August 2nd, 2003 - Ryman Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee

My Nashville trip to see Lisa Marie Presley turned out to be the best 일 of my life....but it didn't start out that way to begin with. For the past 4 weeks I have been living with my grandpa (he has been a father to me, many times I've mistakenly called him dad, 또는 referred to him as that). My grandpa had been sick for months, but I always said he'd get through it....hell, nothing could kill grandpa, no matter how hard it tried. All the cousins would always joke that he had 더 많이 lives than a cat. Well, my grandma is legally blind so me staying with them was a big help, I could give him his pills, adjust his oxygen, help him into his wheel chair, and prepare him food. Whenever we could I'd drive my grandma to the store for groceries, my grandpa's prescriptions, and to check the p.o. box. I was the only grandchild who would stay with my grandpa if someone else could take my grandma to the store, but for the past 2 weeks no one had even offered to take grandma to the store so I would do that, we normally wouldn't be gone 더 많이 than an 시간 또는 two for he was unable to get out of 침대 on his own, and he couldn't control his bladder and began having accidents often. My grandpa had always been my lifeline, the only person who can make me laugh, and the one there for me no matter what. Even when I was in trouble...same goes for him, hell, whenever I'd leave the house I'd tell him to behave, and he'd say "I'll try....you behave too". Everyone always said that I am just like my grandpa, strong willed, mindset, and at times just downright stubborn, but I always said it loud and said it proud, I was just like grandpa. I'd always tell grandpa about LMP...I'd tell him about her interviews, what she said, what she wore, what she was up to, I told him everything. I always would be 노래 around him, of course it was always Lisa Marie Presley. For months I told him when Lisa's album would be out, days and even weeks ahead where she'd be performing, 또는 making a t.v. appearance. Yet he knew the most important 날짜 would be the 일 that I was to see Lisa in 음악회, 콘서트 all the way in Nashville Tennessee, a 14 시간 drive from Ft. Myers Florida. I had started working on a special project for Lisa when I would meet her about 2 weeks 이전 I started working 더 많이 progressively for it. Every time I was online 또는 on the computer he knew that it was for my "Lisa project". I always told him how many days it was until the concert, but I don't ever think it occurred to him that it was August 2nd, his 71st birthday. On his 53rd anniversary with my grandma we didn't do much, I reminded him that it was there anniversary, and he didn't say much...he knew what 일 the anniversary was, but didn't realize that it was that exact day. My grandma ended up being the one to tell him that I was going to the Lisa 음악회, 콘서트 on his b-day, though I'm not sure if she said that it would be on his b-day, 또는 just Saturday August 2nd...so now looking back on it I think, OMG, I never said bye to him when I left Friday morning to pack for the concert...I knew I'd be back to visit him before I left to leave for Nashville, but maybe he didn't realize it...Lord knows, he was out of it, he stopped responding to people, the nurses did warn us of this ahead of time though. But Thursday night I stayed up all night with him at the Hope Hospice House...every 시간 또는 so he'd wake up and try to lift his head and say something...I would just whisper to him that it was o.k. that it was me and that I was there for him. When I went 집 to pack Friday it was about 12:30....everyone kept telling me I needed to go 집 and pack for the trip...I was hesitent, I didn't want to leave at all. My family kept telling me that I had been there for 4 weeks and if grandpa could speak that he would tell me to go on to Nashville because that was what I had looked 앞으로 to, it was going to be the best 일 of my life and that if he died while I was gone it's what he would've wanted, that he didn't want me to have to be there when he left. I finally gave in and my sister drove me 집 to take a quick 샤워 and pack...I knew that listening to Lisa would really get me into the mood for the trip, so I get in the 샤워 and turn on the cd player....I don't know why but I had the strongest instinct to put on the song "Nobody Noticed It"...I blasted it, and of course sang along as if I owned that song (LOL!). I got out of the 샤워 and got dressed...then the phone kept ringing, I saw my mom's name on the caller i.d. but decided not to answer it...I figured she'd call just to nag at me about how not to forget anything, 또는 how not to waste any money. My sis finally answered the phone and when she got off she said that Grandpa had died at 1:30....right when I was listening to "Nobody Noticed It". I didn't realize it until later that it was during the song...the first thing I did was take a deep breath, I couldn't believe that he left me, then I hated him, I hated him for leaving me, I spent 4 weeks of my time to come stay with him and help get him better, and in return I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I hated him for that plain and simple. My sis started yelling at me saying it wasn't fair to grandpa, and especially to grandma if I were to go into there mad at him. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to see him...and I certainly didn't want to face grandma, 또는 be in the presence of Grandpa...he was gone, and I didn't want to be around the family either. My sister refused to leave me 집 alone...that's all that I wanted, was to be alone. She called my dad but all she got was his voicemail so my sister told me to put my feelings aside, to be the bigger person, and come with her and be there for grandpa and grandma. I did what I was told, I didn't say anything to my family about how they are all hypocrites, never there for grandpa, always avoiding grandma's calls if she needed to get to the store 또는 grandpa to the doctor. I had been sitting in the Hope Hospice Room with Grandpa for about 20 분 and slowly one 의해 one the family left the room to where it was only my Grandpa on the bed, my grandma in the chair 다음 to it, my sister and cousin Cassy on the couch, and her husband Mitch 다음 to the other side of the couch, and me in the chair close to the door. Finally it was where I was with the family who actually was there whenever they could be, (even though my sis didn't do much for them, but she did what she could). My grandma asked if I was in the room and my sister responded saying yes, she's in the chair, and she told me to come sit on the 침대 with Grandpa, I told her no, she asked again, and my voice quivering 더 많이 I said once again no, she said it one last time and 의해 then I couldn't take it anymore and was overwhelmed and said no and ran out the door, past my uncle and his girlfriend in the waiting room to the bathroom now in tears. My sister came after me and tried to talk to me but I was way too upset...she just held me and talked about what was bothering me and what the hardest part was. She then went on to say the first thing that grandma asked about when my sister first went into the room was "how's Aeriel" and "is she o.k.". She knew how close me and grandpa were and was 더 많이 concerned about me than herself 또는 anyone else. I couldn't face her, she 로스트 her husband, the person she'd known for all of her life, the man she had 5 children with, built a life with since she married him at the tender age of 15 and had their first child at 16. Yet here I am, only having him in my life for 15 years, but having gone on summer vacations with every 년 since I was about 8 until he got too sick to travel with, and having lived with him the first 2 또는 3 years of my life with while my parents worked, and who would always teach me everything I needed to know to grow up with was now gone, yet my grandma was concerned about me, not her, but me. It totally blew my mind, but I knew logically she was right to be concerned, but I wrote it off as if it was nothing and that it was completely ridiculous. I knew I had to leave soon before my grandma asked about me again to come in, 또는 before the other family members started looking at me funny 또는 whatever. I just felt so uncomfortable I wanted to get out quick. 의해 that time I'd reached my dad on his cell phone and he said he was on his way to pick me up and take me back 집 to finish the packing. I went 집 and finished in a hurry, went back to my grandma & grandpa's apartment for a few things I had forgotten and that's when I saw my grandma. She didn't say much just asked me that if when I come 집 whether 또는 not I'd like to stay with her in the apartment...I said I didn't know, I wasn't sure about anything anymore, if I could handle being around her, 또는 in the apartment with so many memories, 또는 for whatever reason. I asked her if she had any socks because I left so quickly I forgot to pack some, my grandma went into the bedroom and came back out with a pair, she said they were grandpa's and that I could wear them if I wanted to. I felt so special right then, that she would give me something of his to wear. I then left for the airport and got on the plane....the whole time I was thinking "This can't be happening"....that's all I can describe it as...of course now I've got "Indifferent" stuck in my head because of that one line, but still (LOL!). I was in denial for about a 일 또는 so, after meeting Lisa I have to say that I did know and understand everything....it was just something she said, 또는 how real she was with me that clicked and something went off inside my head that was telling me that I had to make it last and 옮기기 on with my life. Saturday morning I woke up and I ran into the bathroom because I realized what 일 it was, Saturday August 2nd...what would've been my grandpa's 71st birthday. I couldn't breathe and felt very sick, I hadn't eaten anything the 일 before and the thought of 음식 made me sick to my stomach. I got dressed and my sister and I went to breakfast with her advisor she had for when she went to college in Tennessee...I ate some 팬케이크 because my sister insisted I eat something before my friend Tara got into town. We finished eating and I told my sister that I needed to go get some makeup from the drugstore because of the hectic past 2 days I never got a chance to get some. When we were checking out at the register we got a call from Tara that she was at the hotel and we left for the hotel. The rest of the 일 hanging out I still didn't believe my grandpa was gone....and I couldn't believe I was seeing Lisa that night either, but anticipation was building up but I didn't get 나비 in my stomach until I was actually sitting in my 좌석 at the 음악회, 콘서트 waiting for Lisa to come onstage, but