1. When a twilight 팬 says 'twilight rocks' say 'rocks made of twilight?'
2. Go up to a twilight fan, scream 'Bella! Bella! BELLA!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!' when they say 'I know right!' say 'Oh no I meant Bellatrix'
3. Ask them all 질문 about twilight that 당신 can think of. When they ask why say 'I'm doing a book 신고 on the most boring 책 of the world'
4. Get all the boys and twilight haters (better for them to be Harry Potter fans) to start saying 'Edward, Edwardo, Eddibear, sparkle sparkle'
5. Say that 당신 hate Stephanie Meyer, she's a horrible author and her 책 make want to poke your eyes out with a pencil. Then say that 읽기 JK Rowling's 책 are like 읽기 책 sent from heaven.
6. Tell them that people like Dracula and Voldemort are way 더 많이 famous and that they can kick Edward's ass!
7. If they tell 당신 that Twilight are the bestselling and most 인기 책 ever, go on Wikipedia with them, 검색 bestselling books, scroll down and show them that twilight is not there. Then go to best selling book series, scroll down, down, down, down past Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Nancy Drew, Captain 팬티, 속옷 etc. when 당신 finally see twilight say 'Oh look there's twilight right there. Almost at the bottom.'
8. Tell them 당신 went online and gave the new twilight movie one star, when they ask why say 'because Robert Pattinson was totally wearing lipstick!'
9. Remind them Edward Cullen/Jacob Black isn't real.
10. Tell a 팬 that you'll send her a T-Shirt with Edward Cullen on both sides. After the two days go by, don't send her anything. When she comes up and asks 당신 why, tell her because 당신 wanted to give someone that handsome to her in person. When she gets excited, give her a T-Shirt with Hagrid on it.
11. Tell them 'real men don't sparkle' when they ask 'who said that real men don't sparkle?' say 'Have 당신 got ear problems? I said Only gay men sparkle. Jeez.'
12. When they try to force 당신 into watching twilight, try to force them into watching Harry Potter. If they say 'But I hate it!' say 'Well I hate twilight!' and when they say 'just watch it and you'll like it!' say 'No, 당신 watch Harry Potter and you'll like it!' etc.
13. Wen they tell 당신 they dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'oh my goodness what a nightmare!'
14. When they say the dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'well I dreamed about Voldemort, they're equally hot right?'
15. If 당신 catch them 읽기 twilight, snatch the book, throw it in a trash can, say 'oh man I dropped it'
16. If 당신 catch them watching a twilight movie, wait for the part that Edward 또는 Jacob (depending on who the 팬 likes more) take his 셔츠 off, when this part comes jump in front of the screen and scream 'FRED AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER! 프레드 AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER!' when the part ends walk away from the screen saying 'oh never mind'
17. When they ask 'why do 당신 hate twilight so much?' say 'I don't hate it, I actually 사랑 it' when they say 'really?' say 'Yeah it's my 가장 좋아하는 part of the day. 당신 know after the sun sits and the sky is like all purplish and all.'
18. If 당신 find a twilight book in their bag, take it and replace it with a Harry Potter one.
19. Tell them that Edward is a "hand-me-down" because twilight got him after Harry Potter was finished with him.
20. Say that Stephenie Meyer totally 스톨, 훔친 the names Bella, Alice, James, Black and Clearwater from JK Rowling
21. List every power that a wizard can have and use all at once (seeing the future, 읽기 minds, etc.), that a vampire would only have one of.
22. Whenever they mention Jacob Black, innocently ask if they meant Wormtail.
23. Say that Bella 백조 and Argus Filch would make such a romantic couple.
24. Flinch whenever they say Edward and tell them to say You-Know-Who
25. Explain how Twilight 늑대인간 are really Animagi, and ask whether they're registered with the Ministry of Magic.
26. Tell them they're so crazy they have to go to St. Mungo's
27. Always remind them of the Dumbledore quote 'It does no good dwell in dreams' then remind them that the idea of twilight came to Stephenie Meyer in a dream.
