"Charlie
This is Part 2 of the first episode of The Charlie Arc. Check out Part 1 if 당신 haven't read it yet.
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The boys and Charlie are at Stan's house, in his bedroom. Mrs. Marsh (Sharon) knocks and comes in with cookies.
SHARON: Stan, I think it's so nice that 당신 invited all your little 프렌즈 over!
STAN: Sure, Mom.
SHARON: And it's so nice that 당신 finally made a new friend! What did 당신 say his name was?
STAN: Charlie. And she's a girl.
SHARON: Of course, sweetheart. Have a nice time, kids!
She exits.
STAN to Charlie: Sorry about that.
CHARLIE: It's okay. Thanks for inviting me over.
KYLE: It's probably the least he could do considering he let 당신 get together with Bebe.
CARTMAN: Well guys, I'm not entirely convinced that Charlie—IF that is your name—[Charlie looks a little confused] is actually a girl. Maybe he's just pretending 'cause he's gay.
CHARLIE: Am not!
KYLE: Yeah, shut up, fat boy! She's a girl!
CARTMAN (in a teasing voice): Kyle likes Charlie! Kyle likes a boy! Jews are gay!
KYLE: Shut up 당신 stupid piece of shit!
CARTMAN: I'll prove it to you! Charlie, pull down your pants!
CHARLIE: What? No thanks.
CARTMAN: No, seriously! 당신 don't have something to HIDE from us, do you? Like a penis?
CHARLIE: Of course not, I just don't wanna pull down my pants!
KENNY: (That's fucked up, Cartman.)
STAN: Yeah, Cartman! You're a sick pervert!
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? [He leans over and grabs Charlie's pants.]
Charlie kicks Cartman in the face with her other foot. Cartman lets go and moans a little. Suddenly Cartman opens his mouth and spits a load of blood on the floor. Stan runs to the door.
STAN: Mom! Cartman tried to pull down Charlie's pants to see if she had a penis and she kicked him in the face and he puked blood on my carpet!
Sharon hurries into the room. Cartman is moaning pitifully.
CARTMAN: I feel victimized!
SHARON: My God Stanley, they've been over for all of five 분 and this happens!
KYLE: It was Cartman's fault, Mrs. Marsh. He was being a sick pervert and trying to take Charlie's pants off.
SHARON: …Okay… Eric, do 당신 want me to call your mom?
CARTMAN: I'm so abused! What did I do to deserve this?
Sharon leads Cartman out of the room.
SHARON: Stan, if any 더 많이 of your 프렌즈 vomit blood on your carpet, you're done playing for the day. Do 당신 understand me?
STAN: Okay, Mom.
The two leave. Cartman can be heard crying for a little while. The four remaining, sitting in a bit of a 원, 동그라미 on the floor, sit in awkward silence for awhile.
STAN: When does Terrance and Phillip start?
KYLE: Twenty minutes.
STAN: Crap. We have twenty 분 to kill. What do 당신 wanna do, Kenny?
KENNY: (Jack off.)
STAN: That's stupid. That's all 당신 ever wanna do.
KENNY (indignantly): (It's fun!)
KYLE: Well, what do 당신 wanna do, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I dunno… whatever 당신 wanna do.
STAN: What do 당신 wanna do, Kyle?
KYLE: I dunno. It's your house. What do 당신 wanna do?
Pause.
STAN: This is retarded. Let's go watch the last fifteen 분 of Spongebob before Terrance and Phillip is on.
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The four are watching Spongebob on the couch.
SPONGEBOB: Patrick, do 당신 want a Krabby Patty?
PATRICK: Uhhh…
SPONGEBOB: Hey, Squidward! How do 당신 like my new pet jellyfish?
SQUIDWARD: [Mumbles angrily.]
MR. KRABS: Money!
KYLE: Dude, this show sucks.
Spongebob ends with everyone laughing stupidly in a circle. Patrick is hitting himself on the head with a rock. All four stare stone-faced at the television.
TV Announcer: And now, the Terrance and Phillip program!
ALL: Yay!
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip, it appears that we are in the Arctic among native Eskimos!
PHILLIP: It sure does Terrance. Hey, Terrance?
TERRANCE: Yes, Phillip?
Phillip farts. Both of them laugh. The kids laugh.
TERRANCE: That was a good one Phillip!
