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I'm a 16 년 old female (about to graduate her sophomore 년 of high school) & everything used to be okay. I was a 4.0 student (up until now), I had a few 프렌즈 to hang out with on weekends, I studied hard, I got along with people... But now I just feel terrible. My grade point average has dropped to a 3.7 (which is still good but... it's not good enough) & my mom never ever helps me at all: she always makes things worse with all her yelling and screaming at me to "get skinnier" and "go on lots of diets" and "lose weight lose weight!" and "go to gym 당신 need to lose weight" but I also have to "study study study!" 또는 else I'll go to a community college. All of her yelling and bantering just makes me feel worse and worse & I just can't take it anymore.

My family isn't the richest. I mean, we do have money to afford necessities & I usually get things I "like but don't need", but college is super expensive & I know my parents can't afford a full term for it, so my mom is begging & pleading for me to get scholarships so I can get all my education. I've already gotten a D+ in math (everyone has crap grades in that class though - the teacher can't teach for crap) & I already have a tutor attempting to help me with that grade & chemistry (since that teacher also sucks at teaching, but at least I waver between a B 또는 A). My mom told me that I can't go to college if I have crap grades (which I do, a 3.7 grade average sucks) & told me the only college I'll go to is a community college & then I'll have to work at McDonald's where the "losers" are. It scared me so bad I got a panic attack while she was telling me and then she just told me she was "kidding" so that way I would raise my grades, which in reality, made my grades worse, which is why she told me she lied.

I've never really been to a therapist 또는 anything, but I'm pretty certain I have some sort of depression, and forms of social anxiety & anxiety. I'm just so so so scared to talk to people (I can't even order my own 음식 또는 talk in front of the class without feeling like I'm going to pass out 또는 can't breathe) & whenever I tell my mom about it she just yells at me and tells me that I'm just too lazy to do anything 의해 myself which just makes me cry even more. Whenever I get panic attacks in front of her she freaks out and slaps me across the face (which makes the attack worse) and tells me to stop "forcing myself" to be like the "anxiety-ridden people". I'm scared she thinks I'm doing all of this to get attention, which I'm not: I didn't ask to be scared to make 프렌즈 in high school, I didn't ask to be so scared I don't want to leave my house, I didn't ask to be so scared that I care about every little thing people think about me. I don't understand why she would think I'm forcing myself to have anxiety. Who the hell would want to have panic attacks every so often & be so terrified of making 프렌즈 they just end up crying after school because they feel like a complete, full-blown idiot?

I would talk to my dad about this sort of thing but I don't have a close relationship with him & he's super busy working since my mom is a "stay-at-home" mom. I know he'd probably understand my circumstance better than my mom, but I'm still scared he'll react the same way she does: tell me that I'm forcing myself to be anxious and depressed & tell me to stop being lazy and study. But they don't understand how hard & scary it is to study.

For my ap world class (I honestly regret taking this class since it's made my anxiety levels so high), I have to memorize 400+ vocab words, a 100+ point timeline, & know at least three topics for five different essay 질문 all in one week for one of our tests. I try to start studying but once I begin I just stare at the vocab list 또는 timeline & I just start crying & my head starts spinning & I honestly can't concentrate. I've been told 의해 so many classmates that I'm "so smart" and that I should "take the test for them because I'm so smart" but I'm not smart at all. I have a 3.7 grade point average, how is that smart?

I really really need some sort of motivation 또는 help to get me through this. 초 semester is almost over (we're on our fourth term) & I need to have straight A's this term so that way my grade point average can go up once again. So far... I've been terrible at it. I'm just so terrified to study & I'm so terrified to make 프렌즈 & I'm so terrified to do anything & I'd much rather miss school & sleep all 일 rather than go out & study 더 많이 but then I get even 더 많이 sick at the thought because if I miss school then I'll have double the homework & tests to make up (literally my school makes us have a test every other 일 for our different classes) & I can't afford to miss a 일 of school. I just want to keep crying at the thought of going back to school because I'm not very 인기 & I don't have many friends... I haven't been to one school dance this whole entire 년 (all my other 프렌즈 have been asked 또는 have asked) & I asked this one guy I liked but he flat-out rejected me & that just made my anxiety even worse. Was I too ugly? Am I too fat like my mom said? Is that why he didn't want to go with me? are 질문 I always ask myself whenever I remember 또는 think about it & it makes me hate myself even more.

I know self-diagnoses aren't a healthy thing to do - in fact, they may be flat out wrong. But I feel almost certain that I have social anxiety (or some form of anxiety) & some sort of depression. I've even thought about suicide, too, and it makes me sick. I just wonder how better off my family would be if I were gone (my mother wouldn't have to stress about me getting perfect grades, they wouldn't have to waste money on me) & no one would honestly really miss me if I were gone. But I'm too pathetic and cowardly to actually take my life since it scares me. I really need someone to talk to but if I do that I just feel idiotic and selfish. My mom tells me every high school student feels this way but I'm pretty sure not all of the football players and cheerleaders and kids with 4.0s all think about how better off the world would be if they were dead.

I'd really appreciate it if someone would kindly leave some 조언 as to what I should do: I want to see a therapist but at the same time I don't. I can't have a mental disorder... I'm supposed to be normal. I want to be normal. Normal teenage girls go out to school dances & have tons of 프렌즈 & have decent grades & can take tests without getting a panic attack during the middle of it. I just want to be normal & I want to go back to my 4.0 & have all my 프렌즈 again (even though they all ended up to be back-stabbing biatches who weren't actually my friends) & I want to go back to the time where every thing was simple & I didn't have to worry about how pretty I am 또는 how skinny I am 또는 how smart I am. I'm sick of feeling lonely & out of place & I'm sick of not being able to study correctly.

If any of 당신 know anything that can help my situation (whether dealing with my "anxiety" 또는 "depression" 또는 even helpful ways to help me study my junkload of crap for ap) it would much appreciated. Thanks for 읽기 this rant, and I promise that this is just a bad 일 for me. Usually I just bottle it in but I recently spent the last 시간 crying & I really needed someone to talk to since my mom won't listen & my dog is out in the backyard. Thanks again.:-)
added by hermione980
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better than ezra
a lifetime
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dealing with loss
A cover of Lee Anne Womack's song, also 게시됨 here.
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ronan keating
i hope 당신 dance
음악 video
 Coffee beans
Coffee beans
This is an 이메일 that my mother received and I thought that I'd share it with all of you.

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the 초 she placed eggs, and in the last...
continue reading...
added by 27-5
added by glelsey
Source: Superb 바탕화면
added by FeelmySwagger
added by FLUFFYMUFFIN
posted by IsabellaAzuria
I was born
though i shouldn't be
I should have died
I would have died
but i didn't

It would have been better for me to die
and leave this world behind me
it's full of liars and fear

I nearly died twice
Why didn't I?
I would feel so much better now

I would never have been betrayed
by three guys
I would never have seen my mom
lying on the floor and trying to kill herself
I would never have heard my parents
having huge arguments everyday
I would never have known what it's like
to live without money
I would never have been the daydreamer
everybody makes fun of

But then I thought god would have mercy
he sent me one...
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added by glelsey
Source: Superb 바탕화면
posted by Cinders
I wrote this a while ago, and since it seems to be nothing but a series of advice, I figured... what the hell? I think I was listening to LeAnne Womack's "I Hope 당신 Dance" at the time because that's what it sounds like.

When 당신 look up at the sky, don't do it just to see if it's raining
When 당신 find it is raining, don't run indoors and hide
When 당신 get your hopes too high, don't say you're overrated
When 당신 walk down 의해 a river, don't be afraid to get your feet wet
When your 불, 화재 goes out, don't blame it on the wind
When 당신 watch the sunset, don't think the 일 is over
When 당신 reach out to...
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added by SyedEbadAli1
Source: Syed Ebad Ali
added by glelsey
Source: Hank Green / Risarodil
What Bullying In School & In The Media Can Do To A Person 의해 Shane Ryan [TV-MA] via link 더 많이 video interviews at link
video
film
bullying
self harm
anti bullying
filmmaking
director
high school
added by loly878458
Source: coolchaser.com
added by toomy22
added by SyedEbadAli1
Source: Syed Ebad Ali
added by melikhan
video
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melikhan
added by 27-5