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Dear President Obama;
Hello. I am speaking on behalf of the Solicitous And Rude Citizens Asininely Seeking Metamorphosis. We here at SARCASM have but two humble goals: coming up with a new acronym that makes actual sense, and to cure the affliction that has been persistent in killing off millions of people since the dawn of time, or, unless we are mistaken, the late 60’s—death. According to the statistics gathered 의해 our diligent team of sea turtles, 98.54 people are diagnosed with death every 2 초 (if we had one apple, and one of our sea turtles found three others, this is how many apples we would have.) We ask a simple favor from the depths of your all knowing wisdom and possibly robotic chest. Mr. President, with the help of the laser that we believe to be stored within your chest, we could save millions. As one Bob the Builder once said, “Yes we can.” Mr. Obama, we call 당신 forth.
Hoping 당신 are well,

Please sign your name below.
posted by cloudstrifefan
1.Einstein was four years old before he could speak.
2.Issac Newton did poorly in grade school.
3.Beethoven's 음악 teacher once said of him,"As a composer,he is hopeless."
4.When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
5.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school 농구 team.Boston Celtics Hall of Famers Bob Cousy and Bill Russel suffered the same fate.
5.A newspaper editor fired Walt 디즈니 because he had no good ideas.
6.Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
7.Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a 월 and dropped out forever.
posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

•    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

•    At stop lights, eye the person in the 다음 car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

•    Two words: Chicken suit.

•    Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The 더 많이 it looks like blood, the better.

•    Stop at the green lights.

•    Go at the red ones.

•    Occasionally...
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posted by MineTurtle5
This is in response to the question: 'What's your religion?' and I put it into an 기사 because it was too big to fit inside the answer box.

So, this is basic 기독교 for @SilverFey.

There is only one God. God is a Trinity (translation: three in one, like a three-leaf clover): God the Father, God the Son (who is Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit.
God made everything and is all knowing, all powerful, eternal, love, the King of kings, holy (perfect) and immutable (doesn't change. Ever.)
Jesus is God. 예수님 became a man. A human, just like us. 예수님 was (and is) sinless. 예수님 is the only way...
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Note: I can not freaking write ;3;
Jaime couldn't believe how much the newest team member, the hyperactive teen speedster from the future, had seemed to enjoy being around him. It seemed whenever they were even in the same room together Bart would rush over to start talking to him. He didn't know why his new friend had liked him so much, he liked everybody on the team, but not near as much as him.

It wasn't anything extremely close, but it was close as two guys could get without being gay. That may sound strange, but it's pretty much the only way one...
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posted by Lady10358
 This is the one you're supposed to read
This is the one you're supposed to read
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and 당신 can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter 의해 istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If 당신 can raed this psas it on!!...
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posted by Crazy8s17
Life without 사랑 is meaningless. 사랑 was born even before mankind was born and it still exists in all kinds of organism, including humans. Though 사랑 is expressed in various forms and between different relationships, eternal 사랑 is accomplished between a man and a woman. 사랑 is one trait that never diminishes as long as 당신 give it to others and keeps on growing.

There are immortal stories on 연인들 and immortal 인용구 on love. Even in the stories that ended in tragedy, 사랑 has never failed but only the 연인들 have. They stand evergreen and are suitable for all ages of time, whatever is the advancement in technology and science. They are suitable.
Hi my name is Amanda and this is how to service 7th grade. On the first 일 of 7th grade I was so excited to see my 프렌즈 after summer yay. Well the first 일 of 7th grade really sucked but at least I got to see my friends. Yes it’s time to leave school. But I did not see one of my 프렌즈 Hannah that sucks because she went to Luray middle. Well I’m 집 and I just talked to Hannah on the phone. She said “I might come back to page 다음 semester”. “Sweet school is so different without one of my best friends” I said. “If I don’t come back don’t be mad at me”. “I won’t...
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posted by gossipgirlxoxo
1. Shave one eyebrow.

2. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring 당신 food.

3. Spill a lot of 맥주 on his/her bed. Swim.

4. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If s/he walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.

5. Stare at your roommate for five 분 out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

6. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

7. Keep a 햄스터 as a pet. Buy a blender,...
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posted by nessienjake
ABC's of ex girlfriends
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for 당신 당신 twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

is for Eating...
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posted by nessienjake
Haha I found it on the internet and I just loved it :)
its short but funny :D

A Really Bad 일
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps 다음 to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy 당신 another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This 일 is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me....
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I bet I know what some of 당신 are thinking, "OMG! How can someone hate their family? That's horrible, what a brat 또는 what a b***h!"

