I can’t imagine who’d be interested in 읽기 this senseless garbage but apparently there are some out there who do since ya’ll keep posting these things. I get it; it’s the hip thing to do, everyone else is doing it, surely someone out there cares about my opinion on something so trivial as the order in which I objectify 9 women. Well it’s happened my lovelies—I’ve given in to the peer pressure. But if I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this only once and I'm gonna do it thoroughly! So for any of 당신 who could possibly give a good gosh darn, here it is: My Ultimate Self-Indulgent 디즈니 Princess Favorites List. Below is my countdown list of my 가장 좋아하는 디즈니 Princess films each followed 의해 the affiliated princess’s rank in other arbitrary countdown categories with 랜덤 blurbs & snarky remarks to match. Knock yourselves out. ;)

#9 Mulan
Probably the “princess” whose validity people most contend with, I’m actually ok with 뮬란 being in the lineup. And while she serves to fill an important niche of the franchise (aimed mostly at tomboys, trangendered women, feminists and Asians) I’ve developed a beef with her film and its double standard regarding acceptable gender behavior. According to it, we should accept and respect women who don’t fit the feminine norm. Yet we have an entire song sequence dedicated to informing us that if a guy can’t blow shit up, shoot things, fight, enjoy fishing…then apparently he’s an inadequate a man. Also if a girl wears armor and masquerades as a boy …”oh don’t 당신 dare laugh at that” but when the Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po wear dresses…”that’s supposed to be comical relief”. It’s wrong. With that aside, I cannot stand Eddie Murphy. Listening to him is like listening to a baby cry for...how long is it...85 minutes! For a good laugh, watch the always funny Nostalgia Chick's review here: link F@cking Hilarious!

Princess: #9 frankly not a princess and too mopey and morose for my taste.
Prettiest: #8 cute...when she doesn't have a loogie dangling from her lips.
Prince: #7 also not royalty, strange hairline just and another egocentric man
Villain: #7 his villainy isn't personal towards 뮬란 and too generically "bad"
Song: #2 a powerful song that shows off her voice and illustrates her plite.
Formal Dress: #5 while it’s a 출처 of her awkwardness, she looks great
Casual Dress: # 8 that final dress...looks likes something out of 별, 스타 Wars
Hair: #7 cut off her beautiful hair and didn't even give it to Locks of Love
Kiss: #9 no romantic 키스 = DISQUALIFIED!!
Kingdom: #8 I 사랑 their 음식 but I don't want to go there to get it
Score: #7 사랑 the 음악 when she cuts her hair.
Cultural Significance: #7 really illustrated the flaws with American Feminism today
Disney Magic: #9 there was very little magic and it masqueraded as Chinese religion at that

#8 Pocahontas
The ongoing problem with this film is that many things of it LOOK good but only prove to be dull as all hell. The movie is artistically stunning but the 글쓰기 is just plain bad. We have two incredibly good-looking leads who have an unforgivable small amount of character development. OOH but our villain; a fat, greedy, powerful, racist……only turns out to be among the lamest of villains unable to intentionally accomplish a single damn villainous thing. Then there are the extremely good looking secondary characters Nacoma, Kocoum and Thomas…who are deprived of any juicy addition to the plot. Ah yes...then the animal 프렌즈 Miko, Flit and Percy simply pass through the realm of cuteness and into the area of just plain annoying with their painfully cliché cultural microcosm. It’s just a bad, albeit very visually spectacular and romantic, film. Again, if 당신 want a good laugh watch a funny review of this film here: link

Princess) #8 NOT a princess: the Powhatan tribe functioned as a democracy NOT a monarchy
Prettiness: #4 sexy although doesn't look like any Native American I know
Prince: #6 good-looking but too smarmy and a tad bigoted
Villain: #9 the lamest villain of them all!
Song: #6 an AMAZING environmental tune with slightly confusing hippy, tree-loving lyrics
Formal Dress: #9 "Formal Dress Schmormal Dress!"
Casual Dress: # 5 single shoulder, short skirt, skin tight...chic even 의해 today's standards
Hair: #2 who doesn't want hair that NEVER seems to get 라푼젤 in the wind?
Kiss: #2 that wasn't a kiss...that was FOREPLAY!
Kingdom: #6 I've been to Virginia and I didn't care for it
Score: #4 when she’s running through the woods to say goodbye one last time …CHILLS
Cultural Significance: #9 first character based of any ..."history"...
Disney Magic: #8 once again, "magic" masquerading as Native American spirituality

