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Prologue

The sun is just 분 from rising and the night is growing lighter. An alter made entirely of blue marble, jade, and amethyst is illuminated. Two tiny 아기 lie on 상단, 맨 위로 writhing and screaming in discomfort. They are naked, only a few days old and the chill of the stone slowly seeping into their 본즈 will surely kill them. The larger of the two will not stop screaming while her twin just sobs quietly.
Their frail mother stands a few feet away determined to finish what she came here to do but her eyes are bloodshot and red raw from her constant tears. But she is not alone. Her husband stands beside her a pillar of strength. The pair couldn’t be 더 많이 different.
He has hair as red as the now rising sun and eyes as blue as the deepest ocean. He is stockily built with muscles straining to burst out of his clothes. A birthmark 또는 perhaps a tattoo- half hidden 의해 his clothes- runs down the side of his neck. It is 잔디 green and seems to depict an upside-down 삼각형 with a line through it. An unusual choice for anyone let alone a man that looks as though he could rip your head off with his teeth.
His wife hides herself away in the protective arm he wraps round her. She is small, thin and mousy with lank, wispy, brown hair and pale, brown eyes. She seems to be constantly trembling from cold 또는 fear and her skin is paper thin showing the outline of every bone. 당신 can see a pale 라일락 꽃, 라일락 tattoo on her left ankle almost exactly the same shape as her husband’s except it’s the right way up.
She’s still crying but her husband gives her a hard look and she hastily dries her tears. They turn and walk away leaving their children behind.
They remain stranded on the alter. They scream but there is no one to hear. But they have to keep crying. If they don’t they’ll die. First one girl goes silent then the other. The air is deathly cold.
It seems the twin’s fate is sealed but then a middle-aged man- maybe in his fifties- walks his dog 의해 the clearing where the 아기 lie. Hearing their screams he gives a gasp of surprise and rushes over to them, his blue eyes wide.
Cradling them to his chest he looks desperately around for someone, their mother perhaps, anyone to tell him what to do. But the clearing is deserted. So Sam (for that was his name) had no choice but to take them 집 to his wife. She would be angry, he knew but he had no choice. He couldn’t just abandon them, not when their own parents had already done so.
Sam was terrified of is wife. He was ashamed to admit it but it was the cruel truth. He was scared of his own wife. Bertha was big with huge beefy arms and huge rolls of fat spilling over her tight floral skirts and bulging beneath her worn apron. Her hair was in blonde curls that were hair sprayed within an inch of their life and her face was a ruddy red. She liked everything just so and always immaculately clean. If something wasn’t up to her high standards then Sam knew he would get the sharp edge of her tongue.
Of course he knew he could leave whenever he wished- Bertha was never violent she just shouted a lot- But he loved her. She had a soft 심장 under all that bluster and she was an amazing cook besides. So he stayed. But god knows what she would say when he brought two stray children home.
He couldn’t fathom how someone could just run off and abandon their kids like that, he had always longed for kids but Bertha was unable to give him any due to her being born with no womb. Sam had known these girls all of five 분 and he already loved them as though they really were his own. He could only hope Bertha would too. Juggling both the dog and the 아기 nestled inside his 코트 Sam hurried 집 before they all died of cold.
1. Ruin there 가장 좋아하는 dress with lipstick
2.Slap them in the face with something alive
3. Make a bath for them with salt.
4. When they are at a fancy dinner, make fart noises
5. Run around them saying "Your butt is smelly!"
6. Say infront of everyone that your enemy watches Dora.
7. Fill a water ballon with 수프 and prank him.
8. 키스 her boyfriend right In front of her
9. Push her into a 20 ft pool. (Espicially if she can't swim)
10. Steal her wallet and spend all her money and use her credit card. (Or through it in the trash.)


All made up 의해 me. ^ ^
I decided to create a list of twenty of my personal favourite hard rock songs.

No AC/DC, people. I'm sorry.

1. "Highway Star", 의해 Deep Purple
2. "Fear Of The Dark", 의해 Iron Maiden
3. "Money For Nothing", 의해 Dire Straits
4. "Sharp Dressed Man", 의해 ZZ Top
5. "Come On Feel The Noise", 의해 Quiet Riot
6. "Love In An Elevator", 의해 Aerosmith
7. "Still Of The Night", 의해 Whitesnake
8. "Nobody's Wife", 의해 Anouk
9. "Stairway To Heaven", 의해 Led Zeppelin
10. "Smokin'", 의해 Boston
11. "Cherry Bomb", 의해 The Runaways
12. "Mother, 의해 Danzig
13. "Voodoo", 의해 Black Sabbath
14. "Hot Blooded", 의해 Foreigner
15. "Barracuda", 의해 Heart
16. "Turn Up The Radio", 의해 Autograph
17. "I 사랑 당신 Period", 의해 Dan Baird
18. "Rock & Roll 69", 의해 Betty Blowtorch
19. "I Can't Drive 55", 의해 Sammy Hagar
20. "Carry On Wayward Son", 의해 Kansas
These are our rules! Please note ... these are
all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, 당신 need it down. 당신 don't hear us
complaining about 당신 leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what 당신 want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable 답변 to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you...
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The city of San Francisco is asking Kulbir Dhaliwal, who was attacked 의해 a tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on 크리스마스 일 2007, to reimburse them over $75,000 for the city-funded medical care he received after the mauling.
Cold viruses can survive on objects like telephones and railings for up to three hours.
More suicides occur in the Grand Canyon than in any other national park.
There are 더 많이 bacteria in the ice machines at fast 음식 restaurants than in toilet bowl water.
Alcohol-related traffic fatalities are 더 많이 than twice as common on New Year's Eve as other midweek winter evenings.
Two...
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posted by Feathershine
1. When their watching TV get in their way and say "I'm in your way!! Im in your way!!"
2. Say "beep, beep beep..." until they snap
3. Call them on their cell phone when their out on a 날짜 또는 something, and in a weird voice say "Hello?! Can I send u a box of waffles" (LOL I don't know)
4. When their sleeping take a bottle of water and wake them up 의해 dumping it on them and saying "Sorry! I came to bring it for u to drink, I didn't realize it slipped"
5. If 당신 have a dog 또는 cat (that DON'T sleep with your parents) dump him/her when there asleep
6. When 당신 spill any liquid blame it on the gods
7....
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1.find something old and breakable and go up to a apartment 또는 building 또는 highest floor in your house and open a window and estimate how long it will take that thing to hit the groung then throw it out the the window and cout how many seconds/minutes it takes to hit the ground really.
2.go to wal-mart,enough said
3.go outside and try to sell a old stuffed animal on a leash to people who look important to society,like hobos
4.go to your neighbors and tell them they need to stop the rucus and to shut up your trying to sleep even if its the middle of the 일 and they arent making any noise
5.go to...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Useful Hawaiian Phrases
On the Plane
My how your perfume fills the entire cabin!
'A'ala maoli keia wahi o kakou i kau wai 'ala kuikawa!


