June 12, 2009. Today Dad took me to the Department of Motor Vehicles, to get my drivers permit. Dad waited outside in the parking lot. When I came outside I showed him that I had gotten my first drivers permit. I got inside the front 좌석 of the car and the body guard that was with us tossed me the keys. My dad sat in the back 좌석 tapping his fingers on his lap. I put the key in the ignition and started the car. When I made the first turn my dad closed his eyes and cringed. On the way to rehearsal for This Is It, my dad criticized my every turn. When we pulled in the parking lot dad got out of the car and looked like he was going to throw up. All I got out of him were the words NEVER AGAIN. When we went to the rehearsal 우주 I showed off my permit. After about fifteen 분 dad finally came inside the studio.
June 24, 2009. Boy am I tired. We have been rehearsing for twelve hours straight. As we were getting ready to leave my dad passed me the car keys. We walked down to the parking lot and I opened the door and got in. As we were driving, my dad made a strong remark on my driving skills. He said, “Stop pressing the breaks so fast, take it easy.” I kept my cool for so long that this was the last straw. I snapped back, “Dad 당신 haven’t driven in years, what do 당신 know?” Dad grabbed my shoulder and said, “Alanna Michael Jackson don’t talk to me in that tone” I said, “Well it’s true”. I couldn’t come up with a comeback so I pulled over the car and got out. As we switched seats in the car I said, “There are 당신 happy now? 당신 show me your impressive driving skills.” The rest of the car ride was completely silent, except when I sarcastically laughed under my breath when my dad went too soft on the breaks. I said, with my arms crossed “See dad you’re doing the same thing I was doing, it’s not me it’s the car.” My dad only responded 의해 shaking my head with disapproval. He said, “I didn’t raise 당신 to act like this.” I said, “Listen dad, I’m not your little baby anymore. I’m fifteen and a half now. 당신 should accept it 의해 now. I could see that my dad was starting to tear up but I had no regret 또는 remorse from what I had said. He said, “Why all of a sudden are 당신 연기 like this?” I said, “because I’ m pissed off and tired of being treated like a little kid, and wearing a stupid mask when I go into public and rehearsals. Dad said, “I only have 당신 were a mask because I 사랑 you, and when we get 집 당신 can go straight to your room to think about what 당신 are saying to me. 의해 now my dad was full out crying and very upset. When we got 집 I stormed up to my bedroom just as my dad was shutting his bedroom door. With tears still streaming down his face I looked at him and said, “You know some days I wish 당신 were dead,” And then slammed the door shut. I sat on my 침대 and picked up the framed picture of me and dad from the nightstand. I stared at it for about five minutes. Then I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through some of my old text messages. I came across a text message from my dad that read- (I luv u so much I wil c u soon). I started to cry and finally realized the, intensity and hurtfulness I had put upon my dad. After about forty five 분 of crying I walked to my dad’s bedroom and knocked on his door. Dr. Murry answered the door and said he was sleeping and would pass the apology to my dad.
June 25, 2009. Prince swung open my bedroom door and shook me awake. He said hurry; there is something wrong with dad. I ran into dad’s bedroom as fast as I could. I stood there in shock as I saw my father lying unresponsive as he was being given CPR. Prince and I ran down stairs and formed a prayer 원, 동그라미 and prayed for my father. When the 구급차 left our house we followed them. When we got there, grandma and Uncle Frank were waiting for us. There was an uneasy amount of silence in the room. Uncle Frank said, “I’m sorry but your father passed a way.” I completely collapsed on my knees and began to ball my eyes out. I kept reaping over and over again. “It’s all my fault”. Grandma said it wasn’t my fault, but I refused to believe it. Prince, Paris and Blanket went in to the room where dad’s body was. After they were done, I went in 의해 myself. I looked at my dad’s lifeless body and sat down in the chair 다음 to his bed. I hid my face into my hands and said, “I’m so sorry this is all my fault.” Crying hysterically I said, I would carry out your legacy 의해 following in your footsteps. I couldn’t take being in there any longer so I left. Wiping the last few tears off my face I went back to 가입하기 everybody else. Uncle Frank pulled out a piece of paper of his pocked and passed it to me. He said,”Your dad told me to give this to 당신 if anything bad would happen to him.” I looked at the 상단, 맨 위로 of the paper and it read MJJ recording contract. Prince put his hand on my shoulder and asked me what it was. Before I knew it my Uncle handed me a pen. It was time for me to fulfill my destiny.