PHILLIP: Oh look, there is the chief of the tribe! Hello there!
The chief stares solemnly at the pair.
TERRANCE: Eskimo chief? Guess what? There's a magic rock on the ground!
Eskimo chief looks surprised and excited.
TERRANCE: Look closer and you'll be able to see it.
Chief leans down.
TERRANCE: Closer… Closer…
STAN: I know what he's gonna do!
Terrance farts in the chief's face. Chief growls, the two laugh, and the chief starts to laugh too. The four kids laugh.
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The show is ending. The four are watching, transfixed, with smiles on their faces.
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip, although we couldn't persuade the Eskimos to convert to Catholicism, at least we got these wonderful jackets made out of 고래 blubber!
PHILLIP: Help! Mine's on fire! Help me Terrance!
Terrance approaches Phillip, who farts in his face. The End. The four laugh.
STAN: That was sweet!
KENNY: (Those fart jokes never get old!)
KYLE: 당신 got that right, Kenny.
STAN: Hey, where's Charlie?
Charlie is running down the stairs from Stan's room, pulling on her coat.
CHARLIE: I forgot I had to be 집 의해 four! I live all the way on the other side of town! I've got to go!
STAN: That's where Kenny lives. Maybe his mom could—
She's gone.
KYLE: What was that about?
STAN: I dunno. Maybe her mom's really strict 또는 something.
Suddenly, Charlie opens the door again.
CHARLIE: Bathroom?
STAN: Right over there.
CHARLIE: Thanks.
The three listen to the bathroom door slam, and about five 초 later they hear a flush and a sink.
CHARLIE: Bye!
She runs out the front door again.
STAN: What the hell was that?
KYLE: Maybe all girls act like that.
KENNY: (It's probably just PMS.)
The three laugh.
STAN: What's PMS?
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The boys are standing at the bus stop. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are just standing there. Cartman has a bandage on his nose. He's 노래 "The Long and Winding Road" to himself. The bus pulls up.
MS. CRABTREE: Hurry up! We're running late! And be quiet!
The four get on the bus. Cartman is still singing/humming to himself.
KYLE: Hey, where's Charlie?
CARTMAN: Probably trying to get somebody else to 키스 her ass. 다음 time I see her I swear to God I'll just be like, "Hey, 당신 asshole! I… 당신 stupid bitch! Go make me a pot pie!" And I'll kick her in the nuts 또는 something.
STAN: Girls don't have nuts, Cartman.
CARTMAN: Really?
KYLE: I thought 당신 knew that when 당신 were trying to see if she had a penis yesterday. [He shrugs.]
CARTMAN (thinking): Nuts are associated with the male anatomy?
MS. CRABTREE: HEY! SHUT UP BACK THERE! I'M GONNA GET IN AN ACCIDENT AND SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT!
She pulls to a sharp stop. Most of the kids fall out of their seats.
MS. CRABTREE: Everybody off! Stay in line!
The kids get off the bus and walk into the school.
MR. GARRISON: All right kids, everybody get in your 좌석 so I can take attendance. [Murmurs to himself] All right… Does anybody know where Charlie Pierzynski is?
STAN: She wasn't on the bus.
MR. GARRISON to Mr. Hat: Stupid kids. Late for school all the time. Sometimes I wanna—
MR. HAT: Calm down, Mr. Garrison. Remember, patience.
MR. GARRISON: [Sigh.] You're right, Mr. Hat. All right kids, first on the agenda today… Why don't 당신 pass up your homework?
Charlie walks in. She has a black eye and a band-aid on her nose. She gives a little note to Mr. Garrison. He reads it then looks questioningly at her.
MR. GARRISON: Are 당신 sure?
Charlie nods.
MR. GARRISON: …Okay. Well take your seat.
Charlie sits down 다음 to Kenny again.
MR. GARRISON: Now class, today we're starting our big unit on pioneers! Isn't that exciting?
The class stares at him.
MR. HAT: It sure is, Mr. Garrison. Did 당신 know that the U.S. bought a lot of its land-including some of Colorado-from France in the Louisiana Purchase?
MR. GARRISON: Wow, that's very interesting Mr. Hat! It was the Louisiana Purchase that allowed the pioneers to 옮기기 west, since they now owned the land! Yes, Charlie?
Charlie pukes blood all over her desk, then faints and falls off her chair. The class gasps.
