We were putting up 크리스마스 decorations in the living room and Latoya said "you know Michael; I feel really bad because no one really acknowledges how amazing 당신 are as a single father!" I started to blush and said "you're just saying that! I'm not as amazing as 당신 think I am; I have my faults!" She said "all I know is that I couldn't handle being a single parent and being as famous as 당신 are! I mean sure I'm famous too; but nowhere near as famous as 당신 are! The fact that 당신 can be on stage for three hours and then go back to a hotel to immediately switch your brain into daddy mode is awesome!" I said "yeah; but I'll be the first to admit that I can be a pushover when it comes to AJ! I'm hoping that I can learn to be stricter once I have 더 많이 kids!" She said "that reminds me; before the baby is born 당신 should take AJ on a vacation somewhere; just so the two of 당신 can spend some time together before you’re too busy with the rest of the tour also." I responded "I was thinking about that yesterday! Maybe in January I will take her to 디즈니 World because she loves going there. I don't think she really gets the whole concept of having a brother. I don't think she understands that she's not going to be able to be the center of attention anymore because I'll have to 스플릿, 분할 my time between the two of them I'm just going to spend as much quality time with AJ before Prince is born."
***
I am still struggling with AJ's behavior and it seems to be getting worse. I've noticed that it's 더 많이 rage filled than it used to be. I was doing the dishes in the 부엌, 주방 while AJ finished her dinner. She said "daddy, I'm done eating." I walked over to the 표, 테이블 and said "I want 당신 to just eat one 더 많이 bite and then 당신 can get down." Without saying a word, she pushed the plate of 파스타 onto the floor and looked up at me for a reaction. I said "that's not okay; you're going to timeout now." She completely overreacted to me putting her in the corner of the room. She took off her light up Spiderman sneakers and attempted to throw them at my head. She always cries almost to the point where she's going to start hyperventilating.
I decided to do something that I normally wouldn't do; I sat down 다음 to her on the floor and asked "why are 당신 so angry?" She said "I don't understand why I'm in trouble daddy." I said "because 당신 tossed your plate on the floor." I looked down at her and realized that she must've been so angry that she blacked out and didn't remember anything that had happened in the past few minutes. I let her go off into her play room to watch TV and I still sat there on the 부엌, 주방 floor thinking. There has to be something else going on with AJ! A normal temper tantrum isn't supposed to be like that. I have to figure out what's going on before this gets out of control!
***
I had a behavioral specialist come over to the ranch today to evaluate Alanna and I'm currently standing outside her bedroom door pacing back and forth. The specialist opened the door and he said "you can come in now Michael." I sat down on the 침상, 소파 that's in AJ's room and the specialist said "I've discovered that I think she has oppositional defiance disorder. That means that she doesn't really think about things before she does them and that she will probably never respect authority figures in her life. When she gets angry she tends to forget why she's mad in the first place." I said "that doesn't sound like a bad issue to deal with. I'll be able to handle it!" He responded "the prognosis for her future based on statistics is that she will probably end up getting in trouble with the law a lot. It really would surprise me if 당신 end up being able to control her behavior. I know that you'll definitely have to be a strict father when it comes to how 당신 raise her because if you're not she's not going to listen to 당신 at all. There's one 더 많이 thing that 당신 should know, I've also discovered that AJ has all the characteristics of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) I said "I actually thought she might have ADHD myself; so I'm not surprised to hear 당신 say that. She always needs to be entertained because if she isn't she gets into trouble." The specialist said "if 당신 would like to, I could prescribe Ritalin to help deal with her hyperactivity." My eyes widened in shock because I was surprised that he would even bring that up as an option.
I picked AJ up and sat her down on my lap as I said "there's no way I'm going to put her on Ritalin just because she's a little 더 많이 hyper than other kids! I totally disagree with ADHD medication in every way! I've seen kids on that stuff before and all they do is walk around like unhappy zombies all day! I'm not going to do that to my daughter! She's perfectly fine just the way she is; even with a behavioral disorder and ADHD!" The specialist responded "do 당신 realize how difficult that's going to be Michael? Dealing with the behavioral issues is going to be hard enough for 당신 as it is!" I said arrogantly "I don't care! I can handle her; just like I have been since she's been alive! I'm going to prove to 당신 that AJ is going to be able to beat the national statistics for this behavioral disorder 당신 diagnosed her with! With my help, she will be a well behaved person who will grow up to be a successful adult in today's society! Thank 당신 very much for your help; my bodyguard will walk 당신 out to your car! Don't bother coming back here because I'm very offended 의해 the fact that 당신 think that just because I'm Michael Jackson I won't be able to handle my daughter's unruly behavior!"
