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posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    A king size water-bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
•    If 당신 spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
•    A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
•    If 당신 hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing 배트맨 underwear and a 슈퍼맨 cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 의해 20 foot room.
•    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling 팬 is on. A ceiling 팬 can hit a baseball a long way.
•    The glass in windows (even double pane) will not stop a baseball hit 의해 a ceiling fan.
•    When 당신 hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it is too late.
•    Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke. Lots of smoke.
•    A six 년 old can start a 불, 화재 with a flint rock even though a 36 년 old man says they can only do it in the movies.
•    Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four 년 old.
•    Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
•    Super glue is forever.
•    No matter how much Jell-O 당신 put in a swimming pool 당신 still can't walk on water.
•    Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
•    VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
•    Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
•    Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
•    You probably do not want to know what that odour is.
•    Always look in the 오븐 before 당신 turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
•    The 불, 화재 department in Austin, TX has a 5 분 response time.
•    The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
•    It will however make 고양이 dizzy.
•    Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
added by Galbraith
posted by Omigosh122
Going thru the snow,

on a pair of broken skii's,

jumpin over houses!

And bashing into trees!

The snow is bloody-red,

Santa's almost dead!

Cuz a little racoon took his gun

and shot 'em in the head!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
added by Rodz
Source: wallcoo.net
posted by milorox18
1. When 당신 get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?”

2. When he asks why 당신 were speeding, tell him 당신 wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend 당신 are deaf.

4. If he asks if 당신 knew how fast 당신 were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……

5. Ask if 당신 can see his gun.

6. When he says 당신 aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why 당신 were speeding, tell him 당신 had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him 의해 his first name.

11. Pretend 당신 are gay...
continue reading...
posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All 당신 Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's 심장 is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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found this on the net:

18 Fun Things To Do In A Final That Does Not Matter (i.e. 당신 are going to fail the class completely no matter what 당신 get on the final exam)

1) Get the copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!"

2) Talk the entire way through the exam. Read 질문 aloud, 토론 your 답변 with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure 당신 can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3) Bring cheerleaders.

4) Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five 분 into it, loudly say to the...
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posted by slytherin360
Found this on the net:

24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of 당신 just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your 서류 가방 또는 purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name 태그 to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they...
continue reading...
Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have 당신 ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man 다음 to me!
I puked on the last person who flew 다음 to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would 당신 look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator....
continue reading...
added by SylarNight
Source: made 의해 SylarNight
added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
added by zanesaaomgfan
Source: Windows 7 Vista
added by PoddoChan
Source: The Internet....AGAIN :)
added by PoddoChan
Source: DeviantART.com and The Internet
added by bvgf
Source: My own 사진
added by Little_Cullen
added by Rodz
Source: google.com
added by ay3
Source: my 구글 skillz
Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person 다음 to 당신 if they know how to tap into top-secret 오각형, 국방부 files.
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the 삭제 key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever 당신 hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
Borrow someone else's keyboard 의해 reaching over, saying "Excuse...
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posted by pollyloveshouse
 Just plaln annoying!!
Just plaln annoying!!
Hi there fanpoppers =) So I was thinking about some of the things that drive me mad, pet peeves and all that, and I happened to open an chain mail form a friend with these things on, and they all fit me perfectly!! I also added some 더 많이 that I came up with too, hope 당신 enjoy!




1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?




2. People who are willing to get off their butt to 검색 the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change...
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