• A sharp tongue does not mean 당신 have a keen mind.
• Anyone who told 당신 to be yourself couldn't have given 당신 any worse advice.
• Are 당신 always this stupid 또는 are 당신 making a special effort today.
• Do 당신 want me to accept 당신 as 당신 are, 또는 do 당신 want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
• Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
• Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
• Don't 당신 realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without 당신 putting in so much effort to give us another?
• Grasp your ears firmly and pull; 당신 might just be able to remove your head from your ass.
• He always finds himself 로스트 in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
• Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
• I bet 당신 get bullied a lot.
• I can tell that 당신 are lying; your lips are moving.
• I don't know what makes 당신 so dumb but it really works.
• I don't mind 당신 talking so much, as long as 당신 don't mind me not listening.
• I don't think 당신 are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
• I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
• I know 당신 are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt 당신 one day.
• I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
• I used to think that 당신 were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
• I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that 당신 wouldn't understand me.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
• If I want shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
• If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
• If 당신 were twice as smart as 당신 are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore 당신 some other time?
• I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
• I'm impressed; I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
• I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than 당신 are.
• Now we know why some 동물 eat their own children.
• Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
• People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• She's the first in her family born without tail.
• Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
• That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and 당신 are all of them.
• This is an excellent time for 당신 to become a missing person.
• What he is lacking in intelligence, he 더 많이 than makes up for in stupidity.
• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
• What's wrong, don't 당신 get any attention back home?
• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
• You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
• You are not as bad as people say, 당신 are much, much worse.
• You are not even beneath my contempt.
• You are not obnoxious like so many other people, 당신 are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
• You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through 땅콩 butter.
• You grow on people, but so does cancer.
• You have a nasty speech impediment…your foot.
• You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
• You should do some soul-searching. 당신 might just find one.
• You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
• Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
• You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
• Generally speaking, 당신 aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Can I buy 당신 a drink?
I would think so - why don't 당신 ask the bartender?
• Can I buy 당신 a drink?
I'd rather just have the cash.
• Can I have your name?
Why - haven't 당신 already got one?
• Can I spend the evening with you?
I gave up baby-sitting years ago.
• Do 당신 mind if I smoke?
I don't care if 당신 burn.
• Have 당신 got a problem with that?
No, only with you.
• I never forget a face.
Neither do I, but in your case I'll make an exception.
• I'd like to marry you.
I'd rather skip straight towards the divorce.
• I'd like to see 더 많이 of you.
There isn't any 더 많이 of me.
• I'm sure I could turn 당신 on.
당신 couldn't even turn on a radio.
• I'm sure I've noticed 당신 before.
I'm not sure I've even noticed 당신 yet.
• Is that a gun in your pocket 또는 are 당신 just pleased to see me?
No, it's a gun.
• Kiss me and I'll tell 당신 a secret.
I know your secret - I work at the clinic.
• May I introduce myself?
Certainly - try those people over there.
• My body's like a temple.
I'd have said it was 더 많이 like an amusement park.
• Shall we go all the way?
Yes, as long as it's in different directions.
• Shall we go to your place 또는 mine?
Both. 당신 go to yours and I'll go to mine.
• Stay a 분 and let me get 당신 a drink.
Just give me the cash - I'll get one later.
• When can we be alone?
When we're not with each other.
• When should I phone you?
Whenever I'm not there.
• Where have 당신 been all my life?
What do 당신 mean - I wasn't even born for the first half of it.
• Women say I have the gift of the gab.
덮개, 랩 it up, then.
• Would 당신 like to come for a drink with me 다음 week?
I'm not thirsty.
• You seem to me like a sensible girl.
That's right - I won't go anywhere near you.
• Your face is absolutely perfect.
So is yours . . . for radio.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• All foam, no beer.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• As smart as bait.
• Body 의해 Fisher, brains 의해 Mattel.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all her 옥수수 flakes in one box.
• Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the 상단, 맨 위로 floor.
• He fell out of the stupid 나무, 트리 and hit every branch on the way down.
• He has an IQ of room temperature.
• His 벨트 doesn't go through all the loops.
• If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Not the sharpest 칼, 나이프 in the drawer.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• The cheese slid off her cracker.
• The lights are on, but nobody's home.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Sometimes I need what only 당신 can provide: your absence.
• If 당신 can smile when things go wrong, 당신 have someone in mind to blame.
