다음 one. Listen up guys, if you're 읽기 here, just let me know. Cause I have others who read it too, like just privately, but if noone is interested on this spot anymore...I mean just say it ok? I won't get offended :) So review if 당신 wish to see how this goes on.
.................................................
Previously on December/December:
A bunch of 초 later he was making it as fast as he could through the parking lot. He jumped on his bike, 헬멧 in his hands already. He paused for a moment, thinking, licking his lips.
He tried one last time.
Still busy.
“Damn it...”
Well the best he could do if he got still time was keeping on calling until she would hang up.
The engine roared to life and he swung his bike along, brainstorming for something to tell her that would actually made some sense. That needed to be conceived carefully.
Damn it...
He hated having to lie to her, let alone the chance of letting her down 또는 something.
He closed the choke fully and eased the throttle, shifting his weight 앞으로 as soon as the front wheel hit the road out of the parking area.
Why did always events run in packs?
Damn it...
................................................
Lisa laughed jovially “I don’t know....” she stooped slightly before the mirror flipping her hair back with one hand “I mean we barely managed to have a moment alone...”
“Alone huh?”
“Stop it Karen...” she giggled, looking sideways at her figure “We hadn’t even tried to sneak out of sight if that’s what you’re implying....”
She rubbed her hands down her hips: had she gained some weight since the last time she had worn this one? Did it always suit her this way?
“We aren’t even there yet...” she added
Karen smirked “You putting on some sexy stuff though, aren’t you?”
Lisa smiled widely “Ok, stop it! Right now!” she could totally picture her smiling mischievously on the other side “This is not meant to be a seduction-operation...we’re meant to talk....just talk” she repeated.
She rubbed her lips together to spread the transparent shiny gloss she had just put on.
“Yeah right...” Karen mocked her “’Cause 당신 DIDN’T in fact already happened to have picked up a casual but-not-so-casual dress out of your wardrobe and 당신 AREN’T in fact right now grovelling before a mirror like a 강아지 waiting for his 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 to be ready....” she trailed off knowingly
Lisa straightened up, gaping at the phone “Karen!!!” Karen burst out laughing “Ok, first of all....I’m not grovelling....and secondly....”
She frowned, stopping abruptly.
Karen prompted her amused, defiantly “And secondly?”
Lisa chewed her lips a little bit, pouting “Ok, there’s no 초 point.....” Karen giggled “...anyway what are you...spying on me?!”
“Ahahah, no well...I just happen to know 당신 a little bit too well my dear....”
Lisa shook her head, sighing “You certainly do....” she admitted.
She casted another brief glance at the alarm on her bed-table. He would call. He would totally do that. She just had to be patient and get distracted. She let herself fall down on her 침대 and sat crossed-legged on it. Kapow leapt on and went crouching at her side, resting his muzzle on her knees. She started petting him
Karen kept quiet for a while. It wasn’t unusual. She often called her just for the sake of it, and sometimes they even ended up just making each other some company just holding on like that, in silence.
She must have sensed she could use some company today....
However this wasn’t the case.
“You sure 당신 know what you’re doing right?” Karen asked her straight out with a very different tone all of a sudden.
Lisa rolled her eyes and pushed herself backwards over the surface of the bed, leaning against the head. She should have seen this coming; as much as Karen usually was the one pushing her forward, she was also the one always checking on her to be one hundred percent sure of the choices she made. Impulsive as she sounded, she was anything but.
“You think I haven’t asked myself the same thing?” Lisa asked her back, reassuringly.
Karen hesitated for a 스플릿, 분할 second.
“No, I’m sure 당신 did....” she said “I just....well, I was wondering whether 당신 TRULY have thought it through....not just tonight 또는 tomorrow. I mean...like...what you’ll be...” she paused “...facing up...along time...”
Lisa frowned, a little blissful smile still so unconsciously dancing on her lips. It hadn’t faded away all 일 “You mean because of his marriage?” Karen didn’t answer “Well...” she kept on scratching lightly under Kapow’s ear “...we already talked about it...and I remember someone talking my head off last time on how much of a coward I was being....” she teased good-humoured.
She sensed her smiling, but her tone didn’t change much “Point taken. Let sleeping 개 lie...” Lisa licked her lips: she wasn’t sure she could have kept it dull for much longer anyway, whether Karen had pushed her to think about it 또는 not.
“It’s all his fault anyway....” Lisa said nonchalantly at some point “Hadn’t he been so damn....” She felt her check flushed up “...adorable......wasn’t he always...” she added with a loving smile “...so adorable...”
Karen said nothing.
“You still there?” Lisa asked her perplexed after a while.
“Yeah, sure. I was just listening...”
After a bunch of 초 though she heard her sighing “Actually Liz...what I’m asking 당신 is...” she hesitated “....you really have weighted all the consequences, right? Like...this is a decision that, for better 또는 for worse, might change your life upside down altogether....you know that right?”
Lisa wiggled down, nestling her head backwards between the cushions “You think I don’t know that?”
She glanced stealthy at the alarm one 더 많이 time: 7.15.
Karen exhaled noisily “Just STOP answering my concerns adding up to them useless, rhetorical questions, will you?”
Lisa chuckled quietly, fiddling with a lock of hair “You worried he’s gonna hurt me?”
“Well....yeah of course, but...as strange as it might sound what he might do 또는 not, it’s not my main concern right now....”
Lisa pouted, frowning mildly “Who is then?”
Karen hesitated again “You”
“Me?!”
“I’m 더 많이 worried about....you know....you never gave him a real chance to....well, seriously put it all out on the table...”
“Me?!”
Karen snorted “Would 당신 just stop that? Yes YOU! Who else 당신 see involved in this twisted, friendly-flirty relationship 당신 two have set out?!”
Lisa opened her mouth to speak.
“Never mind...” Karen cut her short “My bad....rephrasing...” L
isa shut her mouth closed.
“What I meant was...you two never really have a talk about anything. Together, I mean. Planned something....had a real...well, yeah....a conversation”
Lisa rubbed her lips, slightly amused at this point “Karen I’m just not following you....could 당신 please just speak English and stop fumbling with your own words. 당신 remind me of Hugh really....”
Karen chewed her lips.
She sighed “Karen come on, speak your mind. What is that you’re really worried about? I won’t bite 당신 for having dared to share with me some of your wisdom....” she taunted good-humorously “I promise....”
She heard her taking a deep, long breath, which gave her the funny feeling of having just set up some sort of time-bomb she was unaware of; 또는 better having just incautiously stepped into a landmine.
“Well, I just don’t want to see 당신 two going back to your...old ways that’s all I guess...”
Lisa slid one hand through her hair, pushing it backwards over the forehead “Our old ways?!”
“You know....I wish 당신 just talk for real this time...”
“It’s what tonight is all about Karen, I told 당신 from the beginning....kidding aside, we...”
“I don’t mean just tonight, 또는 tomorrow...”
Shazam pulled Kaplw’s tail. He stood up and Lisa rolled on her stomach, lifting up her claves.
“What do 당신 mean, not just tonight 또는 tomorrow?”
“What I said” she said drily “It’s not a short term kind of talk I’m talking about...but 더 많이 like in the long run...” she trailed off.
Lisa wavered for a few 초 unsure on what she was hitting at.
“There’s not...so much to say after all” she said at last “I mean, I know he...cares....and...I just do ...as well” she said simply.
“Yeah I know” Karen pressed on “But maybe it’s time to find out whether 당신 two are finally are standing on the same page, wishing for the very same stuff....don’t 당신 think?”
Lisa rolled back on her back “I’m not sure I’m seeing your point...” she confessed “I think I can safely say that both the 꽃 and the note spoke from themselves, 당신 know....he still wants me, and I think that on my behalf having adm...”
Karen shifted backwards on the chair “I’m sure he does. I mean, it’s crystal clear he does. The 질문 is for though...whether 당신 too are ready to go whole hog with this...for real I mean”
“Me?!” she asked, surprised. She heard her snorting again, loudly, fairly annoyed even if in a teasing sort of way “Ok, ok...sorry, not making useless, rhetorical, questions...but...You think I’m not?”
Karen softened her tone “Liz, it’s just that...I keep listening to 당신 telling me how sweet he is, how smart he is, how gentle and funny...how much 당신 like spending time with him...Hugh here and Hugh there...I’ve never heard 당신 babbling so much over Petri 또는 even Giammario...”Lisa licked her lips blushing “...but in all these years and even tonight...I’ve never heard 당신 be ready to say it...”
“What should I say?”