28. Compare Edward Cullen to Mad Eye Moody. Compare silly stuff like their hair, skin color etc. that of course are going to be similar. Then say 'how could 당신 fall for someone who looks totally like Moody?'
29. When they remember Edward say 'Edward who?' when they say 'Edward Cullen' say 'Edward Swollen?'
30. If they say Harry Potter wears weird glasses, say 'Well at least he WEARS glasses. He doesn't sparkle like glasses. Unlike Edward Cullen over here!'
31. When they say Bella is was so brave, remind them what she did when Edward left her, then what Hermione did when Ron chose another one, then what Ginny did when Harry Left her. Compare them and then say 'Now 당신 tell me, which one would 당신 choose to do?'
32. Whenever they mention anything/anyone related to twilight say 'STOP BLOWING UP MY EARS!'
33. When they say they dreamed that Edward/Jacob kissed them, say 'A dementor kissed you?'
34. When they beg 당신 enough to read twilight, say okay. Open it,start 읽기 aloud, at the end of every sentence, make fun of the sentence 당신 read.
35. Ask them 'how come Edward Cullen is a vegetarian? I thought 뱀파이어 can't eat vegetables 또는 fruits.'
36. Grab an empty notebook and a pencil, sit 다음 to them, write Stephenie Meyer a very long hate letter, and mutter what you're 글쓰기 out loud.
37. When they call on the phone and start talking about how hot is Robert Pattinson playing Edward Cullen, interrupt them and say 'Hey I just saw Daniel Radcliffe walking on my street! I'll go say hi and remind him of the stupid choice Robert made' then hang up in their face.
38. Tell them ' I heard there will be another book' when they get all excited, tell them 'You do know I mean another Harry Potter book right?'
39. Tell them Harry Potter is better than twilight, when they start to argue keep muttering 'Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter. Twilight sucks Twilight sucks Twilight sucks' like crazy.
40. Tell them that 당신 think Voldemort is prettier than Rosalie.
41. Tell them that 뱀파이어 and 늑대인간 don't exist, when they say 'Wizards don't exist either' say 'Oh yes we do!' then take a stick, point it at them and shout 'Avada Kadavra!' When it doesn't work keep on poking the stick and shouting the same words. Extra points if 당신 poke them at least five times.
42. Tell them that JK Rowling got her book published with only one chapter while Stephenie Meyer got twilight barley published with the whole novel.
43. Tell them Hermione plays 피아노 way better than Edward.
44. Tell them the Volturi are too stupid to walk all the way from Italy to Forks and not fly.
45. Tell them if 당신 meet Bella you'll slap her in the face.
46. When they start talking about twilight pretend to be staring into space. After a few hours of their talking, when they finally finished say 'huh? what? Sorry I didn't hear you. I was thinking about Harry Potter'
47. When they tell 당신 to get a life, say 'why? Edward doesn't have one'
48. When they say they 사랑 Edward ask why, when they tell 당신 the reason, ask why once again. Keep on asking why after everything they say.
49. Go to her room with your friends, remove all the twilight posters, pillows, 침대 covers etc. burn them, replace them with Harry Potter ones. Extra points of 당신 do not get caught and she never finds out it was 당신 who did it.
50. Buy a twilight pencil, when she says she wants it. Tell her 'okay, let me just sharpen it for you.' sharpen it until it's all gone, then say 'aw man!I'm sorry there's nothing left of it.' Extra points if she searches the trash can like crazy looking for the pencil cores.
2. Go up to a twilight fan, scream 'Bella! Bella! BELLA!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!' when they say 'I know right!' say 'Oh no I meant Bellatrix'
3. Ask them all 질문 about twilight that 당신 can think of. When they ask why say 'I'm doing a book 신고 on the most boring 책 of the world'
4. Get all the boys and twilight haters (better for them to be Harry Potter fans) to start saying 'Edward, Edwardo, Eddibear, sparkle sparkle'
5. Say that 당신 hate Stephanie Meyer, she's a horrible author and her 책 make want to poke your eyes out with a pencil. Then say that 읽기 JK Rowling's 책 are like 읽기 책 sent from heaven.
