Took. So. Long. To. Perfect. AND I STILL DON'T LIKE IT. D:
Oh well, hopefully 당신 do.
Yeah, usual warning; don't read if 당신 have problems with swears, sex, homosexuality, etc
About an 시간 또는 two later I wake up in Francis’ bed, his strong arms wrapped around me. It feels a little unnatural to me; I’ve never been with anyone like this… I usually refuse to let Nicole 키스 me, let alone lie naked with me in a bed.
I don’t know what to think of all this. Part of me wants to hate it, wants to hate him, but the other part is absolutely mad for him. WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE HORMONES!? THEY JUST GET IN THE WAY.
I slip out of his grip and walk out of his room (after putting my clothes back on, obviously). I paced around the house a bit. I needed time to think.
Part of me knew I couldn’t keep it a secret from Nicole, but I needed to. I couldn’t just come out and tell her; “By the way, I’m fucking that blonde kid 당신 keep seeing me talk to.” No. I needed to be 더 많이 discreet then that. I had to tell her… but it would ruin everything. What if my parents found out? They’d murder me!
“What’s up babe…?” I heard Francis’ groggy voice from behind me, and his hands fall on my shoulders.
“N-n-n-nothing.” I replied.
“It doesn’t sound like nothing, what’s bothering you?” Francis turned me to face him; he was shirtless, with only his boxers on the bottom. Dammit. He was sexy as hell.
“I’m just nervous, that’s all.”
“Nervous?” Francis raised an eyebrow. “About Nicole finding out?”
“Would 당신 relax?” Francis questioned. “No one is going to find out. And if they do, we’ve got each other to turn to.”
I smiled a little half-smile. School was going to be torture tomorrow.
I was skipping yet another Gym class. As much as I 사랑 keeping up my abs, I’m not cool with the idea of playing football in the field while other guys tackle my pretty body. And the sweat. Ugh.
So, like I usually did during first period, I was with the girls. And obviously we weren’t just skipping class. We were using my favourite method of skipping class. Something I like to call “skip-sex.”
We were at my house, as usual. With my mom working 24/7 and my dad working two jobs, and my two brothers both being goody-two-shoes, I usually had the house to myself during school.
We were all in my bed, Robyn and Jayden talking to themselves until Robyn noticed something, “It smells of boy in here. Not just you… someone else was in here.”
“Well; DUH.” I replied. “Obviously someone was in here, 당신 expect me to go a night without sleeping with someone?”
“Who was it!?” Jayden asked almost immediately. “Richard? Andrew? Ian? Jake? Charlie? Liam?”
“No, no, no!” I exclaimed. “Besides, I banged Liam last week. Where have 당신 been?” I shook my head. “Think… different… someone I’ve been yearning for.”
“Veto?” Robyn piped.
“No.” I sighed. “It was Noah.”
Both of the girls’ gasped almost instantly. “Oh my god! 당신 hooked up with him twice!” Robyn exclaimed.
“No shit, Sherlock.”
“But… why!?” Jayden asked.
“I told 당신 guys, for a virgin, he was really good the first time.”
Robyn shook her head, “I can’t believe 당신 had sex with the same person twice.”
“I’ve had sex with 당신 guys a billion times!” I replied. I looked up at the clock in my room; I really wanted to see him. I should head back to the school soon…
“Yeah, but Noah seems like such a stick in the mud.” Jayden told me.
“He’s actually not that bad… in fact,” I bolted up from the bed, fixing my hair and putting on some clothes. “I’ll prove to 당신 how much he wants me,”
“How?” Robyn asked.
“Simple.” I answered. “Follow me.”
We walked back to the school right as the 벨 rang. I saw Noah walking out of class and I walked straight up to him.
“How do 당신 feel about skipping study hall?” I asked; quiet enough that not many people would hear, but loud enough for Robyn and Jayden.
Noah’s face flushed a little, 당신 could tell he still wasn’t used to this. “Okay…” He nodded weakly.
I turned to Robyn and Jayden, their eyes wide with the fact that Noah actually agreed.
Noah and I walked out of the school, “Um? Where are we going?” He asked nervously.
“A little secret place… you’ll see.”
I led him to the local park in town, which led into a little forest area.
“The park is waaay too public.” Noah said. “We’d get found out.”
“I never said we were going to the park.”
I dragged him past the trees and bushes, and to a small little meadow area. It was a nice little place that no one knew about, no one besides me that is.
