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posted by iluvsmj
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at 당신 trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can 키스 a guy* a bird can 키스 a butterfly* the rising sun can 키스 the grass* but 당신 my friend!! yes you!! 당신 CAN 키스 MY ASS*******

If 당신 didn't have feet 당신 wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do 당신 wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for 당신 %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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posted by chowjoyi
41 ways to annoy your parents



1. Follow them everywhere.

2. When they say your name, moo loudly like a cow.

3. If 당신 have a dog, follow the dog around on all-fours and say "Bark." over and over again really loudly.

4. Talk to a pen constantly.

5. When your 프렌즈 come over, pretend to be talking in code and have your friend say 'Your-a pa smells-a like a woman-a." If they crack the code, play stupid.

6. Have a dozen of imaginary 프렌즈 that 당신 ask their opinion of everything.

7. After 당신 have your bath, 덮개, 랩 a bath towel around 당신 and then walk outside of the bathroom. When your parents ask...
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1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5.Do not go out in public.
6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7.Note expressions.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers 당신 know.
12.Strangers 당신 don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13.For legal purposes be sure to 삭제 above note.
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill...
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posted by mistymaydawngo
100.coconut (its fun to say! Cooocooonut.......yea)
99:flip flops (I know its 2 words......SHUT UP! Gosh people)
98.Lolipop (lolipop lolipop o loli loli loli lolipop!)
97.refreshing (I don't know why I just like the word it sounds cool!)
96.growl (groooowwwwlll like groooowwwl........I don't know)
95.theif (theif! Theif! Once again I don't know)
94.swiftly (I like the word!)
93.Tuna (tuuuuunaaa this ia also fun to sau)
92.freak (we are all freaks here aren't we?)
91,moist (it sounds weird and like epic at the same time)
90.oyster (I don't know........again I just like the word!
89.manatee (come on who...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time 당신 turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him 또는 her that you’ve 로스트 your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he 또는 she has anything...
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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the 오븐 on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
Organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
Organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
Superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
Write fake 사랑 notes and slip them into people's lockers
If someone near 당신 falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
Lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the 상단, 맨 위로 of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already....
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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my list of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let 당신 know now i got alot of these from the 유튜브 channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything 또는 eating anything 당신 might spit it 또는 something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the 비, 빗자루 late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the 만, 베이 they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorite...
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posted by CoaxochYJ
My suicide note that I threw away cuz of my awesome 프렌즈 and life I wanted to keep.

To the friends, I call my family,

By the time 당신 read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.

A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.

It is too late for me now, and I know it.

Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.

But I feel it, so that's something, right?

I have been dead for a while now, though 당신 may not have noticed.

I died the night I couldn't 사랑 you, my love.

I loved 당신 with everything.

My heart, my body and soul.

I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

At least you're happy....
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posted by zanesaaomgfan
1. Tell her that theres a robber outside and point to a guy in black.

2. Say its snowing and repeat it 3 times. Then, say mom are 당신 listening? 15 times.

3. Ask her, "Do 당신 like me?" over and over

4. Tell your phone to die.

5. Don't blow your nose when shes asks 당신 to.

6. Make weird faces when she asks 당신 to get off your PC.

7. Whine to her about your PC/laptop.

8. Call your mom about her day.

9. Break something that your mother brought you.

10. If somebody's at the door, and your 집 alone, answer it.

11. Call your mother, father.

12. Call your mom for no reason.

13. When its a night before your...
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posted by My8thUsername
A/N: I 사랑 copy-and-pastes. Here's a enormungantic list I did. 'Cause I felt like it. Oh, and they're not in any order. I just wanted to know how many I have. 의해 the way, just because I copied them here doesn't necessarily mean they apply to me. I just thought they were cute/funny/awesome. After all, this isn't my profile...

1.98 percent of teenagers do 또는 has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. A/N: Never ever. And proud.