If I snore, I would like to apologize in advance
Ke nono au, e kala mua mai, i keia manawa ho'i.


I am filled with admiration for my in-flight meal
Kahaha ko'u na'au i ke 'ano o ka mea 'ai ma keia mokulele.


Only six dollars for a headset? Why thats only three dollars per ear!
Eono kala no ka ho'olohe lekio? 'O ia ho'i, 'ekolu wale no kala o kahi pepeiao!


Baby, Severe Turbulance is my middle name
E ku'u kumu e, mai hopohopo, ua kapa 'ia ko'u inoa waena, 'o ia 'o Severe...
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posted by ciaraluvsjustin
1.Bring a pillow.Fall asleep[or pretend to]until the last 15 minutes.Wake up,say"Oh Geez,better get cracking"and do some gibberish work.Turn it in a few 분 early
2.Get a copy of the exam,run out screaming "Andre Andre I've got the secret documents!!"
3.If it is a math/science exam,answer in essay form.If it is a long answer/essay form answer in numbers 또는 symbols.Be creative.
4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam.Throw them at the instructors left nostril.
5.Talk the entire way through the exam.Read 질문 out loud,debate your 답변 with yourself out loud.If asked to stop, yell out"I'M...
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"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and 의해 brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in 침대 and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by jblovesme4ever
[]miley cyrus the girl who many of whom look up to but why[
resons to hate her(feel free to add 더 많이 on comments)

1)[]her music]: she doesnt write it on her own and her newest song untamed wow the part where she says I GO THOUGHT BOYS LIKE MONEY:and the only good song she has is the climb: and that is not saying much!!!:patry in the usa wow that is the s&^%$#@ 음악 vidio i have seen it a while

2)money: the only reson she is here is bcus she wants money: she has to get payed to do chairty events:and she is always just talking about it to

3)she doesnt care about her fans: she may say she doese...
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posted by deathchick9
Over the many years of pikachu,if 당신 look closely 피카츄 has been getting thinner and thinner.When it started he was this cute,fat little chunk of Pokemon,but now he's a skinny little freak.Which can only me one thing....Ash has forced him to become bulimic!
*Dramatizations*
____________________________________
Ash:Jeez,Pikachu your so fat!

Pikachu:Pika?

________________________

Ash:Loose some weight 당신 fat bastard!

Pikachu:Pika?!
_________________________________________

Ash:No stop eating!Your just gonna get fatter!

*Ash shoves his finger down pikachu's throat to make him vomit his 음식 up.Pikachu...
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posted by melcu
1. Sing the 배트맨 theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with 프렌즈 in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If 당신 have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours 의해 hooking a 캠코더 to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal 의해 conspicuously licking...
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posted by ihavOTD
 I am Anti- Miley because of this:
I am Anti- Miley because of this:
OH MY GOSH! I was just watching stupid HM and near the end, Miley and Lily started talking about-guess who? ROBERT PATTINSON. That's sick. here is their convo:(at least what though I heard)

" It's just sad that 당신 can't find a bf..." Lily says.
" Yeah... Hey, I guess Hannah can 날짜 Robert Pattinson!" Miley says
" Oh....Robert Pattinson is SO dreamy...."
Thats sickening Disney. I feel bad for Rob. He can't hide ANYWHERE...
Really, do 당신 realize how crazy and gross a lot of 팬 are???? Here is a gross 기사 about some crazed fans:

Robert Pattinson Approached 의해 “Gross”, “Bleeding”...
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added by SheWolf11
Source: I DO NOT OWN THIS IMAGE
Similar to "30 Things To Do During An Exam." 검색 for it in this club, it's way funnier. Apologies if this list is a little outdated.

50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 분 & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that 당신 can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat...
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added by totoyo25
added by tdacrazy6
Source: Tumblr
posted by Bluekait
Example:

There's someone knockin' on my door

There in the shadows, looks like a hand

Come to the rescue now

Once there was a man who decided he knew everything

Life's been so good to me

I went to see what I could find

당신 never lived in the streets though 당신 wish 당신 had

I'm so sorry, please forgive me

Living in the sixth dimension

Over time I've come to feel

------------------------------------------------------------------

If 당신 need help 또는 another example for a better understanding, let me know.
added by CokeTheUmbreon