The specialist just looked at me emotionless and walked with Jeffrey out to his car. I looked at AJ and said "I can't believe that guy! Don't worry AJ; I won't let 당신 become just another statistic! You're not going to end up in jail as long as I'm around to stop that from happening! You're fine just the way 당신 are and so what if you're a little hyper! I wouldn't change 당신 for anything in this world because you're exactly who you’re supposed to be! I'm especially not going to drug 당신 with that type medication because then you'll just be going through the motions every single day!" She just looked up at me and I asked "you don't understand what I'm talking about at all; do you?" She just shook her head and said "nope." I chuckled and said "that's what I thought! That's okay; daddy just needed to vent I think."
***
I've been spending most of my time lately preparing for 크리스마스 in a few days and celebrating holidays like this is still very new to me because I grew up a devout Jehovah's Witness. Once Debbie found out she was pregnant with AJ I decided that I would give up practicing that religion because I wanted all of my children to be able to experience the typical childhood. That was a sacrifice I was 더 많이 than willing to make so my children can grow up as normal as possible. I hate the fact that they are 당신 going to unfortunately miss out on what most middle-class children experience. I'm trying my best to compensate for what the children will eventually have to face.
I was counting down the 분 until AJ's naptime because I have tons of 크리스마스 presents to 덮개, 랩 and I don't want her to see any of them. I went into the living room and said "alright AJ; time to go upstairs and watch a movie 또는 something until 당신 fall asleep." She casually said "but I don't want to." I smiled and said "I know; but 당신 have to." I picked her up and I could tell that she was desperately trying to stay awake to prove that she wasn't tired. I walked upstairs and put her underneath the blankets on her bed. She started her usual array of excuses; "daddy I need a drink! I'm not tired! I want to sleep downstairs!" I said "just take a nap and before 당신 know it you'll be awake again."
I'm constantly forgetting that AJ was diagnosed with ADHD and maybe asking her to take a two 시간 nap is unrealistic. I said "okay; 당신 can stay awake because maybe 당신 aren't tired after all. 당신 are to stay in here; do 당신 understand?" She said "yes; I'll stay in here daddy." I was far less than convinced that she would actually listen to me; but I locked my bedroom door just as a precaution; that way she would at least have to knock. As I looked at the mountain of toys and things I had purchased for her for Christmas, I realized that I had completely gone overboard this year. The crazy part is that she's probably going to get hundreds 더 많이 presents from other family members and my famous friends. Elizabeth (Taylor) especially likes to spoil her because she is just thrilled with the fact that I decided to become a father in the first place.
I just can't wait to see Alanna's face on 크리스마스 morning when she sees all these presents under the 크리스마스 나무, 트리 and around the living room. After I was finished wrapping the gifts, I went into AJ's bedroom and she was sitting on the floor playing with Legos. She looked up at me and ran up to me as if she hadn't seen me in years. I picked her up and she said "I 사랑 당신 so much daddy!" I said "I 사랑 당신 more!" It's times like this that make me almost want to cry because everybody in my family besides my mother and Latoya complain about how AJ behaves! If only they could see what I see in my daughter! All she needs is 사랑 because in the end she's just a kid!
***
크리스마스 is two days away and it's so cute because AJ is beyond excited. We were downstairs decorating the 쿠키 that had just come out of the 오븐 a few 분 이전 and I laughed as 더 많이 frosting ended up in AJ's mouth than on any of the cookies. I said "okay, okay, okay, that's enough AJ! 당신 don't want to make yourself sick!" I stood there in the 부엌, 주방 trying to wash her face off because it was covered in frosting; but I think it stained her face red temporarily.
