Platinum is a company that really does prefer quality over quantity. At least when they aren’t making Ninja 터틀, 거북 games, but they always make the most amazing games out there. From the stylistic Madworld to the fast-paced Metal Gear Rising to their 큰 술병, 매그넘 opus, Bayonetta. They really try their best when making games. And let’s face it, they’re really the only good third party games produced 의해 Sega. So, today, on the May Xbox Gold, I was able to get two games. Streets of Rage Vintage Collection and, of course, a glorious Platinum game, 의해 the 제목 of Vanquish, and of all the games that Platinum has made, Vanquish is one that I think is their most underrated. Maybe 더 많이 so than Madworld. But let’s see if that is true.
~Story~
The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is 우주 marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, 당신 play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the 우주 marines, lead 의해 Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced 의해 the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like 당신 did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.
~Gameplay~
For a shooter in a 일 and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and 더 많이 of a 3D bullet-hell game. 당신 know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at 당신 and 당신 have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where 당신 cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly 또는 die. And 당신 will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement 또는 bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. 당신 have to know what the enemies can do and what 당신 can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, 당신 have an amazing sense of movement in this game.
If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still 사랑 it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. 당신 will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, 당신 can expect to stay moving… as long as 당신 don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things 또는 something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position 당신 are in, no matter what direction 당신 are going in, 당신 can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can 옮기기 much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. 당신 can also do something that is way 냉각기 than anything else. If 당신 dodge and immediately aim, 또는 jump from cover and immediately aim, 당신 will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows 당신 to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. 당신 can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps 당신 from dying. In Vanquish, 당신 really gotta decide what 당신 wanna use your energy on. Do 당신 wanna get to the back of enemies, do 당신 wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, 또는 do 당신 just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes 당신 rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.
Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty 미사일 gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault 소총 also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help 당신 a ton in the game (Except the 미사일 gun). While 당신 may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where 당신 may end up using all weapons. 당신 may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, 또는 use the sniper 소총 to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the 미사일 gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, 또는 use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, 더 많이 powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once 당신 kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but 의해 the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better 의해 a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if 당신 play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and 당신 should buy this instead.
~Legacy~
Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the 년 awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.
~Verdict~
Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep 당신 around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a 글쓰기 team, the gameplay will keep 당신 invested. I can’t tell 당신 how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed 의해 pressing New Game. If 당신 want one of the most fast paced action experiences of recent years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See 당신 all 다음 time.
~Story~
The Story of Vanquish is…….. Bad. It’s so bad. Russia attacks America and there is 우주 marines and something about “No, this is the real villain” and Steven Blum is there and something about a professor and an ending that makes absolutely no sense and just kinda stops with no real ending in sight and jus- It’s a terribly written story. It’s really bad. So the story is that, in the future, a rebel group has overthrown the Russian government and has taken over the country. They want to gain power and, with the help of the United States president, they are able to use a sort of microwave cannon… thing to destroy all of San Francisco, killing thousands and wiping the city out. However, the president ends up throwing the group under the bus and as a result, the group decide to go to war, and threaten that they will do the same to New York City if the president does not step down. So, 당신 play as Sam Gideon, a member of the team, DARPA, and is brought in to help the 우주 marines, lead 의해 Col. Robert Burns, who is voiced 의해 the legendary man himself, Steve Blum, to fight off the Russian army of robots in space. And then something about a hostage and “No, it was me” and an ending that just screams sequel and- Oh, it sucks so bad. Platinum, just stick to really simple stories like 당신 did with Bayonetta. Making a plot is not your strong suit unless Kojima is tagging along. Thankfully, the gameplay is what matters here, not the story.
~Gameplay~
For a shooter in a 일 and age where modern war shooters were starting to become a thing that soon no one would want, Vanquish manages to look impressive. Hey, if I’m going to look at ugly grey environments, I at least want it to look beautiful. If I’m gonna stare at a turd, I want it to be a sparkling piece of shit. But I digress, this game is nowhere near shit. This game is amazing, and not just visually. The game is less of a shooter and 더 많이 of a 3D bullet-hell game. 당신 know those kinds of games, right? Games like Ikaruga and Touhou, where a million bullets are flying at 당신 and 당신 have to dodge them while continuously firing at your enemy. That’s what Vanquish is. A fast paced game where 당신 cannot just hide behind cover and expect to win. This isn’t Kane and Lynch 2. In Vanquish, it’s fly 또는 die. And 당신 will in fact die… Again… and again. And many many times. This is a pretty hard game. Even on normal difficulty, I still had some trouble trying to stay alive. But never was the fault of cheap enemy placement 또는 bad design. Most of the time, I just got careless and rushed out to fight, only to get killed because I didn’t prepare myself. 당신 have to know what the enemies can do and what 당신 can do to dodge the attacks coming your way. And thankfully, 당신 have an amazing sense of movement in this game.