“Francis…” Noah smiled. It was a nice place, and I think he was surprised that I would take him here.
“Wait.” He paused. “You don’t expect me to have sex on the grass, do you?”
I chuckled, “No… unless you’re up for it.”
Noah shot me a glare. “Okay, okay.” I pleaded.
“What are we going to do then?” He questioned.
I lay down on the grass, pulling Noah down with me.
“We can do whatever 당신 want…” I whispered into his ear before 키싱 it.
“Well I don’t know!” Noah shrugged.
“Oh come on babe…” I said softly. “This is the first time you’ve ever had a relationship with a guy, 당신 have to be having some questions.”
Noah sat up and sighed, “Okay… maybe I do have some questions…”
“About…?” I replied.
“About everything! About being gay, about you, about…” He paused. “Us.”
I smiled at him, I knew Noah was into the whole “sweet” act, so that’s what I’d play up… it could be the only way to keep our relationship.
“Ask away,” I said.
“What is this?” He asked almost immediately. “What are we?”
I looked up at him, smirking to myself, “Friends with benefits. Basically, sex with no emotional attachment.” My fear was that it would turn into something different though…
Noah nodded and moved onto the 다음 question, “Where’d 당신 learn to sing like that?”
“I taught myself. I had been taking 기타 lessons for years and added my voice to that. 당신 find it sexy, don’t you?”
Noah chuckled and looked down; his face forming into a bit of a blank stare, the look confused me.
“How did you… um… come out…?”
I shrugged, “I think my parents always knew… I don’t know how… they just knew. And then in seventh grade I had my first crush who was also gay, we ended up 키싱 each other at the end of the 년 and my parents caught me making out with him.”
“And they were cool with it?”
I gave him a strange look, “They’re my parents. Of course they were. If someone really cares about you; they’ll 사랑 당신 no matter what.”
Noah looked at me, a little surprised that something like that had just come out of my mouth.
“I don’t get it…” Noah shrugged.
“Don’t get what?”
“How I used to think you’re such an asshole… but now you’re so intimate and real and…”
I leaned closer to him, 키싱 his lips. “I just want 당신 to feel comfortable around me… so I have to feel comfortable around you.”
My strategy for getting Noah to stay with me was almost perfect. He was so desperate!
“One last question,” Noah began. “You never sleep with anyone twice… why are 당신 doing it with me?”
I froze in place; it was a 질문 I had been asking myself for a while now. Yeah, Noah was good, but it was something else. Something else about him that I liked and I just didn’t know. I didn’t understand it, I couldn’t actually like him, could I? No. Impossible.
I shook my head, “I’m performing at “The Wave” again Friday… care to accompany me?”
Noah sighed, “I don’t think so…”
“Come on…” I pouted. “Pleeeeeease…?”
Noah sighed to himself and rolled his eyes “Fine,”
I leaned over to him and kissed him again, “It’ll be an amazing night.”
Friday night I managed to convince my parents I was going to do some late night studying for my Chemistry test, which is really what I should have been doing… but nope, I was at a club again, becoming 더 많이 and 더 많이 attracted to Francis’ 노래 voice as he sang “Hanging 의해 a Moment” 의해 Lifehouse with a crowd of girls surrounding him.
I don’t know what I feel towards him, at first I thought it was gonna be easy, all I had to do was hookup with him in secret… but within the week we’ve been together he’s made me 질문 everything I felt towards him, he’s been so different, sweet even. I’m starting to worry that I can’t keep this just 프렌즈 with benefits, because, I think I might actually like him. Like, LIKE him.
“Excuse me?” I heard a voice say, which cut off my thoughts.
I turned to a boy behind me; he looked around my age, maybe a 년 younger. He had brown hair and rimmed glasses.
“May I sit here?”
I scanned him; he was pretty cute, in a nerdy sort of way.
“Yeah, go ahead.” I replied. “I’m Noah.”
“Nickolas.” Pleasure to meet you, Noah.”
I ignored him for a while, still so entranced 의해 Francis’ voice and the fact that he still looked so good, even from the faraway place that I sat
Nickolas turned to where Francis was playing, “Is that your boy over there?”
“Sure… I guess 당신 could say that.”
“What do 당신 mean…?”
I shrugged, “It’s a complicated relationship.”
“What, 당신 want to break up with him?”
“NO!” I exclaimed; a little surprised that I raised my voice. “I just… it’s confusing.”
