I've messed up big time.

I've self harmed a bit over the past two years. I was really depressed. Then it went away for a long time, and a while 이전 it came back real bad. I told my friend, who is also my youth director at church about it. I thought I could trust her, until she said we need to tell my parents. She came over yesterday, and we talked for a long time, and then she helped me tell my parents.
I just feel so bad. My mom can't even look at me, and I know I've really hurt her. I know nothing I can do will make it better.
But I also feel bad for my friend who helped me tell my parents. She really cares about me, and all I did was argue with her and yell at her, begging her not to, and saying I wish I'd never told her.
I don't know how to apologize to them. I am getting better with the self harm, and I start to get better with my depression, until I think about how I hurt them. My friend said there's nothing to be sorry about, and that she's not mad. But I can't help feeling like a bitch, because I know I was one.
And I'm also scared about recovery. I don't want to have to go to a hospital. And my mom said she had felt the same way when she was my age, and it had turned out it was thyroid cancer, which is hereditary and one of the symptoms is depression.
I am so 로스트 right now.