• I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every 분 of it.
• Sarcasm helps keep 당신 from telling people what 당신 really think of them.
• I’m smiling. This should scare you.
• The universe is laughing behind your back.
• Nothing is 더 많이 discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
• If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
• I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.
• A conclusion is the place where 당신 got tired of thinking.
• I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault.
• This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved 다음 door.
• The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed 의해 rain).
• I never admit 또는 deny anything it makes me 더 많이 interesting.
• By the time 당신 read this you’ve already read it.
• Whatever 당신 do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.
• lI'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss 당신 off at the same time
• lI understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically 덮개, 랩 around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell 당신 why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can 펀치 them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, 당신 asshole!"
• If 당신 can smile when things go wrong, 당신 have someone in mind to blame.
• When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
• You were looking good from afar.. now you're far from looking good.
• Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!
• The universe is laughing behind your back.
• Those of 당신 who think 당신 know everything are annoying those of us who do.
• Are 당신 thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if 당신 think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
• I'm not crazy; my reality is just different than yours.
• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
• Love your enemies.. it pisses them off.
• The human race is lucky I'm a nice guy, otherwise only 1/4 of them would be alive right now.
• A paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.
• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the 맥주 I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this 맥주 and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
• If 당신 plugged your nose and your mouth while 당신 sneezed, would it come out of your ears 또는 would your head explode?
• Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every 분 of it.
• I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
• If used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, 당신 won't get out alive.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• It IS as bad as 당신 think and they ARE out to get you.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Who is General Failure, and why is he 읽기 my hard disk?
• A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
• A conclusion is the place where 당신 got tired of thinking.
• Basic research is what I'm doing, when I don't know what I'm doing.
• Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.
• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• I’m not sure what's wrong... But it's probably your fault!
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• People are seldom too busy to stop and tell 당신 how busy they are.
• People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
• Reality? That's where the 피자 delivery guy comes from!
• Sex is like air; it's not important unless 당신 aren't getting any.
• Sex on 텔레비전 can't hurt 당신 unless 당신 fall off.
• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Smile, it's the 초 best thing 당신 can do with your lips.
• Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• The number one problem in our country is apathy, but who cares!
• The sooner 당신 fall behind, the 더 많이 time you'll have to catch up.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved 다음 door.
• Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
• You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true.
• The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed 의해 rain).
• I'm smiling. This should scare you.
• Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish 당신 Were Here).
• What 당신 do on your own time's just fine. My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.
• Everyone says I'm a blonde at heart. But my hearts not blonde.
• Deep down I'm a very shallow person.
• Patrick: I'm mad. SpongeBob: Why's that? Patrick: I can't see my forehead.
• If a stranger offers 당신 a piece of candy, take two.
• Before 당신 insult somebody 당신 should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when 당신 insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
• I was wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.
• If worms had guns, birds wouldn't mess with them.
• I never admit 또는 deny anything it makes me 더 많이 interesting.
• Don't take 캔디 from strangers unless they offer 당신 a ride.
• My parents almost 로스트 me as a child, but they didn't take me far enough into the woods. Everyone has a list of problems and issues. But I am #1 on everyone's list.
• We're all given some sort of skill in life. Mine just happens to be beating up on people.
• We American's, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
• Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet make some of the worst 영화 in the history of the world.
• God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference.
• I fight for what I believe in. I am a mercenary, and I believe in money.
• If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails.
• Assassins Inc. We aim to please.
• I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.
• Limiting the freedom of news 'just a little bit' is in the same category with the classic example a little bit pregnant.
• lIt saddens Norwegians that America still honors the Italian Columbus, who arrived late in the New World and 의해 accident, who wasn't even interested in New Worlds but only in spices. Out on a spin in 검색 of 카레 powder and hot peppers- a man on a voyage to the grocery- he stumbled onto the land of heroic Vikings and proceeded to get the credit for it. And then to name it 'America' after Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian who never saw the New World but only sat in Italy and drew incredibly inaccurate maps of it. 의해 rights, it should be called Erica, after Eric the Red, who did the work five hundred years earlier. The United States of Erica, Erica the Beautiful, the Erican League.
• Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your mind. You'll miss it when it's gone.
• Whatever 당신 do, don't congratulate yourself too much. You're not that good.
• Dance, even if 당신 have to warn others to get out of the way first.
