I was even 더 많이 of a mess after that. I thought it was bad before. This was just incomparable. Before, I still had hope, even if it was only a tiny splinter. Now, I had no hope, with confirmation from Blake himself. I spent many nights venting to Kara, who listened intently, and offered 조언 when necessary.
"Honey, I promised it'll all get better soon," she said quietly. I prayed that she was right.
Then spring break came. When I wasn't working, I was at home. When I wasn't at home, I was working. Not the best spring break I've ever had. Then Gwen's party came around. I was about to call her and say I couldn't go; I wasn't in the mood for a party. But I thought for a while. It'd probably have the most fun in a long time. Why not?
I went to Gwen's house, instantly feeling out of place. There were lots of people that I recognized from school, but most I couldn't match a name to the face. Others I had no idea who they were.
"Irina!" Gwen said. She came over and gave me a hug. A lot of people around us looked at her like she was crazy. She ignored them graciously. "I'm so sorry things didn't work out..." she frowned. I shrugged.
"It's fine... It's not your fault."
"Well, I know, but... And I'm also sorry because...." she paused for a while. "Mateo brought Blake." I mentally kicked myself. I knew this was a bad idea. Mateo is Gwen's boyfriend for crying out loud. Of course he'd be here, and of course he'd bring his best friend. Gwen looked behind her. "Oh! There 당신 are!" she said. She turned back to me. "Stay here." She ran off after someone.
She brought back Mateo.
"Tell her," she ordered. He looked down at me, and frowned.
"Irina, I'm sorry," he said. "I... I guess I was just mad that Blake was spending so much time with you. When Heidi said she had a plan to break 당신 two up, I... I just wanted my friend back."
"It's fine now," I said quietly. "It's over."
"Hey, man, I've been looking all over f---" I looked back up. It was Blake. He came in a patted Mateo on the shoulder. He stopped when he saw me, his face becoming agitated. I turned around and left before any of them could say anything.
I stayed at the party for a couple hours, mostly keeping to myself, and also avoiding Blake. It was like school all over again. Then after a while, I just couldn't take it. I went and found Gwen. She was with Mateo, who of course was with Blake. I ignored him.
"Sorry, Gwen. I gotta go home." She stood up and gave me a hug.
"Oh, that's ok! Thanks for coming! Call me if 당신 ever want to hang out." I nodded and left. I felt like I could finally breathe when I got in my car. Still, I ached for a bottle of beer. I'd even drink wine if I had to; I hate that stuff.
***
I finally had the chance to drink one day.
"Irina, we're taking Hera to the movies, and then we're going out for 피자 and ice cream. Do 당신 want to come?" Dad asked. I shook my head no. "Alright. See 당신 tonight." They left. I waited for about a half hour, to make sure they didn't come back in case they forgot anything. Then I went to the basement fridge, where Dad kept the bottles of 맥주 that he never drinks. I took out a bottle, and took a big sip.
Before I knew it, I had drank six full bottles. I huddled over the toilet, vomiting profusely. I vomited for about an hour, much longer than I usually do. My breathing slowed down once I was done, and even through when I started to panic. I probably over did it with the amount of 맥주 I drank. What if I had alcohol poisoning? I started to freak out more, not knowing what to do. I remembered hearing that it can be deadly. I tried to think of what to do, before the alcohol kicks in fully and I'm just an incoherent drunk. I quickly took out my cellphone, and went through the very few numbers, looking for the right one. Dad, no. Kara, no. Briar, I wish. Grandma, funny. Blake, hell no. Finally, I found Gwen's contact.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Gwn... Ay need 당신 to... tike me to da hofpitol," I mumbled, starting to feel dizzy. There was a long pause, as she tried to put my jumbled words together.
"You need to go to the hospital?" she asked.
"Uh-huh."
"Oh my God! Are 당신 ok?"
"Naw really..." Gwen started to panic too.
"Uh, ok, ok... But, I don't have a car! Mine's being repaired!" Tears started to fill my eyes.
"Buh I need you...." I said. What was I going to do now?!
"Uh, don't worry! I'll find someone! I'll be there soon!" She hung up. I sat on the bathroom tile, trying to stay conscious. I tried to take 더 많이 deep breaths, but it felt almost impossible. I felt like I was freezing, but when I wiped my forehead, it was beaded in sweat. About a half 시간 later, I heard someone come in. I hoped it was Gwen.