It was funny, ‘cause Karen hadn’t said a word yet but from the way her 심장 had just leapt in her chest as soon as she had asked she could swear she wouldn’t be a 팬 of the answer.
“Are 당신 in 사랑 with him 또는 not?”
음악 at the airport lounge bar was being piped in at a maddening low volume and this wasn’t certainly the LAX so the at-times-insufferably-annoying-buzz in the background of the busy coming and going of people hurtling anxiously from one point to another was basically non-existent.
Hugh didn’t have to look around much to find who he was supposed to meet. He could have singled her out among thousands. Lawyers looked all the same: it was just something in the attitude, especially when they were flying around for business.
And women made no exception.
She reached her hand out to shake his and flicked her eyes down at the high-chair in front of hers with a courteous smile and an inviting gesture of her hand, as she took a napkin out of her purse.
Hugh kept quiet, sitting down.
“I hope our secretaries apologized to 당신 Sir.” she started as she snapped open the catches of her attaché case “I mean, on the studio’s behalf of course, for the short notice on which this meeting has been arranged”
She took some files out of it and began flipping through them, quickly.
Hugh cleared his throat keeping his eyes slightly down as he looked everywhere around but at her “Yeah they did so....”
“And I apologize for having dragged 당신 here, but my flight takes off in 40 분 and check-in and boarding should start any time...”
Hugh sighed, wiggling on his chair rather uncomfortably. He leaned over, lowering his tone as he looked at his folded hands.
“I know. But I’d rather still wait and talk to 프레드 about this matter though....”
The woman lifted her eyes up at him then. They were round and of a pale shade of grey; a cold one, but nevertheless it didn’t take them much to make him come to mind hers.
She smiled politely, slightly turning to face him “Mr. Laurie, I know you’d rather such delicate matter to be taken care of exclusively 의해 someone you’ve been trusting one-hundred percent for years already...”
Hugh nodded keeping serious “Indeed. I intend no offense to your professionalism Miss, but 당신 understand...”
“I certainly do” she told him “But I can assure you, I’ll deal with it using the utmost discretion and my Studio wouldn’t have handed your file to me if there hadn’t been quite an....” she paused as if she was weighting up her words “...impediment which needed to be sorted out right away. The fastest, the better. And the only way they could be sure of it was using me as an intermediate, since I happened to be in the area on a business trip. 프레드 couldn’t leave the country now, so they faxed....”
Hugh lifted his eyes up, staring at her wide-eyed, his mind still processing “...impediment? I thought your people said it was about some procedural difficulties we needed to discuss?”
She pressed he lips together in a tight line hinting at a little smile and reached for the folder she had singled out among her papers.
“I think....they might have gilded the pill a little bit..” she said in an attempt to ease his tension with a lame euphemism. She didn’t succeed. “Besides, 당신 understand, our policy is obviously aimed to keep the utmost discretion. We haven’t the habit of talking such delicate matters on the ph...”
“So what this is really about?”
Again she smiled, politely; but it was forced “It’s all here” she said patting on the folder now lying in front of her “I trust 당신 understand this requires 당신 to...”
Hugh’s eyes slid down over it briefly “Which kind of impediment are we talking about?” he asked her abruptly lowing his tone once again “I mean, are we talking my wife holding a grudge against me, are we talking 프레드 suggesting me to take things slower...” she took a sheet out of the folder as he talked “....or just press being about to rip my image off...’cause if that’s the case I already....”
“This is what we are talking about” she said, letting the sheet slide under his eyes.
He stared down at it and blood flushed to his head.
It was not a sheet.
It was a picture.
“You see this is exactly what I was talking about....”
Lisa’s mouth was hanging open. She had lifted up sitting crossed-legged “Karen it’s...I mean...” she stalled “You can’t possibly be serious...it’s...we haven’t even talked to each other yet...and you’re asking me....what....we just had a....thing this summer, how am I suppose to....”
“You do. 당신 know 당신 do...”
Lisa took a deep breath, fiddling with her nails.
“You know 당신 do” Karen insisted “You’re just not willing to say it out loud. Not yet...”
Lisa shook her head, however unconvincingly; even for her “That’s not the point...”
But Karen wasn’t listening 또는 she wasn’t just giving any credit to her words on purpose ‘cause she kept on as if she hadn’t even spoken “...and I wonder whether this is because 당신 just wished he would say it first, 또는 in truth, 당신 haven’t realized how much this decision 당신 just took is gonna be a deadly serious turn-over...for both of you...”
Lisa grumbled lightly “Karen, 당신 think I don’t know the stakes at risk? Really?” she asked taken aback “What do 당신 think I’ve been procrastinated for all these months?”
Karen kept quiet again for a bunch of seconds, pondering.
“What I think is that 당신 didn’t ask yourself what 당신 REALLY want from this relationship, in first place, honestly...” she said “You’re ready to rush headlong into it once again, but you’re still having a hard time admitting to yourself WHY is that...”
Lisa looked down at her legs, pensively.
“What difference does it make whether I say it 또는 not?” she asked in soft voice after a while “I care and I need him in my life. That’s all matters. The rest...” she paused, shrugging lightly “We’re not just there yet...”
Karen shook her head, firmly “You’re wrong. 당신 ARE” she told her gently “You WERE already. Back then if 당신 ask me...you just didn’t...”
Lisa scoffed “You don’t know what you’re talking about....back then it was...” but she trailed off feeling suddenly a faint veil of sadness she couldn’t make sense of descending upon her.
“Back then, was....back then...” Karen said “Now is now”
Lisa scratched softly on her shoulder and remained pensive, resting her chin on the back of her hand.
“Liz, listen to me. Maybe last time put 당신 off 더 많이 than 당신 would have ever expected it to and I’m sorry it did. I wish I could do 더 많이 than just....giving 당신 crappy, wordy 조언 here, but 당신 HAVE to ask yourself what 당신 REALLY want at some point....and 당신 better ask him, ‘cause otherwise you’ll just get back to your old ways, doing the same mistakes over and over again....”
Lisa lifted her head up “Mistakes?!” she asked incredulous “You think I’m making a mistake?” she pinched her tone higher “You think 당신 could have mentioned it a little bit earlier, at a convenient time maybe?! Before I threw mys...”
“No no no, wait a 초 here” Karen lifted up a leg, bending it on the chair. She lifted a thumb up “First of all. It’s not my choice. It’s yours and you’ve your reasons, so why should it make any difference whether I approve wholeheartedly 또는 not?”
“Well you’re my sister, I...”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah. 당신 know it’s not that. You’ve the courage of your own choices when 당신 want and this one makes no exception and that’s it. Feelings are yours, not mine....” Lisa looked right in front of her, at her image in the mirror, with faint scowl on her face “And secondly...no. I don’t think you’re making a mistake”
She pursued her lips for a 초 “Then why are you...?”
“I AM” Karen cut her off once 더 많이 “...’cause I wonder whether you’re truly prepared to face it all up: his marriage, the kids, the colleagues stuff....I mean, one thing is throwing yourself into it ‘cause 당신 can’t take it anymore and just need the other person in your life...giving in to it just because we’re what we are, soul and flesh - and this is one side of the matter” Lisa didn’t know why but she felt suddenly vaguely guilty “ANOTHER is keeping yourself stubbornly unaware of the reason 당신 can’t help wanting them to be a part of it”
Karen paused for a little longer this time and Lisa started to play with the fluff of the blanket rolling it up into little balls, pensive, fighting over the impulse to end this conversation and just living one 일 at the time.
They hadn’t even talked yet and her i-phone kept on not lighting up.
They had barely touched for God’s sake.
Even if when they had....
She felt blood rushing to her head.
“This is not just a recurrent fling...”she said with a small voice eventually “I do care about him...you know I do”
“I know 당신 do” Karen said “And I’m sure he does to. And believe me hun, I totally relate to your feelings...and he just have this way of always winning your 심장 back over and over again with all these lovely little things he does.....and I understand why 당신 can’t help but falling for it, but...”
Lisa tensed “I did’t fall for....anything” she said with a little 더 많이 annoyance in her voice than she was intending to.
“I didn’t me...”
“...and what’s wrong with what he did anyway?” Lisa asked then “What’s wrong in getting a little flattered?” She couldn’t help casting another quick look at the alarm.
“Liz...” Karen told her calmly “I don’t think you’re naive 또는 vain 또는 anything....You know I don’t...all I’m saying...”
She stopped mid-sentence.
Someone was calling her name.
“So that’s it? I’m stuck?” Hugh asked keeping on staring down at the picture scattered on the 표, 테이블 “Screwed for life with this?”
