link if 당신 would like to access the first chapter.

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Off the Shelf
A Penguins of Madagascar fanfic
Chapter 2: "Career Change"

Liz glanced at her daughter in the back 좌석 through the rearview mirror of her silver Subaru Outback. "So, have 당신 named your little 프렌즈 yet?"

"Yes." Chelsea held Skipper up. "This is Mr. Penguin." And then held up Marlene. "And this is Mrs. Penguin."

"No, no, sweetie. The brown one is an otter. Remember the story I told 당신 in the gift shop?"

"I know she's an otter, Mom. But she changed her name when she got married."

"Married?" Liz said.

"Married?" Skipper and Marlene whispered.

"Mr. 펭귄 and Mrs. 펭귄 are madly in love." The child held Skipper and Marlene 의해 the backs of their heads. "They 키스 each other all day!" Beak and lips then collided repeatedly as she moved Skipper back and forth to smooch the 수달, 오 터 as though he weren't a 펭귄 but a woodpecker.

Liz laughed. "Well, 당신 certainly have an interesting imagination." She thought for a moment and then turned the radio on, tuning to a local 사랑 songs station.

Chelsea smiled as Lionel Richie and Diana Ross sang about endless love.

A few blocks later, Liz glanced at her fuel gauge as she approached a gas station she sometimes stopped at. She was glad she did—it was nearly on E. "Hope my boss won't mind waiting just a little longer, but I need to stop for gas," she said as she put her turn signal on. "Better a few 분 더 많이 than not get there at all."

"Can I stop in the bathroom?" Chelsea asked.

Liz turned to her back 좌석 passenger. "You have to go? Why didn't 당신 go at the zoo?"

"I didn't have to go then."

Kids never do. "All right," Liz said. "I'll take 당신 inside."

A 분 또는 so later, Chelsea set the interspecies couple down in the middle of the back seat, their flippers and arms positioned around each other in an expression of 사랑 that knew no taxonomic bounds. She then followed her mother into the gas station.

Skipper let go of Marlene, and Marlene released Skipper. The two stared at each other without a word, 모피 and feathers trying and failing to conceal their blushing, both too in shock to realize that they now had an opportunity to get away from the humans early.

After a full minute, the 펭귄 finally broke the silence. "Well, that happened," he said. He didn't 옮기기 at all.

"Yes," Marlene said, still not blinking. "Yes, it did."

They stared at each other for about twenty 초 더 많이 until they simultaneously burst into laughter.

Skipper playfully poked Marlene's arm. "Mrs. Penguin!" he said, barely able to breathe. "You're my—you're my wife!"

"We 키스 each other all day!" Marlene added, laughter tears filling up her eyes. "All day! It's all we do!"

"There aren't enough hours in the 일 for all our kissing, Marlene!"

"We'd need a thousand lifetimes because we're so madly in love!"

"Ha! Oh, Marlene, my sides are splitting!"

"My lips are splitting, what with all our kissing!"

Skipper smacked a flipper against the 좌석 of the car. "Stop it! Stop it! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

After a 분 또는 so, they were able to bring their laughter under control.

Marlene licked her lips. "Actually, I think my bottom lip is splitting a little. I know that a 키스 can be called a peck, but 키싱 shouldn't really involve actual pecking like that."

"Let me see."

Marlene opened her mouth and pulled her lower lip down slightly.

"It's not too bad. Just a small cut. I'll be 더 많이 careful 다음 time, Mrs. Penguin."

Marlene laughed lightly. "Well, as awkward as that was, if I have to be paired with another stuffed animal 의해 a little girl, at least it's with you. I'm so glad it wasn't Julien who went into the Zoovenir 샵 after me."

Skipper nodded. "I hear you. But that kid's gotta go easy on us before we end up with a son named Harry."

"Harry?"

"Do 당신 have a better name for a potter?"

"A what?" She thought for a few 초 and then it came to her. She shook her head. "No, no, no! That's not even possible! We're adopting!"

The car doors opened, and Skipper and Marlene quickly embraced each other just like Chelsea had left them. They closed their mouths and kept their eyes open.

Chelsea sat down in her booster seat. She patted Skipper and Marlene on their heads but otherwise let them be for the moment.

Liz turned around to check that Chelsea's 좌석 벨트 was buckled and then started the car. The radio came back on, about two 분 into Savage Garden's "I Knew I Loved You." Two 더 많이 songs followed, Johnny Rivers's "Swayin' to the 음악 (Slow Dancin')" and Faith Hill's "This Kiss," before the station went to a commercial break.

"Borough's Best Automatic Car Wash isn't just a name," a man said to begin the first commercial. His voice was deep and tough, but he was trying to sound friendly.

"Hey, it's my boss!" Liz said. She turned up the volume a little.

"Our KomondorKlean brushes remove 더 많이 dirt with a gentler touch."

