The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Seven
He looked up into the face of his concerned sister and felt guilty for causing her to worry about him. But on the other hand, he wished sometimes that she would mind her own business. It would only make everything easier.
Serena repeated herself. “You have to tell her the truth.”
He found his eyes drifting back up to her face. She had really changed so much from their high school days just as he had. They were brother and sister in every sense of the word and he was thankful for that. After Blair had left, he didn’t know what he would have done without Serena’s support.
“Blair can never find out the truth about what happened that night,” his tone harsher than he had intended. He glanced back into her hurt fact and he whispered a curse. “I’m sorry. I’m just saying that I will never tell her the truth.”
Serena’s face softened and she placed a hand over his own. “Chuck, 당신 have too. Ever since Blair told 당신 about Meg, I know that this has been eating away inside at you. 당신 have a secret just like she did and while it may not be as deadly as hers was, it’s still a secret. 당신 need to leave it out in the open and maybe 당신 can finally begin to forgive each other.”
“Wait,” he held up one of his hands in the air. “Why would Blair have to forgive me? She’s the one that ran away like a coward and has hid my daughter from me for the last three years.”
She nodded her head to signify that she understood. “You haven’t done anything like she has, but 당신 have to admit that 당신 have been verbally abusive to her. That was always your thing, Chuck. As soon as 당신 get hurt, 당신 close yourself off and spew out hurtful things just so the other person involved can feel as hurt as 당신 are. The only way that 당신 and Blair will ever come to have some sort of relationship for Meg’s sake is if the both of 당신 are finally honest with each other. That’s long overdue.”
He knew that Serena was right, but he didn’t like to admit that. If there was one thing that was still the same about him since High School, it was the fact that he would never admit that he was wrong under any circumstances.
“I thought 당신 were closer to forgiving Blair for keeping Meg a secret for all of these years.” Serena cut into his thoughts.
“In a way I am, but forgiveness is something that takes time. I understand why she did it, but the way that she went about is wrong. I certainly don’t hate her and I never could, but I’m still a long way from forgiving her entirely. And that 일 might never come, I just don’t know.”
Serena watched as he pulled back his hair in frustration. “I know all of that Chuck, and I don’t blame 당신 for not forgiving her. I know that I’m Blair’s best friend and she would hate it if she could hear me saying this, but I don’t know if I ever could forgive something like that. I can’t even fathom keeping from Nate a secret of that magnitude.”
“There’s a reason for that, sis. 당신 사랑 Nathaniel much 더 많이 than Blair ever loved me. And don’t deny that because it’s the truth.”
A small grin crept over her face at her brother’s stupidity. “I do 사랑 Nate and I could never do that to him, but Blair did and still does 사랑 you. She just loves 당신 in a different way. People will do anything in their power to keep secrets from the person they 사랑 and while I don’t agree with it, Blair thought she was doing 당신 a favor.”
He flicked a piece of imaginary dust from the crease of his linen pants. He would do anything to avoid this conversation. His gaze rested on anything that didn’t remind him of Blair, but he found that everything did. He just would never be able to get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried, 또는 even the fact that he didn’t want to think about her. “Can we change the subject? I’m just so tired of talking about all of this.”
“Sure,” she said excitedly. “I think it would be best if we finished the discussion that we started earlier. Let me refresh your memory. About how 당신 need to tell Blair the truth about what happened that night that she left?”
“I can’t tell her that,” he whispered in a gravelly voice. “If I tell her the truth it would only make her feel horrible. That’s something that I’ve been hiding a long time and I’m going to continue to do so. 당신 and Nate are the only ones who know about what happened that night, and 당신 said that 당신 would never tell anyone.” A cold look crossed his face. “Are 당신 going to go back on your word?”
A withering glare passed on her face. “Of course not, 당신 know me better than that. I’m your sister and I’ve told 당신 더 많이 than once that I will never tell anybody. That is your responsibility. I just think that it is past time that 당신 let her know what happened. It’s the only way that the two of 당신 are going to be able to 옮기기 on.”
“What Blair doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
“Don’t be so naïve, Chuck,” she shook her head in dismay. “You know as well as I do that secrets always have a way of revealing themselves when we don’t want them too 또는 at the worst opportune moment.” She grasped his arm. “Tell her before it is too late.”
“Too late for what?” he growled. “You still think that Blair and I have some sort of life together, don’t you?”
“It’s possible.” Serena said carefully.
“No, it is not.” He enunciated every word so that the meaning was clear. “Blair and I have absolutely no future together. She’s engaged for starters, did 당신 forget that little fact?”
