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posted by j-bfan7
Edward pulled two tickets out of his 코트 pocket with an unusually questionable grin on his face. I hadn’t seen this expression before. His eyes were bigger than normal, and black. I could see that he needed to hunt. His head tilted slightly downwards, and while one side of his lips curled up, somehow the other side seemed to curl down. Edward looked as though he didn’t know if he wanted to smile, 또는 frown.

“Are those plane tickets?” It sounded 더 많이 eager out loud than it did in my head.

Edward shifted his dark gaze down at the two tickets he held between his long, porcelain-like fingers,...
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1. Cause it felt like it.

2. mayb it wanted 2. EVR THINK OF THAT!!!!!????

3. It wanted 2 make chiken soup

4. it wanted some chiken soup.

5. it needed 2 get to the other side

6. it saw Justin Bieber (all chickens r 팬 of him u no)

7. on the other side of the road was a KFC

8. the ppl on his side kept asken Y did the chicken 십자가, 크로스 the road

9. he had reasons 2

10. he was lost

11. he wanted to make this joke

12. he wanted 2 bcome famous with this joke.

P.S. i coodnt member the rest of the original joke!lol
posted by yoshifan1976
Once there was a black Yoshi named Bob. He was new to town and didn't have any friends. He was a kind and caring Yoshi who had the power to heal. He went to school and saw a group of Yoshis. Bob asked the other Yoshis if he could play with them. The other Yoshis laughed and scoffed at him. He didn't get angry. He just walked away with his head to the ground. Then suddenly, a human was very very sick. She was taken to the hospital. The doctors couldn't admit her. There was nothing they could do. "Yoshi", he said. It meant let me heal her. Then out of the blue, Bob laid his hand on her chest and there was a light shining. Then the human was cured!!! "Thank you", she said. "Yoshi". (Which means you're welcome). The other Yoshis saw what was going on and they apologized to Bob in Yoshi. He forgave them and then they played tag. Then no one ever teased Bob again. He had new 프렌즈 and they lived happily ever after.
posted by Shelly_McShelly
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the 상단, 맨 위로 of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long 일 of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task 의해 concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped 노래 and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
Almost every week, BBC publishes 10 things we learn every week. Here are the facts from this week.

1. iPhones are not yet sold in China.

2. Margaret Thatcher suffered one Parliamentary defeat as Prime Minister - on Sunday trading laws.

3. English holidaymakers drink an average of eight alcoholic drinks a day.

4. The UK population grew in 더 많이 2008 than at any time since 1962.

5. Meanwhile, Germany's population is shrinking.

6. West Ham's stadium is really called the Boleyn Ground, not Upton Park.

7. The smell of cut 잔디 makes people happy.

8. A pint glass lasts an average of only three months.

9. An Englishman sailed to the "New World" only two years after the first European is thought to have landed in Newfoundland.

10. Men in China cannot marry until they are 22.

Hopefully there will be 더 많이 다음 week.
Lyrics:
Halloween night 1963
In haddenfield illinois there would be
A gruesome case of sibling rivalry
Beetween kids in the myers family
Micheal a six 년 old lesurely
walked into his sisters room silently
And butchered her body so violently
he left for a mental facility
and when the state hospital deputy
relaxed the maximum security
and micheal would stop waiting patiantly
for another chance at a murder spree
his doctor sam loomis tried legally
to put him away for eternity
said "my patient has no humanity"
but others did not exactly agree
they said "micheal was the epitome of the ideal patients activity
no...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Holiday Inn, Charlestown South Carolina

Three women arrived in a Chevrolet Cruze. Two were sitting up front, while one was in the back seat.

Cara: *Gets out of the car with Edith* We'll be right back. We need to get something important.
Edith: Leave the engine running.
Charlotte: *Nods. She watches the women walk into the hotel, then picks up her phone to talk to her mother*
Mom: Hello?
Charlotte: Hi Mom, 샬럿, 샬 롯 here.
Mom: How are 당신 doing?
Charlotte: Good. I made a couple of new friends, and I just became a member of this group called Social Justice Warriors.
Mom: Congratulations darling. I need...
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posted by black_magics
1.The 'poke' button on 페이스북 is awesome...
But I think there should be a 'stab' button...

2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS
the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it.

3. anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

4.Text someone and tell them "Hey, I 로스트 my phone, can 당신 call it?"
and see how many people call it

5. 3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape,
and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Organize a bunch of people in one class to emit a low humming noise, keeping straight faces.
Organize a whole bunch of people to fall off their chairs at the same time.
Organize a whole bunch of people to drop their pencils/pens at a preset time.
Superglue quarters to the floor, count how many people try to pick them up.
Write fake 사랑 notes and slip them into people's lockers
If someone near 당신 falls asleep in class, tie their shoelaces to the desk/chair.
Lay a paper towel roll on the floor at the 상단, 맨 위로 of the steps and give it a kick, making sure you've taped the loose end to the floor already....
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posted by Lady10358
Found this on 구글
1. If you're lucky enough and find someone with the shirt: FREE HUGS 또는 If 당신 find a 셔츠 store selling it, hug the shirt/person and if they/someone notices you, say "It says free hugs!"
2. go to the 음식 court and go to a fast 음식 place and take tons of straws and put as many possible in your mouth and stand on a 표, 테이블 노래 elmo's world theme.
3. Go to one of those toddler toy/clothing stores and hold up a baby outfit/toy and yell as loud as 당신 can "I 사랑 THIS TOY! I'D PLAY WITH IT 일 AND NIGHT!"
4. Go to the bathroom and hide in a stall until 당신 see an old lady/guy...
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posted by sakurahanazono
Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and 당신 have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
(WARNING: There is tons of cussing in this 기사 to emphasize my hatred for this song a bit more. If that bothers you, please leave now.)

