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Chapter 2—A New Day…A New Chapter
    Right 다음 to the right one…what if 당신 are, and 당신 just don’t know it? 또는 당신 know it, and they don’t? That’s quite a pickle…why do they say that? Why is it a pickle? Why not say “oh, that’s quite a scone!” 또는 “what a 크랜베리, 적갈색 muffin!” ah…so confusing. So I think that if 당신 are going on a bike ride 당신 don’t need to wear a helmet, 당신 just need to wear one of those big hard headbands. That’s because I was riding in this really short car down a bumpy road and I hit my head on the ceiling. But it didn’t hurt. 당신 wanna know why? Because I was wearing a big fat hard headband. Maybe that’s why people started wearing those. Maybe someone had on a bike 헬멧 and the front and back got cut off, and it was just a hard strip. And then that strip happened to look very good on that person, and so they just kept it around for everyday use. And then someone saw them with it and cut up their own bike helmets and just wore the headbands instead. But then, over time, people forgot the safety features of these headbands and just started wearing them for fashion and fun, and someone reinvented the bike helmet, because people were not wearing their headbands while riding their bikes, and were getting their skulls cracked open. And then the rules were made that 당신 have to wear your 헬멧 when 당신 ride your bike, so nobody was 메리다와 마법의 숲 enough to bring back the headband helmets. And there 당신 have it, the story of how helmets were turned into headbands and back again. Bing! I need a brain implant. I think that instead of breast implants and nose jobs and lip puffer-upper thingies they should offer brain implants. They would make so much 더 많이 money on brain implants than on any of other things because 더 많이 people are stupid and need brain implants. I would definitely get one if they were offered. I really need a calculator implanted into my brain, and soon too, I have finals 다음 week. But if brain implants were available the math teachers would probably forbid them 또는 something, so i don’t know if that would be a very good idea anyways…oh well, it was a good idea when it came to mind…ha-ha and it would still be nice… oh well. 당신 can’t have everything except for those smiley faces are really happy lookingthey make me warm and fuzzy inside! What if 당신 actually got warm and fuzzy inside whenever 당신 said that? Like your insides started boiling and sprouted little fuzzy hairs like a baby chickens 또는 whatever. That’s kinda gross if 당신 think about it. It’s also gross if 당신 don’t think about it. 당신 know what? It’s just gross. Period…times 2…+4…period.haha how’s that for a . ? I just wish it didn’t have that gigantic 우주 up there . . . oh well. That’s what 당신 get when 당신 want to make a point with your big .’S. 당신 know what I like? Those big giant tortilla chip thingies. 당신 know the big and round yellow things that taste like regular tortilla chips, but are really, really big? Actually, I don’t know if 당신 do know. . . im just assuming that 당신 know what im talking about, which I should probably never do, cos I hardly ever make much sense about anything. I also don’t make cents. Im totally broke. I wish I made cents. . . but I can’t find a way of doing that without actually working. . . so I guess I’ll just stay broke for a while until my birthday. It’s in a couple of months, I’ll get 의해 on begging till then. Maybe I’ll start right now. I’ll be back later, im heading for the streets! Okay, so the streets (my driveway) wasn’t working. Turns out rich people don’t come down to the end of Driven Trail very much at 5:00 on a Wednesday…well, I didn’t expect very much 더 많이 than a couple of birds and maybe a 다람쥐 또는 two. And they don’t carry any money on them, cos they don’t have pockets. What if they did have pockets? It would be really funny to see a 박새 속의 총칭, 총칭 또는 a 다람쥐 running around in the mud in a little dress 또는 mini, miniscule little jeans and a jacket! And they could have pockets just big enough to stuff a folded up twenty in there. Only the pockets would like take up the entire 셔츠 if they were that big… oh well. Maybe I’ll make some little teeny clothes and lay them out on the porch and see if they’re gone in the morning. Only if they are gone, it probably means that my 개 ate them… oh well, at least their stomachs will be warm! 당신 cannot have a cold stomach. If your stomach was cold all the chewed up 음식 would just freeze into a big mushy gross looking ice cube. And it would just stay in there forever. I wonder if that’s why 뱀파이어 can’t eat regular food. Their skin is so cold that any 음식 they ate would just freeze into lumpy brown ice. Wow, that explains a lot! It’s funny how much 당신 can learn while just rambling on and on like im doing now! I think that when 당신 think 당신 don’t think of as many good ideas, don’t 당신 think so? When you’re thinking you’re actually thinking about something, so there’s no room in your brain for new 더 많이 interesting ideas. If you’re not thinking about anything in particular, and just 글쓰기 down anything that comes into your mind a lot of very interesting educational stuff comes into your mind. Like about the cold stomachs and the song slugs and the headband helmets and stuff. Ah, the things the brain comes up with! Fascinating, fascinating! I could spend all 일 talking about it (don’t get scared, I won’t).

haha! there 당신 go! the 초 installment of my awesome book!
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MARY HAD A LITLE LMB LITLE LMB LITLE LMB MARY HAD A LITL3 LMB WHOSE FLECE WAS WHIET AS SNOW
SNG1!!1!11 WTF A SONG OF SIXPENC3 A POK3T FUL OF RY3!1!! OMG LOL FOUR AND TWENTY BLAKBIRDS BAEKD IN A PEI1!!!11 OMG WTF LOL WHAN TEH PEI WAS OP3NED DA BIRDS BGAON 2 SNG1!1!11 LOL WASNT TAHT A DANETY DISH 2 SET BFORA DA KNG
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i could barely read this and again this is from the internet<33
posted by EllentheStrange
Feel free to use them
1.Your mom
2.Dick
3.Eat it bitch
4.That's what she said
5. The future is bulletproof and the aftermath is secondary
6.Forshizz
7.Holy cannibal cupcake!
8.IDEK
9.Hey ho,let's go!
10.In Soviet Russia,the 곰 wrestles you
11.Chuck Norris was here
12.Apple cake
13.Bloody bastards!
14.Ya know,I was welcomed to the black parade
15.Take my fucking hand and suck my thumb
16.Eat the children raw
17.RAWR means I 사랑 당신 in Italian
18.I will carry on with the black parade
19.So long and goodnight
20.Ya know,I live life on the murder scene
Things Guys Should Know About Girls

1. Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to 당신 as much as you
enjoy listening.
3. Don’t say 당신 understand when 당신 don’t.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is the Prettiest!
5. 당신 don’t have PMS; don’t act like 당신 know what it’s
like.
6. Saying something sweet might get 당신 off the hook;
doing something sweet will always get 당신 off the hook.
7. If 당신 talk about having a big dick; we know 당신 don’t.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that
want relationships.
9. We don’t like it when 당신 act like Mr....
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posted by jessicamc26
The Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty 인기 guy.

One 일 God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here 또는 I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are 당신 going to get a lawyer?"
posted by Jeffersonian
A teacher forwarded this list of 코멘트 from test papers, essays, etc., 제출됨 to science and health teachers 의해 elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As she noted, It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.

The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the 심장 and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it...
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1 when they ask u what your name is, make a name up (like hello kitty 또는 santino marella. 또는 even better, if youre a girl make up a guys vice versa for da guys)

2 when they ask u what insturment u play, make up a name for your insturment

3 when u have to introduce that person, mess up, like say a stupid name and a wierd insturment they play. then explain that's what 당신 heard when they explained it 2 you

4 wear a 셔츠 over your uniform that makes the other teams band members offended.

5 hug them, and place a beetle INSIDE their uniform

6 bring along your little Brother/sister (if u dont hav one...
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posted by cheeeese
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added by flippy_fan210
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