Suddenly, Skipper felt a feeling in his gut he hadn't felt since Alice had mixed up the fish and the spoiled fish buckets. He glanced at Chelsea for a moment to be sure she wasn't looking at them and then looked back at Marlene. "Something's wrong, Marlene," he whispered.

"What?" Marlene asked.

"That voice. I know that—"

"Tell them Mr. X sent 당신 and receive a free upgrade when 당신 purchase a bronze 또는 silver wash."

Skipper nearly jumped as his suspicions were confirmed. "Officer X! He changed careers again! This changes everything. We can't wait until tonight to get away. We'll have to knock them out at a red light and escape now."

Marlene's eyes widened. "What! 당신 can't do that. 당신 can't knock out a little girl. Especially not a sweet one who loves us."

"She'll be fine. Kids are very resilient."

"Skipper!"

"I'll be gentle."

Marlene let out a little growl and grabbed Skipper 의해 the neck. "And let me be gentle. Don't do it 또는 Mrs. 펭귄 will file for divorce."

Suddenly, the car stopped. In their disagreement over tactics, Skipper and Marlene hadn't noticed that the car had already pulled into the car wash parking lot.

Marlene gripped Skipper tighter and shook him. "Skipper! We're here! What do we do?"

"We have no choice. Looks like I'll be paying 당신 half my 물고기 in alimony."

Marlene sighed. "I'll do it."

"What?"

"You can't hit girls, Skipper. But I can."

"Marlene, 당신 have no experience with—"

Whack.

Whack.

Plop.

Plop.

"Well, uh," Skipper said, "I guess now 당신 do have experience."

"Don't worry," Marlene said as she pulled on the door handle, "I was gentle, and kids are very resilient. They'll be conscious again in half an hour." She pushed the door open. "Let's go!"

Marlene and Skipper jumped out the left rear door.

The first thing they saw were his boots.

The former animal control officer, former exterminator, former temporary zookeeper, former fishmonger, former convenience store clerk, former dentist, former florist, and current car wash manager couldn't believe his eyes. "I hate the zoo."

"Run!" Skipper yelled. The two took off toward the street.

X started after them, pulling a squeegee out from behind his back. "Every job! Every time! But not anymore!" He wound up his arm and released the squeegee; it struck the fleeing 펭귄 and otter, knocking them down, before returning to X like a boomerang. He laughed as he went over to the animals, who were conscious but dazed. "We have the best automatic car wash in the borough—it's in our name—but sometimes a good 구식 squeegee is all 당신 really need."

Skipper and Marlene could offer no resistance as X picked them up.

"This 다음 part really sucks," X said.

Through blurry vision, Skipper could see that X was carrying them toward a row of vacuums. The 펭귄 groaned, half from the cheap pun and half from the squeegee strike.

"Free vacuum with every wash," the man of many careers said as he grabbed the hose on one of the vacuums. With a quick button press, the unit roared to life with industrial-strength suction power. The motor strained only slightly when instead of air being sucked through the nozzle, a penguin's back was sucked against it, preventing escape. X set Skipper down—he couldn't 옮기기 beyond the length of the hose—and did the same with Marlene with a vacuum three units down from the one Skipper was attached to, preventing any possibility of the two working together to free each other. "That ought to hold 당신 until animal control arrives to see I'm not crazy—I mean, to give me my old job back. And to take 당신 away!" He pulled out his smartphone and started to dial Supervisor Eubanks's direct line but then stopped and opened the camera app instead. If anything happened before animal control arrived, this time he would at least have proof.

He was about to take a picture when something metal crashed behind him. He turned around.

Six blue eyes stared from the 상단, 맨 위로 of the storm drain at what was in front of them. A pair of sunglasses stared back.

"Kowalski," Private said, "isn't that former animal control officer, former exterminator, former dentist—"

Private suddenly found Kowalski's flipper in his beak. "Don't say the D-word, Private," the dentophobic 펭귄 said. "But yes, it's him."

"The reinforcements!" X shouted as he charged toward the three penguins in the drain. He pulled out his squeegee again and launched it.

Kowalski and Private ducked for cover. Rico just opened his beak and swallowed the squeegee.

And then regurgitated a chainsaw.

X stopped dead in his tracks.

"Private," Kowalski said, "go help Skipper and Marlene. Rico and I will take care of the former oral butcher."

Private nodded. "Got it."

Kowalski and Rico jumped out of the drain, and Rico tossed Kowalski a crowbar. They took two steps toward X, and X took off toward the entrance of the main building.

He was almost there when an elderly man standing 의해 the door gripped the door handle. X knew him—he was a regular on Tuesdays. He was frail and moved like a sloth and probably should have given up driving a decade ago, but he loved to brag at the senior center about having the shiniest car in the parking lot.

