Does this book beginning seem good to you?


My 심장 was racing faster than it ever had. My feet couldn't keep up with it's pace. Soreness ran through my legs, begging me to stop and die. But I couldn't. Throbbing, my head lurches in front of my whole body as I almost stumble towards the ground, twisting my foot and running again. The tears falling from my eyes remind me of the dryness in my throat. I try taking deep breaths as I make stuttering noises. Branches hot my legs, smacking my face and watching me from behind and up front. Taking a risk right now isn't going to be easy, and I might be risking my soul, my fate, my destiny, but I didn't have a chance. I threw myself into the river as my right leg scraped itself against a rock. When I came back up a bloody scream came from my mouth. Salt tears filled the freshwater river. I climbed up to land and tried to calm myself down, but the pain from my leg lurched into my side, releasing red blood that had once still been inside of me. I looked up and saw nothing, as something was once behind me. I grabbed a tree, trying to retain balance. My struggling was louder than any noise that came out of my mouth, once again,wet, from the fresh water I had accidentally let seep in through the crack of my teeth. My long, black hair hung over my face and shoulders, reminding me of what a ugly hair color I had. The throbbing in my head reminded me of what great pain I had encountered when I thought I could climb a tree, but had fallen not even half way up. Picking up a big stick, I limped on home, awaiting the comfort the warmth had always greeted me when I got back. I looked over my shoulder and saw only fog,and a trail of my red blood, following me all the way back home
 CrystalNeons posted over a year ago
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랜덤 답변

Kat-chan said:
Yes. It was really interesting and had me wanting to read more. I would definitely read that book.
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posted over a year ago 
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Well I'll send 당신 더 많이 soon
CrystalNeons posted over a year ago
rose12345 said:
Yes
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posted over a year ago 
LaDispute said:
I think it's too cliche.
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posted over a year ago 
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Well thanks.
CrystalNeons posted over a year ago
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Yep. :')
LaDispute posted over a year ago
summer448 said:
I think this is a great beginning for a book, very fast paced and exciting. The only thing i would suggest is instead of saying "a bloody scream came from my mouth." Maybe put "An ear piercing scream" 또는 "A blood curdling scream escaped from my mouth"
Saying "a bloody scream" makes me think of someone with blood pouring out of their mouth o.e LOL unless thats what 당신 meant XD than thats okay its great hehe
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posted over a year ago 
a11-swift said:
i wanna read more!!
Luv this
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posted over a year ago 
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