Well, here's why :)

My mother is extremely controlling and b****es all the damn time and criticizes every little thing I do five times a freaking day! For example, I leave the door open for two 분 when I'm only getting something and going out again, and she hollers at me about how I'm wasting heat and how she's going to take my 아이팟 또는 laptop for a week if I left it open again. 또는 when I do all of the chores she expects me to do and I do them how she'd see...
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posted by DxCluvr
Tell me if u think this is funny 또는 not i just want to know. I got bored so i wrote this:


Cookie:Would 당신 like to hear your fortune?

Random guy: Uhh sure I guess?

Cookie: Good *cookie stays silent*

Random guy: Uh 당신 gonna tell me my fortune?

Cookie:*comes back down to earth* What?

Random guy: 당신 gonna tell me my fortune 또는 what?!?!?

Cookie:Why the hell would I tell 당신 your fortune?

Random guy: 당신 SAID 당신 WOULD!!!!

Cookie:Well have 당신 been smoking anything lately, cause clearly I am a cookie and 쿠키 don't talk nor tell people fortunes.

Random guy:0.o But you...
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1) Pick up cat and 요람, 크래들 it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. 요람, 크래들 in left arm an repeat process.

3)Retreive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, craddle in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger....
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See, CISPA is back. 당신 remember SOPA and PIPA from last year? basically the same thing, can 당신 please take a short 분 out of your time to sign this important petition?. It is a big threat to Fanpop! and other sites such as Youtube, Tumblr, Deviantart, etc

Sorry to bother!

Even people outside of the United States need to sign this! because it will affect your country as well, since most websites (including this one) are made and still running in United States

This will block all the fandom things on this site and others, and will also get rid of the Music, Movies, and even filthy pronz!

Not only is it just an ultimate Anti-Piracy bill, it will get rid of freedom all around the world. Destroying the Internet and many lives, do 당신 want the U.S Government looking at your history? please sign it before it's too late!
posted by Boomerxbubbles
What! to do when bored....Doooo Itttt....kidden
1.Open a window and yell "CURSE 당신 WALMARRRRRRT!!!!!!"
2.(guys amied at) wear a mini 치마 to school.                            
3.(guys amied at....again) wear a mini-mini 치마 to school. 4.throw bannas at ramdom people    .
5.have a 과일 war.        
6.do somthing like this 글쓰기 something to do when bored.
7.dress up like a bunny and walk around...
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posted by JoannaVonDoom
Im sorry if this has been 게시됨 before
If not, do not give me credit

1. Sing the 배트맨 theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with 프렌즈 in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If 당신 have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours 의해 hooking a 캠코더 to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat...
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posted by jessicamc26
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

The blonde driver looks all around in her 지갑 and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

“Well, do 당신 have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known 당신 were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
posted by Cantwait4book5
I am not obsessed with Justin Bieber nor do I hate him. In just neutral about him. But I am soooooooo fed up with all these people bagging him out!

I just read a 질문 on this spot that asked "If 당신 saw Justin Bieber standing on the 상단, 맨 위로 of a building getting ready to jump, would 당신 cry 또는 scream JUMP FAG JUMP!". I'm sorry but if I saw someone (regardless of who they are) on 상단, 맨 위로 of a building getting ready to jump off, I would do anything to make them stop.

Why do 당신 people have grudges against someone who hasn't ever done something bad to anyone 당신 know 또는 care about. And people say that he sounds like a chick and that he is a fag but honestly, he doesnt. His voice may be higher than other guys but that doesnt make him a fag.

And anyway, whats wrong with it if he is gay? Adam Lambert is gay and he has millions of fans.

I dont like Justin Bieber but I am fed up of people posting s**t about him!!!!!

Anyone agree???
1. Everytime 당신 read Twilight, a kitten is born :D

2. If 당신 are obbsessed with mythical creatures, read Twilight!

3. If your life is all sad and gloomy, read Twilight!

4. If your completely bored, why not read Twilight!

5. ITS JUST AWESOME!!!!!! well to me and all the other Twilighters out there :D

PLEASE NO BAD COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!