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posted by IsabellaMCullen
I didn't make this, I just found it...


1.Stick your open palm under the stall 벽 and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3.Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4.Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5.Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6.Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7.Grunt and strain real loud for 30 초 and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8.Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9.Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10.Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11.Say, "Interesting... 더 많이 floaters than sinkers."

12.Using a small squeeze tube, spread 땅콩 버터 on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall 벽 of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could 당신 kick that back over here please?"

13.Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14.Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while 당신 squeeze the balloon and splatter cream 옥수수 all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the restaurant's coffee 당신 had for breakfast.

15.Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16.Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17.Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18.Before 당신 unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19.Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so 당신 can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20.Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall 벽 and sing "Born Free".

21.Come out of the stall with wet hands.

22.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, 'Darn, I almost made it!'

23.Wash 당신 hair and dry it in the hand dryer.

24.Wear paper towels wrapped around your head and pretend you're Erykah Badu.

25.Write on the 벽 of a women's bathroom 'Tom was here.' 'In the men's bathroom write 'Michael Jackson was here.'

26.Ask a person in the stall 다음 to 당신 for a tampon.

27.Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.

28.For a woman, stand in front of the toilet. For men, sit down in the stall and pee.

29.Scream 'Ohh it burns!' as 당신 use the bathroom.

30.Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that 당신 can't get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty.

31.Introduce yourself to the guy at the 다음 urinal.

32.Turn the light off while stalls are occupied.

33.Stick your head over an occupied stall and ask for the time.

34.Tell people that they're on TV. Point to some 랜덤 spot on the far 벽 and ask them to "smile for the camera".

35.Lie down across all the sinks and pretend to be passed out.

36.Use a stopwatch to time people going to the bathroom. Cheer them on to encourage good performance.

37.Hold your hand in front of a hand dryer while someone's using it.

38.Pour a bucket of water over an occupied stall.

39.Grab someone's 나귀, 엉덩이 really hard while they're using a urinal, and see how far 당신 can get before they catch you.

40.Guard the paper towel dispenser in the name of the Earth Liberation Front.

41.Say to the guy at the 다음 urinal: "This is the best part about being gay."

42.Say, "Huh, that's funny. I don't remember eating asparagus."

43.Turn off the faucet while someone's washing their hands. Repeat.

44.Pee on someone's leg and tell them it's raining.

45.Offer to blow-dry other people's hands with your mouth to save energy.

46.Point at someone's crotch while they're using a urinal and yell, "Ha ha, your fly is down!"

47.Put on a hand puppet show underneath the stall 다음 to you.

48.Complain about the size of your penis.

49.While inside the bathroom, ask where the nearest bathroom is. After you've received a puzzled look 또는 response, reply, "I'm not looking for a toilet, 당신 moron, I'm looking for a bathroom. Haven't 당신 ever taken a bath? Apparently not. No wonder it smells like shit in here."

50.Demand to know where the glory holes are.

51.Walk up behind someone who's using a urinal and 덮개, 랩 his head in toilet paper.

52.Ask a friend to help 당신 stage a live audio performance of a violent mugging for your unwitting audience inside the stalls. Make sure the final line of dialogue is, "You come out of there and I'll blow your fucking head off."

53.Inside a stall, pretend to be talking to a young child, "That's right Johnny, remember what I told 당신 about unzipping your fly? Oh, now look what 당신 did!" Then slap your hands twice and make crying noises.

54.Hang a realistic dummy from a noose inside one of the stalls as a wacky surprise for the 다음 visitor.

55.Knock on the stall 다음 to 당신 and say, "Do 당신 have enough toilet paper in there? I got plenty if 당신 need some."

56.Put up a sign above the sink that says "Did 당신 remember to wipe?"

57.In a restaurant, put up a sign that says, "This is the legally required 'Employees must wash hands' sign which we disregard on a daily basis."

58.Put up a sign that says "Caution: please do not use toilets."

59.Fill the liquid soap containers with motor oil.

60.Have (mobile) phone sex while standing at a urinal.

61.Flash people standing just outside the bathroom door. Tell them that you've finally "found the loophole".