***
I could've sworn it was Drew that was there. He came in, holding a 칼, 나이프 and smiling at me. I screamed and thrashed out at him, but he picked me up, unphased. He carried me out, cradling me like an infant, outside. There were two graves, which were clearly marked Annaliese and Brandon. There was another grave 다음 to it, where the hole was dug up and new. The headstone read, "Irina." He tossed me in, and fell six feet under.
I woke up, startled. I took deep breaths, and looked around. I was in the hospital. I took 더 많이 deep breaths, and closed my eyes, relieved.
"Hey," a voice said quietly. My eyes snapped open. It was Gwen. "You're awake," she smiled.
"Oh my God... Thank 당신 so much, Gwen! If it weren't for you, I..." I would've died, that's for sure.
"Hey, I'm just glad you're ok," she smiled. "And, if it weren't for Blake, I wouldn't have been able to get you." I did a double take.
"Wait, what?" I asked.
"Well, I originally called Mateo for a ride, but he was at a family get together. Then he called Blake, and said 당신 were in danger. He offered to give me a ride to your house." None of this was making sense. Was I still hallucinating? Gwen practically read my thoughts. She laughed. "Yes, you're still awake... 당신 must've had a nightmare 또는 something. Blake was carrying 당신 out to the truck, and 당신 kept kicking around and screaming 'put me down' and muttering the name 'Drew.'" My face turned pink.
"I... I was just having really bad hallucinations."
"I guess so," she said. I looked around the room. No Blake. I sighed a breath of relief. "He's in the cafeteria, getting us all something to eat. He was smart and assumed you'd be hungry. Y'know, after 당신 had your stomach pumped and all...." Just then Blake came in, holding a tray of food. He barely looked at me as he crossed the room.
"Here, I got 당신 a slice of pizza," he said to Gwen, handing her a plate. She thanked him and took it. He took another plate of pizza, and put it on the side table. He delicately put the tray on my lap. He got me 팬케이크 and a 블루 베리, 블루베리 muffin.
"Thanks," I muttered. We began eating our food, and talked a little. I talked to Gwen. Blake talked to Gwen. Gwen talked to the both of us. But Blake and I avoided conversation for about a half hour. Blake mentioned to Gwen how his old friend, Claire, moved back into town; he hadn't seen her for years. I rolled my eyes. After a while, he cleared his throat.
"Um, Gwen? Do 당신 mind if I talk to Irina alone for a while?" he asked. My 심장 skipped a beat, and I felt my face flush. I did not want to do this. I looked at Gwen, my eyes pleading. She looked confused for a while, then shrugged.
"Uh, sure." She stood up and left. Dammit. She closed the door behind her. I began fiddling with my fingers, staring intently at them. Blake cleared his throat again.
"How're 당신 feeling?" he asked after a long awkward silence. I shrugged.
"Fine," I mumbled. He sighed.
"Irina, I can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?" I pouted. I still refused to look up. He put his hand on my knee, and waited for me to look at him, but I still didn't.
"Pretending I don't 사랑 you." I shifted my leg, and he took his hand away. I folded my arms stubbornly. "Irina, would 당신 please look at me?" he asked. I bit my lip, then finally looked up. It made me feel worse, seeing him. It was bad enough hearing him rub it in how he loved me, but didn't want to be with me. Now I had to look at him too?
"What are 당신 getting at?" I asked, trying to sound annoyed. He took a deep breath.
"I was once told that 당신 can't live without something that 당신 think about everyday," he said. I returned my eyes to my fumbling fingers. Why was he torturing me like this? He must know that I still loved him. "I don't want to try to live without 당신 anymore. It's impossible." If 당신 can't live without me, I thought, then why aren't 당신 dead yet? He pursed his lips. "Unless.... You've moved on?" I nearly choked. How could he think that. I just shook my head.
"No," I whispered. He took one of my hands in his. His touch was electrifying.
"What I did was stupid, hurtful, and crazy. Can 당신 forgive me?" I looked back up at him, into his dark brown eyes. I could only nod. He sighed. "Thank you." Then he leaned in and kissed me.
"Oops," a voice said. He pulled away quick. It was Gwen, blushing almost as much as Blake and I. "Sorry!" she squealed. She smiled and waved, before leaving again and closing the door. Blake came close and kissed me some more.
I was in a shit-load of trouble when I got home. I insisted that my curiosity got the best of me, and I overdid it. Well, at least the last part was true.