We went into the living room and AJ started her 가장 좋아하는 pastime of climbing all over me like a monkey. A tickle fight ensued and I heard footsteps behind us. I turned around to see mother standing there and figured that Jeffrey must've left her inside. AJ said "hi grandma" as she shrieked with laughter. Mother smiled from ear to ear and said "you're too cute!" She looked at the 나무, 트리 set up in the living room and said "I see that you're still going to celebrate 크리스마스 Michael." I said "it's not because I'm trying to hurt 당신 mother. It's just because I want Alanna to have the childhood I didn't! I'm still going to bring my children up on the same core principles; just in a different way!" I looked at AJ and said "tell grandma what I told 당신 about Christmas." She said "daddy told me that it's 더 많이 important to give to a gift to a person than to get one yourself." I said "don't forget about the other thing that I told you." She thought about it for a 초 and said "Jesus first, others second, and yourself last; no matter what." I said "see mother; celebrating 크리스마스 isn't going to change who AJ is and I have to admit that I 사랑 seeing how happy she is on 크리스마스 morning!" She said "that's not going to change how I feel about it; but I respect your decision Michael!" I hugged mother before Jeffrey helped her out to her car and I kissed AJ's forehead.
***
I opened my eyes and looked at the clock 다음 to me to see that it was 4 AM on December 25. I knew I had to wake up early so I could start setting up things downstairs before AJ wakes up. Jeffrey started moving gifts downstairs at around midnight last night and I decided it was time to bring the gifts that I had purchased for her downstairs. I walked into the walk-in closet that's in my bedroom and grabbed as many presents as I could carry. I struggled to make it down the stairs because I couldn't see where I was going. Luckily, Jeffrey was walking past the staircase and said "here Michael; let me help 당신 with that!" He grabbed the gifts out of my arms and I walked back up the steps to retrieve the rest of them.
After I had gotten the rest of the presents from my bedroom, I went downstairs to the living room and that was the first time I noticed just how many gifts there were. I definitely went overboard this 년 compared to the last few Christmases because there are at least 500 presents covering the entire living room. The 크리스마스 나무, 트리 looked like it completely disappeared and Jeffrey said "I was down here most of the night moving presents over to the 크리스마스 tree. I just woke up from a four 시간 nap a few 분 ago." I said "well; thank 당신 for all your help Jeffrey! Enjoy the holiday with your family and I'll see 당신 in a few days." Jeffrey said "thank 당신 sir; I hope your family 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 with the rest of the Jackson's goes well tonight."
When Jeffrey left, I made my way to the 부엌, 주방 and remembered that AJ had set out 쿠키 and 우유 for "Santa Claus." I wasn't hungry at all because of how early in the morning it was; but I forced myself to eat two of the three 쿠키 on the plate and drink half of the glass of milk. 쿠키 were definitely not my idea of a balanced breakfast; but of course I would do anything to keep the magic of Santa Claus alive for AJ.
I walked upstairs around 5 AM and had completely forgotten to give AJ the Spiderman pajamas I bought for her. I was supposed to give them to her last night so she would be wearing them when she woke up this morning. I grabbed the pajamas out of my bedroom and had to figure out if I could manage to dress her in them without waking her up. As I walked into her bedroom, she was sprawled out almost to the point where she was falling out of bed. Every time she would move, I got worried that she would wake up; but I was able to get her dressed without a problem.
I waited downstairs listening to 크리스마스 음악 anticipating AJ waking up. A few hours later, I heard noises coming from upstairs and went to check on AJ. I walked into her room and laughed as her hair was sticking up in all different directions. She didn't notice me at first; but then I said "Merry Christmas" and she ran into my arms. She asked "did Santa Claus come?" I said "I don't know; 당신 have to go see! Didn't 당신 have 'Toy story’ pajamas on last night?" She looked down at her pajamas and said "whoa; Spiderman!" I smiled and said "let's go downstairs!"
She ran downstairs and I pulled my camera out of my pocket just fast enough to get a picture of her reaction to all the 크리스마스 presents. I chuckled as she stood there speechless staring at the Spiderman bike that was in the center of all the wrapped presents. I put her on the bike and her legs were too short to reach the pedals. I said "that's all right; I'll just fix them later." She got off the bike and immediately wanted to start ripping into the gifts; but I said "let's go see if Santa ate the 쿠키 당신 left for him last night first!"
AJ ran into the 부엌, 주방 and looked at the plate with the half eaten cookie on it. I said "there's a letter from Santa! Let me read it." I grabbed a letter and read aloud "thank 당신 for the 쿠키 and milk. I hope you're listening to your daddy. I have lots of house to go to; so this letter can't be very long. I hope 당신 like your bike and I'm looking 앞으로 to bringing presents for 당신 and your brother Prince 다음 year. Sincerely, Santa Claus and the reindeer." AJ jumped with excitement and I said "okay; let's go open some gifts!"