62.Pump soap for people, give out paper towels, and demand tips.

63.Wear a camera around your neck and offer to take people's 사진 for money.

64.When the bathroom is empty, get down on your hands and knees and hold your face over one of the urinals. Wait in that position until someone enters the bathroom. Act as if you're embarrassed to be caught.

65.Whisper, "Now spread your legs, honey. Oh yeah, that's it."

66.Drop a small, unclothed, plastic baby doll in a toilet, along with an ample supply of red 음식 coloring.

67.Identify people who have not washed their hands. Follow them out of the bathroom and publicly announce this fact.

68.Congratulate yourself aloud on a job well done.

69.Put Vaseline on the toilet seats

70.Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

71.Ask the person in the 다음 stall if there's
anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....

72.Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

73.Pretend to fall in, complete with sound effects.

74.Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

75.Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

76.Fake an orgasm.

77.Collect a door charge.

78.Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

79.Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

80.Remove stall doors.

81.Place signs warning of 24 시간 video surveillance.

82.Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

83.Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

84.Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

85.Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

86.Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

87.When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers 캔디 bar with 당신 and when someone is 다음 to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall 벽 and say "You got any 더 많이 toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

88.Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

89.Start a sing-a-long.

90.Act schizophrenically.

91.Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

92.Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

93.Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

94.Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python

95.Offer refreshments.

96.Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

97.Bring a bottle of fake blood 또는 ketchup with you, and while in the stall, in a loud, demonical voice, exclaim "Satan demands a sacrifice... A SACRIFICE!" Start making groaning sounds and let loose a blood curling scream. Then let the blood/ketchup flow on the floor for everyone to see.

98.Look over the edge to the person at the urinal 다음 to you, giggle, and then return to your side, whistling the tune "It's a Small World After All."

99.Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if 당신 are okay, just say that 당신 had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your stomach.

100.Walk in a man. Come out a woman. Complain that there are men in the bathroom.

101.Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy 당신 are.
posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope 당신 like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when 당신 heard someone talking on the intercom, 당신 fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give 당신 a ride 집 and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a 버섯 and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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Please note that these are all my opinion so some of these may perhaps not be to everyone's tastes but there we are. Also these aren't in any particular order - it would take forever to put them all in an order lol. I won't bore 당신 with too much 글쓰기 - surely you're just after the pictures right? :) Oh and lastly for the actors I've only put my favourite film/tv show that they've been in - it's not that I'm being ignorant about their other work

1.
Name: Kris Lemche (Actor)
From: Final Destination 3
Character: Ian McKinley
Attraction: His gothy style in this film - haven't seen him in anything...
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posted by xxemogirl101xx
For people that hate stereotypes.


1. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

2. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

3. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

4. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

5. I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

6. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

7. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

8. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

9. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

10. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

11. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

12. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

13. I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell

14. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values...
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1. Turn to a stranger and sing a 랜덤 song
2. When your on a floor someone wants to get off on make sure they don't get off
3. Say in a new jersey accent "I told my daughter not to give the dog coffee. What does she do? She gives the dog coffee! Now i've got a dead dog! A dumb daughter! And no coffee!"
4. If your with a friend, and there are 더 많이 people start a annoying conversation. (I did this one time and all the people in the elevator turned to me, someone even said shut up XD)
5. Pretend your driving in a car, and make motor sounds
6. Whisper into a strangers ear "I am a parol officer! Respect...
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When having a nightmare and 당신 suddenly realized you're dreaming, try not to wake up. Try to explore your dreams...this is cool because you're getting to know that all of those things around 당신 are made 의해 your brain which 당신 sometimes think is completely empty... Also if 당신 know you're dreaming, 당신 can control your dream and 당신 will find it very cool because when you're conscious in your dream, everything is in 3D form. So here are some cool and fun things to do when 당신 suddenly realized you're dreaming...

1. Try to think of your 가장 좋아하는 celebrity. Call out his/her name..like this,"When...
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FHM Magazine released a list a few years back of the 50 worst t.v. characters of all time. I think it mostly pertains to sitcoms. So what do 당신 all think? Agree? Disagree? Think they are missing people 또는 that any of these people shouldn't be on the list?