#7 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
To be revered as the cornerstone in the foundation upon which the 디즈니 Empire was built this film has its imperfections that even Walt 디즈니 himself recognized. Animators were just beginning to explore the possibilities of their medium and consequently the film doesn’t have the engaging spectacular visuals accomplished in later films. Another great flaw brought on 의해 the animators’ inexperience is the diminished role of The Prince. I for one always found The Prince with his arbitrary appearances and incessant 노래 to be down right creepy -- even creepier than the Evil Queen/Witch. It's not bad, but since 1937 our expectations have risen and this film just lags behind.

Princess: #6 she reminds be a bit too much of JonBenét Ramsey
Prettiness: #7 HOT...in an underaged sorta pedophilia way
Prince: #9….. who?....OH the creepy 노래 dude with lipstick.
Villain: #6 the old hag is just a little too goofy looking for me with her phallic nose
Song: #9 a teenage girls 노래 about a boy….ugh.…gag me with a spork.
Formal Dress: #8 I don’t think that color scheme has ever been in style outside a circus ring
Casual Dress: #9 …it’s meant to look bad…
Hair: #7 very few people can pull off this look these days
Kiss: #8 더 많이 obligatory and creepy than romantic
Kingdom: #2 I wanna go to a place where 당신 can just pull precut diamonds out of the ground
Score: #8 it has that antique sound to it (I’m frankly surprised they haven’t rerecorded it)
Cultural Significance: #1 all 디즈니 films owe their existence to it.
Disney Magic: #7 not it’s fault! But the magic is still a bit subdued here

#6 The Princess and the Frog I saw this movie on opening night with my mother. We sat through all 97 분 surrounded 의해 little snot-nosed girls and their parents. I endured crying babies, little twerps kicking the back of my 좌석 and their complacent parents in order to watch this…and I didn’t even like it that much. It was a classic bad 일 at the cinema. This movie is admittedly cute...and safe...but a little too much so. It’s a wildly entertaining Fluff Film if 당신 don’t look too deep into films and notice the sociopolitical plot holes. Plus, I’m a born and 빵 Yankee… Jazz and the Deep South hold no appeal for me. If it’s a matter of personal taste, well Princess and the Frog simply doesn't please my palette. Be careful, it has a way of cornering 당신 into coming off racist if 당신 don't like it.

Princess: #7 she spent too much time as a frog and I wasn't fond of that look
Prettiness: #5 pretty but would she be recognizable without her hair squiggles?
Prince: #5 definitely one of the cuter ones but his character slightly irritates me
Villain: #8 neither scary nor menacing. The man’s got a midriff!
Song: #4 a real positive and optimistic song for once that really shows off a strong voice
Formal Dress: #2 I really like the whole lily pad theme and the fact that it’s green
Casual Dress: # 4 her waitress outfits look comfortable, practical and she makes it work
Hair: #8 doesn't look like 당신 could do ANYTHING with it
Kiss: #5 girl 키싱 frog...no, frog 키싱 frog...no thank you, girl 키싱 boy...there it is!
Kingdom: #7 no desire whatsoever to visit the south
Score: #9 당신 could just stab a pencil through my head Randy Newman…it would be easier
Cultural Significance: #3 undeniably a HUGE cultural milestone
Disney Magic: #6 there’s a lot of glitz and sparkle but a bit too close to the 백조 Princess

#5 Aladdin
This film is the class clown out of the group—the funny one. It gives me the giggles. But humor aside, who doesn’t relate to 알라딘 at some point in their lives? Liking someone, desperately wanting to meet their standards and constantly failing to see your own self-worth? 재스민 속, 재 스민 however is a 디즈니 Renaissance cliché; a character vying to defy expectations set upon her. I also saw this movie in theatres way back when and remember kids at school quoting it all the time. Although this film was a departing step into a 더 많이 blatant comical direction, I just plain like it.

Princess: #5 she’s always been a bit too angsty for me
Prettiness: #6 pretty in a VERY cartoony sorta way
Prince: #3 aside from lacking nipples, he’s cool and the only prince with clear aspirations.
Villain: #5 I always found Jafar and Iago a wonderfully funny duo
Song: #5 although a duet, its pretty and a song I remember clearly from childhood
Formal Dress: #7 only seen briefly and they're not much different from her blue outfit
Casual Dress: # 6 …casual midriff and cleavage…how stereotypically 90's slut
Hair: #5 ...more black hair...
Kiss: #4 appropriate PDA methinks. nice and PG
Kingdom: #9 like Iago said, I'd get sand in places I didn't even know I had
Score: #6 although I’m partial to woodwinds and strings I 사랑 the use of brass in this film
Cultural Significance; #8 1st princess of ANY ethnicity…not that people really noticed
Disney Magic: #5 real in-your-face magic and used as a tool for the comedy

#4 Cinderella
To me, 신데렐라 plays out like a lullaby 또는 a gentile bedtime story. It’s soft, sweet and simple in its execution. 신데렐라 herself solely stands as a pillar of social propriety, her Stepmother one of moral depravity, all the while leaving the humor to the minor characters in-between. There is a purity in this that I appreciate. There’s nothing unexpected as we all know exactly how everything is going to play out. There is actually very little depth to 신데렐라 but this film single-handedly wrote the book on the American cinematic cliché we refer to as “the 신데렐라 story” which serves as a beacon of hope to any underdog that one 일 they will come out on top.
Princess: #1 her elegance and social graces really should be emulated 의해 American girls.
Prettiness: #2 a manifestation of the ideal all-American girl of the time
Prince: #8 a tragically diminished role which I would have loved to see expanded
Villain: #2 a totally heartless villain who does it all without any magic…and with a smile
Song: #4 the most soothing of princess voices, this song is again like a lullaby
Formal Dress: #1 the most timeless 겉옷, 가운 that personifies our vision of a princess
Casual Dress: # 7 her work outfit is a representation of her servitude and unhappiness
Hair: #3 absolutely adore the color
Kiss: #8 "shall we do the 키싱 thing then?" "sigh...oh all right. Just don't sit too close"
Kingdom: #5 looks like a great place to live...if you're rich
Score: #3 surprisingly ahead of its time, rivaling live-action films
Cultural Significance: #6 it saved the Studio from bankruptcy after WWII
Disney Magic: #4 about as magical as it can get for a girl in a fairy tale without being gawdy

#3 Beauty and the Beast
I for one was so engrossed in the plot that I never noticed the flaws and inconsistencies of this film's 애니메이션 until someone pointed them out for shear sake of appearing knowledgeable. The storytelling is what is superb about this movie. It’s among the few princess films that doesn’t treat us like clueless nitwits, pandering to the lowest common denominator but explored the mature themes with a finesse rarely seen in “kid’s films”. Particularly I think this film has the best voice performances but all around it raised the bar for fairy tale films to follow.

Princess: #3 strong-willed and not preoccupied with typical girly fancies
Prettiness: #3 inconsistently drawn but there are moments were she's stunning
Prince: #4 has the most character quality of all the princes
Villain: #3 a great non-magically inclined villain driven 의해 the sins of Lust and Pride
Song: #7 one of the weakest voices but still better song than others
Formal Dress: #4 I dunno…I’m a brunette with pasty skin and I look HORRIBLE in yellow.
Casual Dress: #3 great wardrobe choices while at the Beast’s castle
Hair: #6 actually doesn't look all that healthy
Kiss: #1 slow and then intense. that shit caused fireworks! beat that!
Kingdom: #4 AMAZING countryside. I wanna go for a hike there!
Score: #1 the first 7 notes of the film’s prologue are the catchiest of all musical scores for me
Cultural Significance: #4 nominated for a Best Picture Oscar
Disney Magic: #2 showed the potential of 애니메이션 magic