He looked up at her, hoping this was just a very bad dream.
She kept serious this time, no smile whatsoever “I’m not here to tell suggest 당신 a long term procedural course Sir; my colleagues will advise 당신 properly onto the best strategy you’ll be recommended to pursue”
He averted his eyes, licking his lips and nodded ostentatiously. He loathed when they started talking like that; and this was exactly why he wished a friend like 프레드 would have been here right now.
“I know this is annoying Sir, and I know you’d like to have some 답변 but I have any at the moment but the ones concerning this matter” she said firmly.
Hugh sighed, as his eyes wandered around the place unable to memorize any details “Which are?”
She disentangled her legs, took off her edge-cut, black glasses and put them away in their leather case “You need to get rid of it all” she said standing up already. Hugh lifted his eyes up. He hadn’t even noticed. The speakerphone must have been calling her flight “My office thinks keeping things under wraps 의해 reaching a convenient agreement for both parts before getting to a real litigation is the best thing to do right now. We’ll deal with the aftermath later” Hugh let himself drop backwards on the chair” How had he ended up putting himself into such a mess?
“But most of all” she added lining up the pictures and putting them back into their carpet “Don’t do expose yourself in any way with your private life right now. No slips are allowed at this stage if 당신 want to keep this landmine from blowing up”
She hold out her hand, ready to leave and Hugh stood up, not even closely ready to call this meeting off yet, but choice was one of the things he was short of apparently at the moment “My office will get in touch with 당신 soon” she said busily smiling again.
Hugh shook her hand, unwillingly.
Lisa’s fingers kept playing with the embroidery of blanket, as she tried to not let Karen’s words getting too her too much. However they were already bouncing around in her head and she knew she wouldn’t get rid of the anytime soon.
And Hugh hand’t called her yet.
“Listen, sweetheart, I don’t want to be a party pooper here. I’m sorry. Just....”
She heard Carl’s voice. Then the 헤로인 of a little 키스 on the lips.
“Hi Liz!” he shouted in the receiver.
“Hi Carl...” she answered back, flatly.
Karen whispered something to him, but she couldn’t make the words out. The whisper ceased and she heard Karen’s hurried steps squeaking on the wooden floor of her living room; then a door yanking closed.
“Liz...you still there?”
She took a deep breath “Mmm...”
“I do have to go now, but seriously Liz...just talk to him” she told her in a concerned tone “For real. Once and for all. Don’t just” she paused “....go back....well, sleeping with him”
Lisa lifted her head up, gaping, blood rushing through her veins for a very different reason this time “Sleeping with him?!” she couldn’t believe her ears. Of all the people, Karen was the last one she thought could ever possibly judge her.
“I don’t mean it in a bad way...You know I would never” she told her seriously “But if you’re not honest with each other on what 당신 both truly want out of this thing and expect from each other, it’s not gonna...”
She stopped.
“Yes sweetie, I can’t wait to know all about it. Hold on a second, I’m talking to Aunt Liz...be right there....”
Lisa casted another quick glance at herself in the mirror.
She wished he would have called her already. That would have made her feel so much better....
“If 당신 don’t open up to each other completely...” Karen kept on, abruptly from where she had left “...I mean whatever happens between 당신 two, 당신 better be sure you’ll decide to...compromise in the same way...”
Lisa frowned again, but she was starting to lose her wits now “Compromise Karen? 당신 serious?! 당신 think he’ll ever do this to me?! That Hugh would ever ask me such thing?! 당신 think he’ll ever hedge his bets again? On purpose?”
“Liz, calm down. I don’t think anything close to that. But perhaps 당신 think the man has changed altogether and maybe even grown way spunkier - and possibly he has somehow - but 사랑 is down to earth, not heaven...”
She scoffed “What’s with these ready-made phrases all of a sudden....”
But Karen ignored again “He might have changed to some extent Liz and maybe he did it ‘cause he wants you, but he’s always the same man too...he has his flaws...he’ll always have...I just want 당신 to be aware of that”
Lisa shook her head, as if she didn’t know where Karen had taken that idea from “I never said I want him to be different....I never asked for such a thing...He’s who he’s, I know that...”
“I know 당신 think 당신 do, but there will come a time 당신 won’t feel just as confident about it anymore. There might be stuff coming along 당신 won’t know how to handle 또는 how you’re supposed to feel about....you’ll feel stressed out, probably expecting from him 더 많이 than he can possibly give you. I know 당신 Liz...and this is exactly why 사랑 is a matter of choice...”
“You think I don’t know what...love is about?” she said with a slight hesitation.
“No of course not...” Karen told her caringly “But I also think 당신 never committed to someone the way you’re supposed to commit to this relationship if 당신 want to give it a real shot....”
Lisa stood up on her feet then, beginning to pace. She rubbed her lips together, moistening them quickly with the tip of her tongue. Karen was seriously starting to make her losing it this time “Let me get this straight” she said nervously sliding a hand through her hair “FIRST 당신 talk me off to death so I reconsider my poor lack of judgement for keeping him at arm-length and THEN 당신 get me down to death after psyching me out for an 시간 with no purpose at all than telling me subtly it’s not even worth it?!”
There was a long silence then, one of those during which she could just heard the sound of her heartbeat slowly increasing in her chest. And it was 8.00 pm already.
“You don’t get it....” Karen told her at last “I DO think it is. I think 당신 two are totally worth it. I think HE IS totally worth it too...ALL OF IT IS. What 당신 have it’s ....the way he looks at you, the way 당신 understand each other... 당신 should totally seize this ball...”
Lisa stopped pacing and tossed he head backwards, slightly exasperated at this point “Oh Karen!! Then why....”
“It’s not me Lisa! It’s you!!”
She goggled, her jaw dropping down “Me?! How can it possibly be me Karen, you’re driving me nuts, damn it!
Karen pinched her voice higher too “’cause 당신 don’t seem to know it yet Liz!!!”
Lisa closed her mouth, frowning “What?”
“Oh Liz...do 당신 know how much this is totally worth it?! How much it will always be, despite of all the little bumps in the road you’ll have to overcome 또는 you’ll end up throwing it all away once 더 많이 one day?”
Lisa gaped at the phone, narrowing her eyes “You’re blaming me?! I didn’t throw it away! He had a wife!!”
“He still does Liz! Get over it!! Even if he divorces one day, he’ll always have a wife, he’ll always have kids and he’ll always have a family besides you!!!A life 당신 haven’t belonged to! A past!!! And so do you!! You’re not a blank page!!!”
Lisa’s lips pressed in a tight line “Ok, that’s it. I give up. 당신 wanna fight? Be my guest, but I’m not playing this game” she said scornfully “I don’t know what’s your problem is with me tonight Karen, but I won’t be standing here letting 당신 spoil my mood. It’s getting late, the phone has been busy for over an 시간 and if Hugh calls...”
“Just do me a little favour...” Karen told her before she could finish and hung up on her.
Lisa took a deep breath.
“Will you?” she prompted gently.
She snorted “Which one?”
“Just...ask yourself what kind of ride you’re in for and ask him to jump in on the same one...and just don’t...”
She could help herself “Wasn’t it just one favour?” she asked annoyed.
Karen spoke to her gently again “Just another little one”
She sighed “Go ahead”
“Don’t ask him for the moon. One gets what life brings...which doesn’t mean you’re meant to compromise as in ‘be sadly content with the best 당신 can do 또는 have’, but just...well, make it work. Work on it. Live it in real life, without setting up standards to meet up; because given your life, the world 당신 live in, your job, your age...everything about your lifestyle...it wouldn’t work anyway. Again...it doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can be real...and if 당신 get lucky...” she trailed off.
Lisa stood silent for a while then, just wishing she could find something to say that would invalid Karen’s argument; but she just could not.
“If 당신 chose him Liz...you’ll never have a normal life, 당신 just know that” Lisa kept quiet “But 당신 might end up having so much 더 많이 than that... it’s just a matter of choice. I can’t tell 당신 what do to, but 당신 just ask yourself what kind of thing 당신 want to settle for and...go for it, that’s the best 조언 I can give you....”
Lisa sighed and then keeping her head down she peered at herself in the mirror bottom to 상단, 맨 위로 one 더 많이 time. Deep down inside she knew she was right: she knew she can’t possibly go backwards and settle for the kind of thing they had shared last summer, and something kept telling her he didn’t certainly want that, that he cared so much more, that he would never....but did he really? 또는 they would have ended up stuck into this never-ending dance until they got tired of each other?