"You have no idea how lucky 당신 are, young lady," Dad said in the car ride home. I wanted to go back with Blake, but of course Dad objected. "Do 당신 know how close 당신 could've been to dying?!" Very. He ranted on and on the whole way home. "You are grounded! I don't care that it's spring break! Two months!" I didn't complain. Everything seemed better now, nothing seemed to corrode my mood.
I went straight to my room, as I was told. A half 시간 later, Kara came in to talk to me.
"Honey, please don't ever do that again. Do 당신 have any idea how scary that was? The doctor said if 당신 had gotten to the hospital only fifteen 분 later, 당신 probably wouldn't have survived." My eyes widened. They hadn't told me that.
"I'm sorry," I said. I reached over and gave her a hug. It was kind of weird. Only a 월 이전 I never would have gotten this close to Kara. Now, it was just a natural occurrence. I smiled. "Blake and I are back together." I explained to her a while 이전 about the whole cheating misunderstanding, and also how Blake still didn't want to get back together. She let a smile slip.
"Well, I'm happy that it all worked out." She stood up to go. "But please, don't ever do that again." I nodded.
"I won't. Promise."
"Dinner's almost ready. Let's go."
After dinner, I was sent to take a shower, and then go straight to bed. It was only 8:30. I laid in bed, my hair dripping all over my 셔츠 and pillow, trying to sleep. Then, almost literally, I was saved 의해 the bell. My phone buzzed on the night stand. It was Blake.
"Hey," I answered. I sat up in the darkness, and wrapped my free arm around my knees.
"Hey," he said back. "How much trouble are 당신 in?"
"A lot," I sighed. "I'm grounded for two months." There was a pause.
"Hmm... Do 당신 have to work tomorrow?" he asked.
"No?" He laughed.
"Well, I think 당신 do." It took me a couple seconds, then I got it.
"Ok," I laughed. We talked for a while, then we got to the topic of how we were while we were temporarily broken up. Blake admitted he was a mess as well, but he tried to cover it up at school. I admitted that eventually, I just gave up on trying to cover it up.
"Just out of curiosity, who'd 당신 think I was cheating on 당신 with?" I wondered. It was all forgiven and forgotten now, so I wasn't really that worried about asking.
"Skye," he answered. I nearly choked.
"Are 당신 serious?" I laughed. "Skye?!"
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking," he admitted.
"Apparently not." We talked a little more, then before I knew it, it was midnight. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. I 사랑 you. Sleep well," he said before he hung up.
I dreamed peacefully that night, for the first time in a month.
"Honey, I promised it'll all get better soon," she said quietly. I prayed that she was right.
Then spring break came. When I wasn't working, I was at home. When I wasn't at home, I was working. Not the best spring break I've ever had. Then Gwen's party came around. I was about to call her and say I couldn't go; I wasn't in the mood for a party. But I thought for a while. It'd probably have the most fun in a long time. Why not?
I went to Gwen's house, instantly feeling out of place. There were lots of people that I recognized from school, but most I couldn't match a name to the face. Others I had no idea who they were.
"Irina!" Gwen said. She came over and gave me a hug. A lot of people around us looked at her like she was crazy. She ignored them graciously. "I'm so sorry things didn't work out..." she frowned. I shrugged.
"It's fine... It's not your fault."
"Well, I know, but... And I'm also sorry because...." she paused for a while. "Mateo brought Blake." I mentally kicked myself. I knew this was a bad idea. Mateo is Gwen's boyfriend for crying out loud. Of course he'd be here, and of course he'd bring his best friend. Gwen looked behind her. "Oh! There 당신 are!" she said. She turned back to me. "Stay here." She ran off after someone.
She brought back Mateo.
"Tell her," she ordered. He looked down at me, and frowned.
"Irina, I'm sorry," he said. "I... I guess I was just mad that Blake was spending so much time with you. When Heidi said she had a plan to break 당신 two up, I... I just wanted my friend back."
"It's fine now," I said quietly. "It's over."
"Hey, man, I've been looking all over f---" I looked back up. It was Blake. He came in a patted Mateo on the shoulder. He stopped when he saw me, his face becoming agitated. I turned around and left before any of them could say anything.
I stayed at the party for a couple hours, mostly keeping to myself, and also avoiding Blake. It was like school all over again. Then after a while, I just couldn't take it. I went and found Gwen. She was with Mateo, who of course was with Blake. I ignored him.
"Sorry, Gwen. I gotta go home." She stood up and gave me a hug.
"Oh, that's ok! Thanks for coming! Call me if 당신 ever want to hang out." I nodded and left. I felt like I could finally breathe when I got in my car. Still, I ached for a bottle of beer. I'd even drink wine if I had to; I hate that stuff.