“No, I haven’t. But 당신 know as well as I do that Blair doesn’t 사랑 Ben, it’s merely going to be a marriage of convenience.”
He said nothing, only let out a long huff of annoyance.
“Chuck,” Serena said slowly, to judge his reaction. When he tilted his head, she felt it 안전한, 안전 enough to go on. “Like I’ve been saying, tell her and maybe she’ll forget about her marriage. There is still some way that the two of 당신 can make this work.”
“There is no way!” As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he was ashamed. He didn’t mean to keep yelling at Serena, but she kept pushing his buttons. “Blair and I were over before we even began and that’s the end of it. You’ve got to get it through your mind that we’re never going to be a couple again. It’s over.” He picked himself up from the 침상, 소파 and wrenched the door opened before giving her one hard stare. The door slammed loudly behind him.
Serena continued to stare at the door for quite a while. She knew that Chuck was lying about everything, he was still in 사랑 with Blair, and while he might deny it, he couldn’t hide it on his face. Whenever he talked about Blair, the emotions just came pouring out. Something that Blair was very good at doing. And if he would admit the truth to himself, they would be so much better off. Because in all reality, Blair and Chuck would never be over. They would always find their way back together. Now she just had to convince the two of them.
He was just about to knock on the bedroom door to Meg’s room when he noticed that it was opened a crack, he gently pushed with his hand until the door opened silently. Chuck was greeted 의해 the sight of not only Meg asleep, but also Blair. She was sitting in a rocking chair fast asleep and Meg was on 상단, 맨 위로 of her, curled up into a comfortable position. He looked at the way that Blair had a hand lightly resting on Meg’s back, and he felt a part of his 심장 clench when he looked at them. This is what it should have been like all those years ago. He knew in the part of his mind that was reasonable that they probably wouldn’t have winded up like a happy family, but he couldn’t help wishing that would have happened, but no instead, Blair had run away and he was still 쓴, 쓰라린 about it.
He tried to tread silently on the carpet, but one of his feet slipped and he made a creaking noise. Blair’s eyes opened immediately. She gave him a flushed and sleepy eyed smile, something that still turned his body on 불, 화재 even through all the heartbreak they had caused each other. He had come to realize over the last few days that he would never be able to hate her, but most importantly that he was always going to want her. If he couldn’t bring himself to despise her when she had kept his daughter from him for all those years, then what would? The answer came easily. Nothing.
Blair continued to smile at him and that action sent a stitch of pleasure straight to his groin. She yawned and reached up with a hand to cover her mouth. “Sorry,” she muttered. “What are 당신 doing here, Chuck?”
He watched as she continued to rock the chair back and forth while rubbing Meg’s back in a soothing gesture. Most women in the morning looked like hell, not Blair Waldorf. She almost looked perfect. Her hair was frayed in the most adorable manner, there was just the right amount of 담홍색, 핑크 in her cheeks, and her guard was down this early in the morning.
“I’m here to see Meg of course,” he finally found his voice and was relieved to find that he sounded calm even though he didn’t feel like that on the inside. Blair always turned him into a jumble of nerves and that had certainly never changed. “I wanted to take her to see Central Park and some other famous New York sites. I know that she’s seen a lot of France, but New York is really going to be her 집 now and it makes sense for her to get used to it.”
She nodded while brushing a piece of stray hair out of her eyes. “Okay, that sounds great. She’ll have fun doing that. Meg always gets excited when she’s sees something that is new and she’ll be asking 당신 a ton of questions,” she chuckled. “You don’t mind taking her?”
He looked at her incredulously. “She’s my daughter Blair, of course I don’t mind. Ever since I found out about her, I’ve wanted to make up for 로스트 time.” He gave her a pointed look.”
“I’m sorry.” She said again and Chuck knew that she was. The sincerity was plain on her face, and in way he had already forgiven her, but he would never let her know that. He couldn’t get to close to her again 또는 she would destroy him. That could never happen.
He nodded once to show that he had heard her. Their conversation had seemed to awaken Meg who was staring doe-eyed at Chuck. “You came back.” She whispered.
He knelt 의해 the chair. “Yes, I told 당신 that I would. Your father wants to make up for all the 로스트 time that he missed with you.”
“Okay.” Meg mumbled with a small smile before burying her face in the crook of Blair’s arm.
Blair smiled apologetically and mouthed the words, “She likes you, Chuck.”
A grin came over his face at that and he patted her Blair’s knee lightly. But as soon as his hand touched her body, it became 더 많이 of a caress. Slow and steady strokes and the warmth of her skin heated his hand and he found that he never wanted to stop. Blair’s shocked expression made it down to her knee and his hand and she found her own hand reaching over to lie on 상단, 맨 위로 of his. She gently intertwined their hands together and stroked the palm of his hand. His hands began to burn with that familiar black lust that was transmitted in his eyes, and even though she hadn’t seen it in so long she still remember what it looked like. She could never forget that.