“You still 사랑 me right?” Karen asked her eventually in a loving way.
She smiled with pressed lips “I hope I won’t be charged with a full-fare at least....”
Karen chuckled “I might 당신 a little allowance...”
Lisa caught sight of the flashing, red light of the alarm in the reflection of the mirror. Perhaps it was really time she just took her leap, on her own, with no 팬 guard under her feet, and saw what happened. What could possibly go wrong? She knew he cared, didn’t she?
She lifted her eyebrows “Same time, 다음 week?”
Karen smiled “Of course....anytime”
He had always thought the only good thing about being an extra-paid actor– the only positive aspect that outrun the fact that money made along with his role made him insufferably famous – was that it allowed him to buy things he wouldn’t been able to keep under wraps otherwise.
Turned out he was wrong.
There was only so much money can get rid of.
But the rest would be just as messy as for everybody else.He seized his phone and before starting up, he dialled her number one 더 많이 time.
It was still busy so this time he ended up leaving a message. It wasn’t a 일 full of maybe possibilities: he had to be content with what his luck offered him at the moment.
He wondered which luck....
“Hi Liz. It’s me. I’m sorry, you’re hearing from me so late” he said, resting 앞으로 on the handlebar “I tried to reach 당신 earlier but 당신 must have been on the phone...ehm...” he looked at up at the sky as breathed failed him a little “....anyway, I wished I could have just apologized to 당신 for not having called 당신 anymore. I’ve been...” he paused, taking in the faintly cold air of the late evening “...shooting didn’t finish as early as I thought” he lied feeling horrible for it already “....and I just had to take care of something first” he scratched his forehead. He felt confused and he wished he could have just talked to her already.He licked his lips, pensively. He ought to tell her. He couldn’t possibly do this to her, drag her again into it without at least telling her. He was being egoistic enough already.
“There’s something I’d like to talk to 당신 about Liz” he told seriously to her voice mail “...something I think” he hesitated “...anyway, I’ll try to call 당신 later. It’s nothing we should discuss 의해 phone” he sighed and unexpectedly the desire to just tell her how he felt simply took him over, so he made a hazard “I just wish I could have....”
He heard a fast, triple beeping in his ear so he moved the phone away. He started down at it thunderstruck until it exhaled its last breath no 더 많이 than two 초 after.
He rubbed his face.
Someone must have fucking gotta be kidding him.....
He grunted loudly then, thrusting it away in his pocket “I just wish I could have fucking just hear 당신 voice...”
He wore his 헬멧 and started the bike, the angry roar of the engine fitting his current mood quite perfectly now.
“....and possibly fucking tell 당신 how much I wanted to be with 당신 rather than stuck in this fucking airport talking this bloody stuff....”
And then he sped away thinking things couldn’t get any worse today, for sure. He had reached the bottom.
또는 did he?
Lisa looked down at her hands, the phone held tightly inside them beeping up back at her, just waiting for someone to dial a number on it. She took a deep breath and finally talked herself into doing it.
She held her breath, waiting anxiously, mentally revising what she would tell him. She had already did it dozens of time, but she kept changing the words in her head, rethinking it all and she was worryingly sure she would end up empty-headed once he would answer.
“Hi...”
Her 심장 leapt “Hi Hugh, sorry...”
“...you’re currently talking to me voicemail....” Lisa sighed halfway between a little bit disappointed and relieved though. She thought her 심장 was about to burst out of her chest when she had heard his voice. Anyway she couldn’t force herself into hanging up “I can’t answer 당신 right now....or possibly my phone died on me ....or I might not have it with me at the moment, which I understand is just a nonsense since this devilish device is meant to be portable...” her lips pressed into a little smile of amusement and she shook her head, laughing quietly “ ...but anyway...here 당신 are trying to get an answer from a taped voice, which is in turn quite not very normal, so please leave a message. I’ll get to 당신 as soon as possible. Bye”
She hung up rolling her eyes, then she became pensive, evaluating a new option. She looked down at Kapow and Shazam. They stopped playing with their ball and looked up at her too.
“Well, I can be subtle about it...can I?”
She pressed her lips and dialled again.
“FOX 텔레비전 Studios” a voice answered busily.
“Jeff it’s me....Lisa”
“Miss Edelstein, how can I help you?”
Lisa sighed “First of all, how many times did I tell 당신 to call me using my fist name Jess? Would 당신 please just stop that? We’re the same age for God’s sake...”
Jeff laughed “Sorry Miss, I just can’t talk myself into doing it....”
“It’s ridiculous, we’ve known each other for years already...how much is still supposed to pass?” she teased.
“I’ll do my best. I promise” he told her amused “I’ll try to be less respectful 다음 time, calling 당신 pal 또는 sis, is that ok?”
“Much better” she said happily.
He chuckled “So, what can I do for you?”
“Oh nothing special, I just....” she pulled her hair to one side of her neck, with a quick movement “I was just wondering whether the others had already finished with the shooting that’s all...”
“They finished an 시간 또는 so I guess....” he told her casually.
She frowned, taken aback “Oh...I thought, I mean....I didn’t think they would end up so early...” she bit her lips.
“You forgot something on set?”
“No, no, nothing like that....I just....I just needed...well, I hoped I could talk to Hugh for a second” she said without thinking “Never mind, I’ll reach him home...”
“Mr Laurie? I don’t know. He might still be around...perhaps in his trailer, I can check if 당신 wish...”
“No, Jess never mind, really it’s not....”
“Hold on a 초 miss. Mike is telling me something....”
Lisa waited. There was no need to feel disappointed. It was just an hour. Maybe he was stuck in the traffic; maybe he was having a drink somewhere, hanging out with the crew. perhaps he...
“Miss?”
“Jeff it’s ok, even if he still around...just don’t. There’s no rush really, I’ll give him a buzz when he gets 집 thanks”
“No it’s just that he’s not home. Mike just told me. We switched turns only a 분 이전 so I have no idea. He says he went picking up his wife so you’d better call him on his cell. She didn’t land at LAX this time though so it might take him a little more...”
He waited.
“Miss? Lisa?!”
He lifted his eyebrows and hung up, shrugging.
Mike pushed the door open, looking at him“What?”
Jeff rubbed his neck, yawning “Nothing. She must have hung up before I got to the wife part....”
Lights were all turned off but the ones outside and those at the bottom of the swimming pool, enlightening with a green-sapphire kind of light the water, barely rippled 의해 the rhythmic movement of his feet slowly snipping out of the edge, as he waited – 또는 better hoped, once again, possibly foolishly he knew that - for this one to be magically picked up. Predictably, though, after the umpteenth ring, it sent him to voicemail, once again.
He looked ahead of himself towards the trees “Liz...it’s me...once again yeah” he said blankly with a slight hint of self-mockery in his tone “I’m sorry I’m calling 당신 again, really... I just....well, 당신 must have turned down the ringtone I guess ‘cause otherwise I would be truly annoying the hell out of 당신 now, weren’t I?”
He waited, as if he expected someone to suddenly reassure him he wasn’t.
He sighed standing suddenly up on his feet “Anyway....I hope 당신 just went to 침대 at some point and 당신 aren’t instead just....impossibly mad at me” he said a bit woefully, as he paced head-down up and down the lane “I did want to call you, Liz. I just....” he paused weighting his words “I just couldn’t make it on time...”
He rubbed his nape, keeping quiet.
“I missed 당신 today....”
He bit his upper lip. Nothing from the other side. Not a noise
“...at work I mean”
He wondered what kind of noise he expected to hear really, since he was talking to a voicemail 의해 himself...
He straightened up clearing his throat “Well, anyway...ehm...I also called again ‘cause David called. He arranged a morning meeting at the Studios to discuss some promotional stuff for 다음 년 before the others leave....asking whether we can show up as well even if it’s nothing we aren’t already aware of but since no one knows...” he stopped. He wasn’t sure it was the right time to mention it.
“Well...we are supposed to be there 의해 noon” he kicked a stone away “Well, I just figured 당신 didn’t know, since...well 당신 know....all the not-picking-up-above-mentioned-stuff-I-hope-has-nothing-to-do-with-me-specifically” he said in one single breath.
He sighed and walked up to the window switching down the outside lights “Good night Liz, I’ll see 당신 tomorrow....” he paused “I’m sorry. Bye”
Lights were all turned off.
Nothing moved, but the dogs’ chests rhythmically going up and down with their quiet breathing in the dusk of her bedroom. Lisa made herself tinier on the armchair, bending her legs tighter against her chest, her eyes still fixed on the speaker which had just gone quiet. Something pushed to get out of her chest, but she fought it back closing her eyes tightly.