MR. GARRISON: Oh no, not again.
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Mr. Garrison is carrying Charlie and is followed 의해 Kenny and Kyle. They're going to the nurse's office.
NURSE: Oh dear, what do we have here?
MR. GARRISON: I have no idea, but she came into class with a black eye—
KYLE: …and then she barfed blood and fainted!
KENNY: (It was awesome!)
Charlie wakes up and shouts something hoarsely.
CHARLIE [in a whispered scream]: Put me down, let me down!
Mr. Garrison looks surprised and puts her on one of the beds. She breathes deeply, then opens her eyes and sees the Nurse, Mr. Garrison, Kyle, and Kenny. She doesn't say anything, but she looks confused.
NURSE: You're at school, hun. 당신 just got a little sick. Why don't 당신 try to rest for awhile?
NURSE to Mr. Garrison: Do 당신 think…?
MR. GARRISON: I'm not sure, she looked fine yesterday.
NURSE: I'll have to check. Kenny, could 당신 hand me that tray of dangerous medical equipment?
Kenny nervously approaches it, picks it up, and walks it over to the Nurse.
NURSE: Thank you.
Kenny sighs in relief. Then he begins to hiccup. The Nurse pulls a sheet between her and Charlie and Mr. Garrison and the boys. Our view is from the boys' side of the curtain.
CHARLIE: What are 당신 doing?
NURSE: Relax. Now take your 코트 off.
CHARLIE: I don't want to.
NURSE: 당신 have to. [There's a brief pause.] Oh my goodness.
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Back in the classroom, everyone is quiet. A few of them are looking at the blood all over the desk.
CARTMAN: 당신 know, it's sort of funny that everything that she did to me yesterday is happening to her now.
STAN: What do 당신 mean?
CARTMAN: Well, the 암캐, 암 캐 kicked me in the face and pretty much broke my nose, and now she's got a bandage on HER nose.
STAN: So?
CARTMAN: And THEN she puked blood. Yesterday I puked blood. Coincidence, 또는 karma?
The other kids stare at him. Bebe is crying, and Wendy is comforting her.
BEBE: What happened to him?
WENDY: It's okay, I'm sure he'll be fine.
BEBE: My life is over!
STAN to Bebe: Um, Bebe?
BEBE: What?
STAN: I don't think 당신 should go out with Charlie.
BEBE: Why not?
STAN: Well… Charlie's a girl.
BEBE: WHAT?
WENDY: Stan, why didn't 당신 tell me that?
STAN: 당신 wouldn't let me!
WENDY: But his 또는 her name's Charlie!
STAN: She says it's short for Charlotte!
BEBE: I kissed her on the cheek! Oh my God!
Bebe runs from the room, gagging.
WENDY: Why didn't she say something?
STAN: I dunno. Maybe 'cause 당신 told her Bebe thought she was cute. That was pretty fucked up.
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NURSE to Mr. Garrison: She has bruises all over her arms and chest.
MR. GARRISON: Did she say where she got them?
NURSE: She said she ran into a fridge and fell down the stairs.
KYLE: That's what she told us all right. Wait—actually, I think she told us it was a table.
KENNY: (Yup, she said table.) Hiccup.
NURSE: I think I'll call her home.
KYLE: Is she gonna be okay?
NURSE: She should be fine. I'll talk to her mother about what happened and ask her to get her a doctor appointment. 당신 boys should be getting back to class.
Bebe runs into the room.
BEBE: I'm dying! I'm dying!
NURSE: What happened?
BEBE: I kissed a girl!
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Mr. Garrison, Kenny, Kyle, and Bebe are in the classroom again with everyone else.
MR. GARRISON: I'm sorry about the interruption, class. Charlie should be okay, she's just going to miss the rest of the day.
STAN: Mr. Garrison?
MR. GARRISON: Yes, Stanley?
STAN: That bloody puke smells really bad Mr. Garrison.
MR. GARRISON: Oh. Right. Kenny, will 당신 go get the janitor?
Kenny sighs and leaves the room. And hiccups.
MR. GARRISON: Now, where was I…?
MR. HAT: The Louisiana Purchase, Mr. Garrison!
MR. GARRISON: Oh boy!
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Charlie is lying awake in the nurse's office without her 재킷, 자 켓 on. Instead, she's just wearing a light purple T-shirt. In addition to her black eye and injured nose, her arms are badly bruised. Suddenly, Mr. Mackey, the guidance counselor, comes into her little area with the curtain.