• ; P Don't stick that out unless you're going to use it...
• Intelligent doesn't have to mean educated. And Creative doesn't have to mean talented.
• No one ever listens to Zathras, Quite mad they say, It is good that Zathras does not mind, Has even grown to like it, oh yes." -- Zathras, Babylon 5
• "Zathras is used to being beast of burdon for others. A sad life, and probably a sad death, but at least there is symmetry." -Zathras
• Bullshit: the art of making the idiotic sound sensible.
• Angry people need hugs (or sharp objects).
• The funniest thing about this message is that 의해 the time 당신 realize it doesn't say anything 당신 it’s too late for 당신 to stop 읽기 it 당신 dumb fuck
• I didn't vote and I didn't die! Fuck 당신 P. Diddy!
• Nostradamus predicted you'd be a loser.
• The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
• High on life- and glue!
• By the time 당신 read this you've already read it.
• Restraining orders are just another way of saying I 사랑 you.
• If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
• Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
• I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having 당신 here.
• He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
• He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked 의해 his friends.
• If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
• I find 텔레비전 very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
• Thou shalt not weigh 더 많이 than thy refrigerator.
• Sarcasm I now seem to be, in general, the language of the devil.
• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
• Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
• You were looking good from afar... Now you’re far from looking good.
• I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
• “Are 당신 sarcastic?” “Well no duh!”
• Nothing is 더 많이 discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
• It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables 당신 to recognize a mistake when 당신 make it again.
• Sometimes I need what only 당신 can provide: your absence.
• A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only 의해 the honesty of humility.
• We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.
• The 잔디 may be greener on the other side but at least 당신 don’t have to mow it.
• There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
• I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.
• Going to church doesn’t make 당신 a Christian; any 더 많이 than standing in a 차고 makes 당신 a car.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get 당신 your coffee and 차 now?
• Sarcasm helps keep 당신 from telling people what 당신 really think of them.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.
• Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
• I’m impressed; I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
• Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.
• If 당신 look like your passport picture, 당신 probably need the trip.
• Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.
• Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
• Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!
• Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!!
• I don’t care about what others say about you, I think 당신 are alright……
• Do I know Sarcasm? Why yes he’s my best friend…
• I’d tell 당신 to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
• That is the ugliest 상단, 맨 위로 Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
• I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.
• You: “Why are 당신 here?”
Me: “Well… heaven didn’t want me,
And hells afraid I’ll take over.”
• When 당신 think your best isn’t good enough, 더 많이 than likely it isn’t.
• that dress is great…… if 당신 don’t wear on it
• My loyalty cannot be brought; however, it can be rented.
• Wow…that outfit is unique…isn’t wrong to be different..
But..Your just asking people to make fun of you..
• Where did 당신 graduate again? The 대학 of DUH??
• I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
• I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…
• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• • So, this is where our diligence has led?
• • Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.
• Student: Are 당신 playing too?
• • On the other hand, 당신 have different fingers.
• • You: Go to Hell!
Me: See 당신 there.
• • Well my imaginary friend thinks 당신 have serious mental problems
• • Person 1: ” 당신 did not just do that!!”
Person 2: “no? Watch I’ll do it again!!”
• • You’re unique just like everyone else!
• • Me: what’s half of eight
• you: Zero
• • Lady-Do 당신 steal?
Boy-Lady if I was a thief why would I tell you?
• • Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
• • I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
• “Don’t make me hit 당신 again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
• Are 당신 always this retarded 또는 are 당신 making a special effort today?
• I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
• “I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that 당신 wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”
• • i am busy right now, can i ignore 당신 some other time?
• • “There’s a special place in Hell for people like you.”
• • Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…
• • Oh I’m sorry…
I’m sorry that you’re ugly.
• aww thank you…
I’m flattered that you’re jelous of me!
• • A boy is hammering nails onto the table:
• Mom: What are 당신 doing?!
• The boy: Is that a trick question?
• • You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
• Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
• You: Whats so funny?
• Me: *gasps* oh! 당신 were being serious, i’m sorry.
• If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.
• You always do me a favor, when 당신 shut up!
• Excuse me, and pardon my interruption, but would 당신 mind considering helping me to find out what makes 당신 so repulsive!
• You go girl! And don’t come back.
• Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.
• Look at 당신 your in perfect shape…………………………..for a circle
• My 프렌즈 are so much 냉각기 than yours…..They’re invisible.