***
I finally had the chance to drink one day.
"Irina, we're taking Hera to the movies, and then we're going out for 피자 and ice cream. Do 당신 want to come?" Dad asked. I shook my head no. "Alright. See 당신 tonight." They left. I waited for about a half hour, to make sure they didn't come back in case they forgot anything. Then I went to the basement fridge, where Dad kept the bottles of 맥주 that he never drinks. I took out a bottle, and took a big sip.
Before I knew it, I had drank six full bottles. I huddled over the toilet, vomiting profusely. I vomited for about an hour, much longer than I usually do. My breathing slowed down once I was done, and even through when I started to panic. I probably over did it with the amount of 맥주 I drank. What if I had alcohol poisoning? I started to freak out more, not knowing what to do. I remembered hearing that it can be deadly. I tried to think of what to do, before the alcohol kicks in fully and I'm just an incoherent drunk. I quickly took out my cellphone, and went through the very few numbers, looking for the right one. Dad, no. Kara, no. Briar, I wish. Grandma, funny. Blake, hell no. Finally, I found Gwen's contact.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Gwn... Ay need 당신 to... tike me to da hofpitol," I mumbled, starting to feel dizzy. There was a long pause, as she tried to put my jumbled words together.
"You need to go to the hospital?" she asked.
"Uh-huh."
"Oh my God! Are 당신 ok?"
"Naw really..." Gwen started to panic too.
"Uh, ok, ok... But, I don't have a car! Mine's being repaired!" Tears started to fill my eyes.
"Buh I need you...." I said. What was I going to do now?!
"Uh, don't worry! I'll find someone! I'll be there soon!" She hung up. I sat on the bathroom tile, trying to stay conscious. I tried to take 더 많이 deep breaths, but it felt almost impossible. I felt like I was freezing, but when I wiped my forehead, it was beaded in sweat. About a half 시간 later, I heard someone come in. I hoped it was Gwen.
***
I could've sworn it was Drew that was there. He came in, holding a 칼, 나이프 and smiling at me. I screamed and thrashed out at him, but he picked me up, unphased. He carried me out, cradling me like an infant, outside. There were two graves, which were clearly marked Annaliese and Brandon. There was another grave 다음 to it, where the hole was dug up and new. The headstone read, "Irina." He tossed me in, and fell six feet under.
I woke up, startled. I took deep breaths, and looked around. I was in the hospital. I took 더 많이 deep breaths, and closed my eyes, relieved.
"Hey," a voice said quietly. My eyes snapped open. It was Gwen. "You're awake," she smiled.
"Oh my God... Thank 당신 so much, Gwen! If it weren't for you, I..." I would've died, that's for sure.
"Hey, I'm just glad you're ok," she smiled. "And, if it weren't for Blake, I wouldn't have been able to get you." I did a double take.
"Wait, what?" I asked.
"Well, I originally called Mateo for a ride, but he was at a family get together. Then he called Blake, and said 당신 were in danger. He offered to give me a ride to your house." None of this was making sense. Was I still hallucinating? Gwen practically read my thoughts. She laughed. "Yes, you're still awake... 당신 must've had a nightmare 또는 something. Blake was carrying 당신 out to the truck, and 당신 kept kicking around and screaming 'put me down' and muttering the name 'Drew.'" My face turned pink.
"I... I was just having really bad hallucinations."
"I guess so," she said. I looked around the room. No Blake. I sighed a breath of relief. "He's in the cafeteria, getting us all something to eat. He was smart and assumed you'd be hungry. Y'know, after 당신 had your stomach pumped and all...." Just then Blake came in, holding a tray of food. He barely looked at me as he crossed the room.
"Here, I got 당신 a slice of pizza," he said to Gwen, handing her a plate. She thanked him and took it. He took another plate of pizza, and put it on the side table. He delicately put the tray on my lap. He got me 팬케이크 and a 블루 베리, 블루베리 muffin.
"Thanks," I muttered. We began eating our food, and talked a little. I talked to Gwen. Blake talked to Gwen. Gwen talked to the both of us. But Blake and I avoided conversation for about a half hour. Blake mentioned to Gwen how his old friend, Claire, moved back into town; he hadn't seen her for years. I rolled my eyes. After a while, he cleared his throat.
"Um, Gwen? Do 당신 mind if I talk to Irina alone for a while?" he asked. My 심장 skipped a beat, and I felt my face flush. I did not want to do this. I looked at Gwen, my eyes pleading. She looked confused for a while, then shrugged.
