, 초 Law of 아니메 Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" 또는 "impressive". Time slows down when 프렌즈 and
연인들 are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, 또는 it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence 또는 why the 토스트 always lands 버터 side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, 아니메
히어로즈 또는 villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone 또는 cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", 또는 something.
#8 - 초 Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames 또는 black screens with a 슬래쉬 of bright color
(usually red 또는 white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
초 Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha 또는 우주 craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The 더 많이 "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone 또는 do any real damage.
초 Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic 불, 화재 and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit 의해 enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder 또는 arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything 더 많이 strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, 또는 doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
*Fourth Corollary- The 더 많이 times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other 수퍼내츄럴 creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green 또는 brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt 의해 bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion 또는 a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, 또는 wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in 아니메 appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" 또는 a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are 더 많이 stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
초 Corollary- The only people who are 더 많이 stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking 또는 eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship 또는 mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning 또는
explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in 아니메 is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, 또는 explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way 당신 deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in 아니메 follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially 또는 meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds 또는 torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a 샤워 for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous 샤워 Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All 아니메 characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy 또는 warm clothing in snow.
초 Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- 비키니 render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
또는 any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a 불, 화재 또는 ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
아니메 Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much 더 많이 "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All 아니메 females have an
extrasdimensional storage 우주 of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because 아니메 characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, 또는 worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately 당신 want to be successful. The 더 많이 당신 want, the
less 당신 get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in 아니메 don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden 또는 bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done 의해 a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long 또는 involved the
transformation sequence 또는 how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume 또는 wearing a teensy
mask can make 당신 utterly unrecognizable to even your closest 프렌즈 and relatives.
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All 아니메 characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot 또는
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of 불, 화재 behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If 당신 get electrocuted 또는
burned, 당신 WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, 초 later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, 또는 ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, 또는 tank blast, 또는 if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball 또는 whatever, to the head, body 또는 whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)
*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) 아니메 artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, 또는 wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai 팬 are under the same impression.
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long 또는 involved the Spell 또는 projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done 의해 the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, 또는 how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some 아니메 characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), 또는
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.
+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man 또는 alien. 또는 the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is 연기 too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan 또는 something.
+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with 또는 exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
초 Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, 또는 superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken 의해 the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" 의해 the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already 로스트 and cannot use the device.
+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. 더 많이 so if the case is a blonde woman.
+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be 더 많이 accurate
when compared to "standard" 또는 lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)
+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a 날짜 despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)
+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, 또는 otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.
+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny 또는 not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)
+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal 또는 greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased 의해 an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
초 Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from 우주 will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable 의해 a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased 의해 a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset 의해
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex 또는 well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
초 Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from 또는
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, 또는 "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.
+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl 또는 anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge 아니메 Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)
+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a 십자가, 크로스 fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear 의해 the character’s 다음 scene.
+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against 의해 holding a suitably cool-looking
sword 또는 other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in 판타지 and martial arts anime.
+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying 수퍼내츄럴 forces that would drive most men mad, 아니메
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed 의해 them, especially if they are beautiful girls 또는 men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, 또는
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.
+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)
+#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.
*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable 당신 to become so strong, that 당신 can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...
*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make 당신 instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.
*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai 아니메 is to start having sex.
*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.
*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
의해 the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!
*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and 더 많이 cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)
*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor 벨트 leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.
*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm 또는 arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All 아니메 men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai 아니메 women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.
*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All 히어로즈 are introduced 의해 way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, 또는 의해 way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.
*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any 아니메 either Shojo 또는 Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot 의해 penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied 의해 a
Dog, Cat 또는 any kind of animal, real 또는 fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
초 Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied 의해
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, 또는 some disgustingly cute monster, 또는 any kind of animal,
real 또는 fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.
*#94- Law of The Force- Most 아니메 히어로즈 are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it 또는 makes things like
bullets 또는 debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All 아니메 Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped 또는 molested 의해 tentacles, Hentai 아니메
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
초 Corollary- Women who are impregnated 의해 a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.
*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, 당신 can follow it
from a distance just 의해 watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")
*#97- Law of Healing- Most 아니메 히어로즈 have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound 또는 broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne 또는
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways 또는 not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy 또는 not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, 또는 abstract circles of pastel 색깔 appear around said
character, 또는 both. 장미 with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: 아니메 characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
*#100- Law of 아니메 Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
((Credit: Insane Advocate):
