CHAPTER 18
It has been 2 days, 3 hours, and 25 분 and 3 seconds. Since I have been sitting here, thinking. Thinking of everything that has happened the last few days. I have killed both the 초 most powerful 뱀파이어 in our world. I killed Jane and Alec. I still feel as though I failed. I failed my family. I failed my daughter. Though these days that I have been thinking I have been sitting in my room as still as a statute, not moving 또는 breathing. Scared that realty will come down fast and harder then I would like it to.
“Bella, honey, what are 당신 thinking?” My beloved asked. It has been the first time anyone has talked scene we came in this room. I don’t mind the silence. I miss it even.
“Nothing” I stated. I know I am lying but I don’t want to worry him and everyone down stairs. Who with no doubt are listening to every word for answers? I feel as though I should tell him but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Nothing at all” I said again with 더 많이 convened then last time.
“Bella, don’t lie to me. I have known 당신 for almost for 8 years. Don’t 당신 dare lie to me. All it’s going to do it destroy us. So please Bella, just talk to me.” He said. He had a string of worry in his voice. Though Edward was always hiding it and covered it with a light hint of a teasing tone.
“Edward, are 당신 sure 당신 want to know?” I asked hoping he would say no but he shakes his head yes. So I go into explain everything. Well kind of everything. “Fine. 당신 asked for it.” I Sighed. Then begin. “I feel as though I failed 당신 and my daughter, my own daughter. Who I wasn’t there for, instead I was battling the most ridiculous 뱀파이어 in this lifetime. I failed this family. I feel as though I don’t deserve to be in this family. I don’t belong in this family. 당신 guys are saints compared to me. God, I killed the most powerful 뱀파이어 one 의해 one. I also still have Aro and I have this weird feeling as though I may have to fight them just to follow through with the deal. I also have to make sure I find someone that will do a good job of being leader instead of having to be taken down later down the road.” I took a deep breath. This really wasn’t needed. “Edward, I am a monster. There is no taking back that I am. I am the one who killed two people not in even a few days ago. I am the one who is willing to kill Aro and everyone else who gets in the way of my family even if it kills me in the progress. Worst of all I am the worst mother, wife, also the worst person and also worst person to be in a family with.” I stated all of this in less than a 분 rant. I was upset with myself. I was mad at myself. I just wanted to crawl in 침대 and sob and cry the tears I will never be able to shed. He was going to convene me I didn’t do anything and say I am wrong but I don’t believe him. “Edward Mason Cullen, don’t 당신 dare.” I yelled. “Just don’t 당신 dare tell me I am wrong and that nothing I said was right.” I screamed. “Don’t 당신 DARE!!!” I seethed. I could tell just 의해 the look in his eyes that he was planning on doing just that. “Please Edward. Just don’t.” I stated. I fell into his arms and sobbed for everything and anything.
“Bella, I know 당신 don’t want to say anything but I feel as though it’s my job to say something. I also know it’s my job to care and help. Bella, 당신 have not failed. 당신 have won. 당신 have won back our freedom and our time to spend endless time together with OUR daughter and OUR family because of you. Bella, 당신 belong with our crazy, messed up family. Yes indeed 당신 have killed Jane and Alec but that doesn’t make 당신 a crazy monster. It makes 당신 the wife that I 사랑 and makes 당신 the amazing mother 당신 are. It makes 당신 the daughter and sister –in –law that they love. Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if 당신 had to take down Aro and 당신 won. Though let us help 당신 when it comes to that part. Please? “He took a breath and looked at me and held me tighter. “ Bella Cullen, 당신 are no monster because your number one reason for fighting was for your family. I would have done the same if I knew what was going on” He said. He stared down at and started laughing. “We would all do that if need be. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t allow yourself to forget that 당신 are not alone. That 당신 have a whole big family downstairs and 당신 have Neisse and I. I will always be 의해 your side. If 당신 let me.” He stated and he kissed me. We were soon interrupted Emmett.
Yeah Bells were all here for you. No matter what kind of trouble 당신 are in. 당신 got to help. Even though what 당신 did out there was killer. It was amazing. 당신 got to teach me how to do some of that crap 당신 did.” I laughed and said maybe. “Oh, no maybes. I get a defiantly from 당신 missy. I understand 당신 are stubborn as hell. God, did we just realize how stubborn 당신 were when 당신 pushed us all away. Though just because 당신 as stubborn as hell that doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass.” He was standing in front of me with his arms out for a hug and I ran into them. He was my big teddy 곰 that was my big brother that I knew had until now.
“Thanks Emmett. That was good to hear from you.” I said. With the 사랑 had for my 가장 좋아하는 brother –in-law coming out thickly.
“Your welcome, Bells. Now how about 당신 come down stairs and explain what the hell happened.” Emmett said. I looked at Edward in a silent look asking if it would be okay and if he would come with me. He just nodded and picked me up and ran down the stairs into the living room bring me down also.
“GUYS!” I yelled. “We need to talk everyone meet up in the living room.” I yelled. I walked over to the coach where my daughter was sitting and I grabbed onto her not letting go just letting her cry and sob into my shirt.
“I am so sorry honey” I said. “I 사랑 당신 baby girl” I said and hugged her again. Edward sat down 다음 to us and wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.
10 분 later
Everyone filled into the room taking any 좌석 available. I took a deep breath before I looked at everyone and saw confusion and a million other expressions but the one that stand out the most is 사랑 and concern and relief and worry. Once everyone realized I was ready all hell broke loose.