It would be another three 분 before old Edgar, age ninety-eight, would make it all the way into the building. There would be no escaping inside for X from the two weapon-wielding penguins right behind him.

"Kowalski! Rico!" Skipper shouted to them, now free of the vacuum. "Forget him! Let's blow this popsicle stand—er, car wash!"

Rico revved his chainsaw menacingly at X one last time and then he and Kowalski followed the others down the storm drain.

"I hate the zoo," X repeated as Rico pulled the grate back over the drain. He would normally pursue, but he knew Liz and Chelsea were waiting for him. He looked toward Edgar for a moment, who had managed to open the door about a foot and was staring at him. "Afternoon, Edgar," he said with a small wave.

"Afternoon," Edgar said.

"You're probably wondering what just happened here."

The old man laughed as well as he could with his chronic shortness of breath. "Nah. I fought the penguins in the war."

♦ ♦ ♦

Skipper climbed into the penguins' 담홍색, 핑크 car, joining Marlene and Private in the back seat. "Excellent timing, boys! 당신 really saved Marlene's and my tail feathers back there."

"It was a true team effort," Kowalski said. "Private's observations through binoculars, my expert analysis, and Rico's mad driving through the sewer system all got us here. X was a surprise, but he's always a surprise."

"You'd think in all this time 당신 would've come up with an X detector 또는 something. Get on that, will you?"

Marlene sighed.

"Hey," Skipper said, "I don't like that sound. What's wrong, Marlene?"

"We need to go back."

Skipper's eyes widened. "What! 당신 want to go back up there? With X? I'm sure 의해 now he's found another squeegee. 또는 worse. Much, much worse. Besides, he's probably already found that Chelsea and her mother are unconscious in the car, and he knows we're responsible."

"Chelsea is exactly why we have to go back up there, Skipper."

"Huh?"

"That little girl didn't do anything wrong, but she's going to feel so sad in a short time when she wakes up and finds her new stuffed 프렌즈 are gone. She loves us. I don't want her to be sad."

"I don't want her to be sad either, but we can't go live with her. We're not stuffed toys."

"We don't have to go live with her, Skipper. But I do know something we can do. And how to get X out of the way."

Skipper was still hesitant. "I don't know."

"What if I gave it a cool mission name?"

♦ ♦ ♦

분 later, behind the 쓰레기통, 쓰레기 수거통 of the 피자 restaurant that was 다음 to the car wash, The One and Only Ray's Pizza, Private sat down in the driver's 좌석 of the penguins' car.

"Any questions?" Marlene asked.

Private pulled a pair of goggles over his eyes. "Nope."

"Hey, Private," Skipper said.

Private turned to him. "Yes, Skipper?"

Skipper laughed. "Don't forget to wash behind your earholes!"

Private started the car and began to drive away. Operation: Gentle Touch had officially begun.

In the car wash parking lot 다음 to Liz's car, X had his finger on the 9 button of his phone, beginning to dial 911 after finding his employee and her daughter unconscious inside, when he heard a small motor followed 의해 two short blasts of a car horn. He turned toward the noise, seeing a 펭귄 wearing goggles waving at him from behind the wheel of a 담홍색, 핑크 toy car with 꽃 painted on it. "Penguin! I knew 당신 no-good birds were responsible!"

Private tooted the horn twice 더 많이 and then started driving again, heading in the direction of the automatic car wash machine.

"All right, let's move!" Marlene said to the others behind the dumpster, seeing that X was now in pursuit of Private in the adjacent parking lot. The others nodded, and they all hurried through the small flowerbed that separated the two properties.

Private stopped the car a few feet into the car wash machine. He jumped out and entered deeper into the machine on foot. X was right on his heels.

"C'mere!" X yelled as he reached for Private, barely missing him as the 펭귄 disappeared behind an eight-foot-tall vertical brush. "You won't wax me this time. That's a three-dollar upgrade."

As X started walking around the brush, Private jumped into it for cover. The long blue and red fibers, shaped and sized like locks of 모피 on the corded 코트 of a "mop dog," hid him well. X passed right 의해 and started walking to the brush across from it.

Like a 구름, 클라우드 passing 의해 the sun, the amount of natural light entering the machine suddenly became less. X turned his head toward the car wash entrance as the 차고 door that closed off the machine at night slammed shut. He did the same in the other direction a moment later when the door that closed off the exit came down. "Hey!" the manager yelled as he started running toward the closed exit door.

Private began counting in his head. Forty-five 초 to get into position. One Winky, two Winky, three Winky, four Winky. Still hidden among the fibers, the 펭귄 began making his way up inside the brush. Eleven Winky, twelve Winky, thirteen Winky. When he reached the top, he emerged from the fibers and sat on 상단, 맨 위로 of the brush. He whistled to draw X's attention.