I'll get to all of that in a minute. While at the convention center (which was where the 팬 meet up was originally scheduled to be at) I ran into a fellow Lisa 팬 and poster on Lisa's forum, LovinLisa! We had a great time hanging out and talking about Lisa, we even got pictures together...it was awesome, totally the coolest experience to meet another Lisa fan, and literally on the street, LOL! Of course we couldn't leave without taking pictures of Tara and me in front of Lisa's bus, and we even got some video footage of that. Tara and I along with my sister and her friend decided to go get some lunch before heading back to the hotel to get ready for the concert. When we got to the hotel it took me about an 시간 to straighten my hair and do my makeup, get into my outfit, and of course take some "before" (meeting Lisa) pictures, LOL! My sister, Tara, and I then got into our red 반 야생마, 무스탕, 무스 탕 rental car, and of course, blasted Lisa with the windows rolled down all the way to the Ryman Auditorium!. Once we got there I went to get my backstage passes and then went up to the 초 floor to buy some Lisa memorabillia, I bought two Lisa shirts, and even my sister got into it and bought one for herself which surprised me quite a bit. We then went and got our seats, front row right (as if 당신 were on stage looking out). Then I saw a guy ask someone on stage if there was anyway he could get a 기타 tab and I was like WTF! Why didn't I think of that? LOL!....so I was like o.k...well, I bet he's not meeting Lisa so it's all good, who cares about a 기타 tab when this is Lisa we're talking about, LOL! The 다음 thing I know Lisa's band comes on stage and starts playing and we all start clapping, a few 초 later Lisa walks on stage and the crowd went wild! I'm telling 당신 people were screaming, Tara and I stood up and screamed "Go Lisa" and then Lisa opened up with "Better Beware". Every time Lisa started doing that dancing with her hips the crowd screamed and whistled...it was the best feeling in the world to hear people screaming and being as excited as 당신 to see Lisa! Lisa got a very long standing ovation after her first song with people screaming "We 사랑 you" and me screaming "Lisa 당신 kick ass" LOL! It had to have lasted at least 3 또는 4 minutes! Lisa interacted a LOT with the audience, talking, and joking around, It was practically as good as her performing because it was Lisa just being Lisa which is the coolest thing to me ever! Throughout the 음악회, 콘서트 I was eyeing one of the guitarists and especially while Lisa introduced her band I really yelled for a certain guitarist, Don. He was amazing....I know a lot of 팬 are all about Michael...but I don't know, I'm just weird...I never follow the crowd, LOL! Well, all I can say is that he is sooo talented, and very cute! Well...after Lisa went offstage her band did too...and as Don walked off he winked at me and threw me his towel! OMG! I freaked out totally! I screamed "I 사랑 you" and "You rock"! I couldn't believe what had just happened...and let me tell you....neither could my sister, LMAO! It was hilarious, she was like "Aeriel!" OMFG!....how the hell did 당신 do that? I was like I didn't do anything! LOL!....and Tara was like OMG....he threw that right at you! And everyone around me was like wow, that's so cool...and my sister kept going on about how it's my first concert, I get front row seats, I get to meet Lisa, AND that happened! LOL!....it was the best 시간 of my life!!!! Sierra, Tara, and I then go back to where we were supposed to meet Tyler for the Meet and Greet and waited about ten 또는 fifteen 분 before we go down to the stairs to wait for your party's turn to go in and see Lisa. We had been waiting about 15 또는 so 분 before I noticed that there was somebody coming down the stairs, of course me oblivious to anyone around me because I could see Lisa from where I was standing didn't even turn to see who it was, but my sister goes Aeriel! Look who it is...I turn around and it's Don! Right there in front of me! I was like OMG! Will 당신 sign this for me? And handed him the towel and said sure, and asked how to spell my name and I told him and he signed it and gave me a hug! 의해 then I totally died and went to heaven....I couldn't believe what was happening! Of course I was soooo blown away I didn't think to ask him to take a picture with me...now looking back on it I'm sooo mad! I am like god! It was the perfect chance and I fucking blew it! My sis just laughs about it and is like "well maybe if 당신 weren't so 별, 스타 struck and pulled yourself together 당신 could've". LOL! About 30 초 later I hear someone behind me again, and this time, I got smart and turned around and it was Michael...so I say "Michael...can 당신 sign this for me please" and he looks at me and smiles and goes "hey! that's don's towel he threw 당신 isn't it" I go yeah, and laughed, and he jokes "ok...I'll do it when he's not looking" and he signed it! I was like, damn, this night can't get any better, and then I think, hell, it will...I'll be meeting Lisa any 분 now! LOL! So one of Lisa's people ask what my 포럼 name is so he can go in and tell Lisa, and I told him I was RoyalLisaMarie and a few 분 later he says we can go in now. My sister goes in first shakes Lisa's hand and goes "I'm Sierra", then Tara does the same (except says her name, not my sis's LOL), and then I go in and Lisa extends her hand toward me and I say "My