If Vanquish was a basic shooter, like say just Gears of War, very simplistic in gameplay, I would still 사랑 it if the same sense of speed was there. Vanquish is a very fast-paced game. 당신 will be moving nonstop in this game. And thanks to the suit that Sam wears, 당신 can expect to stay moving… as long as 당신 don’t run out of energy. The suit that Sam wears is covered in several rocket things 또는 something that Platinum says to make things look cooler. No matter what position 당신 are in, no matter what direction 당신 are going in, 당신 can always expect to be moving fast. And I mean really fast. Aside from doing just a basic roll to dodge bullets, Sam can 옮기기 much faster with the rockets and act as a means to both dodge enemy fire, avoid huge attacks from larger enemies, and get behind them to get easier attacks in. 당신 can also do something that is way 냉각기 than anything else. If 당신 dodge and immediately aim, 또는 jump from cover and immediately aim, 당신 will be thrown into a slow-down time thingy which allows 당신 to unload onto enemies for a short period of time. 당신 can stop whenever, but it helps to get the most out of it. Be careful though, because this energy for slowdown is also your boost energy, and your boost energy is also your shield that keeps 당신 from dying. In Vanquish, 당신 really gotta decide what 당신 wanna use your energy on. Do 당신 wanna get to the back of enemies, do 당신 wanna use the slowdown to hit a bosses weak point, 또는 do 당신 just want to use the shield to get out there and get some hits in. It really makes 당신 rely on planning out fights more. And trust me, it is not as complicated as it seems. It actually helps a ton.
Another thing that this game has going for it are the variety of weapons. From the short ranged but devastating shotgun, the brutal heavy machine gun, the low capacity but powerful sniper rifle, that really, really shitty 미사일 gun that is just a huge waste of inventory space, and the rocket launcher which, who can say no to that, and of course, the classic assault 소총 also helps. All of these weapons are really useful and help 당신 a ton in the game (Except the 미사일 gun). While 당신 may choose some over others, there is always a time and a place where 당신 may end up using all weapons. 당신 may use the shotgun to attack enemies that are behind cover, 또는 use the sniper 소총 to hit enemies from afar and help your team, use the heavy machine gun to mow threw enemies, toss the 미사일 gun off the railing because it sucks so bad, 또는 use the rocket launcher to get some real good damage in on larger, 더 많이 powerful enemies. Whatever it is, these weapons always have a use to them. But what the game has in gun variety and gameplay variety, it sadly lacks in boss variety. There are some cool bosses here, sure. There is one point where the entire level is just a boss and that is cool, but most of the time, the boss is the same giant robot that once 당신 kill it turns into another giant robot. It’s cool the first time, but 의해 the third time, it just gets old. And fighting two at once doesn’t help, no matter how many cool sequences there are. The final boss is cool, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from a Platinum final boss. In fact, if it wasn’t cool, I’d be talking about it way more. And it’s made better 의해 a boost in Sam’s power. Don’t worry, you’ll find out what I mean real soon if 당신 play the game, because Vanquish is a very short game. I mean four hours short. Maybe less. However, unlike Kane and Lynch 2, I had fun. I found variety in my weapons, the enemy AI was good, the visuals were great, the camera didn’t make me sick, and cover actually worked. Yeah, in a game where hiding behind cover isn’t the only solution to your problems. What I’m saying is Vanquish did better with a smaller budget and 당신 should buy this instead.
~Legacy~
Despite falling behind in sales as of recently, Vanquish was able to do pretty well, if for just a few weeks before falling into obscurity. Despite the fact, the game was able to earn a few awards in 2011, even getting a few Game of the 년 awards, so that’s something Vanquish and Platinum can gloat about. There is also a few figures of Sam Gideon and the main villain of the game, Bogey. They are really expensive and despite costing over $60, they fall apart easy. You’re basically paying a ton for bad material. That’s capitalism for you.
~Verdict~
Vanquish is what you’d expect from a Platinum game. It is a game that puts quality over quantity. While there is not a ton here that may keep 당신 around, and while this game is lacking in bosses and a 글쓰기 team, the gameplay will keep 당신 invested. I can’t tell 당신 how often I beat the game, telling myself, “That story was awful”, and was immediately followed 의해 pressing New Game. If 당신 want one of the most fast paced action experiences of recent years, then I recommend giving Vanquish a look. With that said, I give Vanquish the ranking of an Excavation Worthy. See 당신 all 다음 time.
Now, what is one of the most laughably bad fanfics I have ever read in my entire life. Well, I think that that fanfic would be the 크리피파스타 known as Mad for McDonalds.
Now, this story starts with a man who goes to a local McDonalds and starts eating. However, he just keeps eating, to the point where he becomes addicted to it. So addicted to where he goes there all the time, just eating Big Macs and stuff like that. Soon, his family keeps him from going back, so he gets angry and, for some reason, dresses up as Ronald McDonald and sneaks off to eat 더 많이 at McDonalds only to become a great big fat fuck.
And that's about it. Like I said, this creepypasta, while not even being all that creepy, but is just so bad, that it is so hilarious. But, hey, that's only my opinion. Whats Your Take
Now, this story starts with a man who goes to a local McDonalds and starts eating. However, he just keeps eating, to the point where he becomes addicted to it. So addicted to where he goes there all the time, just eating Big Macs and stuff like that. Soon, his family keeps him from going back, so he gets angry and, for some reason, dresses up as Ronald McDonald and sneaks off to eat 더 많이 at McDonalds only to become a great big fat fuck.
And that's about it. Like I said, this creepypasta, while not even being all that creepy, but is just so bad, that it is so hilarious. But, hey, that's only my opinion. Whats Your Take