2.Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when 당신 don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as...
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posted by Bubblekat
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar 당신 grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something 또는 someone

3. Go up to a 랜덤 person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki 랜덤 noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a 분수 run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to 당신 in public about the...
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1. Try to start a wave

2. Gasp every time there is a swear word.

3. Wear a huge Afro wig.

4. Every 15 분 stand up and then sit back down.

5. Yell out to the screen “Don’t Do It!”

6. If there is a 사랑 scene, reach over in front of 당신 and cover a 랜덤 person’s eyes.

7. Stand in front of the screen motionless and face the audience the entire movie.

8. Scalp tickets outside the theater.

9. If a catchy song plays in the movie stand up and dance.

10. Bring an attachable seat-belt. Strap it to your 좌석 and then clip it on yourself. Turn to the person 다음 to 당신 and say, “you never know”....
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Dare

1. Prank call your best friend.

2. Run around the neighborhood screaming, "I 사랑 GAY PEOPLE!"

3. Ask your parents when they first had sex.

3. Pour mayo, ketchup, vinegar, and sugar and into a cup and drink the contents.

4. Sing the first song that comes to your head in your loudest voice.

5. Scream and say, "My water bottle broke!" (I did this and many people heard it as "my water broke lol)

6. Ask your crush out then dump him/her 5 mins later.

7. Whenever someone tries to explain something to 당신 say, "Why don't 당신 speak 더 많이 clearly?"

8. Run around the house in your underwear. (Recommended...
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1. At the movies: When 당신 meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are 당신 doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t 당신 try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When 당신 ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala”...
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I'm a girl pervert!I say guys are crazy cuz they think I touch their butts!I blame it on their hormones even though I touched their butts alot!

1.Be a real pervert

2.You don't have to look like one but just act like one

3.Always when you're walking behind a guy always look at their butt!And say"say veiw" then touch it nice and gently! :)

4.They look back and ask 당신 say'what?no way especially not your flat ass!!!!"when they turn around find another butt to look at!

5.Look at their muscles when they're wearing 셔츠 sleeve shirts and they're doing heavy lifting

6.Take pictures as well

7.Always comment...
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No, I'm not racist I just found it on youtube.

If 당신 want to check it out link

59. Goldstein
58. Burgenblatt
57. Burgenstein
56. Birumbaum
55. Farbstein
54. Grepslach
53. Steinbergavinski
52. Schnitzler
51. Pupikatvitz
50. Schnitzelmacher
49. Schpoilgekatz
48. Manashevitz
47. Platzenfinkle
46. Yankelovitz
45.Shteinshtein
44. Oyvayski
43. Shmoigerberg
42. Choppedleiberman
41.Zilbershpitzanhimelfarbenfleishebien
40.Gefiltafarb
39. Gefiltashlep
38. B'Bergberg
37. Yidihevitz
36. Synagogavitz
35. Parkenfien
34. LOL they forgot this one... :D
33. Kinkenberg
32. Menachemchem
31. Rechtum
30. Along with this one
29. Docotrlawyerstein...
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posted by Lady10358
Found this on 구글
1. If you're lucky enough and find someone with the shirt: FREE HUGS 또는 If 당신 find a 셔츠 store selling it, hug the shirt/person and if they/someone notices you, say "It says free hugs!"
2. go to the 음식 court and go to a fast 음식 place and take tons of straws and put as many possible in your mouth and stand on a 표, 테이블 노래 elmo's world theme.
3. Go to one of those toddler toy/clothing stores and hold up a baby outfit/toy and yell as loud as 당신 can "I 사랑 THIS TOY! I'D PLAY WITH IT 일 AND NIGHT!"
4. Go to the bathroom and hide in a stall until 당신 see an old lady/guy...
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posted by sakurahanazono
Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and 당신 have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
When you're happy and 당신 know it bomb Iraq
If 당신 cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If 당신 never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If 당신 think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone's dismissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb...
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