I agree with the Max X guy, 당신 have something but it needs some work. probly try not to sound exactly like the who ever your trying to sing and control your voice, 당신 sound like your trying to hard
Honestly, not bad... Could use a lot of work, but still not horrible 또는 anything. I think 당신 should try to put 더 많이 passion into it. Dont be afraid to SMILE, use your eyes to show that 당신 are actually FEELING the song and what it means.