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"Choices aren't what 당신 think. They're fickle, dangerous things. Slippery, unpredictable. Tenacious. The big ones just don't go away. 당신 make them once, but they keep coming back, demanding to be re-made again and again, insisting that 당신 own them."
'Rosie: Note To Self', Claire Connor with G.P. Taylor
I'm going to be direct here: it KILLED me that Elena chose Stefan in the finale. I think a lot of 팬 expected her to make the right choice, but she didn't. She made the wrong one.
I would never do Elena the dishonour 의해 arguing that she didn't 사랑 Stefan. We all know she does. She loved him all the way through his ripper phase this season, and she said she loved him in that excruciating phone-call to Damon too. So she loves Stefan, I believe her. The issue is not: 'Which brother do I love?' because she 더 많이 또는 less said she loves them both to Matt. The issue, and the problem at the 심장 of her choice is that she made it based on select components, which she believes overrides her 사랑 for Damon, IN SPITE of her 사랑 for Damon being arguably 더 많이 intense than her 사랑 for Stefan.
Elena's choice is complicated 의해 the knowledge that Stefan saved her life, and that afterwards, being with him apparently taught her how to live again at a time when she felt lost. When Matt asks if she feels like she 'owes' him, she denies it. But I wonder...
"After the accident, I kind of felt like I didn't know how to live anymore. Like I didn't want to. But then being with Stefan...somehow I figured it out. And that's what 사랑 should be. 당신 should 사랑 the person that makes 당신 glad that you're alive."
Where is the passion in this speech? Does it sound like a girl who's madly in love? Notice that towards the end of her speech, something strange happens, and Elena refers to herself in the third person. It's not "I", it's "You". She doesn't say "I 사랑 Stefan because he makes me glad to be alive," 또는 "When I'm with him I feel alive". She says "You SHOULD..." almost as if she is trying to convince herself that it's the right thing to do. She can't admit it because she doesn't think that's what she's doing, but Elena's basically saying that she loves Stefan because he made her feel alive at a time when she felt dead. In her mind, this makes total sense, but her logic is very warped to me.
Here's the thing: 사랑 isn't about a list of what 당신 'should' do. If 당신 think 당신 'should' do something, the chances are that 당신 won't feel like it doing it. Elena is still very young, and she doesn't yet know what 사랑 is. She has no mother 또는 aunt to shed some light on the situation she's in, and any 조언 Caroline gives her will be hopelessly in favour of Stefan. People don't seem to know what 사랑 is; their perception of it can vary wildly according to what they believe 또는 it can be very flawed. The truth is, if you've never been deeply in love, then 당신 can't know how it feels 또는 what its like. "You don't understand," Karen tells Derek in 'Smash', "because 당신 don't understand love." Elena has this idea of what 사랑 is, she thinks she knows what it should be, but the truth is, she just doesn't understand what 사랑 really is.
Although Elena can be forgiven for believing that she should 사랑 Stefan because he got her back on her feet and made her feel "alive", she is mistaken in thinking that's what 사랑 is.
Elena says that when she's with Damon it just "consumes" her, and Stelena shippers will undoubtedly pounce on this and immediately denounce her feelings as unhealthy 또는 wrong, and something that is not real 사랑 at all. "Real 사랑 is not a "consuming love". It is a love that makes 당신 feel alive, makes 당신 glad that you´re alive. That is the greatest thing 당신 can feel..." one such person wrote.
I think they're misguided in their thinking, because "real love" IS consuming, 또는 it can be. Some of the greatest 사랑 stories ever told are about a 사랑 that "consumes" the characters. The most famous 사랑 songs in the world weren't written because the song-writer loved somebody who made them happy to be alive, but because they loved someone so much, it hurt.
Loving someone who makes 당신 glad to be alive isn't necessarily what makes a relationship "great", nor is it the greatest thing 당신 can feel. It might be a part of it, but if 사랑 doesn't take over you, if it's not so intense that it would make 당신 want to go to the ends of the earth for someone, 또는 drives 당신 to distraction, 또는 fills your every waking moment, 또는 has the power to destroy you, then...maybe 당신 have a problem. Maybe it's not what 당신 think it is and it's not the greatest 사랑 it could be.
When I was 19 and in my 초 년 at university, I met a guy and fell head over heels crazy in 사랑 with him. Did he make me feel alive? Yes, but 더 많이 importantly, I was utterly consumed 의해 him. I couldn't think of anything but him, which was a big problem because I was supposed to be studying for my exams. But it was a feeling I couldn't control. Elena talks herself into choosing Stefan 의해 rationalising that she has to let one of them go because she can't 사랑 them both. Being consumed 의해 what she feels for Damon naturally makes her feel alive too, to the point where it overwhelms and frightens her, but because she didn't fall in 사랑 with him when she had 로스트 her way, then her loyalty to him isn't as strong as the loyalty she feels towards Stefan. So Elena's choice isn't ultimately about love; it's about who she feels most loyal to at this moment in time. Notice that at no time in her phone-call to Damon does she utter the words "I'll always 사랑 Stefan." She says "I can't think about always, all I can think about is right now," suggesting perhaps that her choice comes with a time limit, an 만료 date. Sure, it's what she wants for now. But what will her choice look like in the months ahead? Elena thinks she's chosen, but in reality she hasn't. Her choice will come back to haunt her, and demand to be re-made until she makes the right one - not the choice she thinks she SHOULD make, but the one she really wants, deep inside.
"You want a 사랑 that consumes you," Damon tells her in the flashback. "You want passion, and adventure and even a little danger." As long as Elena clings to Stefan, she will never have what her 심장 truly desires.
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