MR. MACKEY: Hi there, I'm Mr. Mackey, your counselor, m'kay?
CHARLIE: …Okay.
MR. MACKEY: Now, as I understand it, 당신 might be having some trouble at home, m'kay?
He sits down in a chair.
MR. MACKEY: I just want 당신 to know 당신 can tell me about it, m'kay?
Charlie stares at him.
MR. MACKEY: Let's start with the basics. Who is in your family?
CHARLIE: Well, I have a mom, and a little sister. She's four. And a little brother. He's just a baby.
MR. MACKEY: Does your Dad live with you?
CHARLIE: Not recently.
MR. MACKEY: M'kay. Do either of your parents do mar-juana?
There's a brief pause.
CHARLIE: What?
MR. MACKEY: Do either of your parents do mar-juana?
CHARLIE: What's mar-juana?
MR. MACKEY: Mar-juana is a drug. Drugs are bad, m'kay?
CHARLIE: I don't know.
MR. MACKEY: Well, do your parents get angry at 당신 very often?
CHARLIE: My mom's really strict. I like my dad a lot though.
MR. MACKEY: Do your parents ever hit you?
Charlie hesitates.
MR. MACKEY: Do your parents ever hit you?
CHARLIE: …No.
MR. MACKEY [taking notes]: M'kay. I noticed you're all bruised up, Charlie. How'd 당신 get those bruises?
CHARLIE: Why do I have to tell you?
MR. MACKEY: I just need to get the facts down, m'kay?
CHARLIE: Yesterday I ran into a refrigerator and today I fell down the stairs into the basement.
MR. MACKEY: M'kay. Nurse Gollum called your mom.
Charlie stares.
MR. MACKEY: She says she's too busy to pick 당신 up, m'kay? She also says that 당신 have bad allergies.
CHARLIE: Oh… yeah.
MR. MACKEY: So she says 당신 don't need to go to the hospital. She just said to give 당신 an inhaler.
CHARLIE: …Okay.
MR. MACKEY: Have 당신 thrown up blood because of allergies before?
CHARLIE: Oh, yeah. Loads of times.
MR. MACKEY: Oh really. Then do 당신 know what… [pulls out an inhaler dramatically]… this is?
CHARLIE: …An inhaler?
MR. MACKEY: …Oh. Yes, it is. Um, I'll be just down the hall if 당신 ever want to talk to me about anything, m'kay?
CHARLIE: Okay. Thanks.
Mr. Mackey leaves, leaving the inhaler on the bed. Charlie picks it up, sprays a little bit of the medicine into the air, and coughs.
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That 일 after school, the kids are getting onto the bus. Charlie is really pale and looks sick and tired.
KYLE: Why wouldn't your mom pick 당신 up?
CHARLIE: She was just busy. It's okay. I'm fine.
CARTMAN: Well then, I guess 당신 won't mind if I kick 당신 in the nuts!
He kicks Charlie in the crotch.
CHARLIE (grabbing her crotch): Ow! What was that for?
CARTMAN: See? See, I told 당신 guys it was a boy!
CHARLIE: I'm not a boy!
CARTMAN: Well, then, why did it hurt when I kicked 당신 in the nuts?
CHARLIE: Well first of all, I'm not numb down there 또는 anything. It still hurts. Just not as much.
There's a pause.
CARTMAN: Really?
CHARLIE: Yes. And second, for the last time: I do not have nuts.
Kenny hiccups a few times.
STAN: Wow, Kenny. You've had the hiccups almost all day.
Kenny shrugs.
KYLE: Isn't it annoying?
Kenny shrugs. They all climb on the bus. Cartman and Kenny sit together, Stan and Kyle sit together, and Charlie sits 다음 to Butters.
BUTTERS: Are 당신 contagious?
CHARLIE: I don't think so.
BUTTERS: Are 당신 sure?
CHARLIE: Pretty sure.
BUTTERS: Positive?
CHARLIE: No.
Butters shudders a little and turns away.
KYLE to Charlie: Fat-ass says only Kenny can come to his house today for some reason. Do 당신 wanna come to my house with Stan and me? 또는 are 당신 too sick?
CHARLIE (smiling a little): Well, I have to be 집 의해 four, but sure.
