Mario Kart Making fun of items on Mario Kart 7

Matt421421 posted on Jan 31, 2015 at 03:45PM
Hi everyone, and today I have my very first post, and, golly, is this a special one!
I have compiled a list of ALL the Mario Kart 7 items, making fun of each one.
So let's get started.

Banana

Okay, what is up with this? It's just a mortal banana peel! How can it do ANYTHING to harm someone?
Well, you know just what. This ungodly thing slips you if you drive into it. But that's not all.
In most entries, this thing can block incoming red shells. That's the MOST COMMON USE OF IT.
We've all used banana peel to block a red shell. But, I'm telling you.
If you have the skills to do it, you can throw it straight at a person who is FLYING, causing instant death by LAVA. DROWNING. And in some stages, VOID.
Yeah, moving on.


Green Shell

This thing is pure evil. On Luigi's Mansion and someone gets a green shell at the start, this thing will most likely backfire if you throw it too early.
Another thing, this thing will backfire at other stages too, like Daisy Hills. Only this time, It's RIGHT AFTER THE FINISH LINE. Yeah, I think they should atleast change the layout of this track, or maybe REMOVE IT FROM THE MUSHROOM CUP.
Yeah, that's right. Daisy Hills. THE MOST DEADLY TRACK FOR PEOPLE GETTING GREEN SHELLS NEAR THE FINISH LINE. Is in the MUSHROOM CUP.
Anyways, enough about Green Shells backfiring.
This thing is a pain to avoid in narrow courses like Maka Wuhu, only there a literally no barriers, thank god, so the green shells just zoom off the edge.
And, yeah. Green Shells zoom in a straight line, so in courses like SNES Rainbow road, these things are 99% useless, as there are no barriers. NONE.
Well, I guess that's good, because otherwise, Green Shells would be zooming absolutely everywhere, only making it more difficult.

Fire Flower

This thing is just a moving banana peel. It acts like a green shell, but sizzles out after a few seconds. There is only a few fireballs per Flower, so use it wisely.
But what is annoying about this item is how often you get it in Second and Third place.
I mean, come on! It's just a moving Banana Bunch!
And it can survive underwater. UNDERWATER. Yeah, I'm not joking.

Red Shell

Okay. That wasn't even the evilest. This thing will HOME IN ON THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU. And plus, you get it in first.
Any sore loser who gets a triple red shell in fourth place will most likely dominate anyone in third, second and first, causing massive rage if they get hit near the finish line on the third lap.
And what's more, this thing will snap if it hits ANYTHING. A green shell, breaks. A vase, breaks. A LEAF PILE, breaks. How can this thing hurt a PERSON if it can't live hitting a LEAF PILE???!!!! Are the players made of cheese? Mmmm... I can only imagine...

Mushroom

This thing... is the lord of making shortcuts. You need it to make about... hmmm... at least 40% of the shortcuts, I'd say?
And also, You can use it to get a short speed boost on straight roads.

Gold Mushroom

Okay. this may be the only item 99.8% of you like to spam, but this thing is SO HARD TO CONTROL!
And on stages like SNES Rainbow Road, this thing is barely useful.
A mushroom may be partially fine, but when you get a Gold Mushroom on a course with no railing the ENTIRE TRACK, it's not so fun because you think about what you could have gotten at that point, you have to be disappointed.
A star.
Lightning.
A BULLET BILL.

Blooper

This thing is literally a SQUID. And what does it do, you ask? It squirts ink.
My point is, couldn't nintendo think of something a little bit different?
Like, for example a 1-Up Mushroom? Or, a Shadow Star? Why did it HAVE to be a squid?
And another thing is, how often it comes up. Just like the POW Block from Mario Kart Wii, it is very persistent and will almost never effect you.

Star

This thing is amazing. When you use it, you turn into an absolute MADMAN and are able to zoom through EVERYTHING in your path.
And also, you'll be able to take shortcuts, because you will not be slowed down by any terrain.
You will also be able to dodge Blue Shells.
The only problem is, if you run into a wall, when you want to back up, you can, but when you stop, you'll immediately get pushed forwards.

Bob-omb

It's a BOMB!

Super Leaf

Well, this is a leaf, and you can probably already tell what it does... it gives you a tail.
I kind of like this item because the tail looks kinda... cute, but when you put it on a car, no... just... no... But I can see what they were going for here, they were taking the Tanooki Suit and putting it in Mario Kart. And also, it looks kind of unnatural... Just saying...

Lucky Seven

This thing gives you 7 Items: a Banana, a Red Shell, a Green Shell, A Bob-omb, a Mushroom, a Blooper, and a Starman. But be sure to use them wisely, because of two things: the Bob-omb might blow up all your stuff, and someone might steal your star.

Lightning

This item makes gameplay less fun randomly for a moment.

Blue Shell

Known by many as the Blue Menace. The First Place Killer. The Win Breaker. The Black-Hearted Shell. Known for searching for the person in first, and exploding them. Has broken many wins, while breaking many hearts at the same time. It has made yet another appearance in Mario Kart 7.
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