Train, 당신 did it. 당신 FREAKING DID IT. After watching Drive By, I didn’t think it was POSSIBLE for ANYBODY to make a worse song than that.

Except maybe Ryan.

Seriously though, this song isn’t just bad. It’s nowhere near bad. To call it a terrible piece of shit would be complimenting it. I can’t describe the rage I feel for this song at all. And if I were to shred every particle of my brain molecules, destroying my memory in the process, just to get...
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posted by Bluekait
There are certain rules of survival in horror movies. The movie Scream had some rules, but they weren’t very useful. Our rules are much better and teach 당신 exactly how to survive a horror movie.

Don’t walk around saying “Hello?” like the killer is going to reply “Yeah I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

If someone says “Oh yeah, that’s the house where Old Man Jenkins was murdered” then it’s time to 옮기기 house.

If your friend gets bitten 의해 a zombie and says “Maybe I wont turn into one”, kill him. Better 안전한, 안전 than sorry.

Upstairs? Bad idea. Outside? Don’t go there....
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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed 의해 funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed 의해 funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the 후드 #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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1) Pay the ring bearer a dollar to pick his/her nose during the ceremony.

2) Laugh hysterically the whole time while the vows are being said.

3) Pay the 꽃 girl a dollar to heap the petals on the floor, and walk in front of the bride with the basket on her head.

4) Play a heavy metal song in your portable CD player during the procession. Make sure 당신 disabled the piano/organ first.

5) Walk around, handing other guests copies of embarrassing pictures of your cousin, who is the one getting married.

6) Get your best friend to call 당신 repeatedly during the ceremony. Make sure 당신 set your ringtone to an irritating tone.

7) Paint yourself purple for the occasion.

8) "Trip" and spill 초콜릿 fondue all over the bride.

9) Put a "kick me, I'm making a stupid 옮기기 의해 getting married" sign on the groom's back.

10) "Invite" a pit bull.
 The Mew 푸딩 goes "Na no da"
The Mew Pudding goes "Na no da"
20. 푸딩 Fon "Tokyo mew mew" The cuties character in the 아니메 she's hyper, active and has the best 사랑 interest despite not being the main character and only eight years old.

19.Hiei from "Yu Yu Hakusho" Hiei has the darkest life. He was thrown off a cliff as a child, torn from his family, 로스트 the only thing he had of them and then his sister was captured 의해 the UGLIEST of all fat greedy bastards. No not the one from Disney's "Pocahontas".
 A sucky life gave him an attitude everyone loves
A sucky life gave him an attitude everyone loves

18.Snow White from "Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs" The most innocent of the 디즈니 princess naive,...
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#10 Ask if they have change for a penny.
#9 Have one of your 프렌즈 hit 당신 on the back and spit out a piece of white gum 또는 a tic-tak, this will make people think they broke your tooth.
#8 Go to the mall and ask people if they have change for the payphone. Don't stop until 당신 have $20 또는 more.
#7 If 당신 have to write a story for English class, write: Once upon a time, The end, and turn it in.
#6 After a lesson, if the teacher ask if there are any questions, ask something completely randon like "Where do 아기 come from?"
#5 If the teacher leaves during the middle of a movie, get up and change the channel to Spongebob 또는 음악 videos.
#4 Go around 노래 the Free Credit Report.com songs.
#3 Go around hitting people on the head and say: "Could've had a v8."
#2 Get a bra and use it to shoot eggs at people.
#1 When the intercom comes on, drop to your knees and yell, "NO! It's those voices again!
posted by karpach_14
Bored? Need something to spice up your day? Why not annoy the living shit out of someone 당신 love? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Go to the library. Every 15 minutes, go up to the same guy and joke, "Working hard 또는 hardly working?"

2. At the dentist, start screaming as soon as 당신 open your mouth.

3. Stand in front of the TV while your dad is watching a big game.

4. Every 30 분 또는 so, call your friend who is babysitting and breathe into the phone.

5. Scrape your ring 또는 your nails on the blackboard 다음 time you're asked to do a problem at the board.

6. 다음 음악회, 콘서트 당신 go to, yell out "Mmmbop!"...
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Happy October everyone. In celebration lets talk about one of the best October films, scream..

I don't think the late Wes Craven realized just how relevant this movie would end up. What with Columbine shooting, Colorado theatre shooting, and the constant scapegoating of violent media instead of accepting fault.. Hell it even inspired some assholes to dress up as GhostFace and attempt real life killing sprees..

All that, It truly makes the film hold up. That and all the classic Wes Craven goodness.

So the film starts off 의해 famishly killing off Drew Barrymore after all the advertisements of the...
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So recently I've been watch a lot of Bad Girls Club as it just returned, it's kind of been a guilty pleasure show. As many know I like the female villain characters so I was thinking; what if I just put 'em all in a house together BGC style. For those of 당신 who don't know, BGC is a show where they put 7 women ages 21 to 28 in a house together in hopes that the women can 'redeem each other'. But they usually just end up beating each other up lol. While some of the characters I chose are younger than 21 또는 older than 28, I decided to go with it anyhow. I have 더 많이 than 7 가장 좋아하는 characters...
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