.................................................
Previously on December/December:
A bunch of 초 later he was making it as fast as he could through the parking lot. He jumped on his bike, 헬멧 in his hands already. He paused for a moment, thinking, licking his lips.
He tried one last time.
Still busy.
“Damn it...”
Well the best he could do if he got still time was keeping on calling until she would hang up.
The engine roared to life and he swung his bike along, brainstorming for something to tell her that would actually made some sense. That needed to be conceived carefully.
Damn it...
He hated having to lie to her, let alone the chance of letting her down 또는 something.
He closed the choke fully and eased the throttle, shifting his weight 앞으로 as soon as the front wheel hit the road out of the parking area.
Why did always events run in packs?
Damn it...
................................................
Lisa laughed jovially “I don’t know....” she stooped slightly before the mirror flipping her hair back with one hand “I mean we barely managed to have a moment alone...”
“Alone huh?”
“Stop it Karen...” she giggled, looking sideways at her figure “We hadn’t even tried to sneak out of sight if that’s what you’re implying....”
She rubbed her hands down her hips: had she gained some weight since the last time she had worn this one? Did it always suit her this way?
“We aren’t even there yet...” she added
Karen smirked “You putting on some sexy stuff though, aren’t you?”
Lisa smiled widely “Ok, stop it! Right now!” she could totally picture her smiling mischievously on the other side “This is not meant to be a seduction-operation...we’re meant to talk....just talk” she repeated.
She rubbed her lips together to spread the transparent shiny gloss she had just put on.
“Yeah right...” Karen mocked her “’Cause 당신 DIDN’T in fact already happened to have picked up a casual but-not-so-casual dress out of your wardrobe and 당신 AREN’T in fact right now grovelling before a mirror like a 강아지 waiting for his 공식 만찬, 저녁 식사 to be ready....” she trailed off knowingly
Lisa straightened up, gaping at the phone “Karen!!!” Karen burst out laughing “Ok, first of all....I’m not grovelling....and secondly....”
She frowned, stopping abruptly.
Karen prompted her amused, defiantly “And secondly?”
Lisa chewed her lips a little bit, pouting “Ok, there’s no 초 point.....” Karen giggled “...anyway what are you...spying on me?!”
“Ahahah, no well...I just happen to know 당신 a little bit too well my dear....”
Lisa shook her head, sighing “You certainly do....” she admitted.
She casted another brief glance at the alarm on her bed-table. He would call. He would totally do that. She just had to be patient and get distracted. She let herself fall down on her 침대 and sat crossed-legged on it. Kapow leapt on and went crouching at her side, resting his muzzle on her knees. She started petting him
Karen kept quiet for a while. It wasn’t unusual. She often called her just for the sake of it, and sometimes they even ended up just making each other some company just holding on like that, in silence.
She must have sensed she could use some company today....
However this wasn’t the case.
“You sure 당신 know what you’re doing right?” Karen asked her straight out with a very different tone all of a sudden.
Lisa rolled her eyes and pushed herself backwards over the surface of the bed, leaning against the head. She should have seen this coming; as much as Karen usually was the one pushing her forward, she was also the one always checking on her to be one hundred percent sure of the choices she made. Impulsive as she sounded, she was anything but.
“You think I haven’t asked myself the same thing?” Lisa asked her back, reassuringly.
Karen hesitated for a 스플릿, 분할 second.
“No, I’m sure 당신 did....” she said “I just....well, I was wondering whether 당신 TRULY have thought it through....not just tonight 또는 tomorrow. I mean...like...what you’ll be...” she paused “...facing up...along time...”
Lisa frowned, a little blissful smile still so unconsciously dancing on her lips. It hadn’t faded away all 일 “You mean because of his marriage?” Karen didn’t answer “Well...” she kept on scratching lightly under Kapow’s ear “...we already talked about it...and I remember someone talking my head off last time on how much of a coward I was being....” she teased good-humoured.
She sensed her smiling, but her tone didn’t change much “Point taken. Let sleeping 개 lie...” Lisa licked her lips: she wasn’t sure she could have kept it dull for much longer anyway, whether Karen had pushed her to think about it 또는 not.
“It’s all his fault anyway....” Lisa said nonchalantly at some point “Hadn’t he been so damn....” She felt her check flushed up “...adorable......wasn’t he always...” she added with a loving smile “...so adorable...”
Karen said nothing.
“You still there?” Lisa asked her perplexed after a while.
“Yeah, sure. I was just listening...”
After a bunch of 초 though she heard her sighing “Actually Liz...what I’m asking 당신 is...” she hesitated “....you really have weighted all the consequences, right? Like...this is a decision that, for better 또는 for worse, might change your life upside down altogether....you know that right?”
Lisa wiggled down, nestling her head backwards between the cushions “You think I don’t know that?”
She glanced stealthy at the alarm one 더 많이 time: 7.15.
Karen exhaled noisily “Just STOP answering my concerns adding up to them useless, rhetorical questions, will you?”
Lisa chuckled quietly, fiddling with a lock of hair “You worried he’s gonna hurt me?”
“Well....yeah of course, but...as strange as it might sound what he might do 또는 not, it’s not my main concern right now....”
Lisa pouted, frowning mildly “Who is then?”
Karen hesitated again “You”
“Me?!”
“I’m 더 많이 worried about....you know....you never gave him a real chance to....well, seriously put it all out on the table...”
“Me?!”
Karen snorted “Would 당신 just stop that? Yes YOU! Who else 당신 see involved in this twisted, friendly-flirty relationship 당신 two have set out?!”
Lisa opened her mouth to speak.
“Never mind...” Karen cut her short “My bad....rephrasing...” L
isa shut her mouth closed.
“What I meant was...you two never really have a talk about anything. Together, I mean. Planned something....had a real...well, yeah....a conversation”
Lisa rubbed her lips, slightly amused at this point “Karen I’m just not following you....could 당신 please just speak English and stop fumbling with your own words. 당신 remind me of Hugh really....”
Karen chewed her lips.
She sighed “Karen come on, speak your mind. What is that you’re really worried about? I won’t bite 당신 for having dared to share with me some of your wisdom....” she taunted good-humorously “I promise....”
She heard her taking a deep, long breath, which gave her the funny feeling of having just set up some sort of time-bomb she was unaware of; 또는 better having just incautiously stepped into a landmine.
“Well, I just don’t want to see 당신 two going back to your...old ways that’s all I guess...”
Lisa slid one hand through her hair, pushing it backwards over the forehead “Our old ways?!”
“You know....I wish 당신 just talk for real this time...”
“It’s what tonight is all about Karen, I told 당신 from the beginning....kidding aside, we...”
“I don’t mean just tonight, 또는 tomorrow...”
Shazam pulled Kaplw’s tail. He stood up and Lisa rolled on her stomach, lifting up her claves.
“What do 당신 mean, not just tonight 또는 tomorrow?”
“What I said” she said drily “It’s not a short term kind of talk I’m talking about...but 더 많이 like in the long run...” she trailed off.
Lisa wavered for a few 초 unsure on what she was hitting at.
“There’s not...so much to say after all” she said at last “I mean, I know he...cares....and...I just do ...as well” she said simply.
“Yeah I know” Karen pressed on “But maybe it’s time to find out whether 당신 two are finally are standing on the same page, wishing for the very same stuff....don’t 당신 think?”
Lisa rolled back on her back “I’m not sure I’m seeing your point...” she confessed “I think I can safely say that both the 꽃 and the note spoke from themselves, 당신 know....he still wants me, and I think that on my behalf having adm...”
Karen shifted backwards on the chair “I’m sure he does. I mean, it’s crystal clear he does. The 질문 is for though...whether 당신 too are ready to go whole hog with this...for real I mean”
“Me?!” she asked, surprised. She heard her snorting again, loudly, fairly annoyed even if in a teasing sort of way “Ok, ok...sorry, not making useless, rhetorical, questions...but...You think I’m not?”
Karen softened her tone “Liz, it’s just that...I keep listening to 당신 telling me how sweet he is, how smart he is, how gentle and funny...how much 당신 like spending time with him...Hugh here and Hugh there...I’ve never heard 당신 babbling so much over Petri 또는 even Giammario...”Lisa licked her lips blushing “...but in all these years and even tonight...I’ve never heard 당신 be ready to say it...”
“What should I say?”
It was funny, ‘cause Karen hadn’t said a word yet but from the way her 심장 had just leapt in her chest as soon as she had asked she could swear she wouldn’t be a 팬 of the answer.