name is Aeriel" and I shake it and at that moment I thought...OMFG....all of what I've been waiting for is here, right now! Then it got quiet because I didn't know what to say, well I knew what to say, I just didn't know where to start...LOL! My sis then turns to me and goes "Aeriel...why don't 당신 tell Lisa about how much you've gone through to get here"....so I began to tell Lisa how I'd been living with my grandpa for the past 4 또는 so weeks and how he was very sick, that my grandma was legally blind so I basically was the one to help out the most and take care of him, how no one would take care of my grandpa and take him to the hospital 또는 hope hospice house so I called and kept on until someone listened to me and took him in, but most importantlythat he was the one person I was closest to and even though I didn't point blank say "he was like my dad" I'm pretty sure she got the message because the whole time she looked at me as I was speaking directly in the eyes and once I finished talking she said "I've been there before" and was the most sincere person I've ever heard...she KNEW, everyone else always tries to offer condolences and help, but all 당신 want to do is say "fuck off" 당신 don't know a damn thing about what I'm feeling...but with Lisa it was different, SHE FUCKING KNEW!....I couldn't get over it, and for the first time I think I truly understood what she'd gone through...I'd never known anyone who had passed away, and I knew it must be hard for Lisa with all she'd been through...but I can honestly say I knew at that exact 초 that I was with someone who knew and cared just as me. What I keep hearing her repeat in my head was "It's good to get away from....that", and she was sooo right, she put it into words and I'll never forget that moment ever. I went on to tell Lisa why the project I was working on wasn't finished, and she was so cool about it, and she thanked me for coming all the way from Florida to see her, and that she was very happy I made it to the concert. I told her how the one thing that helped me through it all was "Nobody Noticed It" and she said thank 당신 again, and asked me if I wanted her to sign the project I was working on, and I said yes, she asked where and I said wherever she wanted, then she asked if the front was ok...and I said yes...she opened it up and was looking through it and kept telling me that it was so amazing, she even showed it to the camera person who was filming us and kept repeating about how much that meant to her that I had done that. I then told her about how whenever I'm having a conversation with someone I'll respond 또는 say something 의해 a quote from her and everyone always goes "omg...aeriel, Lisa said that!"...LOL! Then Tara says "yeah...she's been using the word premeditated a lot" and Lisa looks up and I go "I wasn't THAT premeditated" and Lisa laughed! It was the best thing to be able for her to see that in action...and to see her get a kick out of it as well...LOL! Then as Lisa was signing Tara's 셔츠 Tara goes "I have a 질문 about David Letterman" and Lisa didn't look up but before Tara said another word Lisa goes "the maggot" I was like "OMG! Lisa!...that was the EXACT thing she was thinking about!" LOL!...it was fucking hilarious! Tara was like "yeah...did 당신 say he was a maggot, 또는 it was a maggot" LOL!...Lisa answered her and it was the funniest thing to happen ever! Then while Lisa was signing something my sis had given her Lisa goes "I was on the 포럼 yesterday and someone said LMP Arrested? as a thread" and she joked about it, and Tara went along and was like "so, what'd they say 당신 were arrested for" LMAO! It was just great...I think Lisa's response was like I don't even know! LOL!....We had also heard that Priscilla was at the show and Tara knew my sis really wanted to meet her, so she goes "Where's Priscilla" and her response was something like "Yeah...where the hell is my mom" and she turned to one of her people and someone goes "out watching Chris Isaak's show"....LOL! It was fucking hilarious! It was just one of those moments that 당신 can laugh about after the fact! Then Tara wasn't going to stop there with her questions, she goes, "are your kids with you" and Lisa said they weren't but they were coming in the 다음 day. Then Tara asked Lisa if we could take separate pictures because she's in Arkansas and I'm in Florida and she was real cool about it and said sure. As Lisa and I went to take our picture she looked at my pants and goes "I have pants just like those!"...OMG! I laughed soo hard! I was going to say "yeah, that's where I got the idea from" but my sis was like yeah, she looked forever for those in the mall" LOL! We took the picture and then Tara took her picture with Lisa and we said bye and walked out of the room, but before we walked out I guess Lisa said she'd see us again, and Tara asked if she was coming back to Nashville and she said she wasn't sure but she'd see us again...I missed that part of the convo, I was still on 구름, 클라우드 nine thinking about how I finally got to meet Lisa, and it was the best moment of my life! When I got back to the hotel room I was in disbelief that I had met Lisa, but really sad that she was leaving...I wanted to go on tour with her sooo badly! LMAO!...that would've been great, but I guess I also really avoided going home, I didn't want to go back because I knew my grandpa's funeral was