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Displaying wall entries 1-10 of 4829

_Aderis_ said …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass 퀸 but I prefer the Roast 퀸 thank 당신 very much. 게시됨 2 hours ago
Riku114 said …
Happy Fathers 일 to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life 또는 a good one, I'll adopt 당신 :v 게시됨 11 hours ago
Riku114 said …
Man I need a new 아이콘 but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck 집 that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD 게시됨 6 days ago
Riku114 commented…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now 6 days ago
Riku114 said …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good 일 then one word 또는 one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. 게시됨 7 days ago
Riku114 said …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO 게시됨 9 days ago
Riku114 said …
I honestly cant wait to be 집 in a little over a week man. 게시됨 13 days ago
LuceOfTheLight said …
Riku says I have to make my 아이콘 Sakamoto. 게시됨 15 days ago
Riku114 commented…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv 10 days ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
당신 really should !!!! 7 days ago
Riku114 said …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered 의해 the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me 또는 when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. 게시됨 18 days ago
Riku114 commented…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that 당신 don't even really know. 18 days ago
_Aderis_ said …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A 게시됨 19 days ago
_Aderis_ said …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' 또는 'rude' 또는 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but 당신 know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing 또는 two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. 게시됨 19 days ago
_Aderis_ commented…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. 19 days ago
_Aderis_ commented…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me 또는 whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. 19 days ago
_Aderis_ commented…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think 당신 are bitches 또는 hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) 19 days ago
Riku114 said …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized 게시됨 20 days ago
Riku114 said …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle 당신 and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. 게시됨 20 days ago
Lusamine commented…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. 20 days ago
Riku114 commented…
Pfft right? 20 days ago
Riku114 said …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if 당신 guys are interested. 게시됨 21 days ago
Riku114 said …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the 나귀, 엉덩이 of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest 게시됨 21 days ago
Riku114 commented…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest 21 days ago
Riku114 commented…
I dunno, its just hard for me to 덮개, 랩 my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person 더 많이 than anything. 21 days ago
Riku114 commented…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot 더 많이 than I am required to do 21 days ago
Riku114 commented…
And its like???? Wow??? 21 days ago
Riku114 said …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. 당신 can come out and make 차 if 당신 really want it 게시됨 29 days ago
Riku114 commented…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three 초 이전 :v 29 days ago
Riku114 commented…
FYI Lucille is a 차 addict 29 days ago
Riku114 said …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 commented…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
저기요 dudes, for Mental Health Awareness 월 I might try to post a few versions of DID 질문 and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
It is a good feeling when your old friend 당신 had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent 프렌즈 left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
Imma ramble about some just 랜덤 DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless 당신 are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go 게시됨 1 month ago
Riku114 commented…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not 1 month ago
Riku114 commented…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my 팬팝 when he is out sometimes, yes this is at 당신 :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact 또는 revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v 1 month ago
Riku114 commented…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets 로스트 in time 1 month ago
Riku114 said …
Oh 저기요 dude! I have a 상단, 맨 위로 Contributor thing now on my club's 집 page! Thats actually pretty cool XD 게시됨 2 months ago
Riku114 said …
Its kind of nice being 집 and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - given my middle sister isnt also 집 게시됨 2 months ago
Riku114 said …
당신 know a lot of 당신 guys are actually like a genuine family to me 더 많이 than yall probably think 당신 all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - 또는 at least didn't firmly 스플릿, 분할 / solidify - before 팬팝 existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around 당신 guys like one would with family 게시됨 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression 또는 did I just dissociate from it? 게시됨 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Ohhhh man. Relatable 2 months ago
2ntyOnePilots said …
Ok so... I hav3 a 질문 that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? 게시됨 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Aye drop 의해 any 질문 XD 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; 게시됨 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ 3 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
all the best for 당신 ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
I lowkey 사랑 that the 일 I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The 일 my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD 게시됨 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Inb4 "Oh looks like 당신 just have a brain tumor" 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
Honestly if any of 당신 guys have any 질문 on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate 질문 게시됨 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
I have a question. Did 당신 ever finish the 기사 당신 wrote, and where might I find it? LOL 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my list of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD 3 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. 게시됨 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou 게시됨 3 months ago
Economnomnomics commented…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could 당신 forget about me, Riku. 3 months ago
Economnomnomics commented…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
Man I had a four 일 weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done 게시됨 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
^ 3 months ago
Riku114 said …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I 우주 out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands 또는 arms 또는 away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. 게시됨 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four 또는 five years now 게시됨 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! 4 months ago
simrananime said …
Joined^^ 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Aye sweet 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
That feeling when 당신 were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that 당신 THOUGHT 당신 were fully present for some parts cause 당신 forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille 또는 Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Like.... when 당신 have 더 많이 than one present up in the front and are dissociated, 당신 cant really get into life and do exactly what 당신 want to do regularly. 당신 cant REALLY perceive all your emotions 또는 your needs 또는 the world around 당신 cause even if 당신 are semi-present, its like there is an overload and 당신 only get half of whats being picked up. 당신 are kind of stuck at a skin deep level 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Once again, I'm really happy to see 당신 like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! 4 months ago
heart
GDragon612 said …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Thanks XD 4 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
ya welcome XD 4 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
throws 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
"I honestly just see myself 더 많이 of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from 아니메 characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three 또는 four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if 당신 were to ask me. 게시됨 4 months ago
heart
GDragon612 said …
just one 더 많이 팬 then 당신 got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics 주스 =3) 게시됨 4 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
hwaiting*-*<3 4 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
will open<<< 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
MY FIANCE SAID I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS 게시됨 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Yeee! One 더 많이 person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Me: Man I never write 기사 anymore. I still have like three 또는 four half completed 기사 to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for 글쓰기 and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand 또는 two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. 게시됨 4 months ago
Lusamine said …
Joined! 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Welcome! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend 게시됨 4 months ago
Lusamine commented…