“Are 당신 in 사랑 with him 또는 not?”
음악 at the airport lounge bar was being piped in at a maddening low volume and this wasn’t certainly the LAX so the at-times-insufferably-annoying-buzz in the background of the busy coming and going of people hurtling anxiously from one point to another was basically non-existent.
Hugh didn’t have to look around much to find who he was supposed to meet. He could have singled her out among thousands. Lawyers looked all the same: it was just something in the attitude, especially when they were flying around for business.
And women made no exception.
She reached her hand out to shake his and flicked her eyes down at the high-chair in front of hers with a courteous smile and an inviting gesture of her hand, as she took a napkin out of her purse.
Hugh kept quiet, sitting down.
“I hope our secretaries apologized to 당신 Sir.” she started as she snapped open the catches of her attaché case “I mean, on the studio’s behalf of course, for the short notice on which this meeting has been arranged”
She took some files out of it and began flipping through them, quickly.
Hugh cleared his throat keeping his eyes slightly down as he looked everywhere around but at her “Yeah they did so....”
“And I apologize for having dragged 당신 here, but my flight takes off in 40 분 and check-in and boarding should start any time...”
Hugh sighed, wiggling on his chair rather uncomfortably. He leaned over, lowering his tone as he looked at his folded hands.
“I know. But I’d rather still wait and talk to 프레드 about this matter though....”
The woman lifted her eyes up at him then. They were round and of a pale shade of grey; a cold one, but nevertheless it didn’t take them much to make him come to mind hers.
She smiled politely, slightly turning to face him “Mr. Laurie, I know you’d rather such delicate matter to be taken care of exclusively 의해 someone you’ve been trusting one-hundred percent for years already...”
Hugh nodded keeping serious “Indeed. I intend no offense to your professionalism Miss, but 당신 understand...”
“I certainly do” she told him “But I can assure you, I’ll deal with it using the utmost discretion and my Studio wouldn’t have handed your file to me if there hadn’t been quite an....” she paused as if she was weighting up her words “...impediment which needed to be sorted out right away. The fastest, the better. And the only way they could be sure of it was using me as an intermediate, since I happened to be in the area on a business trip. 프레드 couldn’t leave the country now, so they faxed....”
Hugh lifted his eyes up, staring at her wide-eyed, his mind still processing “...impediment? I thought your people said it was about some procedural difficulties we needed to discuss?”
She pressed he lips together in a tight line hinting at a little smile and reached for the folder she had singled out among her papers.
“I think....they might have gilded the pill a little bit..” she said in an attempt to ease his tension with a lame euphemism. She didn’t succeed. “Besides, 당신 understand, our policy is obviously aimed to keep the utmost discretion. We haven’t the habit of talking such delicate matters on the ph...”
“So what this is really about?”
Again she smiled, politely; but it was forced “It’s all here” she said patting on the folder now lying in front of her “I trust 당신 understand this requires 당신 to...”
Hugh’s eyes slid down over it briefly “Which kind of impediment are we talking about?” he asked her abruptly lowing his tone once again “I mean, are we talking my wife holding a grudge against me, are we talking 프레드 suggesting me to take things slower...” she took a sheet out of the folder as he talked “....or just press being about to rip my image off...’cause if that’s the case I already....”
“This is what we are talking about” she said, letting the sheet slide under his eyes.
He stared down at it and blood flushed to his head.
It was not a sheet.
It was a picture.
“You see this is exactly what I was talking about....”
Lisa’s mouth was hanging open. She had lifted up sitting crossed-legged “Karen it’s...I mean...” she stalled “You can’t possibly be serious...it’s...we haven’t even talked to each other yet...and you’re asking me....what....we just had a....thing this summer, how am I suppose to....”
“You do. 당신 know 당신 do...”
Lisa took a deep breath, fiddling with her nails.
“You know 당신 do” Karen insisted “You’re just not willing to say it out loud. Not yet...”
Lisa shook her head, however unconvincingly; even for her “That’s not the point...”
But Karen wasn’t listening 또는 she wasn’t just giving any credit to her words on purpose ‘cause she kept on as if she hadn’t even spoken “...and I wonder whether this is because 당신 just wished he would say it first, 또는 in truth, 당신 haven’t realized how much this decision 당신 just took is gonna be a deadly serious turn-over...for both of you...”
Lisa grumbled lightly “Karen, 당신 think I don’t know the stakes at risk? Really?” she asked taken aback “What do 당신 think I’ve been procrastinated for all these months?”
Karen kept quiet again for a bunch of seconds, pondering.
“What I think is that 당신 didn’t ask yourself what 당신 REALLY want from this relationship, in first place, honestly...” she said “You’re ready to rush headlong into it once again, but you’re still having a hard time admitting to yourself WHY is that...”
Lisa looked down at her legs, pensively.
“What difference does it make whether I say it 또는 not?” she asked in soft voice after a while “I care and I need him in my life. That’s all matters. The rest...” she paused, shrugging lightly “We’re not just there yet...”
Karen shook her head, firmly “You’re wrong. 당신 ARE” she told her gently “You WERE already. Back then if 당신 ask me...you just didn’t...”
Lisa scoffed “You don’t know what you’re talking about....back then it was...” but she trailed off feeling suddenly a faint veil of sadness she couldn’t make sense of descending upon her.
“Back then, was....back then...” Karen said “Now is now”
Lisa scratched softly on her shoulder and remained pensive, resting her chin on the back of her hand.
“Liz, listen to me. Maybe last time put 당신 off 더 많이 than 당신 would have ever expected it to and I’m sorry it did. I wish I could do 더 많이 than just....giving 당신 crappy, wordy 조언 here, but 당신 HAVE to ask yourself what 당신 REALLY want at some point....and 당신 better ask him, ‘cause otherwise you’ll just get back to your old ways, doing the same mistakes over and over again....”
Lisa lifted her head up “Mistakes?!” she asked incredulous “You think I’m making a mistake?” she pinched her tone higher “You think 당신 could have mentioned it a little bit earlier, at a convenient time maybe?! Before I threw mys...”
“No no no, wait a 초 here” Karen lifted up a leg, bending it on the chair. She lifted a thumb up “First of all. It’s not my choice. It’s yours and you’ve your reasons, so why should it make any difference whether I approve wholeheartedly 또는 not?”
“Well you’re my sister, I...”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah. 당신 know it’s not that. You’ve the courage of your own choices when 당신 want and this one makes no exception and that’s it. Feelings are yours, not mine....” Lisa looked right in front of her, at her image in the mirror, with faint scowl on her face “And secondly...no. I don’t think you’re making a mistake”
She pursued her lips for a 초 “Then why are you...?”
“I AM” Karen cut her off once 더 많이 “...’cause I wonder whether you’re truly prepared to face it all up: his marriage, the kids, the colleagues stuff....I mean, one thing is throwing yourself into it ‘cause 당신 can’t take it anymore and just need the other person in your life...giving in to it just because we’re what we are, soul and flesh - and this is one side of the matter” Lisa didn’t know why but she felt suddenly vaguely guilty “ANOTHER is keeping yourself stubbornly unaware of the reason 당신 can’t help wanting them to be a part of it”
Karen paused for a little longer this time and Lisa started to play with the fluff of the blanket rolling it up into little balls, pensive, fighting over the impulse to end this conversation and just living one 일 at the time.
They hadn’t even talked yet and her i-phone kept on not lighting up.
They had barely touched for God’s sake.
Even if when they had....
She felt blood rushing to her head.
“This is not just a recurrent fling...”she said with a small voice eventually “I do care about him...you know I do”
“I know 당신 do” Karen said “And I’m sure he does to. And believe me hun, I totally relate to your feelings...and he just have this way of always winning your 심장 back over and over again with all these lovely little things he does.....and I understand why 당신 can’t help but falling for it, but...”
Lisa tensed “I did’t fall for....anything” she said with a little 더 많이 annoyance in her voice than she was intending to.
“I didn’t me...”
“...and what’s wrong with what he did anyway?” Lisa asked then “What’s wrong in getting a little flattered?” She couldn’t help casting another quick look at the alarm.
“Liz...” Karen told her calmly “I don’t think you’re naive 또는 vain 또는 anything....You know I don’t...all I’m saying...”
She stopped mid-sentence.
Someone was calling her name.
“So that’s it? I’m stuck?” Hugh asked keeping on staring down at the picture scattered on the 표, 테이블 “Screwed for life with this?”
He looked up at her, hoping this was just a very bad dream.