I bit my lip, “I’m in a “friend with benefits” relationship with him, but I’m really bad at it… and I think I may like him as 더 많이 than what we are… I just don’t know how to tell him.”
Nickolas looked at me, “Look Noah; just tell him. It’s not that hard. Just approach him and tell him 당신 want to be 더 많이 then what 당신 are, maybe he’s up for it.”
“He really isn’t the “dating” type.”
“Ahhh…” Nickolas nodded. “So he’s a player?”
I opened my mouth to say that that wasn’t true, but I couldn’t even deny it. I was sexually involved with a manslut.
“If that’s the case, I still feel 당신 should tell him, just tell him how 당신 feel. It’s not actually that hard, or… 당신 can wait it out, see if he feels the same way.”
I smiled, “Thanks for the advice, but… I don’t think it’ll help.”
“That’s okay.” Nickolas shrugged, “I’m just here to help.”
We ended up talking through Francis’ entire set. Nickolas was nice to talk to, and a good way to vent all my emotions.
“Noah…” Nickolas turned to me. “Before I go… I just want to say good luck with him.” He tossed me a small piece of paper, “And if things don’t work out… there’s my number.”
And he left… I sat alone in the barstools, looking at Francis who was giving me a slight smirk through the crowd.
The rest of the night went 의해 in a bit of a blur, Francis and I ended up having a bit of a makeout session in my car after he was done playing. For the record, walking out of the club with him felt great. It was kinda like a “fuck you” to all the bitches who crowded around him, this man was taken.
We left about an 시간 later, Francis a little drunk and me driving him 집 with him stealing kisses from me every now and then.
I opened the door to my house only 분 later after driving home. The first thing I see is my father staring directly at the door, and my mother placed on a chair 다음 to him.
“Studying at the 도서관, 라이브러리 my 나귀, 엉덩이 Noah!” My dad shouted.
I jumped back; I was used to him yelling at me, but not in the tone he was using now.
“The 도서관, 라이브러리 closed an 시간 ago.” My mom interjected. “We were worried sick…”
“So we did some investigating… it wasn’t long until we saw your car at that nightclub for teens. And then we saw something that I can’t even begin to elaborate on…” My dad continued; his voice filled with rage.
My 심장 is pounding at around 60 beats a 초 now, please… no. God no!
“How dare 당신 indulge in something so disgusting and horrifying!? Have we not taught 당신 any decency?”
“We were just kissing… dad… nothing happened.” I tried to explain.
“But to 키스 another man!?”
“I like other men…”
“Don’t say things like that in my household.”
At this point my voice was starting to get shaky, and I started to feel genuinely scared.
“So I’m gay! What’s wrong with that?!”
“It’s vulgar and disgusting! You’re a filthy monster.”
My mom spoke with a much quieter and softer voice then my dad, “Your father and I have arranged some guidance sessions to help 당신 cope with this phase.”
I turned to my mom, “It’s not a phase. I’ve known my whole life.”
“You’re talking nonsense.” My mother replied.
“No!” I shouted. “No, I’m not! I’m attracted to other guys, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“You’re sickening…” My father muttered.
“This is a choice Noah! And it’s a repulsive choice!”
I gasped a little, “I can’t choose who I feel sexually attracted to, that’s like saying women choose to get knocked up. If I chose to be gay, when the fuck did 당신 choose to be straight?”
“We’re just doing what’s best for 당신 dear…” My mom said.
“No!” I hissed. “No, you’re not. 당신 believe that I’m a sin of a child that shouldn’t exist and the fact that I happen to enjoy 키싱 another guy is revolting. You’re not doing what’s best for me, if 당신 were doing what’s best for me, you’d be accepting of this!”
My father came over to me then, he slapped me in the face and I stumbled back when the blow hit. I could taste blood in my mouth.
“Do not. Blame this on us. You’re the one who decided to be this way.”
My dad paused again, turning away from me and then back with a piercing glare.
“I want 당신 gone from this house. I will not have your filth living in the same house as your mother and I.”
I feel my 심장 burst at the seams, “No! Dad! Please, no…!” I cried.
“You have half an 시간 to pack your things, and get the hell out of my house.”
He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I fell to the ground, tears swelling in my eyes. I looked up desperately at my mom for some sort of comfort; she had been my saving grace in the past. I knew if I was going to get any comfort, it would be from her rather than my dad. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, “Noah…” she said softly. She turned away and left… leaving me alone on the floor in tears.
And to this day; I have never felt 더 많이 broken.