Monday. Of course there was nowhere for me to go but back 집 so the 다음 일 Tara and I said goodbye, got some 더 많이 video footage of us together, and she left for Arkansas, and me for the airport to catch a plane to Florida. The rest of the 일 Sunday all I was thinking about was how much I missed being around Lisa already, and worrying about when would be the 다음 time I'd ever get to see her because the only thing that kept me going after my grandpa died was knowing that I'd see Lisa...but now that it was over I went from the denial stage of his death to avoidance. Monday at the funeral I were my LMFP Bite This 셔츠 with a black sweater over it...that morning was the family viewing, I had never been so uncomfortable in my life...I didn't want to see him, then I knew that I'd never hear him laugh, see him smile, 또는 have him tease me again....I refused to go up to him to say goodbye, I didn't want to see him like that...I wanted to remember him alive...my cousins kept telling me he looks so much better than he had in years, that he looked like the old "pawpaw" as they refer to him...I kept saying no, I don't want to see my grandpa like this, and if I went up there I didn't want everyone looking at me cuz I knew if I went up there I'd cry and I hate being observed and having everyone watch every 옮기기 and reaction. It chilled me to the bone...plus I knew my grandma would want to say something to me, 또는 be near me and I couldn't face that...not after running out of the room when she wanted me to sit 다음 to him on the 침대 right after he passed away. About an 시간 later the service began and I sat in the back but in a 좌석 because someone insisted that since I was a family member that I should have a 좌석 instead of standing in the back. I sat down 다음 to my sister, the minister basically talked about "letting go" and "moving on" and how grandpa was in a "better place" words that I just didn't want to hear. They didn't talk about my grandpa as a person, how funny he was, and how he always looked out for all the girls best interests, and put all the boys in line, (lol). They didn't say how he survived his death bead many times before and had survived through what killed most people. I guess that upset me quite a bit...and the fact that they had the nerve to stand there and say how we should react and what we should do, and all this "god" bullshit that I was getting really tired of hearing the past year. I was raised Christian...but after going through so much hell in my life I couldn't take it anymore and it took everything in me not to stand up and say what I felt...but I had to respect Grandpa...I wanted everything to be perfect for him...and I didn't want it to be any harder on my Grandma than it had to be. Right now I still believe my grandpa's in the 다음 room alseep, waiting for him to start banging his cane on the dresser so I can run into the room and give him his medicine, 또는 fix his oxygen. My mom will tell me not to leave the apartment if my grandma and her sister are gone to the store since no one will be there...I was about to say, Grandpa will be there...but I forgot that he was gone, last night I was on the computer late beginning to type my "Lisa experience" and I pass through to the bedroom to check on him and I realize he's not there, that he's gone, I go out on the porch where he'd spend hours slumped over in the wheelchair just so he can be outside and I think that I'm going to check on him to make sure he's alright...and he's not there. So many times the past weekend I'll think, "I need to call and tell my grandma where my grandpa's b-day card is, but I realize he's not here, 또는 I'd talk about how I can't wait to tell grandpa about it, but realize again, he's not here". Him not being here is something I'll never get used to...I know 80 years later when I'm 95 I'll still expect him to be in the 다음 room when I go and check on him. It's not fair that I have to go that long without him when my grandma doesn't have to but for 더 많이 than another 20 years if that....everyone's preparing for her to go too...they've been together all their lives and they say after one goes, it's not uncommon for the 다음 to go because that person was their sole reason for living. I thought it would be too hard for me to keep living with my grandma in the apartment...but for me it seems easier for me to stay here so I can pretend like nothing has changed, and that he'll come back soon. Before my Grandpa died I planned on living here for the 다음 3 years until I graduated from highschool....now I don't know what I'm going to do....I just know that "home" with my mom and her bf just isn't where I belong. My grandma said if I wanted for the 다음 two months she'd stay living in the apartment and once Hope Hospice comes to take my grandpa's hospital 침대 and oxygen that I could have his room as mine, I want that...it makes me feel closer to him. My grandma has given me a pair of his socks...and even his blanket she hasn't washed yet. I wish I could've told my grandpa how my trip with Lisa went....but I can't, and now I'm dealing with it 분 의해 minute....but I can still say the best thing and the only thing that kept me going was Lisa Marie Presley...her music, and the person she is, because she is the best role model out there. So I thank Lisa from the bottom of my heart...you truly are my inspiration, and the reason for me being alive. I 사랑 당신 girl!