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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every 일 since his retirement 25 years ago. One 일 he arrives 집 looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't 당신 take my brother with 당신 and give it one 더 많이 try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the 다음 일 Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty 그네, 스윙 and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did 당신 see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember."
posted by Mallory101
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with 맥주 and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. 옮기기 your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually...
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Source: wallcoo.net
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Source: wallcoo.net
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Source: desktopnexus
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
1. 당신 can do whatever 당신 damn well please.

2. Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face.

3. Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?

4. 당신 can leave bra and other unmentionables in view.

5. 당신 can slump around the house in any old thing.

6. 당신 don't having to think about birth control, calendars 또는 ovulation. Mother Nature can visit whenever she likes.

7. 당신 can go out and flirt as much as your 심장 desires, without a worry in the world.

8. The toilet 좌석 issue -- need I say more?

9. Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to...
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Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatedly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between 당신 and the people in front of 당신 while waiting in line.
Every time 당신 pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind 당신 in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let 당신 off.
Offer people money for their spots in line . . . Monopoly money.
Speak in Spanish, 또는 pretend you're deaf and start making rapid...
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I am pondering this question, it is a very difficult one to figure out. I can not seem to think of anything to make an 기사 on....

2 Hours Later

Wait I think I have an idea coming on... nope I 로스트 it... wait no I found it again... What if I write an 기사 about reasons why 당신 should do pointe
1. 당신 get to be taller
2. 당신 can use them in self defense
3. 당신 can... what 당신 don't think that's a good idea... oh well back to the drawing board...

1 시간 Later

Ok what about this... What happened when I invested in Eyepatches... hmmm titles to long how about My Eyepatch Investment.... sounds good......
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posted by ShadowFlame
THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY. Check out these actual cases:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section
of forest while assessing the damage done 의해 a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his
back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the 일 of the...
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Source: desktopnexus
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Source: flash-screen.com
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posted by Alexyss_Cullen
당신 came into my life as an unknown face
Not ever knowing our friendship,
I would one 일 embrace
As I wonder Through My thoughts and memories of u,
It Brings many Big Smiles and laughter so true

I 사랑 the special bond that we beutifully share,
I 사랑 the way 당신 show u really care,
Our Friendship means the aboslute world to me
I only hope this is somthin i can make u see,
Not hear

Thank u for opening ur mind and soul,
I will do all i can to help heal,
ur hearts little wholes
Remember ur secrets are forever 안전한, 안전 within me,
I will keep them under the tightest lock & key

Always Remember..If ur ever in...
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1)At the movies: When 당신 meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question: Hey, what are 당신 doing here?
Answer: Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2)In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't 당신 try again?

3)At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4)At a restaurant: When 당신 ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer 버터 Masala" dish good?...
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