This is Part 2 of the first episode of The Charlie Arc. Check out Part 1 if 당신 haven't read it yet.
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The boys and Charlie are at Stan's house, in his bedroom. Mrs. Marsh (Sharon) knocks and comes in with cookies.
SHARON: Stan, I think it's so nice that 당신 invited all your little 프렌즈 over!
STAN: Sure, Mom.
SHARON: And it's so nice that 당신 finally made a new friend! What did 당신 say his name was?
STAN: Charlie. And she's a girl.
SHARON: Of course, sweetheart. Have a nice time, kids!
She exits.
STAN to Charlie: Sorry about that.
CHARLIE: It's okay. Thanks for inviting me over.
KYLE: It's probably the least he could do considering he let 당신 get together with Bebe.
CARTMAN: Well guys, I'm not entirely convinced that Charlie—IF that is your name—[Charlie looks a little confused] is actually a girl. Maybe he's just pretending 'cause he's gay.
CHARLIE: Am not!
KYLE: Yeah, shut up, fat boy! She's a girl!
CARTMAN (in a teasing voice): Kyle likes Charlie! Kyle likes a boy! Jews are gay!
KYLE: Shut up 당신 stupid piece of shit!
CARTMAN: I'll prove it to you! Charlie, pull down your pants!
CHARLIE: What? No thanks.
CARTMAN: No, seriously! 당신 don't have something to HIDE from us, do you? Like a penis?
CHARLIE: Of course not, I just don't wanna pull down my pants!
KENNY: (That's fucked up, Cartman.)
STAN: Yeah, Cartman! You're a sick pervert!
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? [He leans over and grabs Charlie's pants.]
Charlie kicks Cartman in the face with her other foot. Cartman lets go and moans a little. Suddenly Cartman opens his mouth and spits a load of blood on the floor. Stan runs to the door.
STAN: Mom! Cartman tried to pull down Charlie's pants to see if she had a penis and she kicked him in the face and he puked blood on my carpet!
Sharon hurries into the room. Cartman is moaning pitifully.
CARTMAN: I feel victimized!
SHARON: My God Stanley, they've been over for all of five 분 and this happens!
KYLE: It was Cartman's fault, Mrs. Marsh. He was being a sick pervert and trying to take Charlie's pants off.
SHARON: …Okay… Eric, do 당신 want me to call your mom?
CARTMAN: I'm so abused! What did I do to deserve this?
Sharon leads Cartman out of the room.
SHARON: Stan, if any 더 많이 of your 프렌즈 vomit blood on your carpet, you're done playing for the day. Do 당신 understand me?
STAN: Okay, Mom.
The two leave. Cartman can be heard crying for a little while. The four remaining, sitting in a bit of a 원, 동그라미 on the floor, sit in awkward silence for awhile.
STAN: When does Terrance and Phillip start?
KYLE: Twenty minutes.
STAN: Crap. We have twenty 분 to kill. What do 당신 wanna do, Kenny?
KENNY: (Jack off.)
STAN: That's stupid. That's all 당신 ever wanna do.
KENNY (indignantly): (It's fun!)
KYLE: Well, what do 당신 wanna do, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I dunno… whatever 당신 wanna do.
STAN: What do 당신 wanna do, Kyle?
KYLE: I dunno. It's your house. What do 당신 wanna do?
Pause.
STAN: This is retarded. Let's go watch the last fifteen 분 of Spongebob before Terrance and Phillip is on.
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The four are watching Spongebob on the couch.
SPONGEBOB: Patrick, do 당신 want a Krabby Patty?
PATRICK: Uhhh…
SPONGEBOB: Hey, Squidward! How do 당신 like my new pet jellyfish?
SQUIDWARD: [Mumbles angrily.]
MR. KRABS: Money!
KYLE: Dude, this show sucks.
Spongebob ends with everyone laughing stupidly in a circle. Patrick is hitting himself on the head with a rock. All four stare stone-faced at the television.
TV Announcer: And now, the Terrance and Phillip program!
ALL: Yay!
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip, it appears that we are in the Arctic among native Eskimos!
PHILLIP: It sure does Terrance. Hey, Terrance?
TERRANCE: Yes, Phillip?
Phillip farts. Both of them laugh. The kids laugh.
TERRANCE: That was a good one Phillip!