"There 당신 are!" Getting out was no longer a priority. X charged back to the brush and thrust his hands into it, grabbing the brush's core. He shook and shook and shook. When Private didn't fall down, the manager started climbing up.

Forty-three Winky, forty-four Winky, forty-five Winky.

Private jumped down just as the brushes began to rotate and the water jets turned on. Kowalski had been successful hacking the keypad outside that customers used to enter their wash codes.

X would normally say that KomondorKlean brushes have a gentle touch. When he was attached to one, though, all he could say was, "Aaaaaaaahhhh!"

Round and round and round he went, blasted 의해 streams of water with each revolution. Fifteen terrifying 초 passed before the brush released him, flinging him off as if he were mud on a Jeep. He landed farther down the car wash, in a 우주 where no brushes 또는 water jets touched him.

Not that he would know, however, since he was no longer conscious.

Private looked at X for a moment and then waddled back to where he had parked the car 의해 the entrance, being careful to avoid becoming entangled in any machinery himself. He blew the horn twice, and Skipper and Marlene opened the entrance door. Private put the car in reverse and drove out.

"Great work being the bait, Private," Marlene said as she walked up to the car.

"As always, soldier," Skipper added.

"Thanks," Private replied.

"I have to ask," Skipper said. "How were his puns?"

"He made only one. He said, 'You won't wax me this time. That's a three-dollar upgrade.'"

Skipper put a flipper to his lower beak. "Hmm. It's a little better than the vacuum one he made to Marlene and me earlier, but still pretty weak."

Kowalski turned to Skipper. "Actually, Skipper, the joke's on him. My hacking set the car wash to run every available option. Undercarriage wash. Tire shine. The wax is being applied right about . . . now."

Skipper laughed. "Good thing he wears sunglasses to protect his vision from his shiny new look!"

"Rico," Private said, "did 당신 finish your part of the mission?"

Rico mumbled and gestured that he had regurgitated a plush 펭귄 and a plush 수달, 오 터 for Chelsea and put them in the unconscious child's arms.

"Well," Skipper said, "we don't have long here. The little girl and her mother are going to wake up any minute. Let's go."

The penguins and Marlene climbed into the car. Private remained in the driver's seat, with Skipper 다음 to him and Kowalski, Rico, and Marlene in the back. The 수달, 오 터 waved goodbye to the sweet girl who would soon wake up as they drove past Liz's car on the way out of the parking lot.

As Private stopped at the end of the driveway, a city bus was driving 의해 on the same side of the street. "Hey look, Marlene!" he said, pointing at the bus after noticing the ad that was on the side of it. "Isn't that—"

Skipper's left flipper cut off Private and his right stretched to the back 좌석 to cover Marlene's eyes. "Nope."

"Hey, c'mon," Marlene said as she pushed Skipper's flipper away. "Let me see."

The bus had already passed, but the back had an ad for the same advertiser as the one on the side. It was still close enough for Marlene to make out the most important words. And the man's face.

"Enrico Guitaro!" Marlene exclaimed. "He's coming back to Central Park in June!"

♦ ♦ ♦

Thirty-seven 분 later, X opened his eyes. His vision was a bit blurry, but he could feel that he was sitting down somewhere comfortable.

"Mr. X!" Liz said. "Are 당신 all right?"

X rubbed his head. It felt sore. And . . . waxy? "Liz? Where am I?"

"You're in my car. A customer found 당신 passed out in the car wash, and he and I carried 당신 here. What happened?"

As his vision began to unblur, he saw Chelsea standing 다음 to her mother, holding her toys. He jumped a little in his seat. "The penguins! The penguins! And the otter!"

Liz pointed at the stuffed bird. "There's just one penguin. Chelsea's souvenir from the zoo. 당신 hit your head pretty hard; you're probably seeing double."

"Four penguins!"

"Or quadruple. Just relax. The paramedics should be here any 분 now."

Chelsea was too young to understand everything that was going on around her, but seeing her mother's boss that way filled her with confusion and worry. She hugged her 펭귄 and 수달, 오 터 extra tight for comfort.

Boiiiing!

Maybe a little too tightly.

"Aaahh!" X shouted as the head of a plush 수달, 오 터 struck his chest and bounced into his lap.

Chelsea gasped. "Sorry, Mr. X! I didn't mean to!"

Liz looked at the plush 수달, 오 터 head in her boss's lap and then at the now-decapitated plush 수달, 오 터 in her daughter's hands, a vibrating spring where a neck used to be. "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I really thought they were making better-quality otters now." She thought for a moment. "It won't be easy, but I might be able to fix her. Commence Operation: Sewing Kit!"

Chelsea looked up at her, confused. "Huh?"

"Call me crazy, but Mr. 펭귄 strikes me as a military man," Liz said with a smile as she pointed at Chelsea's other plush. "He'd say that difficult things are always less challenging with a good mission name."