We sat down on the 침상, 소파 and I grabbed a stack of presents from the gigantic pile that covered our entire living room. I passed her one of them and she ripped it open. Spiderman after Spiderman gifts piled up like a mountain 다음 to her! Everything from Spiderman T-shirts to Spiderman bedding covered her side of the couch. I must've purchased every single Spiderman action figure from the new line of toys that just came out a few months ago! Some of things I bought I had totally forgotten about and it surprised me that I went so far as to buy Spiderman socks and toothpaste.
When all of the presents I had gotten for AJ had been opened, I said "okay; we have to wait a while until we can open the rest of the gifts because those are from 프렌즈 and family. We have to wait until they get here later for dinner. AJ said "okay; will 당신 open this stuff for me daddy; please?" I said "of course I can! Did 당신 like everything that I bought you?" She said "yeah; especially because 당신 didn't buy me girl clothes and stuff this year!" I chuckled and said "yeah; I'm just happy that you'll play with the stuff that I bought 당신 this year! I bought 당신 a whole bunch of princess toys last 년 and 당신 never even wanted me to take them out of the box!"
I spent over an 시간 struggling to get some of the large action figures out of the packaging. I don't understand why they make the packaging "daddy proof!" It's so difficult to get anything out of the box because they use tape, wires, and everything else 당신 could think of to make it almost impossible for anyone to get out. Let me tell 당신 that me trying to get these toys out of their boxes for my daughter who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder was quite an event! Every 30 초 I would hear "hurry up daddy! You're a slow poke!" I laughed and said "hang on Alanna! I'm trying, I'm trying!"
A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door and I went to go answer it. It was a huge group of people; which included Janet, rebbie, Randy, Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, Latoya, my manager Frank, and Elizabeth Taylor, I said "Merry 크리스마스 everyone; thank 당신 for coming!" I went into the living room and AJ was clearly irritated with me for taking her away from the toys that I finally was able to get open so she could greet all the guests that had just arrived. Once she saw that Elizabeth was there, she practically jumped out of my arms and into hers. Elizabeth hugged AJ tightly in her arms and said "Merry 크리스마스 sweetheart!" I 사랑 seeing AJ with Elizabeth because she was the one who convinced me to pursue becoming a father in the first place.
Elizabeth hugged me and looked around the living room as she said "well; this is definitely quite the improvement from the first 크리스마스 당신 celebrated with me here back in 1993 Michael! I remember 당신 locked yourself in your bedroom and cried for hours because 당신 felt terrible for celebrating Christmas!" I said "it makes it easier now that I'm a daddy!" AJ said "Aunt Liz; daddy got me a lot of Spiderman stuff!" Elizabeth responded "he did? I like your pajamas!" AJ said "thank you" and reached out for me to grab her from Elizabeth's arms.
As all of us sat there eating dinner, Janet asked "how come AJ has a boy haircut Michael?" I responded "that's what she wanted her hair to look like." She asked "why are there so many Spiderman things all over the living room?" I said "oh; that's all of AJ's 크리스마스 presents that I bought her this year." She asked "where's all the 담홍색, 핑크 and Princess stuff Michael?" I said "AJ hates girly things!" Janet said "you shouldn't buy her boy things Michael!" I cleared my throat and asked "why?" She said "because girls are supposed to like feminine things like 꽃 and 바비 인형 dolls!" I said "I used to get her girls toys; but she would never play with them! I'm not going to force her to play with stereotypical female toys because she doesn't like them! Who cares if she's a tomboy? She's my child and I 사랑 her just the way she is!"
After everyone had left, I looked around for AJ and checked in the living room. She had fallen asleep on the floor with a Spiderman action figure in her hand. I picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. I covered her up at the blankets and her eyes slightly opened. She said "thank 당신 for my presents daddy!" I smiled and said "you're welcome AJ!" She lightly pecked my lips and I said "I 사랑 당신 AJ; Merry Christmas!" I shut off the light and went downstairs to conquer a huge mess of gift 덮개, 랩 and bowties that now covered my living room floor.