PHILLIP: Oh look, there is the chief of the tribe! Hello there!
The chief stares solemnly at the pair.
TERRANCE: Eskimo chief? Guess what? There's a magic rock on the ground!
Eskimo chief looks surprised and excited.
TERRANCE: Look closer and you'll be able to see it.
Chief leans down.
TERRANCE: Closer… Closer…
STAN: I know what he's gonna do!
Terrance farts in the chief's face. Chief growls, the two laugh, and the chief starts to laugh too. The four kids laugh.
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The show is ending. The four are watching, transfixed, with smiles on their faces.
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip, although we couldn't persuade the Eskimos to convert to Catholicism, at least we got these wonderful jackets made out of 고래 blubber!
PHILLIP: Help! Mine's on fire! Help me Terrance!
Terrance approaches Phillip, who farts in his face. The End. The four laugh.
STAN: That was sweet!
KENNY: (Those fart jokes never get old!)
KYLE: 당신 got that right, Kenny.
STAN: Hey, where's Charlie?
Charlie is running down the stairs from Stan's room, pulling on her coat.
CHARLIE: I forgot I had to be 집 의해 four! I live all the way on the other side of town! I've got to go!
STAN: That's where Kenny lives. Maybe his mom could—
She's gone.
KYLE: What was that about?
STAN: I dunno. Maybe her mom's really strict 또는 something.
Suddenly, Charlie opens the door again.
CHARLIE: Bathroom?
STAN: Right over there.
CHARLIE: Thanks.
The three listen to the bathroom door slam, and about five 초 later they hear a flush and a sink.
CHARLIE: Bye!
She runs out the front door again.
STAN: What the hell was that?
KYLE: Maybe all girls act like that.
KENNY: (It's probably just PMS.)
The three laugh.
STAN: What's PMS?
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The boys are standing at the bus stop. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are just standing there. Cartman has a bandage on his nose. He's 노래 "The Long and Winding Road" to himself. The bus pulls up.
MS. CRABTREE: Hurry up! We're running late! And be quiet!
The four get on the bus. Cartman is still singing/humming to himself.
KYLE: Hey, where's Charlie?
CARTMAN: Probably trying to get somebody else to 키스 her ass. 다음 time I see her I swear to God I'll just be like, "Hey, 당신 asshole! I… 당신 stupid bitch! Go make me a pot pie!" And I'll kick her in the nuts 또는 something.
STAN: Girls don't have nuts, Cartman.
CARTMAN: Really?
KYLE: I thought 당신 knew that when 당신 were trying to see if she had a penis yesterday. [He shrugs.]
CARTMAN (thinking): Nuts are associated with the male anatomy?
MS. CRABTREE: HEY! SHUT UP BACK THERE! I'M GONNA GET IN AN ACCIDENT AND SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT!
She pulls to a sharp stop. Most of the kids fall out of their seats.
MS. CRABTREE: Everybody off! Stay in line!
The kids get off the bus and walk into the school.
MR. GARRISON: All right kids, everybody get in your 좌석 so I can take attendance. [Murmurs to himself] All right… Does anybody know where Charlie Pierzynski is?
STAN: She wasn't on the bus.
MR. GARRISON to Mr. Hat: Stupid kids. Late for school all the time. Sometimes I wanna—
MR. HAT: Calm down, Mr. Garrison. Remember, patience.
MR. GARRISON: [Sigh.] You're right, Mr. Hat. All right kids, first on the agenda today… Why don't 당신 pass up your homework?
Charlie walks in. She has a black eye and a band-aid on her nose. She gives a little note to Mr. Garrison. He reads it then looks questioningly at her.
MR. GARRISON: Are 당신 sure?
Charlie nods.
MR. GARRISON: …Okay. Well take your seat.
Charlie sits down 다음 to Kenny again.
MR. GARRISON: Now class, today we're starting our big unit on pioneers! Isn't that exciting?
The class stares at him.
MR. HAT: It sure is, Mr. Garrison. Did 당신 know that the U.S. bought a lot of its land-including some of Colorado-from France in the Louisiana Purchase?
MR. GARRISON: Wow, that's very interesting Mr. Hat! It was the Louisiana Purchase that allowed the pioneers to 옮기기 west, since they now owned the land! Yes, Charlie?
Charlie pukes blood all over her desk, then faints and falls off her chair. The class gasps.