She continued to look into his eyes, and his hand inched further up her thigh even though their daughter was right, although she still had her head buried within the confines of Blair’s arm. Just as he reached the hem of her chemise, the spell was broken.
Meg turned her face towards him and he snatched his hand away hurriedly. That had been way too close. “What are we going to do today?” Meg asked.
He opened his mouth to speak, but he found that he couldn’t just yet. The lust was threatening to overwhelm him, and he didn’t trust his voice. When he finally thought that had it under control he said, “I wanted to show some things that New York is famous for. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”
“Like what?” she questioned.
He laughed as he looked into the face that looked so much like his. “You’ll just have to come along and see, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise”
Her face turned excited and she nodded exuberantly.
They exchanged a look and it was the first time that he had bonded with his daughter. It was certainly one for the memories. He had never considered himself an emotional person, but Meg made him that way. And while that might have freaked him out at one point, it didn’t any longer.
“Is mommy going to come?”
He exchanged a look with Blair and noticed that her cheeks were flushed even 더 많이 than before. He opened his mouth to say no, but something entirely different came out. “If she wants too.”
“Will you, mommy?”
Blair looked between the both of them and finally a bright smile broke over her face. “Absolutely. I wouldn’t past up an opportunity like this.”
Chuck found that he wasn’t even annoyed that Blair was going to be tagging along on an outing that was meant only to be for him and Meg. He was excited; it would be their first time out together as a family, except they weren’t a family. He always had to remind himself of that. Blair was engaged. He managed to forget that much too often and he shut down his emotions once again.
His voice turned cold. “Why don’t 당신 get dressed Blair, and Dorota can get Meg changed. I’ll meet 당신 downstairs.”
A puzzled look crossed her face, but all she said was, “That’s fine. I’ll be down in a little bit.”
He nodded and threw a quick grin at Meg. He basically ran out the door like the devil was chasing him, but in a way that was exactly what was happening. Blair was getting to him again and this time he could see no way to escape it, but he would make sure that he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes over again this time.
Chuck had decided to take Blair and Meg first to Central Park. He had always loved it there, and he hoped that she would feel the same way. It was especially beautiful in the fall and he would make sure that they enjoyed it. He looked over at Blair as she smiled down at Meg who was looking at everything in awe. France might have some famous sights, but nothing compared to the splendor and mystique that was New York. It was something that could not be copied, 또는 be compared in any way.
The 일 past quickly for Chuck as he escorted Blair and Meg all over the city. Many times during the day, he had to remind himself that they were not actually a family, that it was fake because it really was. They could never go back to what they had at one point and he didn’t want too. Back in their teenage days all they did was play game after game with each other, and he had grown up a lot since then. He knew that Blair had also.
He took them to Central Park, they had lunch on Tavern on the Green, saw the Statue of Liberty, and went to the Empire State Building.
Then some amazing things happened on the 상단, 맨 위로 of the Empire State Building. Meg had been enthralled 의해 how high up they were and he had pointed out the telescopes to her and lifted her high over his head. She had squealed like the little girl that she was and then she had wrapped her arms around his neck, and a feeling of comfort like he had never felt before washed over him. He was a father in every sense of the word and while at one time he didn’t think he would ever want to do this, now he never wanted to go back to the way things were before.
Blair looked on at them with radiant joy on her face and he couldn’t help but smile back at her. It was just that kind of day.
As they were walking back to the elevator to go down to the ground floor, Meg stopped all of a sudden and turned to him. She held out her hand to him.
“What’s the matter?” He questioned. Blair looked at him with a knowing expression on her face.
“Nothing,” Meg said softly. “Will 당신 take my hand?”
As he continued to look into the face that did look so much like his, he moved silently and without words clutched her hand in his grasp. Words were not always necessary and at a time like this, he didn’t think that he trusted his voice. His 심장 exploded as he felt the small hand in his own and nothing else mattered but her. Chuck 베이스 had been turned into a pile of goo 의해 his daughter. No one would ever believe it unless they saw it. And he didn’t care if anyone did.
They arrived back at Blair’s penthouse a half 시간 later and Meg had fallen asleep in his arms on the way back. Blair looked tenderly upon the two and felt her own 심장 clutch.
Without another word, he took her upstairs and into her bedroom to get ready for bed. Once she was in her pajamas, he placed her softly upon her princess style bed. Her eyes fluttered open and she whispered, “Will 당신 read me a story?”