6. Tell them that people like Dracula and Voldemort are way 더 많이 famous and that they can kick Edward's ass!
7. If they tell 당신 that Twilight are the bestselling and most 인기 책 ever, go on Wikipedia with them, 검색 bestselling books, scroll down and show them that twilight is not there. Then go to best selling book series, scroll down, down, down, down past Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Nancy Drew, Captain 팬티, 속옷 etc. when 당신 finally see twilight say 'Oh look there's twilight right there. Almost at the bottom.'
8. Tell them 당신 went online and gave the new twilight movie one star, when they ask why say 'because Robert Pattinson was totally wearing lipstick!'
9. Remind them Edward Cullen/Jacob Black isn't real.
10. Tell a 팬 that you'll send her a T-Shirt with Edward Cullen on both sides. After the two days go by, don't send her anything. When she comes up and asks 당신 why, tell her because 당신 wanted to give someone that handsome to her in person. When she gets excited, give her a T-Shirt with Hagrid on it.
11. Tell them 'real men don't sparkle' when they ask 'who said that real men don't sparkle?' say 'Have 당신 got ear problems? I said Only gay men sparkle. Jeez.'
12. When they try to force 당신 into watching twilight, try to force them into watching Harry Potter. If they say 'But I hate it!' say 'Well I hate twilight!' and when they say 'just watch it and you'll like it!' say 'No, 당신 watch Harry Potter and you'll like it!' etc.
13. Wen they tell 당신 they dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'oh my goodness what a nightmare!'
14. When they say the dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'well I dreamed about Voldemort, they're equally hot right?'
15. If 당신 catch them 읽기 twilight, snatch the book, throw it in a trash can, say 'oh man I dropped it'
16. If 당신 catch them watching a twilight movie, wait for the part that Edward 또는 Jacob (depending on who the 팬 likes more) take his 셔츠 off, when this part comes jump in front of the screen and scream 'FRED AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER! 프레드 AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER!' when the part ends walk away from the screen saying 'oh never mind'
17. When they ask 'why do 당신 hate twilight so much?' say 'I don't hate it, I actually 사랑 it' when they say 'really?' say 'Yeah it's my 가장 좋아하는 part of the day. 당신 know after the sun sits and the sky is like all purplish and all.'
18. If 당신 find a twilight book in their bag, take it and replace it with a Harry Potter one.
19. Tell them that Edward is a "hand-me-down" because twilight got him after Harry Potter was finished with him.
20. Say that Stephenie Meyer totally 스톨, 훔친 the names Bella, Alice, James, Black and Clearwater from JK Rowling
21. List every power that a wizard can have and use all at once (seeing the future, 읽기 minds, etc.), that a vampire would only have one of.
22. Whenever they mention Jacob Black, innocently ask if they meant Wormtail.
23. Say that Bella 백조 and Argus Filch would make such a romantic couple.
24. Flinch whenever they say Edward and tell them to say You-Know-Who
25. Explain how Twilight 늑대인간 are really Animagi, and ask whether they're registered with the Ministry of Magic.
26. Tell them they're so crazy they have to go to St. Mungo's
27. Always remind them of the Dumbledore quote 'It does no good dwell in dreams' then remind them that the idea of twilight came to Stephenie Meyer in a dream.
28. Compare Edward Cullen to Mad Eye Moody. Compare silly stuff like their hair, skin color etc. that of course are going to be similar. Then say 'how could 당신 fall for someone who looks totally like Moody?'
29. When they remember Edward say 'Edward who?' when they say 'Edward Cullen' say 'Edward Swollen?'
30. If they say Harry Potter wears weird glasses, say 'Well at least he WEARS glasses. He doesn't sparkle like glasses. Unlike Edward Cullen over here!'
