is this good?

link
It's a fanfiction I wrote. If 4 people like it I'll post chapter 2. Feel free to criticize. thx ☺
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Please note I'm below 13.
misscrazel posted over a year ago
 misscrazel posted over a year ago
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랜덤 답변

tamore said:
a. 글쓰기 fanfic about real people is immediately offputting especially when it's so ridiculously ooc but i'll ignore that

b. the first paragraph is "I, I, I." it's boring and all the structure is the same throughout. vary your syntax. don't just use simple sentences with one compound thrown in here - where are your subordinate clauses?

c. it moves way too fast. don't jump right into the action, c'mon now. mystery novels don't put the murder on the first page (unless they're flashing forward). the amount of action in this 기사 should be at least a few thousand words in length. it's rushed.

d. overall, not really, bro.

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posted over a year ago 
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Ok, um, sorry. I'll try to improve. It doesn't seem too rushed to me considering the plot hasn't started, but I know a few things are a bit rushed in it. It's pretty hard to not do the I thing, but I'm working on it. Thanks for the input.
misscrazel posted over a year ago
summer2987 said:
i liked the plot line 당신 were trying to convey, it had good characters and 당신 obviouslt knew what 당신 were trying to do. but, it didnt really attract me, its sort of boring to be honest, sorry, i know 당신 probably worked hard on it, 당신 should also try to make it a bit longer.

and if 당신 like 글쓰기 fanfiction 또는 writing..anything, 당신 shouldnt post it on here, and maybe instead post it on Wattpad, a site used specificly for people who want to write.

i have one, and i have actually written one, but i wont tell 당신 what its called because i dont want to.

well, yeah.
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posted over a year ago 
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Ok, thank you.
misscrazel posted over a year ago
sieluvzsoul said:
There's just something about it. It just needs a little 더 많이 work, and usually if 당신 wanna make someone stutter, 당신 put - not ,
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posted over a year ago 
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Ok, thanks. I'm going to do some editing on it.
misscrazel posted over a year ago
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