Thalia pov

After I left Camp Half-Blood and joined the huntress my life got so exciting! Fighting monsters is so awesome. I also still miss my friends back at camp. I know I'll see them again. But for now i'm on journeys with my new friends. "Hey Phoebe were should we go now." "I don't know?" "Lets go to the temple of Artemis."said Ashley. "Yay lets go."said Destiny "Okay lets go." We started walking there when all of a sudden we heard foot steps. "Shhh know one move there is somebody out there waching us." After a few seconds we didn't here anything anymore. "Okay lets go now." said Phoebe When we started walking again the Minatour was chasing us. "Everyone run" We started running. "Everyone get out you bow and arrow and aim for the Minatour." Everybody started to getting their bow and arrow when we heard a scream. "Help me! someone help me!" "Oh no the Minatour has Phoebe!"said Destiny 'We got to save her!" 'Someone please help me he is choking me." "He is getting away everybody start attacking." We all rushed to save Phoebe. Everybody was doing the best to save her. I went in to save Phoebe. Then the Minatour smacked me out of his way. I couldn't get up but I had to do it for Phoebe. I went in with my bow and aimed it for his eye. "Good thinking Thalia."said Ashley Then the Minatour shrieked in pain and let go of Phoebe. "Then Alice went in and shot and arrow in the Minatours stomach and he became to dust. "Thats how you get rid of him."said Alice "Phoebe are you okay?" "Yay i'm okay just need to rest now." "Okay then."

I LUV THALIA!
We have the same NAME!

Great!

great!!!!! :) just a few tips: decide on either pst-tense or present-tense(can't do both) and label who's speaking better:) other than that, it's AWESOME!!! :)

PS: you captured thalia beautifuly! :) i would know 'cause i hunt with her, (as you can tell by the name) :)

Okay thxs !

Thalia pov

After being attacked by the Minatour I went to go find some wood for the camp fire. Then I saw a silver glowing deer. Then it started to run away. I started following it deep in the woods. Then it disappeared. Were am I? What is this place? "Hello Thalia Grace welcome." "Who are you?" I said to the voice. "Do you not remember me? "I am lady Artemis goddess of the hunt." "I am sorry lady Artemis." "You are forgiven Thalia Grace." "I want you to go on my journey to find who stoll my most my powerful weapon." "Your bow and arrows?" "Yes." "I"m sorry to say but what is powerful about them?" "They contain the magical power of turning anybody into an animal or kill anybody with it." "You must return them to me by them summer solstice or there will be big consiquencise for eveybody." "I will not fail you lady Artemis." "You may have the other maidens help you on this journey." "Thank you lady Artemis." "I hope to see you soon Thalia Grace." At that last word she disappeared. I ran back to my camp site. "People I have news, lady Artemis has showed me herself and has given me a task to find her stollen bow and arrows and will let you help me on this journey." After that everybody went silent. "How long do we have to find the bow and arrows?"said Ashley. "We have until the summer solstice." "Isn't that a week from now?" said Phoebe. "Yes so I suggest we leave now." "Were will we go?"said Destiny.

hope you like it

It's really good, but to make it better you should use the dialogue indenting. Like so:
"Blah blah blah blah"
"Blah Blah blah blah blah blah"

Also you can combine some of your sentences, example:
"Then I saw a silver glowing deer. Then it started to run away."
can be changed to:
Then I saw a silver glowing deer, starting to run away.

Other than that, I enjoyed it!

K thanks

sorry for got to log out of my sis account but thanks

You hav a great way of writing!

Constructive criticism? Just start a new line for dialogue like theonlyexception said. Other than that, great story! Thalia is awesome!

Thanks! I'll try to post the next part

Hi everyone

Don't know when i'll post but it'll be soon

Thalia pov
"I'm not sure. We have to find clues." "How are we going to do that?" "Lets find Aelous he knows everything." "Alright but you better be right Thalia cause sometimes Aelous has bad things going on." "Well then lets start going now." "But its so faraway how we going to get there." "We'll take a plane there." 'But we don't have any money." "Then lets get a car."said Alice. "How are we suppose to get a car?" "I know how." "You don't mean..." "Yea I do, its the only way." "Fine Alice we'll try it your way but try not to get caught." We started walking the streets of San Fransico trying to look for cars that we could all fit in. "Hey what about this mini van."said Ashley. "Okay how do we get in?"

sorry its so short i didn't have time

"I'll try to hot wire it."said Alice. "Okay but do it fast Alice we can't get caught." "Don't worry Thalia I almost go it just need a light to see it." "Here is a flash light.said Destiny. "Okay i'm done everyone get in." "Who is driving?"said Ashley. "I will."said Alice. "I think Thalia should drive." "Oh no sorry but I don't like driving." "So its settled I will drive."said Alice. "okay"

sorry its shorter but it goes with the chapter before that.

don't know when i'll post?

if u want to post the next part of the story u can.

hi everyone

hey