• if 당신 wrote down every single thought 당신 ever had 당신 would get an award for the shortest story ever
• People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!
• That’s a pretty dress…too bad 당신 couldn’t find it in your size.
• If had a dollar for evry smart thing 당신 say. I’ll be poor.
• You sound better with your mouth closed.
• Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for 당신 they can’t laugh either.
• Sarcasm isn’t the lowest form of wit. It’s not even wit at all.
• How could I possibly refuse? No thank you.
• You: “Did I ask for your opinion?”
Me: “Nope but guess what 당신 got it anyway!”
• This kid was riding his sk8 board and then while doing a kick flip he fell (Damien: oww Me: did that hurt? Damien: no!!!!!!,, i just said oww 4 no reason)
• You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing 다음 to 당신 then 당신 can blame him.
• I’m smiling…that alone should scare you
• Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, cause I can read??”
• Oh my god that’s so hilarious, i was in such awe of how funny it was, i forgot to laugh.
• Sorry, 당신 must have me mistaken, i think 당신 are confusing interesting with boring.
• You: oh my gosh have 당신 been here all the while? Me: no…i just returned from a trip to mars….wanna accompany me 다음 time?
• . I thought i had seen the pinnacle of stupid…. then i met you.
• Sure I’ll help 당신 out……the same way 당신 came in.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• Person 1: Why does your kid keep getting zeroes on her test? Person 2: I like teaching my children to be consistent. Inconsistency is the mother of insanity. Person 1: 당신 and inconsistency have a lot in common.
• Seriously, if I was as ugly as 당신 I’d cry too.
• Away is where 당신 should go.
• Dont 당신 need a license to be that ugly?
• Hey, you. 당신 got something on your face. Stupidity.
• You’ve got a string hanging from your dress….oh wait, that’s just your leg.
• Oh, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m sure if I were as round as you, people would use me just for kicks too.
• Here let me drop whats imprortant to me and pay attention to 당신 and all of your needs.
• Boy-Why are we even here?
Girl-’cause we’re not there…
• Girl that scraped her knee-Go get help i’m hurt!
Boy standing over her- oh, really? 당신 look fine to me
•
• Anyone who told 당신 to be yourself couldn't have given 당신 any worse advice.
• Are 당신 always this stupid 또는 are 당신 making a special effort today.
• Do 당신 want me to accept 당신 as 당신 are, 또는 do 당신 want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
• Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
• Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
• Don't 당신 realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without 당신 putting in so much effort to give us another?
• Grasp your ears firmly and pull; 당신 might just be able to remove your head from your ass.
• He always finds himself 로스트 in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
• Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
• I bet 당신 get bullied a lot.
• I can tell that 당신 are lying; your lips are moving.
• I don't know what makes 당신 so dumb but it really works.
• I don't mind 당신 talking so much, as long as 당신 don't mind me not listening.
• I don't think 당신 are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
• I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
• I know 당신 are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt 당신 one day.
• I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
• I used to think that 당신 were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
• I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that 당신 wouldn't understand me.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
• If I want shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
• If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
• If 당신 were twice as smart as 당신 are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore 당신 some other time?
• I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
• I'm impressed; I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
• I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than 당신 are.
• Now we know why some 동물 eat their own children.
• Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
• People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• She's the first in her family born without tail.
• Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
• That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and 당신 are all of them.
• This is an excellent time for 당신 to become a missing person.
• What he is lacking in intelligence, he 더 많이 than makes up for in stupidity.
• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
• What's wrong, don't 당신 get any attention back home?
• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
• You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
• You are not as bad as people say, 당신 are much, much worse.
• You are not even beneath my contempt.
• You are not obnoxious like so many other people, 당신 are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
• You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through 땅콩 butter.
• You grow on people, but so does cancer.
• You have a nasty speech impediment…your foot.
• You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
• You should do some soul-searching. 당신 might just find one.
• You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
• Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
• You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
• Generally speaking, 당신 aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Can I buy 당신 a drink?
I would think so - why don't 당신 ask the bartender?
• Can I buy 당신 a drink?
I'd rather just have the cash.
• Can I have your name?
Why - haven't 당신 already got one?
• Can I spend the evening with you?
I gave up baby-sitting years ago.
• Do 당신 mind if I smoke?
I don't care if 당신 burn.
• Have 당신 got a problem with that?
No, only with you.
• I never forget a face.