Chuck read to her for the 다음 half 시간 and she kept drifting in and out, but when he finally put the book down and was about to leave, she latched onto him. “When am I going to see 당신 again?” Her bottom lip was in between her teeth.
She broke his heart, she really did. He smoothed back a tendril of her hair as he said, “Tomorrow. I’m not going to leave 당신 now that I’ve found you.”
She smiled slightly and finally closed her eyes although she didn’t let go of his hand. He kissed her gently on the forehead and unclasped their hands. He took one 더 많이 look at her before he shut the door and the light to the room leaving a small nightlight on.
As he made his way down the hallway, he noticed a light wafting out from Blair’s bedroom. She seemed to notice him because she beckoned to him. “Can 당신 come here?”
He swallowed hard as he walked into her room and noticed the lit candles, the darkness of the room, and the mainly romantic setting. She was sitting at the vanity with her hair down, the curls loose and unkempt. Her face was washed of all makeup and she had on a pair of silk pajamas that almost made him weak in the knees. There was nothing sexy about them in the least and they left everything to the imagination, but maybe that was the problem. His imagination was clearly running away with him right now.
He stopped walking when he was a couple of feet away from her, he reminded himself that he needed to put some 우주 between them. He cocked his head to show that he was listening.
She went over to the 옷장, 무기, armoire and grabbed a 옷, 가운 before throwing it over herself. “Didn’t I tell 당신 that she would warm up to you? She already loves you, Chuck. Didn’t today prove that?”
He nodded once and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, it did. And I 사랑 her too, Blair.”
She lightly touched his shoulder. “I know that 당신 do,” Blair snatched her hand back when she felt the heat from him creeping into her own skin and beginning to feel flushed. “I am sorry about everything.”
He didn’t say anything to that because he didn’t feel like he could. What else was there left to say? “Where’s Ben?”
Blair pulled a brush through her long, luxurious locks before turning back to face him. “He had to go back to France with my mother for some final business. He’ll be back in a couple of days.”
“Why didn’t 당신 go with him?”
“Are we really going to do this, Chuck?”
He looked into her face and he knew that she knew what he was doing. It was a game they had always played. He shrugged his shoulders. “Do what?” But at her stern looked, he dropped the façade. “Are 당신 still going to marry him, Blair?”
Her eyes met his and he was astonished at the naked honesty that he saw there. “I have too.” She whispered.
“Chuck,” she began with a pained look. “You know as well as anybody that I have to do this. He’s been there through everything with me and I can never repay him for that, but I can marry him and I’m going to.”
“He was only there for 당신 because 당신 never let me! I would have been if I knew what the hell was going on!”
As soon as the words had escaped his lips and he saw Blair’s shocked expression, he was ashamed of his outburst. She wasn’t supposed to still affect him in this way. He just couldn’t get her out of his fucking head. He asked the only 질문 that he could think of because he wanted to know the answer even though he had asked her countless times before. “Is is true that 당신 still 사랑 me, Blair? I want the truth this time.”
Her eyes suddenly turned cold as ice and she glared at him. She slowly stood up, tightened the 벨트 on her robe, and stopped just short of him. “How many times are 당신 going to ask me the same damn question?”
The tension between them was palpable. “Until I get an answer that I’m satisfied with.” He sneered.
Blair looked into his face and saw the lock of hair that swept over his eyebrow, but all she felt right now was anger at his obvious obtuseness. “Listen once 더 많이 and listen well because I’m not going to say any of this again. 당신 know what my feelings for 당신 are, 당신 always have. But I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not going to lay out all my feelings on the line and have nothing in return. 당신 expect me to keep saying that I 사랑 you, but then I have no idea how 당신 feel about me. I really don’t, 당신 give off no emotions to that. 당신 have everything buried deep inside of 당신 with no inclination of ever telling me anything. That’s it, Chuck. I’m done with this shit.” She thrust her finger into his chest with each of her statements.
He wrapped his fist lightly around her finger, but she pulled away instantly. “I’m not done yet.” She looked deeply in his eyes and was surprised to see the gentleness there, but that did not deter her. “Since I’ve come back you’ve told me that 당신 used to 사랑 me, that 당신 hate me, and that 당신 want me. I don’t know how to read 당신 anymore, but this is getting ridiculous. For the last time, which one is it?”
He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and clicked it shut again.
“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Get the hell out of my room, Chuck.” Blair sat back down in her vanity chair and slipped the 옷, 가운 off of her shoulders, thinking that he would leave and that would be the end of it.