31. When they say Bella is was so brave, remind them what she did when Edward left her, then what Hermione did when Ron chose another one, then what Ginny did when Harry Left her. Compare them and then say 'Now 당신 tell me, which one would 당신 choose to do?'
32. Whenever they mention anything/anyone related to twilight say 'STOP BLOWING UP MY EARS!'
33. When they say they dreamed that Edward/Jacob kissed them, say 'A dementor kissed you?'
34. When they beg 당신 enough to read twilight, say okay. Open it,start 읽기 aloud, at the end of every sentence, make fun of the sentence 당신 read.
35. Ask them 'how come Edward Cullen is a vegetarian? I thought 뱀파이어 can't eat vegetables 또는 fruits.'
36. Grab an empty notebook and a pencil, sit 다음 to them, write Stephenie Meyer a very long hate letter, and mutter what you're 글쓰기 out loud.
37. When they call on the phone and start talking about how hot is Robert Pattinson playing Edward Cullen, interrupt them and say 'Hey I just saw Daniel Radcliffe walking on my street! I'll go say hi and remind him of the stupid choice Robert made' then hang up in their face.
38. Tell them ' I heard there will be another book' when they get all excited, tell them 'You do know I mean another Harry Potter book right?'
39. Tell them Harry Potter is better than twilight, when they start to argue keep muttering 'Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter. Twilight sucks Twilight sucks Twilight sucks' like crazy.
40. Tell them that 당신 think Voldemort is prettier than Rosalie.
41. Tell them that 뱀파이어 and 늑대인간 don't exist, when they say 'Wizards don't exist either' say 'Oh yes we do!' then take a stick, point it at them and shout 'Avada Kadavra!' When it doesn't work keep on poking the stick and shouting the same words. Extra points if 당신 poke them at least five times.
42. Tell them that JK Rowling got her book published with only one chapter while Stephenie Meyer got twilight barley published with the whole novel.
43. Tell them Hermione plays 피아노 way better than Edward.
44. Tell them the Volturi are too stupid to walk all the way from Italy to Forks and not fly.
45. Tell them if 당신 meet Bella you'll slap her in the face.
46. When they start talking about twilight pretend to be staring into space. After a few hours of their talking, when they finally finished say 'huh? what? Sorry I didn't hear you. I was thinking about Harry Potter'
47. When they tell 당신 to get a life, say 'why? Edward doesn't have one'
48. When they say they 사랑 Edward ask why, when they tell 당신 the reason, ask why once again. Keep on asking why after everything they say.
49. Go to her room with your friends, remove all the twilight posters, pillows, 침대 covers etc. burn them, replace them with Harry Potter ones. Extra points of 당신 do not get caught and she never finds out it was 당신 who did it.
50. Buy a twilight pencil, when she says she wants it. Tell her 'okay, let me just sharpen it for you.' sharpen it until it's all gone, then say 'aw man!I'm sorry there's nothing left of it.' Extra points if she searches the trash can like crazy looking for the pencil cores.
WTF?! Sparkly vampires?!
Is it just me, 또는 does it seem like most of the Twilight 팬 feel that they have to write in capitol letters to get their points across? Personally i find it really annoying.
It's also a fact that if 당신 write in capitol letters IT TAKES LONGER FOR THE BRAIN TO PROCESS THE INFORMATION and therefore takes longer to read. Originally all the road signs (In England anyway) were written in capitol letters, until they were redone and someone found that smaller case letters were quicker to read. So they changed it.
So 다음 time 당신 feel like shouting because your book sucks, don't write in capitols, but put...
*shouting*... at the begining of your speech.
Thank you. That is all.
It's also a fact that if 당신 write in capitol letters IT TAKES LONGER FOR THE BRAIN TO PROCESS THE INFORMATION and therefore takes longer to read. Originally all the road signs (In England anyway) were written in capitol letters, until they were redone and someone found that smaller case letters were quicker to read. So they changed it.
So 다음 time 당신 feel like shouting because your book sucks, don't write in capitols, but put...
*shouting*... at the begining of your speech.
Thank you. That is all.
Sorcerer's Stone
