Would 당신 guys be interested in 읽기 my new story?

It's the 년 2017 and the world is at world with World War III, Three kingdoms have raised from the ashes to take over what is now known as the new world. The S.S ruled 의해 King Leo and his kingdom is the area's once known as Germany and 유럽 and Asia. Then the 초 kingdom to raise was 일본 Organization which is ruled 의해 Mo Ming Lee who rules over the once known China. 일본 and Africa. The last kingdom to raise was The United and the ruler is King Hunterage who rules over what was once the U.S and South America. Follow to different people Asha and Alife on there journeys for peace and freedom in Dreams Written in Ash

(The Club) link
in-ash


Asha Hunston


Her forehead was dripping in sweat and her hands were shaking know that this was it if she were to go through with her plain she would start everything. The beginning of the end, The end of all the pain and darkness and murder..and war..That's all she wanted was this war to end all she had to do is..pull the trigger..
"Go on do it." A voice raised from the dark.
"I'm not scared of you, do 당신 know how much pain you've brought to are people?!" Asha's emotions ran free there was no stopping them now.
"Yes.":The voice was cold and dark, it sent chills up her back.
"Then way are 당신 doing this?! Your killing millions of people! Why not stop it!?" She felt like she was scream but she couldn't tell if she was 또는 wasn't anymore.
"You wouldn't understand." Those words made her even 더 많이 mad. She had heard those words far to many times before, from her parents, works anyone who looked down on her.
"Try me.." She said boldly,
"Promise me one thing?"
"What" She still had the gun pointed at him afraid to drop it.

 malmcd posted over a year ago
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랜덤 답변

XxKeithHarkinxX said:
Probably not, the 글쓰기 isn't very good, the plot doesn't seem that great, and it's not very original.


I also noticed many spelling and grammatical errors, and those alone, throw me off of it.


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posted over a year ago 
Heroine999 said:
Sounds very intersting.I guess I'll read. :)
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posted over a year ago 
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Thanks Hope 당신 like it!
malmcd posted over a year ago
ravissa said:
it looks pretty cool, I'll go check it out :-D
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you!
malmcd posted over a year ago
hetalianstella said:
It sounds like it has a really good plot line.
Sure why not! :)
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank 당신 I hope 당신 like it!
malmcd posted over a year ago
mintymidget210 said:
Three kingdoms have raised from the ashes to take over what is now known as the new world.
~~~
I hope 당신 have a better 설명 of your plot's background story. .__.

First, how did this World War III lead to the current state of Earth? Bio-chemical warfare? Nuclear fallout? 당신 should explain further. Just knowing this bit of information can draw in some readers.
If a majority of the world is destroyed, how do the kingdoms have a suitable population? A kingdom tends to have a fair population of about 200,000+. How does this kingdom maintain? Is there farmland? How much of their resources is usable and can be maintained? Depending on the cause/effects of the war, it will greatly effect surrounding areas as well as natural resources.
And why only kingdoms? Why no other alternative governments? Many people are against having one ruler; a King. There are multiple options in government. One society could have easily chosen Communism over a Democracy. 또는 instead of evolving into a kingdom, one man could abuse his acquired power to rule as a dictator. In times of desperation, people may often turn to religion which can create 더 많이 of an occult type of setting.
How are the three kingdoms aware of each other? Geographically, they are very far apart. How do they communicate? Do they even communicate at all? 또는 are they completely ignorant of each other?
Your story is taking place in 2017. That's not very far from now. It's not enough time for society to gather and rebuild themselves, nonetheless repopulate.


"...you've brought to are people?!"
>.> *our

"Why not stop it!?"
I'm sorry, but this sounds very awkward. Rewrite it.

"She felt like she was scream..."
-____- *facepalm* Really? Really?! 당신 could not add the simple -ing at the end of the word to make it correct?

"...far to many..."
FJAKSDL FSJAKLDJKS TO?! TO?!?! 'Too' is the correct form. .__.

These are only a few errors. There are many more. Please, for the 사랑 of humanity, improve your grammar and punctuation. I cannot even force myself to try 읽기 your story from what I have seen already of your 글쓰기 on this question. Work on those.

Hater, troll, 또는 just constructive criticism?
당신 decide. :P
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posted over a year ago 
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Thanks no that's helpful really thank 당신
malmcd posted over a year ago
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I didn't want people to be like oh it doesn't sound interested no thanks I wanted them to tell what they didn't like so thank 당신
malmcd posted over a year ago
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You're welcome, dear. C;
mintymidget210 posted over a year ago
hgfan5602 said:
Sure thing it sounds really good and after all, 당신 are on my 팬 list!
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posted over a year ago 
MissChicky97 said:
I wrote a story too, it's in my club 당신 should read it. trololololol
#Shameless self advertising


Sorry dear, normally I'd be all too open to 읽기 stories but I have a very limited amount of time and I doubt I'd be able to.

I'd like to give some constructive criticism, if 당신 don't mind.

Every time 당신 can ask a 질문 about one of your sentences/paragraphs/ideas and it doesn't get answered...
ANSWER IT!
The way 당신 choose words, sentence types, and the implementation of grammar principles will all have an effect on the reader. Whether it is good 또는 bad, 당신 will need to decide.
On the topic of your intro, 당신 want to make sure it is as gripping as possible.
당신 have a great idea, all 당신 need is a touch of technical work. :)
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank 당신 that;s what I'm trying to do
malmcd posted over a year ago
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Great! If I get some extra time this week, I'll try to read it.
MissChicky97 posted over a year ago
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