Episode 9
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do 당신 know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps 당신 should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have 당신 로스트 your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the Atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave 당신 in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. 당신 haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and 펀치 a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did 당신 just call me?
passenger: 당신 heard me 당신 British piece of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do 당신 think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that 당신 deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are 당신 taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check 더 많이 tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did 당신 stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two 더 많이 signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrassed* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If 당신 ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, 당신 have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure 당신 knew. On The 런던 & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't 당신 mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do 당신 know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: (Not this again.) Perhaps 당신 should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pace of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the Atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meanwhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are 당신 alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do 당신 suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 분 later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do 당신 mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did 당신 see the conductor?
Passenger: Did 당신 see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help 당신 (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did 당신 say 당신 were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. 당신 saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger 당신 were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So 당신 don't feel like 당신 can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, 당신 can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a 통로, 활주로 in an airport
통로, 활주로 pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
통로, 활주로 pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: 저기요 wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car 다음 to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The 다음 Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows 당신 how he got a smartphone in 1951
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do 당신 know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps 당신 should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have 당신 로스트 your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the Atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave 당신 in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. 당신 haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and 펀치 a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did 당신 just call me?
passenger: 당신 heard me 당신 British piece of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do 당신 think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that 당신 deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are 당신 taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check 더 많이 tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did 당신 stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two 더 많이 signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrassed* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If 당신 ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, 당신 have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure 당신 knew. On The 런던 & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't 당신 mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do 당신 know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: (Not this again.) Perhaps 당신 should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pace of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the Atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meanwhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are 당신 alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do 당신 suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 분 later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do 당신 mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did 당신 see the conductor?
Passenger: Did 당신 see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help 당신 (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did 당신 say 당신 were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. 당신 saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger 당신 were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So 당신 don't feel like 당신 can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, 당신 can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a 통로, 활주로 in an airport
통로, 활주로 pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
통로, 활주로 pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: 저기요 wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car 다음 to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The 다음 Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows 당신 how he got a smartphone in 1951
#1: SMOSH DISERVES A 초 CHANCE:
Everyone dose terrible their first movie.
Jimmy Tatro was in Grown Ups 2 (awful movie). But he got his 초 chance in 22 jump Street. And was an actual “character”. Not just somebody filling the background.
Smosh is actually very talented. And I don’t actually blame them for being bad in that movie. It’s not THEM who were bad. It’s the MOVIE that was bad.
Maybe being voice actors would actually work better for them.
I never actually SEEN the smosh movie.
But from what I hear. Anthony wasn’t really comfortable on the big screen.
I actually wish Smosh the best.. Not joking.
#2: IT HAS JASON SUDEIKIS:
This dude is awesome.
If he brings his "A-Game".
The movie might be "watchable"..
#3: IT HAS KEEGAN MICHAEL KEY:
(Same as number 2's description)..
#4: I ACTUALLY LIKE THE GAME:
It's kinda fun..
#5: IT ACTUALLY HAS FAIRLY GOOD REVIEWS:
A high of 63% on Rotten Tomatoes..
Everyone dose terrible their first movie.
Jimmy Tatro was in Grown Ups 2 (awful movie). But he got his 초 chance in 22 jump Street. And was an actual “character”. Not just somebody filling the background.
Smosh is actually very talented. And I don’t actually blame them for being bad in that movie. It’s not THEM who were bad. It’s the MOVIE that was bad.
Maybe being voice actors would actually work better for them.
I never actually SEEN the smosh movie.
But from what I hear. Anthony wasn’t really comfortable on the big screen.
I actually wish Smosh the best.. Not joking.
#2: IT HAS JASON SUDEIKIS:
This dude is awesome.
If he brings his "A-Game".
The movie might be "watchable"..
#3: IT HAS KEEGAN MICHAEL KEY:
(Same as number 2's description)..
#4: I ACTUALLY LIKE THE GAME:
It's kinda fun..
#5: IT ACTUALLY HAS FAIRLY GOOD REVIEWS:
A high of 63% on Rotten Tomatoes..
#1:
KylaIsBack123 and I are secretly dating.. She's was gone for a long while, but now she's back..
#2:
I dislike the Canadian band RUSH..
#3:
I dislike sports (even hockey)..
#4:
I NEVER say "eh", but tease those that do..
#5:
I liked Jason Voorhees BEFORE having liked Freddy Krueger..
#6:
I was the first of my family to watch BIG BANG THEORY. And now we ALL watch it..
#7:
I originally watched my little 조랑말 as a JOKE.
Same with South Park..
#8:
The first person I EVER met on 팬팝 is called Ecology (I think).
He was GAY actually. But I don't judge. And no, it's NOT why we kinda 로스트 touch..
#9:
As a little boy I was scared of literary ANYTHING.
Now it's the OPPOSITE.
Very little scares me (movie wise at least).
#10:
I found KoRn 의해 ACCIDENT..
KylaIsBack123 and I are secretly dating.. She's was gone for a long while, but now she's back..
#2:
I dislike the Canadian band RUSH..
#3:
I dislike sports (even hockey)..
#4:
I NEVER say "eh", but tease those that do..
#5:
I liked Jason Voorhees BEFORE having liked Freddy Krueger..
#6:
I was the first of my family to watch BIG BANG THEORY. And now we ALL watch it..
#7:
I originally watched my little 조랑말 as a JOKE.
Same with South Park..
#8:
The first person I EVER met on 팬팝 is called Ecology (I think).
He was GAY actually. But I don't judge. And no, it's NOT why we kinda 로스트 touch..
#9:
As a little boy I was scared of literary ANYTHING.
Now it's the OPPOSITE.
Very little scares me (movie wise at least).
#10:
I found KoRn 의해 ACCIDENT..
I originally left Alpha and Omega 팬 fiction.
To get away from the fighting, the trolling, the porn, the betraying, the incest, and the paranoia.
But..
What do 당신 know.
My little 조랑말 brought me WAIT back into it.
The fighting, the trolling, the porn, the betraying, the incest, and the paranoia.
My little 조랑말 ain't no fuckin better here.
And for BOTH Alpha and Omega and My little Pony, it's the fandom's I care for.
Not the things themselves, there not even that good anymore.
But, hey.. 당신 get use to things I guess.
Only place that seems 안전한, 안전 is Grand Theft Auto.
So sticking to those for now..
To get away from the fighting, the trolling, the porn, the betraying, the incest, and the paranoia.
But..
What do 당신 know.
My little 조랑말 brought me WAIT back into it.
The fighting, the trolling, the porn, the betraying, the incest, and the paranoia.
My little 조랑말 ain't no fuckin better here.
And for BOTH Alpha and Omega and My little Pony, it's the fandom's I care for.
Not the things themselves, there not even that good anymore.
But, hey.. 당신 get use to things I guess.
Only place that seems 안전한, 안전 is Grand Theft Auto.
So sticking to those for now..