She kept serious this time, no smile whatsoever “I’m not here to tell suggest 당신 a long term procedural course Sir; my colleagues will advise 당신 properly onto the best strategy you’ll be recommended to pursue”
He averted his eyes, licking his lips and nodded ostentatiously. He loathed when they started talking like that; and this was exactly why he wished a friend like 프레드 would have been here right now.
“I know this is annoying Sir, and I know you’d like to have some 답변 but I have any at the moment but the ones concerning this matter” she said firmly.
Hugh sighed, as his eyes wandered around the place unable to memorize any details “Which are?”
She disentangled her legs, took off her edge-cut, black glasses and put them away in their leather case “You need to get rid of it all” she said standing up already. Hugh lifted his eyes up. He hadn’t even noticed. The speakerphone must have been calling her flight “My office thinks keeping things under wraps 의해 reaching a convenient agreement for both parts before getting to a real litigation is the best thing to do right now. We’ll deal with the aftermath later” Hugh let himself drop backwards on the chair” How had he ended up putting himself into such a mess?
“But most of all” she added lining up the pictures and putting them back into their carpet “Don’t do expose yourself in any way with your private life right now. No slips are allowed at this stage if 당신 want to keep this landmine from blowing up”
She hold out her hand, ready to leave and Hugh stood up, not even closely ready to call this meeting off yet, but choice was one of the things he was short of apparently at the moment “My office will get in touch with 당신 soon” she said busily smiling again.
Hugh shook her hand, unwillingly.
Lisa’s fingers kept playing with the embroidery of blanket, as she tried to not let Karen’s words getting too her too much. However they were already bouncing around in her head and she knew she wouldn’t get rid of the anytime soon.
And Hugh hand’t called her yet.
“Listen, sweetheart, I don’t want to be a party pooper here. I’m sorry. Just....”
She heard Carl’s voice. Then the 헤로인 of a little 키스 on the lips.
“Hi Liz!” he shouted in the receiver.
“Hi Carl...” she answered back, flatly.
Karen whispered something to him, but she couldn’t make the words out. The whisper ceased and she heard Karen’s hurried steps squeaking on the wooden floor of her living room; then a door yanking closed.
“Liz...you still there?”
She took a deep breath “Mmm...”
“I do have to go now, but seriously Liz...just talk to him” she told her in a concerned tone “For real. Once and for all. Don’t just” she paused “....go back....well, sleeping with him”
Lisa lifted her head up, gaping, blood rushing through her veins for a very different reason this time “Sleeping with him?!” she couldn’t believe her ears. Of all the people, Karen was the last one she thought could ever possibly judge her.
“I don’t mean it in a bad way...You know I would never” she told her seriously “But if you’re not honest with each other on what 당신 both truly want out of this thing and expect from each other, it’s not gonna...”
She stopped.
“Yes sweetie, I can’t wait to know all about it. Hold on a second, I’m talking to Aunt Liz...be right there....”
Lisa casted another quick glance at herself in the mirror.
She wished he would have called her already. That would have made her feel so much better....
“If 당신 don’t open up to each other completely...” Karen kept on, abruptly from where she had left “...I mean whatever happens between 당신 two, 당신 better be sure you’ll decide to...compromise in the same way...”
Lisa frowned again, but she was starting to lose her wits now “Compromise Karen? 당신 serious?! 당신 think he’ll ever do this to me?! That Hugh would ever ask me such thing?! 당신 think he’ll ever hedge his bets again? On purpose?”
“Liz, calm down. I don’t think anything close to that. But perhaps 당신 think the man has changed altogether and maybe even grown way spunkier - and possibly he has somehow - but 사랑 is down to earth, not heaven...”
She scoffed “What’s with these ready-made phrases all of a sudden....”
But Karen ignored again “He might have changed to some extent Liz and maybe he did it ‘cause he wants you, but he’s always the same man too...he has his flaws...he’ll always have...I just want 당신 to be aware of that”
Lisa shook her head, as if she didn’t know where Karen had taken that idea from “I never said I want him to be different....I never asked for such a thing...He’s who he’s, I know that...”
“I know 당신 think 당신 do, but there will come a time 당신 won’t feel just as confident about it anymore. There might be stuff coming along 당신 won’t know how to handle 또는 how you’re supposed to feel about....you’ll feel stressed out, probably expecting from him 더 많이 than he can possibly give you. I know 당신 Liz...and this is exactly why 사랑 is a matter of choice...”
“You think I don’t know what...love is about?” she said with a slight hesitation.
“No of course not...” Karen told her caringly “But I also think 당신 never committed to someone the way you’re supposed to commit to this relationship if 당신 want to give it a real shot....”
Lisa stood up on her feet then, beginning to pace. She rubbed her lips together, moistening them quickly with the tip of her tongue. Karen was seriously starting to make her losing it this time “Let me get this straight” she said nervously sliding a hand through her hair “FIRST 당신 talk me off to death so I reconsider my poor lack of judgement for keeping him at arm-length and THEN 당신 get me down to death after psyching me out for an 시간 with no purpose at all than telling me subtly it’s not even worth it?!”
There was a long silence then, one of those during which she could just heard the sound of her heartbeat slowly increasing in her chest. And it was 8.00 pm already.
“You don’t get it....” Karen told her at last “I DO think it is. I think 당신 two are totally worth it. I think HE IS totally worth it too...ALL OF IT IS. What 당신 have it’s ....the way he looks at you, the way 당신 understand each other... 당신 should totally seize this ball...”
Lisa stopped pacing and tossed he head backwards, slightly exasperated at this point “Oh Karen!! Then why....”
“It’s not me Lisa! It’s you!!”
She goggled, her jaw dropping down “Me?! How can it possibly be me Karen, you’re driving me nuts, damn it!
Karen pinched her voice higher too “’cause 당신 don’t seem to know it yet Liz!!!”
Lisa closed her mouth, frowning “What?”
“Oh Liz...do 당신 know how much this is totally worth it?! How much it will always be, despite of all the little bumps in the road you’ll have to overcome 또는 you’ll end up throwing it all away once 더 많이 one day?”
Lisa gaped at the phone, narrowing her eyes “You’re blaming me?! I didn’t throw it away! He had a wife!!”
“He still does Liz! Get over it!! Even if he divorces one day, he’ll always have a wife, he’ll always have kids and he’ll always have a family besides you!!!A life 당신 haven’t belonged to! A past!!! And so do you!! You’re not a blank page!!!”
Lisa’s lips pressed in a tight line “Ok, that’s it. I give up. 당신 wanna fight? Be my guest, but I’m not playing this game” she said scornfully “I don’t know what’s your problem is with me tonight Karen, but I won’t be standing here letting 당신 spoil my mood. It’s getting late, the phone has been busy for over an 시간 and if Hugh calls...”
“Just do me a little favour...” Karen told her before she could finish and hung up on her.
Lisa took a deep breath.
“Will you?” she prompted gently.
She snorted “Which one?”
“Just...ask yourself what kind of ride you’re in for and ask him to jump in on the same one...and just don’t...”
She could help herself “Wasn’t it just one favour?” she asked annoyed.
Karen spoke to her gently again “Just another little one”
She sighed “Go ahead”
“Don’t ask him for the moon. One gets what life brings...which doesn’t mean you’re meant to compromise as in ‘be sadly content with the best 당신 can do 또는 have’, but just...well, make it work. Work on it. Live it in real life, without setting up standards to meet up; because given your life, the world 당신 live in, your job, your age...everything about your lifestyle...it wouldn’t work anyway. Again...it doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can be real...and if 당신 get lucky...” she trailed off.
Lisa stood silent for a while then, just wishing she could find something to say that would invalid Karen’s argument; but she just could not.
“If 당신 chose him Liz...you’ll never have a normal life, 당신 just know that” Lisa kept quiet “But 당신 might end up having so much 더 많이 than that... it’s just a matter of choice. I can’t tell 당신 what do to, but 당신 just ask yourself what kind of thing 당신 want to settle for and...go for it, that’s the best 조언 I can give you....”
Lisa sighed and then keeping her head down she peered at herself in the mirror bottom to 상단, 맨 위로 one 더 많이 time. Deep down inside she knew she was right: she knew she can’t possibly go backwards and settle for the kind of thing they had shared last summer, and something kept telling her he didn’t certainly want that, that he cared so much more, that he would never....but did he really? 또는 they would have ended up stuck into this never-ending dance until they got tired of each other?
“You still 사랑 me right?” Karen asked her eventually in a loving way.
