Not bad actually. I would say 당신 are an octave too low and 당신 are 노래 it too slowly. Try to sing it a little less deep and a little 더 많이 up to beat. Adding backround 음악 could help. (Le is an X-Chior Member that had to choose between band and chior) though that might be a bit hard being 당신 sound like an alto.
And dont give up, continue on and practice. For gods sake I sucked at math when I was younger but now im in the 상단, 맨 위로 3 in my class. I sucked at 노래 when I was younger, now I sing randomly and strangers say I have a pretty voice. Oh and good gosh, I sucked at speaking and now Im pretty good at that too. Its just a matter of putting your self to practicing and getting good at it. If 당신 want to achieve something, 당신 have to try. If 당신 dont 당신 wont achieve it. Nothing will fly right into your lap 당신 know