***
I rubbed sunscreen onto AJ's shoulders and said "okay; we can go swimming now!" She didn't seem as excited as she normally would be about going in the swimming pool. I was surprised that she didn't immediately get into the pool and she looked distracted. She had been 연기 like that all morning and I couldn't get a straight answer out of her. I jumped out of the pool and sat 다음 to her on the ground as I asked "what's wrong AJ? Don't 당신 want to go in the pool? She paused for a 초 and hesitated pausing once again. She had a worried expression on her face which only made me wonder 더 많이 what could possibly be going on. She looked at me and I asked "what's wrong AJ?" She whispered "I want to go swimming; but can I go potty first?"
It took me a 분 to process what she had just asked me because I have been waiting to hear those words for such a long time now! I picked her up and said "you don't have to ask me that AJ!" I ran for the nearest bathroom and she started crying. I was completely caught off guard 의해 that because all the other times I had brought her in here she never cried! I asked "why are 당신 crying?" She bolted out of the bathroom and I ran after her. She continuously cried all the way upstairs to her bedroom and I followed behind her. I sat down on the edge of the 침대 as she cried into her pillow. I was so confused and didn't know what caused her to cry. I picked her up and sat her on my lap as I asked "please tell me what's wrong?" She didn't say a thing; so I decided to guess. I asked "are 당신 scared?" She shook her head no and continued to cry.
I could tell that she really did have to go desperately at this point; but the conversation was going nowhere. I said "you know 당신 can tell me anything AJ!" She sobbed and said "I want to stay your baby forever daddy!" She must've overheard me talking to mother a couple of weeks 이전 about how hard it is on me to let AJ grow up! I said "AJ; you'll always be my baby! 당신 going pee in the potty isn't going to change that!" I stood up with her in my arms and said "come on; I want 당신 to go try."
She started hyperventilating and I felt awful because it feels like I caused this. Once we got into the bathroom, she protested "I'm not going to go!" I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and said "it's okay AJ!" I realized that she wasn't going down without a fight and my 심장 hurt for her as she just cried to the point of almost making herself sick. I had to think of something to distract her because if I didn't I would've started crying too!
I thought about it for a 초 and started making funny faces at her. I stuck my tongue out, 십자가, 크로스 my eyes, and anything else I could think of. She started to laugh and I smiled; but the 초 I stopped making faces at her she started crying again. As I was running out of faces to make, she said "oh no" and started crying again. That's when I realized that my idea of creating a distraction had worked. I said "yay AJ; don't cry!" She said "daddy; I didn't want to go!" I picked her up and said "it's no big deal AJ! 당신 don't have to cry about it anymore because it's done with! She continued to cry; no matter how much I praised her.
I walked into the 부엌, 주방 and we went outside to the swimming pool and AJ was STILL uncontrollably crying into my shoulder. I said "it's okay AJ; all 당신 did was pee in the potty!" I put her down on the ground and ran over to the cotton 캔디 vendor a few feet away. I came back and knelt down 다음 to her as she sobbed into the grass. I said "AJ; look what I have!" She looked up and her eyes widened at the site of the huge blue cotton 캔디 stick in front of her. It was killing me inside just knowing how much sugar was inside that cotton 캔디 because I don't like it when she eats a lot of sugar! I just couldn't handle listening to her cry anymore!
As she reached for it, I asked "are 당신 going to stop crying and make sure there's not going to be a lot 더 많이 accidents from now on?" She said "I promise daddy!" I passed it to her and scooped her up into my arms. I said "I'm so proud of 당신 AJ! I don't know why 당신 were so upset! I want 당신 to know that you'll always be daddy's baby girl; no matter what!" I never thought this would be as difficult as it has been! I hope I didn't bite off 더 많이 than I can chew 의해 adding another baby on 상단, 맨 위로 of AJ and her behavioral issues! I'm glad I don't have to deal with what I just had to deal with for at least a few 더 많이 years after Prince is born!"
***
The phone rang and I heard Debbie's voice on the other end say "Michael; my water just broke!"
TO BE CONTINUED :-)
Happy as he could be
look at that face...who can't say no to that face??
what he usually wears around the house.
michael upset as he walks into the theatre....
MJ- The Undisputed KING of Music
Little Rose at 34 weeks in the womb <3
michael sitting in diane's office ;)
Michael Jackson
"I want to adopt one boy and one girl from each continent." MJ.