As soon as he saw her creamy shoulders, he knew that he was gone for. “Blair,” he said in a voice barely restricted 의해 lust, want, love, and passion. He gently touched her and she looked back at him. “I still want you.”
She continued to look at him. “You still want me?” she asked in disbelief. “After I kept our daughter from 당신 for the last three years and everything else that I have done, but 당신 still want me? How is that possible?”
He decided to be honest with her, and continued to rub her shoulders. Blair settled back into his touch. “I’m always going to want you, Blair,” he said as he looked into her eyes. “I should hate 당신 for keeping Meg from me, but it’s not possible. And if I can’t hate 당신 for that, then I’ll never be able too.”
“Do 당신 want to hate me, Chuck?”
“Sometimes.” He admitted.
His hands moved slowly down her body until they cupped her hips. “Because I don’t want to be this attracted to you. Why can’t I get over you?” Chuck whispered the 질문 to himself, but she heard him anyways.
She licked her lips while she kept her eyes trained on his.
He grabbed her hips even tighter in his hands and brought her flush up against his chest. Blair stumbled for a moment, but clutched onto his chest for support. “Stop,” he muttered as she continued to look at him seductively.
“Stop what?” She purred.
He shut his eyes tightly in defeat. Maybe if he didn’t look at her, she would get the hint and let go of him, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. He opened his eyes warily. “You’re making it harder to resist you. Just stop.”
“I can’t. Just stop resisting me once and for all.”
At her words he gave up. His mouth slammed down on hers. Her mouth opened in surprise and he slipped his tongue inside. Blair wound her arms around his neck and his hands traveled down to her 나귀, 엉덩이 before he slammed her lightly against the wall. She hitched a leg over his waist as he ground his erection into her, she slammed her pelvis into him.
Everything turned hotter and faster. Especially the kiss. It had started out as a gently melding of the mouths, but quickly turned wild and unrestrained with passion. He bit her bottom lip gently and she moaned, granting him even 더 많이 access into her mouth if that was possible.
He groaned as he continued to eat away at her mouth. His tongue lightly lapped at hers while she tried to suck him all the way back to her throat. He had never gotten so hard from just a kiss. But with Blair everything was different, he didn’t have to try as hard, everything just fell into place, and it just felt right.
Blair’s hands tore at his 셔츠 and his hand traveled down to her breast. He rolled the nipple in his palm until it was as hard as a rock. He finally broke the 키스 and while looking her in the eye lowered his mouth to the front of her pajamas and sucked her nipple into his mouth through the silk.
“Chuck.” Her voice was a mixture of pleasure, passion, and agony because she wanted more.
It was the sexiest sound that he had ever heard.
As she said his name, another person saying his name popped into his mind. “Tell her the truth, Chuck.” Damn it. Why did he have to think of Serena and the secret that he had been keeping from Blair at a time like this? Whenever he got close to finally feeling fulfilled, something had to ruin it. He tried to push the thought of his sister out of his mind, but found he couldn’t because he knew that he needed to tell her the truth before this went any further.
He pushed Blair away from him and stepped back a few steps.
“What’s the matter?” Blair asked, as her 옷, 가운 slipped off her shoulder and 더 많이 of her delectable skin was exposed. He wanted 더 많이 than anything to finish what they had started, but he knew that she finally needed to know the truth first.
“We need to talk.” His voice was raspy and husky from his still evident arousal.
“Now?” she asked in shock. “Can’t we talk after?” She nodded her head towards her bed, wishing desperately that for once they could be together without any restrictions.
He moved his hands to her 옷, 가운 and tightened the 벨트 around her. He couldn’t chance not getting this out 또는 he knew that he would never tell her, and she needed to know once and for all. “It can’t wait, Blair. It’s something that I have been keeping from 당신 for a while, but 당신 deserve to know.”
Her expression turned squinty. “Okay.” She said carefully.
She was going to hate herself after he told her this, he knew that she would.
“Come on, Chuck.” She said after a time.
He focused his attention back on her. “Alright.”
“Are 당신 okay?” Blair asked with a concerned expression.
He nodded. “I am now. This has to do with the night that 당신 left. I did something stupid that night after I found out that 당신 took off.”
“What did 당신 do?”
Chuck took a deep breath and said, “I tried to kill myself.”
To Be Continued…
A/N: This isn’t going to turn into a depressing story 또는 anything, it’s just the way that I planned it out. I’ve had Chuck’s secret planned out for some time, but due to recent events it was very difficult to write. A few of 당신 know why. But I did it and maybe it was also a little healing. Also a big thank 당신 to Ellyce who dedicated a story to me the other day. You’re amazing and 당신 know that I 사랑 you! Thoughts on the chapter?