50. Ross Gellar - Friends
49. Wilbur Post - Mister Ed
48. Janet Wood - Three's Company
47. Dwayne Wayne - A Different World
46. Jimmy Glick - Primetime Glick
45. The Professor - Gilligan's Island
44. Gomer Pyle - Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
43. Paul Shaffer - Late Show With David Letterman
42. Edna Garrett - The Facts of Life
41. Jessie Spano - Saved 의해 The...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF 당신 DON'T PASS THIS ON 당신 DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All 일 long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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posted by reb1009
Insanely stupid class fun - Funny school pranks 당신 should (not) try in class for a laugh :)

Bring some 책 to class and read them instead of paying attention 또는 doing any work.

2Walk around class begging for spare change.

Chew on your arm until someone notices.

Change seats every time the teacher turns his/her back. After the teacher explains something, laugh really loud and say "Oh, now I get it!"

Lick yourself clean like a cat does.

After the teacher has explained something, say "Quite right, old bean" in the typical old english style.

Sing your 질문 to the class.

When the teacher...
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posted by 7things
How can 당신 get four 슈츠 for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

How do 공룡 pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.

What do 당신 call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

What do 당신 call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Tyrannosaurus Tex.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.

How do 당신 make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.

How do 당신 make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

How do 당신 prevent a Summer cold?
Catch it in the Winter!

How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.

If a long dress is evening...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time 당신 turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him 또는 her that you’ve 로스트 your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he 또는 she has anything...
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Ways to annoy people in Wal-Mart



Hilarious Ways to be annoying!















"Accidentally" get stuck in one of the 겨울왕국 음식 doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps 당신 out.
Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
Around 크리스마스 time, start caroling. Ask for money from the listeners.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Ask if 당신 can buy a shopping cart.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Ask Someone if they know were they sell little babies!...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Solve the puzzles 의해 saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until 당신 "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED 영구차, 영구 차 WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN...
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Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices
Wear golf shoes.
Every time 당신 throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, 당신 JERKS!" Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black 표범, 팬더 conspiracy.
Explain to the owner how your game is "All sorts of messed up" due to plate tectonics, then lose him in lingo. Demand compensation.
Make lewd and graphic references to your "ball". Works well on Senior Ladies night
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when 당신 drop them, start screaming about plate tectonics again....
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added by fanfly
Source: wallpaperswide.com
added by fanfly
Source: wallcoo.com
posted by Mallory101
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on 또는 off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of 당신 just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your 서류 가방 또는 purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name 태그 to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours...
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added by adultswimperson
Source: 구글
posted by someone_save_me
These are just some, 더 많이 will probably be added later.

I hate:
-Animal abusers
-Child abusers
-Butthurt moralfags (If 당신 get mad at me saying moralfags, well then, 당신 must be new here. I'm not homophobic.)
-3/4 the mainstream crap on the radio
-Jersey Shore
-Homophobes
-People who don't thank 당신 when 당신 open a door for them
-Toddlers and Tiaras
-People who are always snooPING AS usual I see. /shot so fuckin' hard
-Fuckers who judge people 의해 their appearance
-When my computer breaks down
-Fangirls who get mad at if 당신 aren't borderline insanely obsessed with the same thing they are (Go on the Michael...
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GET READY TO GET ANNOYED...ALL METHODS FOOL PROOFED 의해 YOURS TRULY!! :)
ANNOYING THINGS 2 DO UR FRNDS!
1. Keep poking them until they scream in annoyance
2. Pull an Annoying 주황색, 오렌지 on them. Keep saying, "Hey,(insert name) (insert name)," as long as 당신 want. Really effective!
3. Keep shouting swear words randomly. Like shout out, "Shit!" when they're eating 피자 또는 something. :)
4. Sneeze, HARD, whenever they're around. Continue again and again and again and again and again!
5. Keep repeating, "What? What? What?" whenever they ask a question.
6. Keep calling them ELEGANT names, like if you're friend...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus