2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells 당신 to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the 사랑 of your life. 당신 should stay with him since he will keep 당신 안전한, 안전 forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling 당신 he will never see 당신 again), it is because he loves 당신 so much he will suffer just to keep 당신 safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your 프렌즈 and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as 당신 keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even 더 많이 romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave 당신 always come back.
9. Because they come back, 당신 should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though 당신 have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, 당신 should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy 당신 something.
11. 당신 should use said male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical 또는 technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while 당신 run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what 당신 must do.
13. Car theft in the service of 사랑 is acceptable.
14. If the boy 당신 are in 사랑 with causes 당신 (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten 당신 end up in the hospital, 당신 should tell the doctors and your family that 당신 “fell down the steps” because 당신 are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if 당신 sacrifice everything 당신 are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills 또는 emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When 글쓰기 a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal 출처 material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making 또는 watching a major feature film, 당신 should gleefully embrace the 20 분 of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. 뱀파이어 — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.