It has been 2 days, 3 hours, and 25 분 and 3 seconds. Since I have been sitting here, thinking. Thinking of everything that has happened the last few days. I have killed both the 초 most powerful 뱀파이어 in our world. I killed Jane and Alec. I still feel as though I failed. I failed my family. I failed my daughter. Though these days that I have been thinking I have been sitting in my room as still as a statute, not moving 또는 breathing. Scared that realty will come down fast and harder then I would like it to.
“Bella, honey, what are 당신 thinking?” My beloved asked. It has been the first time anyone has talked scene we came in this room. I don’t mind the silence. I miss it even.
“Nothing” I stated. I know I am lying but I don’t want to worry him and everyone down stairs. Who with no doubt are listening to every word for answers? I feel as though I should tell him but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Nothing at all” I said again with 더 많이 convened then last time.
“Bella, don’t lie to me. I have known 당신 for almost for 8 years. Don’t 당신 dare lie to me. All it’s going to do it destroy us. So please Bella, just talk to me.” He said. He had a string of worry in his voice. Though Edward was always hiding it and covered it with a light hint of a teasing tone.
“Edward, are 당신 sure 당신 want to know?” I asked hoping he would say no but he shakes his head yes. So I go into explain everything. Well kind of everything. “Fine. 당신 asked for it.” I Sighed. Then begin. “I feel as though I failed 당신 and my daughter, my own daughter. Who I wasn’t there for, instead I was battling the most ridiculous 뱀파이어 in this lifetime. I failed this family. I feel as though I don’t deserve to be in this family. I don’t belong in this family. 당신 guys are saints compared to me. God, I killed the most powerful 뱀파이어 one 의해 one. I also still have Aro and I have this weird feeling as though I may have to fight them just to follow through with the deal. I also have to make sure I find someone that will do a good job of being leader instead of having to be taken down later down the road.” I took a deep breath. This really wasn’t needed. “Edward, I am a monster. There is no taking back that I am. I am the one who killed two people not in even a few days ago. I am the one who is willing to kill Aro and everyone else who gets in the way of my family even if it kills me in the progress. Worst of all I am the worst mother, wife, also the worst person and also worst person to be in a family with.” I stated all of this in less than a 분 rant. I was upset with myself. I was mad at myself. I just wanted to crawl in 침대 and sob and cry the tears I will never be able to shed. He was going to convene me I didn’t do anything and say I am wrong but I don’t believe him. “Edward Mason Cullen, don’t 당신 dare.” I yelled. “Just don’t 당신 dare tell me I am wrong and that nothing I said was right.” I screamed. “Don’t 당신 DARE!!!” I seethed. I could tell just 의해 the look in his eyes that he was planning on doing just that. “Please Edward. Just don’t.” I stated. I fell into his arms and sobbed for everything and anything.
“Bella, I know 당신 don’t want to say anything but I feel as though it’s my job to say something. I also know it’s my job to care and help. Bella, 당신 have not failed. 당신 have won. 당신 have won back our freedom and our time to spend endless time together with OUR daughter and OUR family because of you. Bella, 당신 belong with our crazy, messed up family. Yes indeed 당신 have killed Jane and Alec but that doesn’t make 당신 a crazy monster. It makes 당신 the wife that I 사랑 and makes 당신 the amazing mother 당신 are. It makes 당신 the daughter and sister –in –law that they love. Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if 당신 had to take down Aro and 당신 won. Though let us help 당신 when it comes to that part. Please? “He took a breath and looked at me and held me tighter. “ Bella Cullen, 당신 are no monster because your number one reason for fighting was for your family. I would have done the same if I knew what was going on” He said. He stared down at and started laughing. “We would all do that if need be. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t allow yourself to forget that 당신 are not alone. That 당신 have a whole big family downstairs and 당신 have Neisse and I. I will always be 의해 your side. If 당신 let me.” He stated and he kissed me. We were soon interrupted Emmett.
Yeah Bells were all here for you. No matter what kind of trouble 당신 are in. 당신 got to help. Even though what 당신 did out there was killer. It was amazing. 당신 got to teach me how to do some of that crap 당신 did.” I laughed and said maybe. “Oh, no maybes. I get a defiantly from 당신 missy. I understand 당신 are stubborn as hell. God, did we just realize how stubborn 당신 were when 당신 pushed us all away. Though just because 당신 as stubborn as hell that doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass.” He was standing in front of me with his arms out for a hug and I ran into them. He was my big teddy 곰 that was my big brother that I knew had until now.
“Thanks Emmett. That was good to hear from you.” I said. With the 사랑 had for my 가장 좋아하는 brother –in-law coming out thickly.
“Your welcome, Bells. Now how about 당신 come down stairs and explain what the hell happened.” Emmett said. I looked at Edward in a silent look asking if it would be okay and if he would come with me. He just nodded and picked me up and ran down the stairs into the living room bring me down also.
“GUYS!” I yelled. “We need to talk everyone meet up in the living room.” I yelled. I walked over to the coach where my daughter was sitting and I grabbed onto her not letting go just letting her cry and sob into my shirt.
“I am so sorry honey” I said. “I 사랑 당신 baby girl” I said and hugged her again. Edward sat down 다음 to us and wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.
10 분 later
Everyone filled into the room taking any 좌석 available. I took a deep breath before I looked at everyone and saw confusion and a million other expressions but the one that stand out the most is 사랑 and concern and relief and worry. Once everyone realized I was ready all hell broke loose.
