New Moon Deleted Scenes-Parody

As 당신 can tell, I do not like Twilight. However, there is one character in the "saga" that I definatley agree with. That person happens to be... Rosalie.

Sure Rosalie is a 암캐, 암 캐 most of the time, but when 당신 watch her in "Eclipse" [my sister made me watch all the movies] 당신 actually discover why she acts like that, especially towards Bella, and to be honest, I can't really blame her. In fact, I actually felt bad for her, and heres why:

In "Eclipse" Rosalie explains to Bella about what it's like to be a vampire, and the consequences. Rosalie was once a human in the 1930's era who had so many...

So we all know who Bella is, complete muggle and interfering with the magical world. The Department of International Magical Cooperation and the Department of Magic Reversal are overlooking claims, as shown on that post on My Life Is Twilight. I know this has been covered a lot, but I'm going to go in a bit further on what makes Muggles like her so much.

In several articles, Bella was described as an empty shell, meaning any girl can relate to her. This fits, because we know that she's only described as clumsy. Well, so are hundreds of millions of people in the world...so they could fit into...

I like Twilight. I used to 사랑 Twilight. But then, I began to feel disappointed. I wanted Bella to have DONE something that actually could affect the entire WORLD. Suddenly, I created my own versions of Edward and Bella and the Volturi. I like Twilight as it is....but it would be much better like this.
-1-
Bella 백조 tugged on her muddy brown ponytail to keep in in place as thundered roared and rain came down in buckets on the deserted island. The forest, slick with slime and muck, was dangerous enough without HIM lurking in the shadows. Her ears picked up a soft sound beneath the gale. He...

Note: I originally had this as a question, but I guess it was too long, so I'm re-posting this in an article.

Question number one: 뱀파이어 hearts don't beat, correct? Correct. I believe this is mentioned several times. Now, in health class, they teach 당신 that your 심장 pumps and makes your blood flow, correct? Correct. So, it stands to reason that, since 뱀파이어 hearts don't beat, they don't have blood flow, correct? Yes. So, they have no blood flow, no circulation. They cannot bleed, 또는 blush, 또는 anything related to circulation, yes? Yes. This is said several times in the book.

Now, call...

Hey, I was originally going to put this in the 코멘트 section of a 'picks' question, but I realized it was too long so I put it here.

This is what I think, about the crap they call the 'Twilight Saga'. A book based on an author's wet dreams and hopes.

Twilight- Who? WHO FALLS IN 사랑 AFTER SEEING A PERSON THREE TIMES IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE?! Plus, I'll summarize the entire book.

It's like-
Bella: Oh Edward, 당신 hate me.
Edward: No I 사랑 you
Bella: 당신 사랑 me?
Edward: Stay away from me.
Bella: Stay away from you?
Edward: Just stay with me. I mean, it was obvious I wanted 당신 from the start, wasn't...

OK, so many Harry Potter/vampire 팬 (like myself) will probably agree that Edward Cullen is not a real vampire. The only similarities that Edward and other 뱀파이어 have is the liking of human blood. I suppose Meyer was trying to be original, and I don't mean to offend anyone who does like the sparklepyres.

Why Edward Cullen is a niffler

Before I state my actual reasons, I should probably tell anyone who doesn't know what a niffler actually is. For this I have my trusty Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them book:

NIFFLER
M.O.M. Classification: XXX [Which means a competent wizard should cope...