She smiled with pressed lips “I hope I won’t be charged with a full-fare at least....”
Karen chuckled “I might 당신 a little allowance...”
Lisa caught sight of the flashing, red light of the alarm in the reflection of the mirror. Perhaps it was really time she just took her leap, on her own, with no 팬 guard under her feet, and saw what happened. What could possibly go wrong? She knew he cared, didn’t she?
She lifted her eyebrows “Same time, 다음 week?”
Karen smiled “Of course....anytime”
He had always thought the only good thing about being an extra-paid actor– the only positive aspect that outrun the fact that money made along with his role made him insufferably famous – was that it allowed him to buy things he wouldn’t been able to keep under wraps otherwise.
Turned out he was wrong.
There was only so much money can get rid of.
But the rest would be just as messy as for everybody else.He seized his phone and before starting up, he dialled her number one 더 많이 time.
It was still busy so this time he ended up leaving a message. It wasn’t a 일 full of maybe possibilities: he had to be content with what his luck offered him at the moment.
He wondered which luck....
“Hi Liz. It’s me. I’m sorry, you’re hearing from me so late” he said, resting 앞으로 on the handlebar “I tried to reach 당신 earlier but 당신 must have been on the phone...ehm...” he looked at up at the sky as breathed failed him a little “....anyway, I wished I could have just apologized to 당신 for not having called 당신 anymore. I’ve been...” he paused, taking in the faintly cold air of the late evening “...shooting didn’t finish as early as I thought” he lied feeling horrible for it already “....and I just had to take care of something first” he scratched his forehead. He felt confused and he wished he could have just talked to her already.He licked his lips, pensively. He ought to tell her. He couldn’t possibly do this to her, drag her again into it without at least telling her. He was being egoistic enough already.
“There’s something I’d like to talk to 당신 about Liz” he told seriously to her voice mail “...something I think” he hesitated “...anyway, I’ll try to call 당신 later. It’s nothing we should discuss 의해 phone” he sighed and unexpectedly the desire to just tell her how he felt simply took him over, so he made a hazard “I just wish I could have....”
He heard a fast, triple beeping in his ear so he moved the phone away. He started down at it thunderstruck until it exhaled its last breath no 더 많이 than two 초 after.
He rubbed his face.
Someone must have fucking gotta be kidding him.....
He grunted loudly then, thrusting it away in his pocket “I just wish I could have fucking just hear 당신 voice...”
He wore his 헬멧 and started the bike, the angry roar of the engine fitting his current mood quite perfectly now.
“....and possibly fucking tell 당신 how much I wanted to be with 당신 rather than stuck in this fucking airport talking this bloody stuff....”
And then he sped away thinking things couldn’t get any worse today, for sure. He had reached the bottom.
또는 did he?
Lisa looked down at her hands, the phone held tightly inside them beeping up back at her, just waiting for someone to dial a number on it. She took a deep breath and finally talked herself into doing it.
She held her breath, waiting anxiously, mentally revising what she would tell him. She had already did it dozens of time, but she kept changing the words in her head, rethinking it all and she was worryingly sure she would end up empty-headed once he would answer.
“Hi...”
Her 심장 leapt “Hi Hugh, sorry...”
“...you’re currently talking to me voicemail....” Lisa sighed halfway between a little bit disappointed and relieved though. She thought her 심장 was about to burst out of her chest when she had heard his voice. Anyway she couldn’t force herself into hanging up “I can’t answer 당신 right now....or possibly my phone died on me ....or I might not have it with me at the moment, which I understand is just a nonsense since this devilish device is meant to be portable...” her lips pressed into a little smile of amusement and she shook her head, laughing quietly “ ...but anyway...here 당신 are trying to get an answer from a taped voice, which is in turn quite not very normal, so please leave a message. I’ll get to 당신 as soon as possible. Bye”
She hung up rolling her eyes, then she became pensive, evaluating a new option. She looked down at Kapow and Shazam. They stopped playing with their ball and looked up at her too.
“Well, I can be subtle about it...can I?”
She pressed her lips and dialled again.
“FOX 텔레비전 Studios” a voice answered busily.
“Jeff it’s me....Lisa”
“Miss Edelstein, how can I help you?”
Lisa sighed “First of all, how many times did I tell 당신 to call me using my fist name Jess? Would 당신 please just stop that? We’re the same age for God’s sake...”
Jeff laughed “Sorry Miss, I just can’t talk myself into doing it....”
“It’s ridiculous, we’ve known each other for years already...how much is still supposed to pass?” she teased.
“I’ll do my best. I promise” he told her amused “I’ll try to be less respectful 다음 time, calling 당신 pal 또는 sis, is that ok?”
“Much better” she said happily.
He chuckled “So, what can I do for you?”
“Oh nothing special, I just....” she pulled her hair to one side of her neck, with a quick movement “I was just wondering whether the others had already finished with the shooting that’s all...”
“They finished an 시간 또는 so I guess....” he told her casually.
She frowned, taken aback “Oh...I thought, I mean....I didn’t think they would end up so early...” she bit her lips.
“You forgot something on set?”
“No, no, nothing like that....I just....I just needed...well, I hoped I could talk to Hugh for a second” she said without thinking “Never mind, I’ll reach him home...”
“Mr Laurie? I don’t know. He might still be around...perhaps in his trailer, I can check if 당신 wish...”
“No, Jess never mind, really it’s not....”
“Hold on a 초 miss. Mike is telling me something....”
Lisa waited. There was no need to feel disappointed. It was just an hour. Maybe he was stuck in the traffic; maybe he was having a drink somewhere, hanging out with the crew. perhaps he...
“Miss?”
“Jeff it’s ok, even if he still around...just don’t. There’s no rush really, I’ll give him a buzz when he gets 집 thanks”
“No it’s just that he’s not home. Mike just told me. We switched turns only a 분 이전 so I have no idea. He says he went picking up his wife so you’d better call him on his cell. She didn’t land at LAX this time though so it might take him a little more...”
He waited.
“Miss? Lisa?!”
He lifted his eyebrows and hung up, shrugging.
Mike pushed the door open, looking at him“What?”
Jeff rubbed his neck, yawning “Nothing. She must have hung up before I got to the wife part....”
Lights were all turned off but the ones outside and those at the bottom of the swimming pool, enlightening with a green-sapphire kind of light the water, barely rippled 의해 the rhythmic movement of his feet slowly snipping out of the edge, as he waited – 또는 better hoped, once again, possibly foolishly he knew that - for this one to be magically picked up. Predictably, though, after the umpteenth ring, it sent him to voicemail, once again.
He looked ahead of himself towards the trees “Liz...it’s me...once again yeah” he said blankly with a slight hint of self-mockery in his tone “I’m sorry I’m calling 당신 again, really... I just....well, 당신 must have turned down the ringtone I guess ‘cause otherwise I would be truly annoying the hell out of 당신 now, weren’t I?”
He waited, as if he expected someone to suddenly reassure him he wasn’t.
He sighed standing suddenly up on his feet “Anyway....I hope 당신 just went to 침대 at some point and 당신 aren’t instead just....impossibly mad at me” he said a bit woefully, as he paced head-down up and down the lane “I did want to call you, Liz. I just....” he paused weighting his words “I just couldn’t make it on time...”
He rubbed his nape, keeping quiet.
“I missed 당신 today....”
He bit his upper lip. Nothing from the other side. Not a noise
“...at work I mean”
He wondered what kind of noise he expected to hear really, since he was talking to a voicemail 의해 himself...
He straightened up clearing his throat “Well, anyway...ehm...I also called again ‘cause David called. He arranged a morning meeting at the Studios to discuss some promotional stuff for 다음 년 before the others leave....asking whether we can show up as well even if it’s nothing we aren’t already aware of but since no one knows...” he stopped. He wasn’t sure it was the right time to mention it.
“Well...we are supposed to be there 의해 noon” he kicked a stone away “Well, I just figured 당신 didn’t know, since...well 당신 know....all the not-picking-up-above-mentioned-stuff-I-hope-has-nothing-to-do-with-me-specifically” he said in one single breath.
He sighed and walked up to the window switching down the outside lights “Good night Liz, I’ll see 당신 tomorrow....” he paused “I’m sorry. Bye”
Lights were all turned off.
Nothing moved, but the dogs’ chests rhythmically going up and down with their quiet breathing in the dusk of her bedroom. Lisa made herself tinier on the armchair, bending her legs tighter against her chest, her eyes still fixed on the speaker which had just gone quiet. Something pushed to get out of her chest, but she fought it back closing her eyes tightly.