It doesnt make sense anymore,
There isnt any reason to live,
Everything that has ever mattered has fallen apart
And nothing will turn into everything I will ever have.



.

I carefully peeped inside, scanning the room for a boy dressed in black skinny jeans, a white t- 셔츠 and a red vest. He was sitting cross-legged in a corner with his back toward me and was fiddling with something shiny in his hands.
"You cant just keep running from your problems" I said and he glanced over his shoulder and turned back.
"You dont know what its like to take away someones life especially your brother" his normal sweet voice icy cold.
I had hoped he would come here , our 9th grade 나무, 트리 house ( his dad had helped him build it and it became a hanging out place for not only Joe 또는 me but for his brothers.), because this was the place in the past ,he would normally come to when he was angry, depressed 또는 심장 broken( like a week 이전 when he had ran away after his confession of being in 사랑 with me).
why would he come here? I thought in my mind.
This place was full of memories and after running out of the church when seeing his younger brother, I thought he would go somewhere that didnt have so many reminders especially of that night; since this was where it happened.
"It was an accident," I said going over and sitting 다음 to him.
When I had done this he moved himself away from me so there was a good distance between us.
"Joe?" I asked reaching out and turning his face so that our eyes locked.
"Yea?"
'I'm not ready to lose you"
He sighed looking down then back up.
"Me neither"

Part 5 cont'd

"So why are 당신 pushing me away?" I asked reaching out with my other hand and lacing my fingers with his.
For a moment he looked confused but then his facial expression changed and he unlaced our fingers and forcefully pushed my hands away. He got to his feet with rage and walked away from me to the window.




'I'm not the one trying to do that "he said.
I thought 의해 his reaction his voice would have come out cruel 또는 fierce but instead it was low and hard to tell his mood. I got up and stood behind him.
'Yes 당신 are Joe. Cant 당신 see that youre doing it right now? No one else but you!"
"It's not me !" he replied anger growing in his voice as he turned around to face me, "If 당신 weren't so blind , then maybe 당신 would figure it out for yourself"
"I am not blind!"
"Yes 당신 are, face it. 당신 couldn't even figure out that after nine years I was in 사랑 with you! Never the less figure out that your stupid jackass of a husband is the one that's tearing us apart!" he shouted tears swelling up in his eyes.
"He is-" I said before choosing to close my mouth to hold back whatever I was going to say.
Truth was all the memories of Sterling and I played back.
***********
"Why are 당신 hanging out with that loser?" sterling said taking the 좌석 beside me before Joe got a chance.
"He's not a loser," I said as I watched Joe head to find a different 좌석 in the Science room.
"I mean come on, hes got a big head, dorky glasses, horrible fashion sense and so on. What do 당신 see in him?"
"Something 당신 don't"

"I told 당신 already I don't want that thing at our wedding!" he said shouting at me.
"And I told 당신 already, hes my best friend and I want him there!"
"Hes going to ruin it and 당신 already know how I feel about him"
"I don't care, hes coming and that's it"

"Where are 당신 going?" he asked blocking the exit of the door.
"To Joe's, our anniversary of becoming 프렌즈 is today. So we are going out tonight to celebrate"
"What's so great about meeting that freak anyway?"
"Sterling that freak has been there for me when 당신 couldn't"
"I get it now," he said clinching his teeth together, " You're cheating on me with that son of a b**** aren't you? "
He began walking to me with in his eyes something I had never seen in them; fury.

I squeezed my eyes closed as I remembered what happened after that. To be truthful, that wasn't the first time he beat me but it was the most severe. And it was actually the same night that Joe had tried to rescue me.

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