MR. GARRISON: Oh no, not again.
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Mr. Garrison is carrying Charlie and is followed 의해 Kenny and Kyle. They're going to the nurse's office.
NURSE: Oh dear, what do we have here?
MR. GARRISON: I have no idea, but she came into class with a black eye—
KYLE: …and then she barfed blood and fainted!
KENNY: (It was awesome!)
Charlie wakes up and shouts something hoarsely.
CHARLIE [in a whispered scream]: Put me down, let me down!
Mr. Garrison looks surprised and puts her on one of the beds. She breathes deeply, then opens her eyes and sees the Nurse, Mr. Garrison, Kyle, and Kenny. She doesn't say anything, but she looks confused.
NURSE: You're at school, hun. 당신 just got a little sick. Why don't 당신 try to rest for awhile?
NURSE to Mr. Garrison: Do 당신 think…?
MR. GARRISON: I'm not sure, she looked fine yesterday.
NURSE: I'll have to check. Kenny, could 당신 hand me that tray of dangerous medical equipment?
Kenny nervously approaches it, picks it up, and walks it over to the Nurse.
NURSE: Thank you.
Kenny sighs in relief. Then he begins to hiccup. The Nurse pulls a sheet between her and Charlie and Mr. Garrison and the boys. Our view is from the boys' side of the curtain.
CHARLIE: What are 당신 doing?
NURSE: Relax. Now take your 코트 off.
CHARLIE: I don't want to.
NURSE: 당신 have to. [There's a brief pause.] Oh my goodness.
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Back in the classroom, everyone is quiet. A few of them are looking at the blood all over the desk.
CARTMAN: 당신 know, it's sort of funny that everything that she did to me yesterday is happening to her now.
STAN: What do 당신 mean?
CARTMAN: Well, the 암캐, 암 캐 kicked me in the face and pretty much broke my nose, and now she's got a bandage on HER nose.
STAN: So?
CARTMAN: And THEN she puked blood. Yesterday I puked blood. Coincidence, 또는 karma?
The other kids stare at him. Bebe is crying, and Wendy is comforting her.
BEBE: What happened to him?
WENDY: It's okay, I'm sure he'll be fine.
BEBE: My life is over!
STAN to Bebe: Um, Bebe?
BEBE: What?
STAN: I don't think 당신 should go out with Charlie.
BEBE: Why not?
STAN: Well… Charlie's a girl.
BEBE: WHAT?
WENDY: Stan, why didn't 당신 tell me that?
STAN: 당신 wouldn't let me!
WENDY: But his 또는 her name's Charlie!
STAN: She says it's short for Charlotte!
BEBE: I kissed her on the cheek! Oh my God!
Bebe runs from the room, gagging.
WENDY: Why didn't she say something?
STAN: I dunno. Maybe 'cause 당신 told her Bebe thought she was cute. That was pretty fucked up.
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NURSE to Mr. Garrison: She has bruises all over her arms and chest.
MR. GARRISON: Did she say where she got them?
NURSE: She said she ran into a fridge and fell down the stairs.
KYLE: That's what she told us all right. Wait—actually, I think she told us it was a table.
KENNY: (Yup, she said table.) Hiccup.
NURSE: I think I'll call her home.
KYLE: Is she gonna be okay?
NURSE: She should be fine. I'll talk to her mother about what happened and ask her to get her a doctor appointment. 당신 boys should be getting back to class.
Bebe runs into the room.
BEBE: I'm dying! I'm dying!
NURSE: What happened?
BEBE: I kissed a girl!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mr. Garrison, Kenny, Kyle, and Bebe are in the classroom again with everyone else.
MR. GARRISON: I'm sorry about the interruption, class. Charlie should be okay, she's just going to miss the rest of the day.
STAN: Mr. Garrison?
MR. GARRISON: Yes, Stanley?
STAN: That bloody puke smells really bad Mr. Garrison.
MR. GARRISON: Oh. Right. Kenny, will 당신 go get the janitor?
Kenny sighs and leaves the room. And hiccups.
MR. GARRISON: Now, where was I…?
MR. HAT: The Louisiana Purchase, Mr. Garrison!
MR. GARRISON: Oh boy!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Charlie is lying awake in the nurse's office without her 재킷, 자 켓 on. Instead, she's just wearing a light purple T-shirt. In addition to her black eye and injured nose, her arms are badly bruised. Suddenly, Mr. Mackey, the guidance counselor, comes into her little area with the curtain.