"Uh, sure." She stood up and left. Dammit. She closed the door behind her. I began fiddling with my fingers, staring intently at them. Blake cleared his throat again.
"How're 당신 feeling?" he asked after a long awkward silence. I shrugged.
"Fine," I mumbled. He sighed.
"Irina, I can't keep doing this."
"Doing what?" I pouted. I still refused to look up. He put his hand on my knee, and waited for me to look at him, but I still didn't.
"Pretending I don't 사랑 you." I shifted my leg, and he took his hand away. I folded my arms stubbornly. "Irina, would 당신 please look at me?" he asked. I bit my lip, then finally looked up. It made me feel worse, seeing him. It was bad enough hearing him rub it in how he loved me, but didn't want to be with me. Now I had to look at him too?
"What are 당신 getting at?" I asked, trying to sound annoyed. He took a deep breath.
"I was once told that 당신 can't live without something that 당신 think about everyday," he said. I returned my eyes to my fumbling fingers. Why was he torturing me like this? He must know that I still loved him. "I don't want to try to live without 당신 anymore. It's impossible." If 당신 can't live without me, I thought, then why aren't 당신 dead yet? He pursed his lips. "Unless.... You've moved on?" I nearly choked. How could he think that. I just shook my head.
"No," I whispered. He took one of my hands in his. His touch was electrifying.
"What I did was stupid, hurtful, and crazy. Can 당신 forgive me?" I looked back up at him, into his dark brown eyes. I could only nod. He sighed. "Thank you." Then he leaned in and kissed me.
"Oops," a voice said. He pulled away quick. It was Gwen, blushing almost as much as Blake and I. "Sorry!" she squealed. She smiled and waved, before leaving again and closing the door. Blake came close and kissed me some more.
I was in a shit-load of trouble when I got home. I insisted that my curiosity got the best of me, and I overdid it. Well, at least the last part was true.
"You have no idea how lucky 당신 are, young lady," Dad said in the car ride home. I wanted to go back with Blake, but of course Dad objected. "Do 당신 know how close 당신 could've been to dying?!" Very. He ranted on and on the whole way home. "You are grounded! I don't care that it's spring break! Two months!" I didn't complain. Everything seemed better now, nothing seemed to corrode my mood.
I went straight to my room, as I was told. A half 시간 later, Kara came in to talk to me.
"Honey, please don't ever do that again. Do 당신 have any idea how scary that was? The doctor said if 당신 had gotten to the hospital only fifteen 분 later, 당신 probably wouldn't have survived." My eyes widened. They hadn't told me that.
"I'm sorry," I said. I reached over and gave her a hug. It was kind of weird. Only a 월 이전 I never would have gotten this close to Kara. Now, it was just a natural occurrence. I smiled. "Blake and I are back together." I explained to her a while 이전 about the whole cheating misunderstanding, and also how Blake still didn't want to get back together. She let a smile slip.
"Well, I'm happy that it all worked out." She stood up to go. "But please, don't ever do that again." I nodded.
"I won't. Promise."
"Dinner's almost ready. Let's go."
After dinner, I was sent to take a shower, and then go straight to bed. It was only 8:30. I laid in bed, my hair dripping all over my 셔츠 and pillow, trying to sleep. Then, almost literally, I was saved 의해 the bell. My phone buzzed on the night stand. It was Blake.
"Hey," I answered. I sat up in the darkness, and wrapped my free arm around my knees.
"Hey," he said back. "How much trouble are 당신 in?"
"A lot," I sighed. "I'm grounded for two months." There was a pause.
"Hmm... Do 당신 have to work tomorrow?" he asked.
"No?" He laughed.
"Well, I think 당신 do." It took me a couple seconds, then I got it.
"Ok," I laughed. We talked for a while, then we got to the topic of how we were while we were temporarily broken up. Blake admitted he was a mess as well, but he tried to cover it up at school. I admitted that eventually, I just gave up on trying to cover it up.
"Just out of curiosity, who'd 당신 think I was cheating on 당신 with?" I wondered. It was all forgiven and forgotten now, so I wasn't really that worried about asking.
"Skye," he answered. I nearly choked.
"Are 당신 serious?" I laughed. "Skye?!"
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking," he admitted.
"Apparently not." We talked a little more, then before I knew it, it was midnight. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight. I 사랑 you. Sleep well," he said before he hung up.
I dreamed peacefully that night, for the first time in a month.