#2 The Little Mermaid
Before the time of CGI effects, only the world of 애니메이션 could bring to life a realm so magical as The Little Mermaid. Undoubtedly the most flawed of the 디즈니 Princesses, Ariel is easily the most relatable of the princesses because of it. She is the most real despite being a mermaid. Perhaps I like this film because I’ve always longed to go somewhere tropical where the water is crystal clear. And while most people dream of flying, I dream of being able to breathe underwater. There is something just so inexplicably innocent about his film and someone jaded like myself may see it as naivety. Yet this story is a prime example of young love; the young long for it and the grown remember it fondly.

Princess: #4 yeah ,I hopelessly fantasized about having fins as a kid
Prettiness: #9 cute but the least "attractive"; too big of eyes, flat lips & anorexic looking
Prince: #2 ...mmm tight pants and sex boots!!
Villain: #4 has the greatest villain song and modeled after a drag queen. How awesome!
Song: #1 simply my 가장 좋아하는 song that really expresses longing and dreaming
Formal Dress: #6 the 담홍색, 핑크 issue...we've all heard it before
Casual Dress: #2 Anyone else press a pair of scallops against your nipples?...Amazing!
Hair:#4 she'd be a regular fire-crotch...if 인어 had crotches
Kiss: #3 looks good but they sorta pause each time they kiss
Kingdom: #1 whether underwater 또는 on 바닷가, 비치 front property, it's all good!
Score: #2 the 음악 played during the credits as we follow the 물고기 is simply magical
Cultural Significance: #2 literally saved Disney’s 애니메이션 studio from bankruptcy
Disney Magic: #1 a story and cast of characters only possible through animation

#1 Sleeping Beauty
Ok I'm just gonna be fair and say that I'm simply bias towards this film. Objectively it certainly isn't the best film but it's still my favorite. Why? Well I guess being an artist myself I have a deep reverence for this film knowing that the drawing, retracing, painting, inking in each of its million+ frames were all done 의해 HAND. This was a bittersweet project for the studio as it was Disney’s artistic masterpiece, everything Walt had envisioned, and yet it cost the studio so much that they fell into their 초 period of financial stress. It reeks of elegance and class in its princess, prince, villain, magic and music…an elegance I think is greatly missing these days in America. Sure it lacks a bit in structure but it’s like a ballet; 당신 may not like it BUT IT’S CULTURE!!

Princess: #2 if I were a drag queen…I’d wanna look like her
Prettiness: #1 perfect hair, artistically unique and so demure
Prince: #1 mmm tight pants, sex boots, that hat and cape ON A HORSE! mmmm
Villain: #1 ah back when villains weren’t goofy. She can be aristocratically classy but can still go apeshit. If I were a drag queen...I wouldn't mind looking like her either
Song: #8 a bit boring, a bit vague, slow…just nothing spectacular
Formal Dress: #3 사랑 the shape and drapery of it all. Sleek and stoic
Casual Dress: #1 dressed as a peasant and still looking fabulous
Hair: #1 I've only seen hair like this ONCE in the real world
Kiss: #6 we never get a chance to see whether Aurora enjoys it
Kingdom: #3 another countryside I'd 사랑 to live in, rich 또는 poor
Score: #5 its Tchaikovsky! Its CULTURE! If 당신 can’t appreciate that…you’re trash. Yeah, Trash!
Cultural Significance: #5 the pinnacle of Disney’s hand-drawn artistry
Disney Magic: #3 Again 애니메이션 bringing the otherwise cinematically impossible to the screen

So there 당신 have it! Kudos to anyone who ACTUALLY read the entirety of this horrific unnecessary monstrosity. No doubt my list(s) is not EXACTLY as yours would be and to no surprise you'll most likely post a 코멘트 informing me as such. And surely someone else will come around with an even 더 많이 ultimate list. Well do as 당신 will. I can't say I'd be displeased knowing that someone cares about my opinions and is sparked 의해 them to share their own. Hope you're all enjoying your summer! :)