MR. MACKEY: Hi there, I'm Mr. Mackey, your counselor, m'kay?
CHARLIE: …Okay.
MR. MACKEY: Now, as I understand it, 당신 might be having some trouble at home, m'kay?
He sits down in a chair.
MR. MACKEY: I just want 당신 to know 당신 can tell me about it, m'kay?
Charlie stares at him.
MR. MACKEY: Let's start with the basics. Who is in your family?
CHARLIE: Well, I have a mom, and a little sister. She's four. And a little brother. He's just a baby.
MR. MACKEY: Does your Dad live with you?
CHARLIE: Not recently.
MR. MACKEY: M'kay. Do either of your parents do mar-juana?
There's a brief pause.
CHARLIE: What?
MR. MACKEY: Do either of your parents do mar-juana?
CHARLIE: What's mar-juana?
MR. MACKEY: Mar-juana is a drug. Drugs are bad, m'kay?
CHARLIE: I don't know.
MR. MACKEY: Well, do your parents get angry at 당신 very often?
CHARLIE: My mom's really strict. I like my dad a lot though.
MR. MACKEY: Do your parents ever hit you?
Charlie hesitates.
MR. MACKEY: Do your parents ever hit you?
CHARLIE: …No.
MR. MACKEY [taking notes]: M'kay. I noticed you're all bruised up, Charlie. How'd 당신 get those bruises?
CHARLIE: Why do I have to tell you?
MR. MACKEY: I just need to get the facts down, m'kay?
CHARLIE: Yesterday I ran into a refrigerator and today I fell down the stairs into the basement.
MR. MACKEY: M'kay. Nurse Gollum called your mom.
Charlie stares.
MR. MACKEY: She says she's too busy to pick 당신 up, m'kay? She also says that 당신 have bad allergies.
CHARLIE: Oh… yeah.
MR. MACKEY: So she says 당신 don't need to go to the hospital. She just said to give 당신 an inhaler.
CHARLIE: …Okay.
MR. MACKEY: Have 당신 thrown up blood because of allergies before?
CHARLIE: Oh, yeah. Loads of times.
MR. MACKEY: Oh really. Then do 당신 know what… [pulls out an inhaler dramatically]… this is?
CHARLIE: …An inhaler?
MR. MACKEY: …Oh. Yes, it is. Um, I'll be just down the hall if 당신 ever want to talk to me about anything, m'kay?
CHARLIE: Okay. Thanks.
Mr. Mackey leaves, leaving the inhaler on the bed. Charlie picks it up, sprays a little bit of the medicine into the air, and coughs.
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That 일 after school, the kids are getting onto the bus. Charlie is really pale and looks sick and tired.
KYLE: Why wouldn't your mom pick 당신 up?
CHARLIE: She was just busy. It's okay. I'm fine.
CARTMAN: Well then, I guess 당신 won't mind if I kick 당신 in the nuts!
He kicks Charlie in the crotch.
CHARLIE (grabbing her crotch): Ow! What was that for?
CARTMAN: See? See, I told 당신 guys it was a boy!
CHARLIE: I'm not a boy!
CARTMAN: Well, then, why did it hurt when I kicked 당신 in the nuts?
CHARLIE: Well first of all, I'm not numb down there 또는 anything. It still hurts. Just not as much.
There's a pause.
CARTMAN: Really?
CHARLIE: Yes. And second, for the last time: I do not have nuts.
Kenny hiccups a few times.
STAN: Wow, Kenny. You've had the hiccups almost all day.
Kenny shrugs.
KYLE: Isn't it annoying?
Kenny shrugs. They all climb on the bus. Cartman and Kenny sit together, Stan and Kyle sit together, and Charlie sits 다음 to Butters.
BUTTERS: Are 당신 contagious?
CHARLIE: I don't think so.
BUTTERS: Are 당신 sure?
CHARLIE: Pretty sure.
BUTTERS: Positive?
CHARLIE: No.
Butters shudders a little and turns away.
KYLE to Charlie: Fat-ass says only Kenny can come to his house today for some reason. Do 당신 wanna come to my house with Stan and me? 또는 are 당신 too sick?
CHARLIE (smiling a little): Well, I have to be 집 의해 four, but sure.