I know, I was sad too. 4 months ago
Riku114 commented…
;-; 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly 의해 that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck 의해 myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so 당신 can take a break once and a while would be great 게시됨 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples 당신 have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family 또는 Friends, irl People 또는 Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed 당신 towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to 당신 and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my 집 for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which 당신 couldn't tell if you'd win 또는 lose...I am grateful to 당신 Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat 팝콘 and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards 차 and 과일 since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some 과일 and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Im not living am I? 게시됨 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Man I havent 게시됨 on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. 게시됨 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable XD !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
Im in 사랑 게시됨 5 months ago
GDragon612 commented…
with your boyfriend 또는 your birds Rikubun <3 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
#TripleLove !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? 게시됨 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
link 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Personally, I identify 더 많이 masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with 더 많이 male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE 팬 of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once 당신 get past 38D its really not 안전한, 안전 to bind 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
“I wish we met before they convinced 당신 life is war.” 게시됨 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Relatable !!!! 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
I have a cheese addiction tbh 게시됨 5 months ago
Zeppie commented…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated 모짜렐라, 모 짜 렐 라 I find this relatable v: 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
^^ 5 months ago
JetBlack__ said …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
XD Im alright man XD 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good 음악 to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't 당신 think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord 또는 something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. 게시됨 5 months ago
2ntyOnePilots commented…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 4 months ago
Riku114 said …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; 게시됨 5 months ago
JetBlack__ commented…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and 백일몽 up different potential characters legit for the 다음 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff 게시됨 5 months ago
BlueDopamine commented…
ok, Anna 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
:vv Dont call me 의해 my first name 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
또는 well real name I suppose XD 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a 랜덤 appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this 또는 Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD 5 months ago
Rihanna312 commented…
Welp, this is the third 년 when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if 당신 have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck 게시됨 5 months ago
JetBlack__ commented…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
"There is no victory for the passive" 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Fresh Owari no Seraph 프로필 게시됨 5 months ago
Shukuya commented…
Looks cool! 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! 5 months ago
JetBlack__ commented…
It’s perfect. 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's 재킷, 자 켓 in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty 분 later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, 당신 just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. 게시됨 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
After all these, anyone who still can't see 당신 being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
YES I AM STILL THE 퀸 OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the 일 before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly 사랑 my fiance. The 더 많이 I think about it, the 더 많이 of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Im just lucky to have him 5 months ago
Zeppie commented…
So sweet ❤ 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get 더 많이 of the series in the future but I dunno 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best 프렌즈 with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot 또는 something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including 프렌즈 of mine at the time. 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I remember some of my other 프렌즈 at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Legit my first PROOF backed 로스트 memory and its kinda..... odd?? 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Bruh solid 크리스마스 this year. 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I honestly hate wasting time 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. 5 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations 또는 not 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
저기요 guys I'm not dead I swear 게시됨 5 months ago
Riku114 said …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be 더 많이 fun just to chill with my boi 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for 더 많이 than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry 포럼 and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can 더 많이 accurately 신고 it 게시됨 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
I might be kind of between fragments 또는 something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting 팬팝 랜덤 질문 because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. 게시됨 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
SAIX DESERVES 더 많이 사랑 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered 의해 my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years 이전 and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I said I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered 의해 it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I recover from rather fast 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
의해 the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Tfw 당신 have to talk with your therapist over why something 당신 know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and 당신 just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because 당신 were freaking out over something I told 당신 was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY 스플릿, 분할 and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD 또는 maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor 또는 anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
TFW 당신 lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 질문 longer than the one 당신 will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 분 to spare when 당신 really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental 우주 - either that 또는 briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that 당신 were 더 많이 attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep 당신 alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five 초 in 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having 또는 only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot 더 많이 then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an 시간 break XD 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Man going through your tumblr (a place 당신 only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause 당신 know 당신 had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL 또는 BE HERE." 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck 당신 And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that 일 XD 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
tfw 당신 went to the nearby campus market to get 더 많이 Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an 시간 after 당신 come back 당신 just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! 당신 want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Was gonna make my 프로필 "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. 게시됨 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 commented…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
... I just realized now after 읽기 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks 이전 that I find 읽기 "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor 또는 double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / 또는 Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the 질문 marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate 또는 THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN 당신 GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF 질문 AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
But yeah for those of 당신 that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if 당신 like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have 당신 felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD 6 months ago
Riku114 said …
On a 초 note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how 당신 feel" 게시됨 6 months ago
BlueDopamine said …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. 게시됨 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Understandable XD 6 months ago
Riku114 commented…
Honestly Ive 로스트 a member 또는 two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while 6 months ago