Neither do I, but in your case I'll make an exception.
• I'd like to marry you.
I'd rather skip straight towards the divorce.
• I'd like to see 더 많이 of you.
There isn't any 더 많이 of me.
• I'm sure I could turn 당신 on.
당신 couldn't even turn on a radio.
• I'm sure I've noticed 당신 before.
I'm not sure I've even noticed 당신 yet.
• Is that a gun in your pocket 또는 are 당신 just pleased to see me?
No, it's a gun.
• Kiss me and I'll tell 당신 a secret.
I know your secret - I work at the clinic.
• May I introduce myself?
Certainly - try those people over there.
• My body's like a temple.
I'd have said it was 더 많이 like an amusement park.
• Shall we go all the way?
Yes, as long as it's in different directions.
• Shall we go to your place 또는 mine?
Both. 당신 go to yours and I'll go to mine.
• Stay a 분 and let me get 당신 a drink.
Just give me the cash - I'll get one later.
• When can we be alone?
When we're not with each other.
• When should I phone you?
Whenever I'm not there.
• Where have 당신 been all my life?
What do 당신 mean - I wasn't even born for the first half of it.
• Women say I have the gift of the gab.
덮개, 랩 it up, then.
• Would 당신 like to come for a drink with me 다음 week?
I'm not thirsty.
• You seem to me like a sensible girl.
That's right - I won't go anywhere near you.
• Your face is absolutely perfect.
So is yours . . . for radio.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• All foam, no beer.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• As smart as bait.
• Body 의해 Fisher, brains 의해 Mattel.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all her 옥수수 flakes in one box.
• Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the 상단, 맨 위로 floor.
• He fell out of the stupid 나무, 트리 and hit every branch on the way down.
• He has an IQ of room temperature.
• His 벨트 doesn't go through all the loops.
• If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Not the sharpest 칼, 나이프 in the drawer.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• The cheese slid off her cracker.
• The lights are on, but nobody's home.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Sometimes I need what only 당신 can provide: your absence.
• If 당신 can smile when things go wrong, 당신 have someone in mind to blame.
• I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every 분 of it.
• Sarcasm helps keep 당신 from telling people what 당신 really think of them.
• I’m smiling. This should scare you.
• The universe is laughing behind your back.
• Nothing is 더 많이 discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
• If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
• I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.
• A conclusion is the place where 당신 got tired of thinking.
• I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault.
• This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved 다음 door.
• The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed 의해 rain).
• I never admit 또는 deny anything it makes me 더 많이 interesting.
• By the time 당신 read this you’ve already read it.
• Whatever 당신 do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.
• lI'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss 당신 off at the same time
• lI understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically 덮개, 랩 around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell 당신 why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can 펀치 them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, 당신 asshole!"
• If 당신 can smile when things go wrong, 당신 have someone in mind to blame.
• When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
• You were looking good from afar.. now you're far from looking good.
• Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!
• The universe is laughing behind your back.
• Those of 당신 who think 당신 know everything are annoying those of us who do.
• Are 당신 thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if 당신 think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
• I'm not crazy; my reality is just different than yours.
• A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
• Love your enemies.. it pisses them off.
• The human race is lucky I'm a nice guy, otherwise only 1/4 of them would be alive right now.
• A paper should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.
• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the 맥주 I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this 맥주 and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
• If 당신 plugged your nose and your mouth while 당신 sneezed, would it come out of your ears 또는 would your head explode?
• Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every 분 of it.
• I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
• If used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, 당신 won't get out alive.
• You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• The trouble with life is there's no background music.
• It IS as bad as 당신 think and they ARE out to get you.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Who is General Failure, and why is he 읽기 my hard disk?
• A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
• A conclusion is the place where 당신 got tired of thinking.
• Basic research is what I'm doing, when I don't know what I'm doing.
• Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.
• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• I’m not sure what's wrong... But it's probably your fault!
• Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• People are seldom too busy to stop and tell 당신 how busy they are.
• People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
• Reality? That's where the 피자 delivery guy comes from!
• Sex is like air; it's not important unless 당신 aren't getting any.
• Sex on 텔레비전 can't hurt 당신 unless 당신 fall off.
• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Smile, it's the 초 best thing 당신 can do with your lips.
• Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
• The number one problem in our country is apathy, but who cares!
• The sooner 당신 fall behind, the 더 많이 time you'll have to catch up.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved 다음 door.
• Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
• You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true.
• The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed 의해 rain).
• I'm smiling. This should scare you.
• Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish 당신 Were Here).
• What 당신 do on your own time's just fine. My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.
• Everyone says I'm a blonde at heart. But my hearts not blonde.
• Deep down I'm a very shallow person.
• Patrick: I'm mad. SpongeBob: Why's that? Patrick: I can't see my forehead.
• If a stranger offers 당신 a piece of candy, take two.
• Before 당신 insult somebody 당신 should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when 당신 insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
• I was wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me.
• If worms had guns, birds wouldn't mess with them.
• I never admit 또는 deny anything it makes me 더 많이 interesting.
• Don't take 캔디 from strangers unless they offer 당신 a ride.
• My parents almost 로스트 me as a child, but they didn't take me far enough into the woods. Everyone has a list of problems and issues. But I am #1 on everyone's list.
• We're all given some sort of skill in life. Mine just happens to be beating up on people.
• We American's, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
• Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet make some of the worst 영화 in the history of the world.
• God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference.
• I fight for what I believe in. I am a mercenary, and I believe in money.
• If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails.
• Assassins Inc. We aim to please.
• I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.
• Limiting the freedom of news 'just a little bit' is in the same category with the classic example a little bit pregnant.
• lIt saddens Norwegians that America still honors the Italian Columbus, who arrived late in the New World and 의해 accident, who wasn't even interested in New Worlds but only in spices. Out on a spin in 검색 of 카레 powder and hot peppers- a man on a voyage to the grocery- he stumbled onto the land of heroic Vikings and proceeded to get the credit for it. And then to name it 'America' after Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian who never saw the New World but only sat in Italy and drew incredibly inaccurate maps of it. 의해 rights, it should be called Erica, after Eric the Red, who did the work five hundred years earlier. The United States of Erica, Erica the Beautiful, the Erican League.
• Get plenty of sleep. Be kind to your mind. You'll miss it when it's gone.
• Whatever 당신 do, don't congratulate yourself too much. You're not that good.
• Dance, even if 당신 have to warn others to get out of the way first.
• ; P Don't stick that out unless you're going to use it...
• Intelligent doesn't have to mean educated. And Creative doesn't have to mean talented.
• No one ever listens to Zathras, Quite mad they say, It is good that Zathras does not mind, Has even grown to like it, oh yes." -- Zathras, Babylon 5
• "Zathras is used to being beast of burdon for others. A sad life, and probably a sad death, but at least there is symmetry." -Zathras
• Bullshit: the art of making the idiotic sound sensible.
• Angry people need hugs (or sharp objects).
• The funniest thing about this message is that 의해 the time 당신 realize it doesn't say anything 당신 it’s too late for 당신 to stop 읽기 it 당신 dumb fuck
• I didn't vote and I didn't die! Fuck 당신 P. Diddy!
• Nostradamus predicted you'd be a loser.
• The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
• High on life- and glue!
• By the time 당신 read this you've already read it.
• Restraining orders are just another way of saying I 사랑 you.
• If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
• Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
• I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having 당신 here.
• He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.
• He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked 의해 his friends.
• If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
• I find 텔레비전 very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
• Thou shalt not weigh 더 많이 than thy refrigerator.
• Sarcasm I now seem to be, in general, the language of the devil.
• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
• Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
• You were looking good from afar... Now you’re far from looking good.
• I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
• “Are 당신 sarcastic?” “Well no duh!”
• Nothing is 더 많이 discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
• It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables 당신 to recognize a mistake when 당신 make it again.
• Sometimes I need what only 당신 can provide: your absence.
• A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only 의해 the honesty of humility.
• We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.
• The 잔디 may be greener on the other side but at least 당신 don’t have to mow it.
• There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
• I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.
• Going to church doesn’t make 당신 a Christian; any 더 많이 than standing in a 차고 makes 당신 a car.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get 당신 your coffee and 차 now?
• Sarcasm helps keep 당신 from telling people what 당신 really think of them.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.
• Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
• I’m impressed; I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
• Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.
• If 당신 look like your passport picture, 당신 probably need the trip.
• Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.
• Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
• Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!
• Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!!
• I don’t care about what others say about you, I think 당신 are alright……
• Do I know Sarcasm? Why yes he’s my best friend…
• I’d tell 당신 to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
• That is the ugliest 상단, 맨 위로 Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
• I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.
• You: “Why are 당신 here?”
Me: “Well… heaven didn’t want me,
And hells afraid I’ll take over.”
• When 당신 think your best isn’t good enough, 더 많이 than likely it isn’t.
• that dress is great…… if 당신 don’t wear on it
• My loyalty cannot be brought; however, it can be rented.
• Wow…that outfit is unique…isn’t wrong to be different..
But..Your just asking people to make fun of you..
• Where did 당신 graduate again? The 대학 of DUH??
• I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
• I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…
• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
• • So, this is where our diligence has led?
• • Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.
• Student: Are 당신 playing too?
• • On the other hand, 당신 have different fingers.
• • You: Go to Hell!
Me: See 당신 there.
• • Well my imaginary friend thinks 당신 have serious mental problems
• • Person 1: ” 당신 did not just do that!!”
Person 2: “no? Watch I’ll do it again!!”
• • You’re unique just like everyone else!
• • Me: what’s half of eight
• you: Zero
• • Lady-Do 당신 steal?
Boy-Lady if I was a thief why would I tell you?
• • Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
• • I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
• “Don’t make me hit 당신 again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
• Are 당신 always this retarded 또는 are 당신 making a special effort today?
• I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
• “I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that 당신 wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”
• • i am busy right now, can i ignore 당신 some other time?
• • “There’s a special place in Hell for people like you.”
• • Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…
• • Oh I’m sorry…
I’m sorry that you’re ugly.
• aww thank you…
I’m flattered that you’re jelous of me!
• • A boy is hammering nails onto the table:
• Mom: What are 당신 doing?!
• The boy: Is that a trick question?
• • You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
• Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
• You: Whats so funny?
• Me: *gasps* oh! 당신 were being serious, i’m sorry.
• If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.
• You always do me a favor, when 당신 shut up!
• Excuse me, and pardon my interruption, but would 당신 mind considering helping me to find out what makes 당신 so repulsive!
• You go girl! And don’t come back.
• Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.
• Look at 당신 your in perfect shape…………………………..for a circle
• My 프렌즈 are so much 냉각기 than yours…..They’re invisible.
• if 당신 wrote down every single thought 당신 ever had 당신 would get an award for the shortest story ever
• People say that laughter is the best medicine…
your face must be curing the world!
• That’s a pretty dress…too bad 당신 couldn’t find it in your size.
• If had a dollar for evry smart thing 당신 say. I’ll be poor.
• You sound better with your mouth closed.
• Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for 당신 they can’t laugh either.
• Sarcasm isn’t the lowest form of wit. It’s not even wit at all.
• How could I possibly refuse? No thank you.
• You: “Did I ask for your opinion?”
Me: “Nope but guess what 당신 got it anyway!”
• This kid was riding his sk8 board and then while doing a kick flip he fell (Damien: oww Me: did that hurt? Damien: no!!!!!!,, i just said oww 4 no reason)
• You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing 다음 to 당신 then 당신 can blame him.
• I’m smiling…that alone should scare you
• Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, cause I can read??”
• Oh my god that’s so hilarious, i was in such awe of how funny it was, i forgot to laugh.
• Sorry, 당신 must have me mistaken, i think 당신 are confusing interesting with boring.
• You: oh my gosh have 당신 been here all the while? Me: no…i just returned from a trip to mars….wanna accompany me 다음 time?
• . I thought i had seen the pinnacle of stupid…. then i met you.
• Sure I’ll help 당신 out……the same way 당신 came in.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
• Person 1: Why does your kid keep getting zeroes on her test? Person 2: I like teaching my children to be consistent. Inconsistency is the mother of insanity. Person 1: 당신 and inconsistency have a lot in common.
• Seriously, if I was as ugly as 당신 I’d cry too.
• Away is where 당신 should go.
• Dont 당신 need a license to be that ugly?
• Hey, you. 당신 got something on your face. Stupidity.
• You’ve got a string hanging from your dress….oh wait, that’s just your leg.
• Oh, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m sure if I were as round as you, people would use me just for kicks too.
• Here let me drop whats imprortant to me and pay attention to 당신 and all of your needs.
• Boy-Why are we even here?
Girl-’cause we’re not there…
• Girl that scraped her knee-Go get help i’m hurt!
Boy standing over her- oh, really? 당신 look fine to me
•
